Lap dance etiquette for women
This is an awkward situation for me and I would like some honest opinions...
I'm a married gal who thoroughly enjoys going to strip clubs with my husband and friends and have had 3 lap dances purchased for me at different times by the people I am with (being full time grad students, my hubby and I are rarely able to afford going on our own but when we do go out, we are invited by friends with deep pockets who are regulars at the club and we stay in the VIP areas, though never go the the VIP/CHampagne rooms...all of my lap dances were by favorites of our friends and the girls were all very awesome dancers and great people to talk with)
All but the first have been awesome (I wasn't expecting that one at all and was blindsided by the whole event) but I would like to know what exactly I should be doing? I might add that all of these clubs are in S. FL., so full nudity, full friction, and alcohol is served, however I was completely sober every time (perhaps that is my problem...) ::)
The first time I sat on my hands, legs as together as possible, body stiff as a board - not good. Second time I sat like a normal, relaxed person, and let the dancer do her thing, making eye contact and smiling with some chit chat. THird (the most recent) I sat normal and relaxed, and the dancer had me touch her breasts and her legs at her initiation, she touched my breasts and legs (that was totally ok by me).
My companions (all guys) actively grope dancers during their lap dances and carry on, but that just isn't my style. I've never seen another woman get a lap dance when I've been at the clubs (though there are always a number of couples or mixed male/female groups in the crowd), so I don't have any point of reference as far as etiquette is concerned. I want to treat others like I would want to be treated, but since I'm not a dancer, I don't know what the girls are expecting. I also thought no touching was allowed, at least not customer to dancer, but clearly I'm wrong. So ladies, what are your thoughts? Should I ask up front what they would like or just shut-up and go with the flow?
Thank you all for your time - I love your work! ;)
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Quote:
Originally Posted by prynsesskt
I want to treat others like I would want to be treated, but since I'm not a dancer, I don't know what the girls are expecting.
We are expecting (or at least hoping) that ALL our customers will be as enjoyable and appreciative as you are. Bless you for your courtesy! It sounds like you're doing nicely getting into the swing of things.
Your male friends who are groping the dancers are pissing them off. If you REALLY want to be an angel sent from heaven, you might gently tell the boys that they will get a better, closer dance if they act like gentlemen.
If you want to touch and the dancer hasn't initiated it, ask POLITELY. And NEVER, EVER, EVER try to touch her private parts. Only touch her breasts by specific invitation. Never grab, just stroke gently. All of this goes for men and women alike.
And don't forget to tip. :-*
Sounds like you're doing great though; just spread the word among the boys. When a guy gets grabby with me, I back off so he has minimal opportunity to be that way, and I might even call off touching or even the dance. When he's respectful, I will let him touch a lot more, and I get MUCH closer. Respect will get you everywhere.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Don't know about everyone else, but I don't let the men touch me (except maybe my waist) and usually get a bit more friendlier w/girls. That's okay by me! ;D
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
I love it when men or women ask if they can touch, if they do instead of immediately groping, they tend to get a closer dance..
Women are usually angels, and since they usually ask me first, I love them even more..
So, I say ask what the rules are or even if you can touch, she'll take it from there and love you for asking.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Quote:
Originally Posted by prynsesskt
I want to treat others like I would want to be treated, but since I'm not a dancer, I don't know what the girls are expecting
prynsesskt, I appreciate your honesty. I work in a no-contact club, so I can't guide you as well as others on SW can, but as a matter of philosophy, I guess it can get a bit confusing. A lot of people seem to think it's OK to throw out general courtesies just because they walk into a strip club. And they think it's ok because we're "dancers" and therefore somehow different than them. And the situation gets worse when customers see other customers being discourteous to the dancers as in your situation. My take on this, as a dancer, is that yes, treat others just as you want to be treated, and we dancers are no different just because we get nude/partially nude. Many people assume, Oh they're used to it, they get paid for it, they like it, they expect it, etc. ***sigh*** Nope. We're normal people and we too protect our dignity.
I hope you continue to enjoy going to strip clubs. Thanks for your post. ;D
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Quote:
Originally Posted by prynsesskt
I would like to know what exactly I should be doing? I might add that all of these clubs are in S. FL., so full nudity, full friction, and alcohol is served, however I was completely sober every time (perhaps that is my problem...) ::)
The first time I sat on my hands, legs as together as possible, body stiff as a board - not good. Second time I sat like a normal, relaxed person, and let the dancer do her thing, making eye contact and smiling with some chit chat. THird (the most recent) I sat normal and relaxed, and the dancer had me touch her breasts and her legs at her initiation, she touched my breasts and legs (that was totally ok by me).
My companions (all guys) actively grope dancers during their lap dances and carry on, but that just isn't my style.
Etiquette for female customers isn't any different than that for males. We should all respect our entertainer's personal boundaries ("follow the dancer's lead" as CO would say). Some gals here have commented that female custies are more docile, but some have stated they've encountered women who were every bit as grabby as their male counterparts. I think upbringing has more to do with it than gender personally.
As you've experienced already, some dancers will give you greater latitude than others and will actively encourage what others will explicitly prohibit. Some will also "misbehave" is direct accordance to how well you "behave".
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
I used to be a little intimidated to dance for women, but as soon as I got over that my money improved a lot. And most women are cool to dance for. I've only had one bad experience and that was because a really drunk woman bit my chest -- hard! Thank God she didn't break the skin tho.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Don't touch (unless the dancer initiates). Don't ask to touch!
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizette
Don't ask to touch!
Why not? I don't mind being asked, as long as it's politely. There is a world of difference between a leering "Eeeeyyy, lemme finger that pussy!" versus a gentle "May I touch you?" The former I walk out on, but the latter I have no problem with. I can choose whether to say yes or no and I'll respond with courtesy to a courteous question. It is a reasonable question, at least in the clubs I've been to.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yekhefah
Why not? I don't mind being asked, as long as it's politely. There is a world of difference between a leering "Eeeeyyy, lemme finger that pussy!" versus a gentle "May I touch you?" The former I walk out on, but the latter I have no problem with. I can choose whether to say yes or no and I'll respond with courtesy to a courteous question. It is a reasonable question, at least in the clubs I've been to.
Gawd, I hope Ive never leered like that :O But to be honest Ive never "asked" either, gentle or otherwise. I do try to pay attention to the dancers body language and cues, verbal and non-verbal as to what her limits are. I havent been smacked upside the head yet so I guess Ive done OK.
FBR
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Being a female custy myself, I can help a little. Start off by being very warm and approachable. Smile and make lots of eye contact because you're a girl and will already not get many looks because some dancers are very leary of female customers for a number of reasons. There's a common code of courtesy already in place that you don't go grabbing her all willy nilly. Keeps your hands clear of the chest and kitty unless she puts your hands there. I always have my hands by my side and let her make the moves.
1). SMILE! You'll find when you make her job easy and pleasurable, she'll return the favor nicely.
2). Ask the dancer BEFORE the dance what her limits are. I've had them range from "I don't really like anything other than my legs, back,and waist" to "You can touch what you want. In fact, I'm not going to start until you touch my boobs." (and she really wouldn't start until I did) to "You can touch me the way I'm going to touch you..." (she said while reaching up my shirt, down my pants, licking my chest, and kissing my neck). When you sit back and let her do the driving, you'll find the destination is veeerrryyy nice. Plus it's really sexy when she takes your hands and places them on her body. My fave always takes my hands and puts them on her lower hips.
3). Don't wear short skirts, or be sure to wear panties if you do. Some dancers won't come near female custies with short skirts b/c there are women who wear skirts with no panties cause they're expecting the dancer to just jump right in.
4). Tip well. That really goes for everyone. Most clubs don't have an hourly wage like other employers so that's how these girls live. If they made you happy and showed you a good time, show them a good time right back.
5). Don't call the dancer "hot", "blazin'", "smokin'", "fine" or any of those other lovely terms. Call her beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, or something classy. It probably doesn't phase you when people call you the former, and they've heard it so much a nice change is, well, nice.
6). Don't drown yourself in perfume. Just a little spritz maybe. You'll find it's really kind of sexy when you leave the club and you smell like your dancer. (I love that. I have a nice reminder on the drive home). ;D
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Thank you all for your input and guidance... I feel better prepared for my next outing! 8)
I think the biggest part of this issue was that I never actively chose the person who would dance for me. If I actively chatted someone up and then proceeded to have the lap dance, many of my questions would take care of themselves, but I've always been "graciously provided" with a lap dance by my companions, which initially creates a barrier between the dancer and the "custy".
Have no fears, though, that I (and my group) tip very well. Keep on rocking and I look forward to viewing your work again soon! ;)
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
Well, you have two things going on -
First, if your just going to a club and getting a dance, do what everyone else says. Follow her lead. Ask.
But, it sounds like what's happening is that dancers are hustling their high roller customers (your friends) and they're buying you dances. In this case, the more into it you act, the more dances your friends are going to buy you, the more money she's going to make. Add to that the fact that your in a high contact hustle-or-die area, and I'd say touch her! Arch your back, make sexy girly noises and tell your friends that you *need* another dance! They'll keep buying, and you'll be helping her hustle.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
please remember to wear an undergarment of some sort if you're gonna wear a skirt... i once had this 250 + pound women get a dance from me... it was ok, until i looked down and noticed that her phat kitty was totally uncovered... that was not pretty.. total turnoff.. i completely lost all feeling and was unable to complete the dance at that point.. i walked away.
Re: Lap dance etiquette for women
I know this post is really old... but I totally know how this girl feels. I've had 3 lap dances. My first was horrible... I didn't even want it and I was super stiff. By the second time I was way more comfortable. My boyfriend totally embarressed me by asking if the stipper woud take my top off... so she did and he got his girl on girl show. I mean she was like licking me! lol But the last 2 times I went the girls said that I could touch... but i just feel really weird about. Ussually they have to grab my hands and make me touch them. So yeah depends on the dancer I guess. But ussually they let girls touch