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thinking of quitting, a bit long
Hi guys, I am having some problems right now with my ability to entertain any longer. I think the incident that happened a couple of weeks ago was my last straw. Every night I keep saying I am going to work but I don't end up going. A couple of weeks ago we had a bachelor party come in. There was about 10 guys in this group. I went up and introduced myself, broke the ice, etc., then asked if I could do a dance. One of the guys in the group asked if I would do a table dance for the bachelor and I said, sure. The bachelor and one of his friends were sitting behind the man who asked me to dance for them. So, I went over to do the dance. There is no touching at all in our club from customers and during table dances we are stand at least 6 inches back. So, I take off my clothes and immediately the bachelor touches my ass. I explained to him their was no touching on the customers behalf. Then he wouldn't sit back during the dance and kept trying to get closer to me. While I was dancing his friend kept putting his head right down at my ass as if he were looking for something. So, I said why don't you guys sit back and relax so it will be more enjoyable. He sits back for one sec then grabs his beer around them puts it against my ass. While his friend is asking if I do "after hour" parties. I am trying to be as patient as possible because there were others in the group that might have spent some money later. When the dance is finally finished I get dressed and ask his friend for payment. He asks how much it is and I say 20 dollars, it's normally 15 but your friend was so difficult I am going to charge extra. He said to me, honey we're from Texas and things are different there, exactly what are the rules here. So, I explain the rules to him about no touching and he says don't you explain any rules to me when you're just a topless dancer. At that point, something in me went off and I threw his beer on him. He was in shock and I just walked off. I knew if I didn't get away from him I would kill him. My husband which is a bouncer at the club went over to see what was going on. The man said I should be fired for throwing a beer on him. My husband said that pretty girls are more valuable to the club then a group of drunk men. He offered to replace the man's beer and then they left. I was hysterical, tired of being sexually violated. Tired of explaining why I don't do extras or date customers. Tired of grinding on strange, drunk men's penises. It is good money but I don't feel like it's worth my soul and identity. I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't make extremely good money bouncing but it's decent. I am thinking of starting my own business if I quit dancing so we can stay ahead. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
I am sorry that this happened to you. :'( I don't know what advice I can give you...but I know where you are coming from. I danced for 5 years here in Canada,and it is pretty strict here and I have had nights where I wanted to kick someones ass! >:(
A man threw his beer can at me ,hitting me in the face during a show! >:( This is when I deciced enough was enough....I don't know how it works in the US but I went to an Employment Office and asked to speak to a Career Counselor....she helped me decide what I should be looking into...they helped me get Government Funding and payed my way through school. Maybe you could try to speak to someone like that! They are a great help! ;D
I hope this helps....
Best of Luck to you!!!!
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
What a bunch of jerks. I work the day/swing shift because of guys like that, to avoid the druken nonsense. Im sorry that happened to you:'(
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
I don't know how you girls do it... I don't think I would last long in your job....
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
what a redneck... that is a terrible situation u were in... sounds like u need a cool off period... that guy is just so disrespectful for trying to touch you like that... good riddance to him.. he must hang out in whore houses if that kind of behavior goes on in the places hes been in....
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
You need a break. The last bachelor party I danced for was so traumatic I don't think I'll do them anymore. (PS I've poured beer on an abusive customer too. Then he threw a bottle at me. Luckily the beer blinded him & he missed. ; P )
I feel sorry for the woman that bachelor is marrying.
Well, take a 2 week vacation & think it over. Remember that women in non-club settings get grabbed sometimes too- my brother took me to a street fair & some drunken dumbass touched me. (He was lucky my bro isn't methed out anymore LOL)
PS Jessica Lords' story reminded me of when some guys threw quarters at my friend when she was onstage- she threw them back and hit them in the head. LOL
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
You know what I am sorry you had to deal with those jerks.
AS A dancer, even when I realize how many kinds of guys like that there are, I try to think of the good guys that are actually worth the time and money. Reading posts on here from some intelligent male customers/ dj's who actually aprpreciate and understand the "respect" concept of our job is helpful.
Unfortunately those guys are used to more contact... but if you still have your fair share of good customers... I say flatter them with your great dances so they can flatter you with their money. If anything.... maybe just a relaxing break is in order so you can relax and feel better. You can regain your focus and save even more money for your business.
If you go back after a break and still feel this way... I would say stop because your mental/emotional satisfaction is way more important.
Good luck...
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Bachelor parties can really suck, I remember this time that these assholes weren't tipping, and asking me and this other dancer I was on stage w/ to do some girl on girl stuff, they were constantly asking us to go in the back, and they wanted to see us eat each other out! I made like no $ that night, and felt like a cheap whore b/c the way these guys were treating me. You are in a funk r/n, and I dont blame you. You should examine what you want to do w/ your life. Remember the $$, and you are the one that has it all over these idiots, you probably make more $$ than all those scumbags put together, if you are really done w/ it, start looking towards the future, and what your passions are. You have a great way to fund it, and a husband who is supportive of you!!
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
I am sorry this happened to you. Where where the bouncers when you needed them!
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
The really sad thing is that common courtesy and basic respect has become a rule that must be enforced. Seriously, what kind of raising do these cavemen have if they think grabbing a woman like that is ok and acceptable in any context or setting?? >:(
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
I think you should take a break. Take a little vacation. See how you feel once you go back. Personally, I did my best to avoid a bachelor party. Men in groups tend to be morons and disrespectful. While all of the dancers were stumbling over themselves to get "part of the money" that the guys were tossing around, I made my rounds without them. Of course, I rarely worked a Friday/Saturday night (which most bachelor parties happen) and did really good working on Sundays (when all the business men would come in).
Sorry this happened to you. :hug:
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
^^^^ I agree with Silky. You have to be a very tough person (mentally) to deal with all the negative abuse that occurs in stripclubs.
If you read through the website here you will find info on all kinds of clubs all over the US. You can also go to stripclublist.com and find info there. I read through these posts and get an idea as to what customers from a certain region are looking for in a dancer.
It is fun to see the look on a guy's face when I tell him that I don't like dancing for guys from (Seattle, San Francisco, Houston, Ohio, Rhode Island etc. etc.). The Customer's eyes will get big and he will ask why. I explain that in my experience with customers from that part of the country are going to be unhappy with his dances in Oregon because of the very strict laws.
I am a career dancer (or lifer as some like to say) and so I make this business my full time occupation. I spend a lot of time working on being a better stripper outside of the club through personal education and self imporvement. If I wish to stay at the top of my game, I need to be ready when I finally hit the stage to make the cash. I know that most dancers are doing this job for a year or less, so throwing yourself into it is really a waste of time.
For new dancers, it is always good to get an idea of what the customers want before doing the dance. If you can't provide the kind of dance that they want, you need to either learn to get the cash up front before begining the dance or risk losing the customer by being honest that you aren't willing to do (XYZ) for him, but would be happy to try and entertain him your way.
I know that guys accuse dancers of being ripp off artists, but it is almost like they have forced us in the postition of promising to provide more then is legal in order to make a living. Sometimes I will blatently break the rules to force the bouncer to to correct me, as a "See, I told you!" kind of statement to the customer. You don't see this too often in other kinds of industry, but sometimes the customers are putting the business person at risk. I know people who try to get contractors to build stuff for them w/o first getting the proper permits from the city.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Thanks Venus, :). I haven't worked since Nov. 17th, that was the night this happened. I went out and got extremely drunk after it did. Since, I haven't been back I feel like I love people a lot more. I probably will need to go back tommorrow though with Christmas coming up and all. :-\
I have been a lot more sexual since taking some time off. My husband likes that a lot. He told me to go back to nursing and he would work two jobs, lol. I am still thinking of starting an online business though. I will probably work like five to ten nights this month so I can pay my bills and have a little extra for Christmas. I've been reading up on here and it seems as though this time of year is hard for all of us. Thanks for the support.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Not all Texans are like that. But, dealing with fucksticks is part of the gig. Take a break.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Sorry for what happened to you.It seems we have to put up with more and more BS these days.The security seems to just look the other way instead of doing their jobs.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
That was definitely a sucky situation. Do what the others said...take a breather. Fill up your days with tons of things that have nothing to do with dancing, then go back with a different perspective. One that says, it's all a means to an end.
You have a plan so use guys like this to be able to put it all into action. Good luck.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
sorry this happened to you.....i hate when guys get out of line and what he said to you is so uncalled for and rude.Just because things like that are allowed in Texas doesn't mean it is allowed somewhere else...He's a jerk!!! I hope you at least got your money...................it sounds like your burnt out on dancing or your heart is just not in it anymore. If you don't like it anymore then don't do it...Your peace and sanity and doing something you enjoy doing is more important than money. Maybe cut back on working at the club while looking for another job or starting your own business is good.......i hope it works out for you and i wish you much luck .
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
From my experience, most Texan custies are just a royal pain in the ass when travelling. They think they should get the same "treatment" they get in TX where ever they go and they get very pissy when they find out it doesn't work like that. Big fucken babies ::)
I learned to just walk away at the first sign of BS because whatever money they might spend won't be worth the headache. They almost never spend once they find out they're not getting any BJs anyway ::)
However, most TX guys I've dealt with have just a little more manners than what you described, even when you're telling them no. Unless they're from Houston. heh. Seems like most Houston guys I meet are rather crude to say the least. So either your guys were from Houston or were just supreme assholes.
It sounds like you may be tired of the biz in general, and that incident was just the last straw. It happens to all of us eventually, the price becomes too great for the rewards and we have to move on. I can definitely relate - see my "real" job thread in General forum. There are many reasons why I need to move on, and being tired of putting up with jerks is actually the least of them. I wish you luck and prosperity in whatever you decide to do.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Quote:
Originally Posted by rusdancer
It seems we have to put up with more and more BS these days.The security seems to just look the other way instead of doing their jobs.
Problem is, their job is no longer "security" in most places. Most clubs call them "floor hosts" or some other similar title instead of bouncers or security now - and the title change definitely reflects a change in job description. Owners want these floor hosts to be less "bouncery" and more "hosty" to make the custies feel more comfy. And unfortunately the sacrifice is dancer safety and rule-enforcement. Definitely NOT a positive change for the industry.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
If something as minimal as a custy grabbing your ass is causing you to freak out, it's time to quit. It could have been a lot worse. What if he grabbed tit or tried to shove something in your coochie? It gets a lot worse than an ass grab. You gotta either toughen up or get out.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Quote:
Most clubs call them "floor hosts" or some other similar title instead of bouncers or security now - and the title change definitely reflects a change in job description. Owners want these floor hosts to be less "bouncery" and more "hosty" to make the custies feel more comfy. And unfortunately the sacrifice is dancer safety and rule-enforcement. Definitely NOT a positive change for the industry.
That of course depends on whether it is a dancer or a clubowner that is defining 'positive'. From a clubowner's standpoint, the more mileage a dancer puts out the more private dances she sells, and the more money the club makes. With all of the risk of 'excess mileage' falling on the dancer and essentially no bust risk ever falling on a clubowner, from the clubowner's standpoint he has everything to gain and nothing to lose by making sure the 'floor hosts' turn a blind eye towards dancers doing whatever is necessary to keep customers 'happy'. From the standpoint of dancers who don't mind providing 'high mileage' this is also a plus, since it allows them to maximize their earnings potential between 'excess mileage' busts, and provides a bigger nest egg to afford a better lawyer.
Actually the only persons who consider this situation to be a negative are 'clean' dancers that don't appreciate the heavy contact expectations, as well as upscale club customers whose local reputation/business might be affected should they be in the club if/when a bust occurs. Of course in very large cities there are upscale low contact 'show clubs' that specifically cater to these types of dancers and customers. The real problem arises among 'clean' dancers who either don't live in a city big enough to support an upscale low contact 'show club', or DO live in such a city but can't 'make the cut' to be hired at an upscale low contact 'show club'. Increasingly, for dancers in this situation, the options are starting to boil down to 'put out' or 'get out'.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
If something as minimal as a custy grabbing your ass is causing you to freak out, it's time to quit. It could have been a lot worse. What if he grabbed tit or tried to shove something in your coochie? It gets a lot worse than an ass grab. You gotta either toughen up or get out.
I am sorry, it's looks like you and I work in two different types of enviroments. See I have never worked in a "touching" club and if a custy did "accidentally" touch or didn't know any different he typically wouldn't keep doing it after I said no. Yeah, I would like to see some f*cker try to touch my twat. I would definately do more than throw a beer on him.
If you work at Cheaters I have been there before. I definately would not make it there. You might feel the same way if you walked in my club. ;)
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
Well if it comes down to putting out or getting out I will definately be leaving because there is a thick line for me between dancing and having sex. If I wanted to be a prostitute I would go to Reno and do that. I don't judge anyone for what they feel comfortable doing with their bodies nor should they judge me. And with regards to the floor hostess, we are a small upscale club on Hilton Head Island. We have two bouncers total. One happens to be my husband. We usually have a front door lady but the particular night this occurred she called out. My husband was running the front door when this happened while the other bouncer was upstairs watching dances. My husband did come over to try to retify the situation but it was a little too late once he got there but the guys did get thrown out. Our club does try to put our dancers above rude customers. There are suppose to be some changes at the end of the year, we are remodeling and getting a couple of new bouncers as one is leaving.
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Re: thinking of quitting, a bit long
I know mel, but the nastier the industry gets, the harder it gets to make money - even for higher mileage girls. Guys wanna pay less and less for more and more. If that keeps up we'll be selling full sex for $40 like alot of other places we could mention. That's not positive for anyone as far as I can see.
Furthermore, we know it's a trend for clubowners in recent years to up house fees and number of girls working - because obviously they're trying to make up for lost customer spending. I am positive that part of the reason club business continues to decline is due to the increased nasty factor and poor reputation. Drawing in the cheap fuckers - literally - instead of the entertainment seekers. The entertainment seekers have gone elsewhere and the cheap fuckers don't want any bouncers ruining their fun.
Greenidlady, I certainly wasn't knocking the performance of your husband or the bouncers at your club. Just stating what the trend has been in general.