getting the most out of regulars
There may be the occasional regular who just wants to come in once in a while and drop a ton of money on you, but in my experience, most eventually want more, and when they don't get it, the get fussy, then bitchy, then have to be phased out all together.
I have two great regulars right now that I enjoy spending time with, but both of them have started asking me to meet outside the club. I know all regulars have a shelf-life, but does anyone have any tips on how to prolong the good period of the relationship?
I don't have trouble saying no, but once you've said no, everything is pretty much over. OTOH, I don't like stringing customers along with "maybes" as it just makes them more persistant.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
My recommendation; work out NOW what you are willing to do - because sometimes you can "string them along" by agreeing to non-sexual out of club meeting. So if you are willing to meet for lunch (I would say lunch instead of dinner, because lunch has a necessary end; but you can always try an early dinner and have him take you to work. And then he just RIGHT there) you can keep things going. One thing I think is important is that you should never imply or promise that which you have no intention to deliver. I would not "maybe" something that is not a maybe. If you say you will meet him for lunch and don't intend to sleep with him after, I would be clear about that.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
I wouldn't take it outside the club at all period. I made the mistake of doing lunch, then lunch of course leads to going to dinner eventually, etc. You catch my drift. I find that with most customers/men in general almost always want more than you are willing to give until they get what they want. Anyways, in my experience, meeting a regular outside the club was a horrible idea despite the fact I liked the guy as a friend. The guy ended up having a big mouth and told everyone and all the other girls he liked that we "met" outside the club. Now, what does that make me look like amongst my co-workers, not professional that's for sure. Btw, never let a custy drop you off at work. By law if you meet a custy outside the club that you initially exchanged business with inside the club it's called solicitation, you can go to jail for it just like a prostitute can. Besides that, what do you think other girls are thinking, not to mention the manager if they see you riding up with a known customer. You just have to accept a regular for the length of time you can have them. Appreciate what you were able to make then let them go. Some girls string custies along, one day you might accidently string the "wrong" man along then you end up with a psycho chasing you around. :-\
Re: getting the most out of regulars
I guess that's the name of the game with most regulars. I just lost a top spender because I wouldnt snort coke with him or have a threesome with him. (He's in his late 60's!!) When I made it clear (after incessant and creative pressuring from him) that I wouldnt do drugs or have sex with some girl he "found" for me... he clipped it short---like literally waved me away when I had approached his royal throne in VIP and he'd had all he wanted. And it started off as a nice ITC friendship too. Just when i thought he was different than all the other shmucks in there... yeah.
I made the mistake of doing the maybe thing too. It bit me in the ass. It's hard to say NO when he's handing you $20 every 3-4 songs. What's a girl to do?
I dont know what to tell you. You're right about the shelf life,though.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Quote:
I have two great regulars right now that I enjoy spending time with, but both of them have started asking me to meet outside the club. I know all regulars have a shelf-life, but does anyone have any tips on how to prolong the good period of the relationship?
Unfortunately, due to the nature of the relationship and the environment (sexually charged) that you are conducting this relationship.... this is going to happen with any regular. It's a given and an unfortunate consequence of having regulars. You end up liking them to a certain extent (as an individual not just thier money) and then they start to push the envelope... to see how far they will get with you due to the money they've spent on you.
Just gently remind them that the person that you are within the club is not totally like the person you are OTC. That this is an aspect of you that they are perceiving not the real you. If they want to get to know the real you, tell them that they must understand that you have your own personal reasons why you like to leave work at work.
If they can't respect that you do have boundaries then that's not a person you want as a regular anyway... in the end... "the honeymoon period is over" and you just have to deal with that fact... either start with the OTC activities or gently tell them that you would much prefer to keep the relationship ITC.
Compliment them when you say "you prefer to keep the relationship ITC" by saying things like "knowing that you are coming in to visit me elevates my mood instantly... you're having a great time, aren't you? ((YES)) Then let's try not to make this something it will never be and instead continue the good times just the way we have."
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Do you think it would help if when asked for 'more' by a regular to come right out and say 'no, i only do dances and i will never do more, so let's stay friendly and enjoy what we have'
and then if they're still persistent to call it quits with them? or maybe come right and say what will happen if they keep asking and i keep saying no? and then say that for now you're going to stop dancing for them to give it a break between the two of you and that you'll be glad to dance for them next week when they've calmed down or come to their senses? (though perhaps a little bit nicer)
Or is that expecting too much from custies?
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Thanks for all the suggestions. It's a frustrating situation. Lately I've had a few customers who were (or said they were) RIL with me. I haven't figured out how to deal with this, or how to turn romantic attraction into a simple desire to come into the club and give me money.... :-*
Re: getting the most out of regulars
I think Raven and GCG have the right idea... yeah you might lose them a little earlier this way but I think you also have a better chance of extending things with the right customer.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by Raven Z
Do you think it would help if when asked for 'more' by a regular to come right out and say 'no, i only do dances and i will never do more, so let's stay friendly and enjoy what we have' and then if they're still persistent to call it quits with them? or maybe come right and say what will happen if they keep asking and i keep saying no?
The thing is, they don't ask for 'more' in the sense of asking me for sex. It's always posed as just an invitation to hang out, go to a movie, have dinner, and so on, but I'm pretty sure more would be expected. Both the guys I'm thinking of are very "proper" acting, so I feel like I'd offend them if I said "NO I WILL NOT BLOW YOU."
When the invitation is "just to spend time together" I find it kind of tricky to say no. I mean, in the club, I make a big deal out of how much I like to "spend time" with them, so (in their minds) why should spending time outside of the club be any different? It is different, for so many reasons, but how do I explain why?
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Originally Posted by Raven Z
and then say that for now you're going to stop dancing for them to give it a break between the two of you and that you'll be glad to dance for them next week when they've calmed down or come to their senses? (though perhaps a little bit nicer)
Or is that expecting too much from custies?
I don't know. Is this expecting too much? I feel like if I told them I would dance for them for a while, they'd just find someone else. How attached to us are our regulars? Even the ones who say they "love" us? I'm guessing it's pretty superficial and easily transferred.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
You know, it's funny, i've started getting this attitude at work about 'team spirit' and wanting the custys to have a good time. It's not uncommon for me to point out one of the other girls that i like for whatever reason while being with a custy.(usually this is when i feel that they are not 100% into me) And i'll pass by one of the girls with a guy and say, "oh you lucky guy! don't let her go, she's hard to get a hold of!"
Admitedly I've only done this with two girls that i like fairly well. And with one of them i had pointed her out to one custy while i was with him (he was very cuddly and i usually don't like hands-on custys, yet my friend would have been perfect for him because she doesn't mind that cuddly stuff) and later saw that the two of them had hooked up. i complimented them both while passing for hooking up and was happy for both of them.
I just feel that this type of 'girlfriend/buddy' stripper club atmosphere is good for everyone involved. Not to mention that if me complimenting the girl helps out both of them, that i'm more likely to get attention from the same custy later or for the girl i helped out to help me out too.
I also like the proffesional 'I'm here to give you a good and clean fun time, but nothing more' attitude. And if me dancing for them isn't enough, i'll tell them to have a good time and to enjoy themselves and walk away. I feel that giving off this attitude of, "hey! you know what? i'ld love to dance for you! but if not, then have a great time anyways! and hey, that girl over there is AWESOME, check her out! see ya later hotty!" works out best for everyone. the custy has more fun, doesn't feel as pressured, and is more likely to come back and visit. AND if he happens to come in again and see me, his mood will be better knowing that i care about his enjoyment and that i'm not just there to ring money out of him and my chances of getting dances is higher.
Now that i think about it, if you are proffesional, and give out a consistent persona of who you are at the dance club, that certain men will be drawn to you personally. Especially if you are the only girl with that particular identity that they can identify with. And if they get pushy, and you cut them off for a short time, they may be cranky, or avoid you for a while, but they may be drawn back to you if they trully identify with you and who you are as a dancer. And perhaps, they will come back, and you'll welcome them with open arms, and you'll have fun again. If that happens, they will definitly respect you more, and know where the line is, and have more fun anyways knowing what the rules are.
Maybe i'm a bit too optimistic here, but i'd still rather see the glass half full.
Also, if they get pushy, maybe say that you're not going to dance for them anymore today, because that's not what you do. And you'll like to see them another time to have fun, and until the next time they come in, relaxe, enjoy the atmosphere, and have fun. then walk away. (maybe you should give them a great big hug and a huge 'hello!' next time you see them too so that you know you still like them?) blah, i'm writing without thinking. ok, going to stop now. bye-bye
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by Raven Z
And if me dancing for them isn't enough, i'll tell them to have a good time and to enjoy themselves and walk away.
Great post, Raven. I've always thought dancers who say, "it's just meeting him outside the club for lunch--he pays for my time. Period!" are deluding themselves about the inevitable arc of such relationships. (No more deluded than the men, of course.) Deliberately or not, expectations are being raised and there's going to be confusion (and maybe drama) at some point.
If you're an entertainer, great. Be a fabulous entertainer in an entertainment setting--a club. If you're a social companion or an escort, be a fabulous one. But don't suggest the two are one in the same. :D
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor
If you're an entertainer, great. Be a fabulous entertainer in an entertainment setting--a club. If you're a social companion or an escort, be a fabulous one. But don't suggest the two are one in the same. :D
Nobody is suggesting that they are "one in the same." But the reality is that OTC encompasses the full range of social interaction, from companionship to friendship, from casual encounters to pay for play. It even includes serious relationships. Real relationships. This is simply a fact. The diversity of human interaction out there is really amazing.
FBR wisely tried pointing this out in another post, based on his very considerable experience, and it seemed to fall on deaf ears.
Look, if you observe the etiquette and allow OTC to be dancer-initiated, dancer-controlled, and dancer-driven (well, OK, our role is to do the planning, logistics and financials) at some point you have to embrace the notion that it's the dancers who do the choosing. You do recognize that this is pretty fabulous, right? Anyway, if that's the case, why the strenuous objections? Go have fun together, recognize and observe the limits the two of you have worked out, if any, and don't protest so damn much. Life is way too short not to allow beautiful women to choose you.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo
When the invitation is "just to spend time together" I find it kind of tricky to say no. I mean, in the club, I make a big deal out of how much I like to "spend time" with them, so (in their minds) why should spending time outside of the club be any different? It is different, for so many reasons, but how do I explain why?
You're busy. You have school and another job. You have a kid. You have an incredibly strict spiritual practice. Whatever it is you say you're doing, tell them the reason you love your job is because it allows you to spend time with great people, and there's NO WAY IN HELL you could spend time with anyone if you had a different job. Just lunch? You work a dayjob five days a week. Dinner? No, your meditation practice is at dinner. Movie sometime? Oh, the last time you went to the movies was seven years ago to see Titanic, you haven't had time since then.
At least, that's what I would do! Guys are always attracted to women with busy lives outside of guys.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
^^^ you have absolutely no time to do anything, not even to, for example, eat lunch... yeah that's a believable story.... how dumb do you think these guys are? while they are smiling and nodding and saying 'yep, uh-huh' they are thinking to themselves: 'Bullshit'
Re: getting the most out of regulars
In my experience, every time I started having lunch with my regulars,the money started going down. I think probably because of the more more more attitude that customers get, where they have you in the club, now they have you for lunch, then they want dinner, then.... Anyway, I quit lunching with customers altogether. I don't even call customers into the club anymore either, for the same reason. The money starts going down when the customer feels you are paying "non-work time" attention to him, even if it's a quick phone call. For this reason also, I bring it up since it's Christmas time, I NEVER give customers gifts. I know some girls who do, but I think it makes them feel like you have non-work feelings for them and they get to be a big pain really quickly. I stay as professional as possible, and when asked to lunch by a regular, I nip it in the bud the first time by saying I go to school and am way too busy, and unfortunately I just don't see customers outside the club because I am paranoid about getting fired, and I love my job, etc. The ones that come back after that are the ones I can keep for a long time. The other ones were not meant to be, simply because they will always push for more.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by dlabtot
^^^ you have absolutely no time to do anything, not even to, for example, eat lunch... yeah that's a believable story.... how dumb do you think these guys are? while they are smiling and nodding and saying 'yep, uh-huh' they are thinking to themselves: 'Bullshit'
How dumb are they? Evidently dumb enough to expect an OTC relationship. That's pretty darn dumb! ;)
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Expect and attempt to get are different things. I don't expect to ever in my life to break a 7 minute lap on the Nordschleife in Germany. But I'll be damned if I won't be trying.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Back then, whenever they started asking me for a "date", outside the club,
I kept telling them, if I did. I would get fired. Yeah, they never fell for that.
So, I tell them that, maybe, we can have a nice cozy relaitonship,
Oh, yes.
A nice long term relationship.
Oh, yes.
And you and I need to make all the neceaary preparations and condtions?
Oh, yes.
And maybe leading to marriage?
Yes, maybe.
OK, you ready to be a daddy to my three girls?
....................................(runs away).
Oh, yeah, works every time.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by Foxey
How dumb are they? Evidently dumb enough to expect an OTC relationship. That's pretty darn dumb! ;)
yeah... that never happens ::)
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View Poll Results: What is you highest level of outside contact with a custy?
None. 26 49.06%
Dated, but nothing serious. 13 24.53%
Went steady but no longer together. 7 13.21%
Still together/married. 7
13.21%
Ladies Only: Dating Customers-- Just Curious...
OTC relationship: 50.94%
No OTC relationship 49.06%
Re: getting the most out of regulars
Yeah, I'm just not comfortable spending OTC time with a customer. Honestly, I DO have a busy life. I have two jobs, and when I'm not at one of them, I want to be home with my boyfriend, or out with my friends.
One of the guys who keeps asking me is a club institution. Everyone knows him, and he's incredibly generous with lots of the girls. There are several girls who spend OTC time with him (according to him AND them) and the way they tell it, it sounds fairly harmless. (They go to movies, and whatnot. One girl decorated his tree this year.) But I notice that he'll only get one or two dances with those girls, and many more from me. It's probably partly "new girl" fascination (it's only been a few weeks) but I wonder if it also has to do with the fact that I'm only available at the club, for pay. Of course, maybe he's compensating the other girls for spending time with his outside. I have no idea. But I think being unavailable is working for me well.
Unfortunately, my other big money regular has started talking about motel rooms and getting very insistent. I think I'm going to have to cut him loose. Which leads to my next question - do it in person, or send him an e-mail?
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo
Unfortunately, my other big money regular has started talking about motel rooms and getting very insistent. I think I'm going to have to cut him loose. Which leads to my next question - do it in person, or send him an e-mail?
I would say do it in person the next time he brings it up. Just let him know for sure, without hedging, that you don't see anybody OTC and if that means he doesn't want to see you in the club any more, so be it.
Re: getting the most out of regulars
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Originally Posted by
dlabtot
^^^ you have absolutely no time to do anything, not even to, for example, eat lunch... yeah that's a believable story.... how dumb do you think these guys are? while they are smiling and nodding and saying 'yep, uh-huh' they are thinking to themselves: 'Bullshit'
Would it be better to just say, 'Sorry, I only date guys I'm attracted to?":D I think a guy who tries to date a stipper is a loser for even asking. ::)
Re: getting the most out of regulars
this is really helpful thank you