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Relapse! <--I feel so lost
I don't know what is wrong with me. All of this week, when I go into work, it's almost as if I'm moving backwards. I've only been dancing for 3 weeks. When I first started, I hit the floor hard, hit up the old custys and did 2 VIPS per night, and not to mention couch dances as well.
But now, all this week and a tad bit of last week when I get on the floor I just freeze. For some reason, I'm starting to feel shy, and that they won't want to talk to me anyway. :-[ In my head I'm thinking, " just go out there and work " but in all honesty, I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. :'( My earnings are suffering. The other girls aren't really making money either BUT there is still alot of money to be made in this club.
Where has my fire gone ladies? What is wrong with me??
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
aww i know exactly how that feels. i suggest getting a really cute new outfit/hairstyle/makeup something that will bring your confidence a positive boost. sometimes having a drink might calm some anxiety as well. also, when at work and you feel this way just think to yourself "all these guys are here for me, so who am i to deprive them of myself? they all want to give me their money, so let me go take it!" try to think like that; it will make it easier to approach a custie. plus the mindset will rub off on the guys, all guys like a confident stripper. it's easier said than done i know lol, but when i focus like this it always helps.
or if it gets too bad...take a couple days off and chill out for awhile.
now sexy momma, go out and make some $$$! GOOD LUCK!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
i think we all go through times like this..i know i have...it will pass and you will be back to your ole self again soon. You just need alittle encouragement and i believe this time when things aren't so good money wise,discourages us a bit...so therefore our confidence level lowers some.Just do the best you can and have a good attitude and smile and im sure you'll be back to normal in no time.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Theres nothing wrong with you. If you were raised in an environment to the standards that nudity is to be ashaimed of, you have to face those feelings. All that you have to do is embrace those feelings, acknowlege them, and you will be able to get on with it. Easier said then done. Very.
I guess it is the same as if you deny your anger for long periods of time, then trip out over something stupid like spilled milk.
To get over the spilled milk sindrome, just acknowlege the feelings as you have them, and then tell yourself a new way to cope...as in..I'm feeling nervous about being naked...you put a white mental X through that and say, being naked isn't nervous, it's exciting! If you do it eanouph, you will reprogram your thinking.
Whatever it is, you'll figure it out as your smart :) Good luck cinammon, your too sexy, and I know I would love talking to you!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
maybe your getting a little burned out. Take a few days off to get your head clear. then go get something you feel sexy in. If you feel sexy, then the custys will see that!
don't get frustrated though. I've learned that the days/nites I would go into work needing to make money, I wouldn't. but if i went there and pretended it was my 1st time and i was loving it, then i made alot!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
On days I feel shitty and think I just cant make it; I dont make goals for myself. That way I dont feel pressured to make money and I always end up doing well anyways.
How many days are you working a week? When I was new and started dancing I went for 3-5 day work weeks. Damn did that make me tired of everyone and everything. To avoid that crash n burn feeling maybe cut down your days on all jobs if you can. Overworking yourself is never fun unless you can handle it. Save overworking for when you need to make a goal for something.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Maybe you need to get laid. :P
I would not get too worried about it. Everyone goes through soft spots no matter what they do for a living. You need to just be yourself and take the good with the bad. You could try some new things to see if that can liven things up. But most things in life go in cycles. I hope everything works out for you. 8)
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
I went through the exact same thing too when I came back to work after being off for 3 months. I did what skyy suggested, I went out and got a fresh pedicure and manicure, tanned for like three days in a row and got really dark, and bought some new make-up and an outfit. And plus it is a hard time of year, so try not to get too stressed out. II like the "white x" theory, I'll have to try that.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
CK:
I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but take comfort in knowing that this is something that we all experience. My question to you is this: have you recently had any sort of negative experience at work? In the past, before I developed some thicker skin, I would let some negative comment or a bad night affect my self esteem, which in turn, would make it very difficult for me to get on the floor and hustle.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Hey Cinnamon... I feel ya. I've hit that point just recently at my 2-month mark into dancing. I"m trying to "get over it" but it's hard. It's like I approach the guys because i absolutely have to and ask waiting to hear a NO, which is totally wrong, and i know that!!! I've seriously been tossing and turning lately thinking of how I can shake things up. I"ve tried different outfits, etc etc etc and I think my dilemma is beyond that. New outfit/hair might work for you, but here's something I was thinking about last night.
Ok I did really well my first two weeks also. Why?
1. "I can make an S-load of money in this business!!" (approaching customer with that gleaming in my eyes....)
2. A bad night? What's that? This is fun!
3. I LOVE to dance!!
4. What? Oh? You DONT want a dance? Hmm. You've got to be kidding me! Ok, time to go have fun with someone else!!
5. I bet there's more money over THERE, and over THERE, and over THERE. All I have to do is approach! This is so easy!!
I SWEAR this is how my mind worked those first few weeks. And it's also why my HUSTLE worked too. Yeah. I was naive. But DAMN did it help me hustle!!
I've been having a rough time in big crowds lately, so I"ve been desperately trying to re-vamp my hustle and keep myseld out of the dressing room. (I admit the worst--i've become one of those girls sitting in the dressing room commenting on how shitty it is out there when I could BE out there hustling and making money. hmmm) So I"m gonna try to approach the whole game with that boldness and energy of a complete newbie. It worked for me before. So that's my game plan for tonight since it's gonna be another big crowd.
Hope this helps someone out there!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Quote:
Originally Posted by paintgoddess
Hey Cinnamon... I feel ya. I've hit that point just recently at my 2-month mark into dancing. I"m trying to "get over it" but it's hard. It's like I approach the guys because i absolutely have to and ask waiting to hear a NO, which is totally wrong, and i know that!!! I've seriously been tossing and turning lately thinking of how I can shake things up. I"ve tried different outfits, etc etc etc and I think my dilemma is beyond that. New outfit/hair might work for you, but here's something I was thinking about last night.
Ok I did really well my first two weeks also. Why?
1. "I can make an S-load of money in this business!!" (approaching customer with that gleaming in my eyes....)
2. A bad night? What's that? This is fun!
3. I LOVE to dance!!
4. What? Oh? You DONT want a dance? Hmm. You've got to be kidding me! Ok, time to go have fun with someone else!!
5. I bet there's more money over THERE, and over THERE, and over THERE. All I have to do is approach! This is so easy!!
I SWEAR this is how my mind worked those first few weeks. And it's also why my HUSTLE worked too. Yeah. I was naive. But DAMN did it help me hustle!!
I've been having a rough time in big crowds lately, so I"ve been desperately trying to re-vamp my hustle and keep myseld out of the dressing room. (I admit the worst--i've become one of those girls sitting in the dressing room commenting on how shitty it is out there when I could BE out there hustling and making money. hmmm) So I"m gonna try to approach the whole game with that boldness and energy of a complete newbie. It worked for me before. So that's my game plan for tonight since it's gonna be another big crowd.
Hope this helps someone out there!
Wow! You totally described what I"m feeling. I mean, at first EVERYONE wanted a dance. Shit, I would just sit with a custy, and they were ASKING ME for the dance ok :D Then it went from that, to walking up to custys, sitting and asking for a dance, and then hearing no. But then they would get a dance from the petite blonde.
I try to tell myself "all men have their preferences" because where I live (southern Ohio) it's pretty segregated. I'm also now getting the come/leave again types. You know, the types that sit at the tip rail, and then when I get up there, they leave. It's starting to affect me mentally. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, I try so hard to keep a smile on my face.
I just wrote in a thread about shifts. I currently work 3x per week for 7hr each shift...BUT Since I started I was working like 1-2 extra shifts per work week. Next week, I think I'm just going to chill out and relax. My week will start Monday, an I won't have to be back to work until Thurs. So hopefully I can give myself a mini 3 night vacation. ;)
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
something that helps me out is having a friend to walk around with until i'm comfortable again.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Maybe one thing is the different mentality you are adjusting to. Because, you have been a private dancer for a while, right? It would seem that during a private party you show up do your thing and move on. But now, you have a whole new thing going on. You have to sit through a shift and wait it out and hustle in hopes of making a great income. It truly is a people person job--with extreme patience. So if you don't snap out of it, maybe the private shows are more your style.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Here are two avenues I employ when I start to feel similiar to you:
I allow myself to be one of those dressing room girls however every time I go out back into the dressing room... I make sure the only thing I can read to distract me for the time being is motivational (for me it is some Dancer Wealth newsletter articles) not a Womans Day or similiar "gossip" type of magazine. This usually helps to keep me on track and get me out there.
or
I go in with the plan that if I make (example) $150 that I will shout myself a nice lunch (worth $10-20) the next day... if I make $200 I will shout myself something else... if I make $250 I will shout myself something else again and so on and so forth. Therefore, regardless of how 'bad' the shift is for me I have something to look forward to doing for myself the next day... this way you bring the focus back to you and not on "them"... which in a way makes it easier as you are being self-ish however in a positive way...
or
Just realise that some nights you just aren't "it" that night.. so what... the next shift is a new shift... and you will possibily be it that shift. Sometimes you just got to know when to call it a night and then conserve your energy for the next shift. It is definately different (mentality etc) being a club dancer to being a private/agency dancer (from someone who is currently still in both worlds).
Private/agency dancers do not really have to hustle to make any money as they (generally speaking) attend a booking, get paid and leave for their next booking. It's the agency that does all the work of getting you booked (the hustle) as such. Whereas in a club you really do have to have sale skills.
Have you thought about doing the DancerWealth Home Study course or investing in a few sales books? It might just be that you lack confidence at the moment because you are doubting your own ability and skills (sales).... and that if you 'arm' yourself with some knowledge... it might bring your hustle back?? Have a read thru Hustle Hut even and see if there is one or two things you can give a go ... therefore you will make work more exciting and fun as you experiment with different things in re: your hustle... ????
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Hey, Cinn!
You should try to refocus your attention not on yourself but on the customer you approach. Forget about the self-defeating questions:Is he just going to want the blonde? Am I not his type?. Forget that. Go over there, with a warm smile and make it your goal to make HIM smile and to make him want to look at you..ask him questions that show your interest in HIM. I know that would help me out on slow nights or nights where I just felt "off"...I learned to size people up really well by appearance, accent, etc and would ask them questions to help draw them out. The travelling customers were always surprised when I could pinpoint their east coast/british/midwest etc accent and got them talking about back home, etc...and the way you approach different genre of guys will be different...more of an outright hit and run flirt with young guys, and more coy and seductive with older men...
Make it your goal for a litle bit to forget about the money and just go out and say hello to as many guys on the floor as you can...Does your club have specials? I know this helped me to go out and chitchat for a bit with a few different guys WITHOUT asking for a dance, make a reason to go move around the floor a bit...then when a special would happen I'd go back to the guy who seemed most interested (watch body language..is he looking at you or the stage, does he smile a lot, does he just go on and on about himself or does he also ask YOU questions...). So...until you get back to feeling like the goddess that you are...forget about you, forget about the money, forget about how you "think" you look to the other person..learn about THEM and make them smile....and then pick the most opportune time to strike! Play the game....
Cheers,
London
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Hey CK, I have felt like this also! Sometimes I just walk around aimlessly, and freeze up. You are not alone. I agree w/ the other posters that we go through phases. Sometimes, I change my outfit or something, and it is like a state of mind thing. I try to avoid the dressing room, I know I will sit back there, and chat for awhile! Don't be so hard on yourself. Be confident, sometimes I forget that these guys are here to see me, and they have $$ to spend. You are a hottie, you'll be fine!!!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Quote:
Originally Posted by stripperbrat
Maybe one thing is the different mentality you are adjusting to. Because, you have been a private dancer for a while, right? It would seem that during a private party you show up do your thing and move on. But now, you have a whole new thing going on. You have to sit through a shift and wait it out and hustle in hopes of making a great income. It truly is a people person job--with extreme patience. So if you don't snap out of it, maybe the private shows are more your style.
Thanks for the outlook StripperBrat. Yes, I was a private dancer for about 4-5 months. It's much easier yes, BUT with working with an agency you have to wait, wait, wait. There were nights that I would sit in the agency for 6+ hours and the phone would never ring. You don't get the opportunity to make money until the phone rings you know. And usually those guys didn't have a preference. They just wanted some company ASAP.
But, with a club setting there is a whole group of 15+ pretty girls that are all here for this mans money. He has more picking and choosing to do.
Actually I prefer the club scene more than private dancing. I believe my problem is working the night shift....I HATE THE YOUNG BOYS!! >:( I only work 1 daytime shift out of the week, and I always do fairly well those days. The first time I worked a Friday, I expressed lack of interest to the owner and manager. They just encouraged me to stick it out, and if I didn't like it, they would fix it for me. I think I'll talk to the owner the next time I see him to see how that will workout.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Cin, I'm sorry to sound negative but I agree with u. I too HATE young boys!!! I think if you go into work with this attitude though, it will hamper everything; your mood, hustle and earnings:( Please do ask for a couple more dayshifts, maybe they can let you work a split-shift if they are already heavy on dayshift at your club. Good Luck babe!
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
CK, I'm not a dancer or anything...but I am a student of human behavior and nature. Perhaps it is your initial phenomenal success that's making you feel down now. Let me explain. At my work, I train people to perform some very difficult and complex procedures that require great patience and skill. I find that the people who experience great success the first time they try are often those who have great difficulty in the long run. For some reason, their initial success lead them to falsely believe that the procedures are easy and simple and that they don't have to work as hard as others. Many of them end up quitting and those that stay are never as good as they might have been. On the other hand, those that have difficulty initially end up being the better practioners, because they have taken the time to hone their craft, and they have appreciation and respect for the work they're doing. Stripping ain't easy. Perhaps, you're experiencing a little of that?
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
You were a new face when you first started, and probably some of the regular club goers wanted to try you out. Now maybe things have become routine and more patience and hustle is needed for the customers who require a lot of persuasion to spend their money.
A young crowd is somewhat cocky and dances are harder to sell to them. The older guys especially in the type of club you work in are more prone to come there to get dances, so maybe if you can arrange to work earlier hours you'll feel less frustration.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
I think it's the time of year. I feel the same way and I have been dancing for over three years. I haven't felt like doing shit this past month. And believe me our Christmas will be suffering because of it but unfornuately ,I don't care. Just letting you know, you aren't alone. :-\
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
I go through this too. Recently actually, and almost still. What I've found that really helps is if you are having a really off night and you don't want to be there. Find somebody in the audience, even if you don't think they will buy a dance, sit down and just ask them how they are... When they ask you, be honest. Say you're pretty new and still a little nervous. Then just have a conversation with them about anything.Their car, job, how is your christmas shopping going so far, "yeah I haven't even started!" Just keep it light. This will help you loosen up a little bit. Find somebody that you would either talk to outside the club, or somebody that you know is just a really nice guy. If you don't feel comfortable asking for a dance, then don't! After awhile tell them you're gonna go get something to drink and walk away. Do this a couple times with a couple people and you'll start getting nback into it. PLUS, they are gonna look at you like "wow she's really nice, she didn't just walk over and ask for a dance" It builds up a nice raport with the customer...lets them like you and trust you a little more than the "money hungry dancer" lol. At least they can think that in their head... :)
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
Cinnamon, part of the phenomenon you experienced in the first few weeks is 'new girl on the block' syndrome ... i.e. lots of customers being 'curious' as to how the private dances from the new girl are going to be. But here it is a few weeks later, all of the club's 'regulars' have previously purchased a private dance from you have already 'taken you for a test drive' and know what to expect (and what not to expect) during private dances with you. Additionally, if a totally new customer comes into the club and asks one of the club's 'regulars' about your private dances, the 'regulars' are in a position to tell the new customer what he can expect (and not expect) before he spends (wastes) money to find out personally.
Forgive me for taking a 'devil's advocate' tone to illustrate my point, but customers really do react this way, and all dancers discover that once the "honeymoon" is over things get a little tougher. The best way to deal with it is to realize that any changes which have occurred in your ability to sell private dances / your ability to earn money are not due to something that you yourself are doing any differently. It's just that the 'curiosity factor', 'new girl on the block', 'honeymoon period' etc. is over, and that you're now competing with other dancers in your club on an 'equal' basis.
Relax, don't expect to earn the same amount of money that you did during the first week, evaluate whether or not you are actually being 'competitive' with other dancers (in other words, evaluate whether all the girls are selling about the same amount of private dances versus whether certain girls are selling far more private dances than you are), be sexy, try to have fun, and let the 'chips' fall where they may.
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Re: Relapse! <--I feel so lost
skky_blonde nice to see someone in this world who might give a *@#%