Re: Have ya'll read this strip club review?
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartcookie
and what's wrong with being from England, hmmm? I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, but I doubt that has little with me being British. I don't think she's being stuck up at all, maybe you're just being a bit too sensitive? A blog is a journal after all, so you're supposed to talk about yourself. :O Anyways, I thought your blog was hilarious!
Re: Have ya'll read this strip club review?
Great read. Loved the "Fat" entry. I added the link to my list of blogs to read throughout the week ;)
Re: Have ya'll read this strip club review?
Interesting and well written stuff, I write a gossip column for a European web site called www.strip-magazine.com and we are always getting questions about what places are like to work so I'll post a link in February's column. English humour does tend towards sarcasm, I have written this on some of the customers I {as a fellow customer} have observed in the London places.
Tyke
Selwyn the senior
Selwyn has hit 40 {several years ago} and made his fortune in the city by the usual combination of luck, contacts, undeserved bonuses, and insider trading. He was married 20 odd years ago to Amanda who was at that time a stunning ex-Roedean secretary in his bank but has now turned into an unattractive combination of shopaholic and green campaigner who, even worse, wants him to sell his supercharged Jag and buy a Smart. He has decided it is time to enjoy life and "live on the edge" which in Selwyn's case means taking up skiing, forcing his podgy frame into leathers so he can ride his newly purchased Harley, becoming a regular at the Metro, and tying what is left of his hair into a pony tail despite this prompting uncontrolled mirth amongst his children. Selwyn realises his only chance with the strippers is to "flash the cash " or in his case black Amex card. Any girl falling for Selwyn will get a trip to the Monaco Grand Prix where she will act as a trophy on his right arm as he pretends to be a drug dealer dressed in a white silk Armani suit which actually makes him look more like Danny DeVito in Twins
Cyril the codger
Cyril has retired on a not particularly generous pension after a lifetime as an insurance clerk. He now has a lot of time on his hands and wants to get out of the house to prevent Gladys his wife of 42 years from nagging him. He found the strip pub scene by accident after being dragged around Columbia flower market one Sunday morning. He now goes around the pubs every time he can think of a good excuse to leave the house {in this instance at least his prostrate problems have been a godsend!}. His only restriction is that Gladys allows him just £15 a week spending money, which makes the jugs a bit of a problem. He found that if he only put in 10p the girls shouted at him even if he tried to disguise the amount by rattling the side of the glass with his wedding ring. He now employs a lifetime's cunning to watch without paying through tactical withdrawal to the toilets, telling the girls he is just leaving, or that he is the landlord's father and is thus exempt. If all else fails he pretends to be deaf or suffering from senile dementure. Cyril particularly likes the Nelson as the rear toilets increase his escape options
Ian the International Playboy
Ian is 26 and normally found with a group of mates who he constantly tries to impress with his bird pulling ability. This is based on his mistaken perception that his dark hair and hod-carrying honed physique make him look like Beppe from Eastenders. In front of his mates he will be determinedly unimpressed with the strippers even if Pamela Anderson is on, "Nah, get much better in Trotters, Romford on a Friday night". He is always ostentatiously tight fisted with the jugs "Nah, I don't have to pay for it darlin'…" After a few drinks, though he will proposition one of the strippers with a sophisticated chat up line like "Got 10 inches darlin' never had no complaints yet". When this romantic offer is rejected he will storm out saying "Yer all a load of ugly tarts". Despite this he is a regular visitor to all the strip pubs though his natural habitat is really the Circus Tavern where he can mix with like-minded sophisticates.
Terry the Trainspotter
Although Terry is now 38 he still lives with his parents in a council house in Upton Park. He has never had a girlfriend but has a number of hobbies, having progressed from collecting civil war cards through train-spotting then onto the Campaign for Real Ale. One of the other members tricked him into going into Browns one afternoon by telling him it was the only place in London to stock the legendary "Old Blubberguts" beer brewed by the fine old family firm of Hops, Brew and Lush of Dorset. He pretended to be disgusted by the sight of Sunny naked but was back the following afternoon, though he kept the hood of his anorak up just in case he bumped into any other CAMRA members. That afternoon changed his life, and beer alone suddenly lost its appeal. Throwing all his considerable organisational energies into the strip scene, Terry can be seen in his trusty anorak carrying a backpack within which his various notebooks reside. In these books he keeps incredibly detailed records of the pubs, girls, costumes, records played, and the drinks he has had {not having lost an interest in beer entirely}. He is a regular in all the pubs where his mode of dress does not bar entry, but in order to maintain his oracle like status amongst the regulars he will always claim that his favourite is somewhere in Hertfordshire nobody else has ever been to. His attitude to the strippers is respectful bordering on the reverential and his low cost life style enables him to be surprisingly generous with the jug.
Steve from Sarf London
Steve is a bricklayer of 34, he was married at 21 to hairdresser Tracy but they split up 5 years ago when Tracy got fed up of being used as a punch-bag every weekend. Now Steve mainly goes out with his mates from the building site to "have a larf". The group of 5 people has a combined IQ of 61, so this normally involves getting rancidly drunk down Peckham high street before terrorising the staff at the "Laughing Poppadum" restaurant where they have their traditional après-pub supper complete with napkins up the nose and fried rice fights. Once a month or so on a Friday or Saturday they will venture up to Hackney for a "real larf ". This will sometimes involve telling the strippers they are BBC presenters or racing drivers in the forlorn hope of impressing them and sometimes wittily telling them to "faark off slapper" when they come around with the jug. If they see most of the other characters in this list they will refer to them as "nuances" as their behaviour {lack of shouting, knocking mates off bar stools, beer throwing, or vomiting} indicates that they are taking things far too seriously. Steve's favourite pub is the Axe, he prefers the girls at Browns but finds the bouncers there cramp his unique style of enjoyment.
Peter the pervert
Peter is short, fat, greasy, and 49. He was originally married but they split up when his wife Becky refused to join him in the Stratford swinging scene and screw any husband whose wife Peter happened to fancy. Since then Peter has pursued his interest in sex via hopeful adverts in contact magazines and regular involvement in all aspects of the Hackney Rd strip experience. Peter finds places like Browns and the Metro boring and really only enjoys the very blue stag scene. When in the regular pubs he spends most of his time telling the girls about the act with the donkey he saw last night and how he could get her plenty of work if she joins in. No matter how gross the act is Peter always claims to have seen one better before. He bemoans the passing of the Bridge House and his all time favourite girl is Asha. He is tight on principle with the jug as "they don't do anything for their money these days".
Richard the rep
Richard is 37, slim, and wears a smart suit and well pressed white shirt. He has been selling plastic guttering to unappreciative Builders Merchants for 9 years. He is married to Jenny a schoolteacher but bored with his sex life. He sometimes goes around the East End but he prefers the West London pubs - officially because it's easier to park his company Vectra but privately because he always feels an impoverished failure amongst the city types. He has been passed over for Area Manager twice and has now given up all thoughts of promotion and therefore lost what little enthusiasm for the job he ever had. He knows his area well enough though to keep his head above water with little effort and finds it easy to organise lengthy lunch breaks which he now fills in with visits to the Woolpack and Halfway House. When he first got his mobile it made him feel important but now he curses the fact that his office can get hold of him at any time and check up on him. He fantasises about having an affair with one of the strippers but he lacks both the finance and time to turn this into reality. Girls he likes sometimes get the benefit of any promotions his company is running though what they do with a Polypipe T shirt or free grouting tool is anybody's guess. Much to his disappointment these gifts have yet to turn any strippers head.
Re: Have ya'll read this strip club review?
Thank you for the kind words everyone - glad you enjoyed the blog. I should be dancing again by mid-Jan when I get my hair back (extensions)...
In the meantime, Happy New Year - I am off snowboarding in oregon and can't wait...
Re: Have ya'll read this strip club review?
I thought it was hilarious! I don't think you sounded snobby at all, and even if you are, who cares? Very entertaining. ;D