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How much truth?
I tell the truth about 95% of the time to customers (with the exclusion of things for safety reasons) but they only believe about half of it. Usually it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it does. I tell the truth about my age, where I'm from, why I dance, what I do, etc. I have a lot of regulars and make regulars easily and find that honesty just works for me.
The problem is, I can't get any money out of anyone who doesn't believe me at least half of the time. The guys who think it's all a hustle or who believe I'm feeding them lines or are searching for some "hidden" truth won't give me the time of day. I've been dancing for about a year and usually just pass these guys on, but I'm wondering if there is something I can do to get money out of them. Saying "I already told you the truth" doesn't work because they don't believe me.
After you have told a customer the truth, and they think it's a lie, how do you salvage that and get money out of them?
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Re: How much truth?
It's a line guys use to try to intimidate and break down your barriers. I wouldn't worry about those guys, they are high maintenance. :P
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Re: How much truth?
Well, I say "Look. I'm not going to argue with you about what I do in my spare time/my educational background/my name/my opinions on the Eastern European dancers. If I say I like to read/have a B.A./my real name is Jenny/no I don't hate them at all you can either take me at my word or not. Either way, there is nothing I can do."
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Re: How much truth?
This reminds me of something that happened to my business partner Jamie when she was dancing. She used to use the stage name of "Cindy" or something to that effect. Just your everyday, unextraordinary name unlike the "Sapphire" and "Lexus" names everyone else used. Guys used to ask her all the time what her real name was and not caring, she would tell them Jamie and nobody bought it. Over and over again, guys would say, "Nah...you don't look like a Jamie, Cindy probably is your real name". So one night, she did an experiment. She used the stage name of "Jamie"...her real name. Someone asked her what her real name was and she told them, "Cindy" and nobody believed her..."I don't think you look like a Cindy". The moral of the story is, no matter what you tell them under some circumstances, customers don't trust dancers in this industry because of a lot of things dancers have done to poison the waters. The very nature of using a stage name to begin with right off the bat is throwing out something of fakeness and fraud, so why should your customer believe anything after that? Think about it, imagine someone you didn't know or have ever met before walked up to you and the first words out of their mouth you knew was a lie. Would you trust anything they said after that? Just food for thought.
So, understanding this, when you want to be honest and trustworthy, you have an uphill battle. Two suggestions for you. One, have a backup name...a "Plan B" as it were. Fall back on that if they don't believe your real name etc. A better idea though is use a stage name that could pass as a realistic name. When people ask you about it, tell them, "Well, it's sort of my real name...it's actually my middle name but it's what I go by." There. Problem solved and diffused. It works like a charm.
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Re: How much truth?
I find that guys who, right off the bat, want to call you a liar are often a pain in the ass and difficult to sell. I either give them an incredibly hard time back, at which point they sometimes laugh and go with the flow. If they are hellbent on being confrontational I leave them to do it with some other dancer . . . and another . . . and another . . . until they've driven them all off.
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Re: How much truth?
Most of these guys are expecting you to tell them how you're dancing to support your abusive deadbeat bf's heroin habit and 3 kids by 3 other men, along with your own coke habit and several ridiculously high unpaid cellphone bills. They might also want you to tell them you're in school so they can think to themselves that you're bullshitting about that. These guys simply do not want to hear how you're well-adjusted, intelligent and have any semblance of normality in your life. Because, that's just not how strippers are ::)
You can't win with these guys. Occasionally I'll give them a hard time right back "("oh yeah I keep forgetting I'm a stripper so everything I say must be a lie - and I'm really just a stoopid coke whore looking for more cock to suck in the corner so my asshole bf won't beat the shit out of me today - eyeroll) and they'll sometimes mellow out and buy a couple dances.
But usually I just walk away and let them play their stoopid games with someone else while I make money. I've never had one buy more than a couple dances so they really aren't worth the bother unless you're just bored and want to take out some frustration or something.
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Re: How much truth?
I got into a rather embarrassing argument with a drunk guy the other night who asked my name and then kept loudly insisting that it wasn't my real name. I kept insisting that it was in fact my real name (it's not, but it could be), but he wasn't buying it. So I asked him what HIS name was and then insisted that he must be full of shit and that couldn't possibly be his real name. We went back and forth for awhile before I finally got bored with it and left him alone.
Why the hell should they care what my name is, anyway? If I tell you it's Lily, then to you, it's Lily. Call me Lily or just go fuck yourself. If I tell you my real name, what difference would it make?
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Re: How much truth?
Those guys are assholes who think they can manipulate you by making you try to justify yourself. If I think they have money I'll just laugh and say, "okay, you got me, I'm actually a heroin addict with twelve kids at home by eight different men and I have to dance to pay my boyfriends fines so he doesn't go to jail for beating the shit out of me last month." Either it creates some kind of rapport and they buy a dance, or their still intent on preaching to me and I move on.
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Re: How much truth?
Thanks for the advice. I like the idea about a stage name being a "real" middle name.
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Re: How much truth?
Whenever I can use my stage name this isn't too much of a problem for me as my stage name is my real name. When they say it isn't my real name... I go.. "Yeh, you're right.. It isn't my real name however I loved the whole Vanessa the Undresser connotation as it is just so true!" Or I diffuse the sitatuation with humour.
In the end, you have to decide whether it is worth perusing a sale with this guy or to move on. Some are out there to play mind games and be a-holes (hence move on don't indulge them) however some just see us in the same vein as used car salespeople so once you gain a little rapport with them (break down their defences) they probably will spend good money on you.
Ah.. I just remembered something I like to do when they say to me that it isn't my real name. I turn it around on them and get them to adopt stage names then for the rest of the night I call them by their stage name ;) It's amazing what names guys will come up with for themselves :laughing:
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Re: How much truth?
I try to sidestep the issue of how much to tell about myself by making the customers do most of the talking. I'll talk about where I'm from, how much I love my job ::) and random things like my favorite food, but that's about it. I find there's a negative correlation between how much I talk about myself and how many dances I sell. Let them imagine what they want about me -- I'm a college girl, I'm a porn star, whatever floats their boat.
If you're frequently accused of lying, your body language may be sending the message that you're nervous or insincere. There are lots of things you can do to look more honest. Sit facing the customer and look them directly in eye, sit up straight, uncross your arms and legs. Exposing your wrists and keeping your palms visible sends the message that you're not hiding anything. The book 'Superflirt' is a pretty good resource on body language of this kind.
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Re: How much truth?
In the club, there is only one thing as cool as befriending the hottest dancer when in the club is your limit. Knowing the TRUTH about that dancer.
See the thing is, some customers, want the fantasy, but also want to know where the fantasy's reality is, its a control thing. 'Well I know she must like me, she told me her real name and her major, as well as where she attends class'
What they don't realize is 9 times out of 10, its idle chit chat. The deal is, for some people the fantasy is the personal connection that means that wasn't idle chit chat but an emotional connection.
If he's aggressive, walk away, his money is probably short anyway, or its not worth it. If he's passive about it, he'd believe a lie anyways or tell the truth, just watch for the amount of personal questions.
And finally, remember, there are lies and non truthes in the club, the only truth is what the custy wants to believe. Unless you let it, none of your lies will come to fact or otherwise, so what is the difference, really? I say pick a good story and stick with it. Or just tell the truth, just don't let it get toooooo personal.
Mast.