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Is it true? Does the club change you?
My bf says that stripping will make me a totally different person. I understand that I might run into some problems and I may become numb to guys in the club and some of the things that go on, but Im pretty sure that my attitude towards my relationships outside the club will stay the same and I will be the same person with my family, friends and especially with my bf. I dont think my feeling towards him or my personality will change at all. He thinks im being naive because he says the environment is so intense with guys always trying to get with you and girls also trying to get you into things or coming on to you also, your attitude will change.
Has anyone experienced a true change in themselves and other relationships or things in your life as a result of working at a strip club?
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
I think dancing changes you. Not into a completely different person, tho. I think dancing has made me smarter about men and they way they really are. It has also made me a little more egotistical, hehe. It is a bit silly to think it won't change you "at all". And if you are mentally weak, it will totally fuck with your head. Everyone is different and how deeply it will affect other aspects of your life depends on you.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Has your boyfriend dated other strippers? I think that maybe he thinks that becasue he sees dancers as women that use drugs and become whores. There are a few that do, but most of us are just normal humans that like the work that we do, a select few ruin it for all of us, but for the most part, its not a total change. I know that I haven't changed any, i'm still the same boring person that I was before. I'm sure everyone changes a little, but most people change with any job. i think he just has the wrong idea about us....
In most movies, strippers haven't been portrayed as the classiest people.. Maybe some day some one will make a movie about what it actually takes to be a stripper!!
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
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Originally Posted by LusciousLyzz
Has your boyfriend dated other strippers? I think that maybe he thinks that becasue he sees dancers as women that use drugs and become whores. There are a few that do, but most of us are just normal humans that like the work that we do, a select few ruin it for all of us, but for the most part, its not a total change. I know that I haven't changed any, i'm still the same boring person that I was before. I'm sure everyone changes a little, but most people change with any job. i think he just has the wrong idea about us...
Hes never dated a stripper before but his friend once dated a girl who became a shot girl at a club and he says after a while she started to just ignore the guy. I say different strokes for different folks. Im young but have seen and gone through alot in my life already. I know it may change me a little but like you said any job will do that. I truely doubt that this will have any major effect on my true personality and personal affairs outside of the job.
I think he is over thinking the situation also. He just doesnt like the idea of other guys being able to touch all on his girl's booty!
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
You'll see the ugliest sides of people, and the shock is stressful.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
After I first started dancing, my boyfriend said that I changed, but now everything seems to be fine between us. I don't think I changed at all, I just think that maybe it was him- that he was looking at me differently and I stayed the same. He doesn't seem to find me different anymore, so I think that as he got more used to me dancing, he didn't see me differently anymore. I think the only thing dancing changed about me is that I'm more confident-both in my looks and in being more outgoing, and I have more money now so I have nicer things. Other than that- I don't think I'm any different.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Every life experience changes you. Whether you dance or not, you will be a different person a year from now.
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He just doesnt like the idea of other guys being able to touch all on his girl's booty!
Customers do not have to touch you. You could easily pull off no or one-way contact.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
I can say I've definitely become bitter towards men. As Jane said you see the ugliest sides of people and it's hard to just completely let that go when the work day is done. However this does not effect my relationship with my man. I know he's not like the customers I deal with all day so I do my best not to carry home any negativity. So yes the job has changed me, not with my man but other men for sure.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
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Originally Posted by Lizette
Every life experience changes you. Whether you dance or not, you will be a different person a year from now.
Lizette...that's a great point and completely true!!! One could be changed by a club, or by working in a bank. Or feeding pigeons. How you turn out depends on how you let this change influence your life. For stripping, seperate the job from your real life if you're worried....let any positive changes into your normal personality, but conquer the negative ones. As Lizette said, stripping is just one of many stimuli for change that you'll encounter and assimilate in life.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
It's made me much less of a wallflower, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind.
That and I have to stop myself from fondling my boobs in public thanks to dancing!!!
But nothing too dramatic, or negative.
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It really depends on you more as a person. Everything affects everyone differently. I am not nearly as sexual in my real life as I am in the club. The club offers me an outlet for my sexuality. Once I get home I am spent sexually and have nothing left to give. Medications I take could also be to blame though. Before dancing I thought nothing of flashing my breast. Now, I would never do it because I do it at work. It's kind of like if you work at a seafood restaurant the last thing you want to eat at home is probably fish. I am not indicating that you will be like this. I have seen girls become more sexual from dancing. I also don't want any public attention outside the club. I don't dress up or wear make-up on a day to day basis like I use to. After dressing up and work and wearing a ton of make-up I just want to let my face breathe and wear something comfortable. I think it has possibly made me more distant as well. I don't trust people as much so I am stand-offish to protect myself. You don't always see the "best side" of men in the strip club. I just see how dancing has affected me. Dancing may not affect you in the same way. I think your boyfriend is more worried about how it will affect him than you.
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I have more confidence and take better care of my appearance now. I don't think those are negative changes at all. I'm still just as horny as I was before, too. }:D
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Dancing changed me, mostly for the better. I feel wiser, stronger, and more independent. I like that people appreciate my appearance and find me attractive, it's a nice ego boost. I have also learned that you can't please everyone and that's just a fact of life (inside the club or otherwise). My relationship with my significant other has only gotten better and better once we cleared those initial rough patches. I don't find myslef more bitter towards males, I just grow to appreciate my boyfriend more.
Nothing is a hard and fast rule. I feel pretty strongly that all experiences change a person somewhat. The nature of that change is going to be rooted in who you are to begin with.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
I don't believe what we "do" changes us, it is how we react to the world around us that changes us.
Just think about a situation where a person who has been obese all his/her life and suddenly they get fed up with it and finally get in shape. If you ask any of those people if losing weight has changed them they will answer "Hell yes!"
On the surface it may seem like a positive change, a person who was obese and is now fit can expierence a change in his/her entire social structure. Many times marriages end, friends will claim the newly thin person is "egotistical, or concieded". It can be very hard for a person who has done what it takes to get in shape, just to be ridiculed by the jealous people around him/her.
Dancing is kind of like this. People will look at you differently, even though you are the same person. You will realize who your real friends are, and who can't handle the smallest change in your life, as it upsets their world view and forces them to confront their own inabilities to do what it takes to make thier life work.
That is what we as dancers are doing. We recognize what we want and are willing to do what it takes to get it done (be it school or debt repayment or being independent or simply expressing sexuality in an artistic way). Many people just prefer to believe that the women who dance are drug adicted or stupid or were sexually abused or are being forced to dance by a pimp/abusive boyfriend. When they see that a real person can do this job and still maintain a healthy lifestyle and happy relationships it really send them into a mental tailspin. Therefore they are more comfortable putting the situation back on you- You've changed, this business has really ruined you, etc. etc.
Just to give you a little warning about what you may expierence in the future as a dancer!
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
i have been dancing almost 3 years now.. and dancing actually changed me for the better.. i did everything to go back to school so i dont have to dance if it becomes the only thing i know. i am going to school now and for the most part.. dancing made me realize the person i dont want to be ( i think you know what i am talking about) dancing is a job not a way of life
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Dancing has definitely changed me for the better. I used to let people walk all over me. Boyfriends friends etc. I tried so hard to be nice to everyone that I was destroying myself. What I've learned from dancing is that you can't please everyone. I've had some bad experiences dancing (girls being mean to me and customers trying to fuck with my head) but those experiences have made me a stronger person in the 'real world.' Also my dating habits have changed. It's given me more confidence. When I was under 21 I didn't have much experience with going to bars or dating. I dated guys I met at school or work. I didn't know that I had a LOT of options as a pretty girl. I just didn't see that. Now if I'm dating someone and they piss me off or disrespect me I know because of dancing that there would be lots of guys that would like to date me. It's given me a confidence boost so I treat myself better. I have not been in a relationship since I started dancing because I don't feel ready for one yet. My last boyfriend was abusive and I'm still healing. But I'm confident that because of the confidence I've gained in dancing my next one will be much better. I won't settle for less.
The best part of dancing is that it's given me financial independence. When I was working at my corporate job as a bartender or as a waitress I would work my ass off for a few bucks. I still work my ass off (sometimes) but now I have the money to pursue interests like crafting go on road trips and eat very very well! While my friends are usually broke I don't have to worry about rent or bills. I also will never have to depend on any guy for money!
Your man's probably worried that the attention you get at work will make you realize "hey lots of guys want to date me!" and leave him or something. that's just insecurity on his part and i really can't blame him for that. I got insecure in my last relationship just because my boyfriend was a bartender and I knew drunk girls and older women hit on him all the time so I can understand how a guy would be nervous about this.
But I'm still the same girl I was when I started dancing. still the same goofy dorky person. if you can keep your head on straight i believe dancing will make your life better.
as for what he said about girls coming on to you and trying to get you into other things - i really havent had a problem with this. some girls have invited me to party (we all know what that means) and some have been sexual with me but you just have to laugh that off.
another thing - i've seen this phenomenon before: girls who start dancing appreciate their boyfriends more IF their boyfriends are good guys to begin with. when you come home from a hard night of work (where you encounter some assholes and perverts inevitably) id imagine it would be so amazing to have a loving supportive boyfriend to make you feel better.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
I have seen very, very few it hasnt changed, all too often for the worse, but then there is a lot of sh*t going on in this area. But even in the few nicer clubs in the area, there is almost always a change--sometimes for the better, but with distressing frequency still for the worse. This is of course true of the males as well. In my case I think it's for the better, but some of my family members might think otherwise, lol...
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Don't let that protective and /or sexual-oriented persona you develop to survive in clubs become a big part of your real personality.
Girls are often raised to be naive and innocent (or at used to be), at least initially, and if they aren't abused. If they somehow get into strip clubs and survive the shock of reality and evil temptations (drugs, alcohol, degrading themselves in many ways), then many develop hard personalities. Some don't change much; it varies a lot with your strength of character. But there are also many other things that young women go thru that change them at the same time. Sometimes you can't tell which (in club or out of club life) has the most influence.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Every life experience changes us in some way. Stripping is no different.
Stripping tends to exaggerate your existing personality traits - both good and bad. If you're insecure, you'll get worse. If you're confident, you'll become moreso. If you're loud, you'll become obnoxious. If you're flighty, you'll become a giant flake. If you tend to be quiet, you'll become withdrawn / reclusive. If you're bubbly and outgoing, you'll become moreso. Etc.
It also changes some aspects of some personalities. Some women become more sexually open; some develop sexual hangups; some get more reserved / lose interest in sex. Some women become bitter toward men after dealing with all the crap many customers and club staff can dish out.
There's alot more.
I am definitely very different now due to dancing. I've been dancing a long time and would've evolved as a person over these years anyway, but dancing has certainly changed me in ways that 'normal' life never could have.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
A couple things from my experience...
I expect a lot more out of my significant other when i get home. As in... after all the a-holes I have to deal with on a night at work... he had better treat me with respect and compassion and not play games with me. If he can't do that, he's no better than any ole' john in the club.
I have confidence in the fact that I can take care of myself now financially without the usual "ulcers". I can afford health insurance. I send big checks to the student loan company. I can afford more than frozen pizza and burritos at the grocery store. In the beginning stages, i actually felt GUILT for this. Like I had more than I needed. I realized the guilt came from deep feelings about what I really thought I was worth. The fact that you will be able to take care of yourself may be threatening to those around you. It'll teach you about what you think you're worth.
You may be less trusting of others around you. This was a good thing for me. I am less naive now.
I am more confident in approaching or talking to or negotiating with people I hardly know because I HAVE to do that at work or I don't make money. It forced me to not be shy.
You will hopefully learn really quickly about how I protect your dignity. I did a couple of things (not extras) when first starting dancing that I was upset with myself for later. I made a mental note not to do that again (such as sitting completely nude on a custy's lap. I now at LEAST wear a thong.) You learn to set those boundaries because you HAVE to in order to keep working without feeling dirty. This is a positive thing in that it helps you know yourself better so you can in turn protect yourself and your dignity better.
Good luck!
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
I have changed, on balance for the better. I'm better at approaching people, better at selling myself in general, and better at setting and maintaining limits with other people. I've learned all of this because I've had to.
I've become much more aware of my appearance, some might say a little obsessed. I used to be a complete tomboy. Now I always have my eyebrows plucked and my nails done, and I can afford to wear whatever I want. I'm much better about excercizing, because I'm more self-concious about whether I'm in shape. None of this is exactly bad -- I haven't developed an eating disorder or anything. Maybe I feel like I've become more superficial.
Dancing hasn't made me hate men, although you do see men (and women) at their worst sometimes. If anything, I feel like I understand men better, because many customers will tell you such intimate things about themselves. I'm not sure the word "jaded" is exactly right, but I can't think of a better word right now. I feel like nothing much could shock me now, but that's not a bad thing.
I always knew my boy was amazing, but I appreciate him more now. He's amazingly supportive. Usually when I get off work I feel drained sexually, but I bounce back in a day or two.
It's not a good experience for everyone. There are dancers who are completely messed up. But to be honest, I kind of have the feeling they would be anyway.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
Dancing in strip clubs changed me for the worse in some ways and for the better in other ways.
Some changes happened quite quickly while others took years.
The changes for the worse have been short lived while those that have been for the better took longer to occur but have been more permanent.
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Re: Is it true? Does the club change you?
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Originally Posted by Scorpia
My bf says that stripping will make me a totally different person. I understand that I might run into some problems and I may become numb to guys in the club and some of the things that go on, but Im pretty sure that my attitude towards my relationships outside the club will stay the same and I will be the same person with my family, friends and especially with my bf. I dont think my feeling towards him or my personality will change at all. He thinks im being naive because he says the environment is so intense with guys always trying to get with you and girls also trying to get you into things or coming on to you also, your attitude will change.
Has anyone experienced a true change in themselves and other relationships or things in your life as a result of working at a strip club?
I have been in the business since I was 18. Now 10 years later, I can truly speak from experience and tell you that it does change you. I believe for the positive. I've become a more stronger, independent person. I know what I want from a relationship and life. Initiall, you may become bitter a bit towards men but to me it's natural. The bitterness stems from the reality check we get from how men (and even people) truly are. After that realization is made, you need to work on accepting that this is how the way the world works. Once you do, decisions should become easier to make because by then, you'll know what you want. You will begin to question your boyfriends motives but if he is true to you, your feelings for him will never change. Best of luck!