Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Whoa, girl. Halfway through your post I had an answer for you. DO NOT help this lady. She sounds as if she suffers from a mental disorder. I am currently having some drama with one of my old friends who keeps calling me & begging me to help her because she ruined her life. WELL, I am unable to help her anymore & am figuring that nothing's gonna help her until she helps herself, one part of her problem being mental illness.
I remember your post about your problems a couple months ago, and I'm touched that you're nice enough to look beyond helping yourself, to help someone else in need. BUT look, people like the girl you described don't just need a friend, they need much more. Don't let yourself get dragged down by this.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Thats what my man says... he keeps telling me I have my own problems to deal with I dont need to be dragged down by someone elses. I just have this really bad habbit of putting other people first. Im sadly a very caring critter... and like this girl wear my heart on my sleeve and go out of my way to help people. It just breaks my heart to see her put herself through this. She called me tonight saying 'maybe I should just stick close to you at work to keep myself out of trouble' *sigh*
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
The cynic in me is saying "She wants an accomplice & possibly a scapegoat"
I have all kinds of funny-scary "crazy stripper" stories from my travels, like the girl who hemmoraged all over the stage after an abortion because she "forgot" she couldn't drink, to one who hit another girl over the head with her cashbox over a perceived slight. People like this CANNOT be helped. They have to bottom out & learn from all the miserable mistakes they make and/or get professional help. "Water sinks to its own level." I adore sweet people, I used to be sweeter, but I have been taken advantage of enough times to have all that sweetness beaten out of me. Sorry girl, it's a jungle, and you're either predator or prey. Crazy "Help me!! Poor little me!!" people are just a sneaky kind of a predator.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Be supportive and be positive around her but don't get caught up too much with her. People need to want to help themselves before you can do anything!
The best thing you can do is be a good friend, but do it within sensible limits!
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Christ, if I wanted to be a "White Knight" kind of guy in my club, I'd be a basket case in three days. We have thankfully gotten rid of the worst ones, but we still have several who are constantly fucking up their lives, their friends, their cars, you name it.
I have helped a few, but only when they were really ready to be helped--that's the only time you can do so. Them saying they want help isn't the same. But I am happy to say there are 3-4 dancers I have worked with who have made a lot of progress. One of them has made a tremendous turn-around and is really getting her life together. We are all very happy for her and proud of her!
But if you try to help someone who isn't really ready, you'll just find frustration, if not more trouble than that.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
When you put it that way Dj you make me realise she probably isnt ready for the help. She said 'well maybe i'll quit and go somewhere else'. I told her that shes already given herself a bad rep, and shes going to make it worse by going to yet another club. Lets just say shes been at 9 clubs that I can think of in the last 5 months and fired from 8 of those 9. The club owner from the other club I work at found out i've kind of befriended her and told me if she even comes near the place im fired. That should be my first clue as to stay away from her. I dont know exactly what shes done. The only thing i can see she does wrong is drinks to much and is extremly absent minded. And she has an 'I dont care' attitude. I need to focus on myself... its just so hard to see someone like this have themselves in such a bad spot. But I guess shes the one who put herself there. Sad thing is she doesnt think what she does is wrong...yet she wants to stick close to me to stay out of trouble /:O im just a mixture of emotions and im starting to see as I type this that she kind of contridicts herself.. /:O
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
There are some mental disorders where a person mis-hears what others say (possibly a feature of schizophrenia) for example, you could ask a mentally ill person to "Take out the trash" and they'll swear up & down they heard you say "You are trash." She's probably having all these troubles because of a treatable mental illness, and she shouldn't be dosing herself with booze....won't get her anywhere.
Sometimes I work with a dancer who is clearly suffering from mental illness (she lies, causes drama centering around her "persecution complex" and is just a sad wretch) but I'm so tired of her crap & so is everyone else, we just let her bop on her merry way. I'm praying she isn't around next time I work that club.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Unfortunately, if you want to survive in this business, it is necessary to harden your heart--at least to the point where you don't let others drag you down, or annoy you with constantly having to bail their ass out of trouble.
It might not be so bad if she hung out with you to some extent--sometimes having a friend who actually gives a rat's ass about them is the start for some people.
But if you do this you will need to do two things:
1) Make damned sure everyone knows that you are not responsible for her, weren't a part of the messes she made, aren't teaming up with her, etc. Too many times people will get blamed for the same thing their friend did.
2) Know when to walk away, like the minute she starts shit with someone, starts running her mouth about other people, flagrantly breaking the house rules, etc. Or else you will be blamed and possibly fired, too.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Would you take in a stray dog/cat that had a habit of attacking and injuring people just because you felt bad and the poor thing just doesn't know any better?
You are setting yourself up for a heap of trouble by taking in this crazy girl. She may have criminal tendencies, and you may end up getting blamed for something you had nothing to do with (like a gun crime, or a drug charge).
Anyway, helping her is what they call call in rehab "enabling". It just lets her go a little longer w/o seeking out the real help she needs. Forced into a situation where she seeks real help and is ready like Djoser said. If you have to be cold and rude to her to get her to leave you alone, you are really just doing her a favor.
If you give everything you have, what will you give in the future?
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
As a dj and former addict Ive seen it all. Let this girl crash, be there to offer support but no more. She needs to hit rock bottom and realize the only other things to do are go to jail, a mental institution or die if she keeps up her ways.
I agree with maxine also, it sounds like there may be some mental issues at hand if so steer clear
I wouldn't say you neccessarily need to harden your heart, you do however need to put it away. This business can and will wear at ya after a time if you wear it on your sleeve. Put it away where it won't constantly get broken by the bottom feeding pond scum this business attracts, but keep it where it's readily available for the few deserving souls you'll meet along the way.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Well, I guess everyone already voiced my first reaction... I'm thinking you're mistaking her "wearing her heart on her sleeve" for... deeper problems. No one DOES that in this business.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
She appears to be wanting to leach off of you. Don't worry, she'll suck you down with her and spit you out at the bottom when she borrows your phone to make illegal calls or her stash finds it's way into your pocket book when your pulled over. She wants a dummy.
What is confsing to me is that you appear to be flatterd by it eanouph to consider risking her pulling you down.
I agree with the above on don't do it! Stay away from that stuff! Be nice but NOT involved, like Dj said.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Thanks guys... I guess I already knew she was bad news to be around. I think I just needed to hear it from people who've been around people like her more. Its such a shame... i'll never understand how people can do that to themselves.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cally
Thanks guys... I guess I already knew she was bad news to be around. I think I just needed to hear it from people who've been around people like her more. Its such a shame... i'll never understand how people can do that to themselves.
That really shows your insight that you ignored in the beginning. I knew you'd come to this conclusion, you care in unnecissary amounts, its a rare, almost lost, quality that is always abused to its fullest extent.
And DJoser's white knight line couldn't be more sage advice.
Pick and choose the people you want to offer your support and help to. In time you'll see the ones that are more deserving of your help/time.
Mast!
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Quote:
........i'll never understand how people can do that to themselves.
Consider yourself fortunate, and hope you never will reach that understanding.
Quote:
Fools you are for saying you learn by your own mistakes. I prefer to learn by others mistake and not pay the price of my own -- Bismarck
Heh, been there, done that.
Re: Dancer in a bad spot...
Since you have signifigant problems of your own, it can feel good to distract yourself from your frustration pain and confusion. It can feel good to play the saint to feel like a winner at a time when you may think you're a loser in life. You don't want to take an addict under your wing. Until they get clean they are always manipulating and priming their next source. She has left angry victims behind if you believe others. You're not a loser so don't expose your life to the violence, theft, defamation, betrayal etc. as if you have nothing to lose. Do not get addicted to how she makes you feel about yourself. Instantly she could land you in jail with her "I don't care attitude" by shoplifting or carrying drugs,etc. all without your knowledge and consent because she doesn't care. Don't pretend you have control. Her drugs have control.