Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
Iam also feeling tramatized, I know it only seems like drama bullshit to all out there, but I need friendship from anyone. My man,(a patch holder), I feel is in the eyes of the public and to my naked eye itself, show himself as someone who cares and is helping. But in truth taking me down help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
According to a male friend i HAVE I still have a captivation about me, but because i have lost myself and what direction I want to go in I feel lost. Take a minute to back and remember what you dreamed about and what your foundation was about as a young child. everything is pure in innocence and childhood. ;)
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
I hope you are feeling a little better. I understand your hurt. It can be very hard for sensitive individuals. I am the type of woman who gets hurt/ sad before i get angry. Are you like that as well? Try to work every other day. On the days in between... rest.. workout... read,,,,relax.... and just make yourself happy. If you work Friday nights.... take saturday afternoons to sleep and relax if you want to work that night. Do not let any other person ever tell you what you need to do when it comes to your work and personal health needs. Only you know how you feel. Work is important but not before your health. With customers, do you feel as though you do not want to offend them, or you want to come off as the relaxed dancer who is not "mean" by requesting money? I used to feel that way. As already said... do not think of them as friends. I am nice... warm.... friendly... and also take pride in my sense of feelings (just like you said you did.) This causes me to use the term "friend" more loosely. You may be the same way. From now on... someone needs to really "prove" theirselves as a friend to you. You will get hurt less this way. Just remember there is nothing wrong with maturely requesting what is owed you u .. in any situation. Its hard when your not aggressive... i understand this firsthand. I am teaching myself to be more positively aggressive in business and in all my endeavors. Do not dwell on the little bonus he received in his dance... could have been worse... always tell yourself that. Let this motivate you to set your boundaries tighter... and none of us are perfect.
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
When i said dont let anyone tell you what u need to do with work/ health... i was referring to your husband. I am sure he means well... but do not let him make u feel guilty for not working if you need time off.
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChloeTheRed
I had to learn the hard way (on my first night, no less!) "Always get the money up front!"
And then I relearned it last week (I let a guy get away for $10 less than the $80 he owed me because I was having a shitty night and didn't want to argue. Then, later in the night, I sat on his lap for a bit, talking to him while I waited for a waitress to stop by so he could get some dance dollars. Then his cards all got declined and I lost the 25 minutes I'd spent talking him up.)
I totally agree with getting the money up front, especially for VIPs when a customer ends up doing more than one session. Just sweetly say that it's the policy and give some kind of sob story that you got ripped off before and felt bad about it with wide doe eyes and he'll understand. The reason why I personally ask for the money up front though... is because several times things were getting way too out of hand and the custy ended up repeatedly doing things and attempting to do things that I was NOT comfortable with. Of course I was really traumatized for days and felt like a whore and couldn't get clean enough because of how dirty I felt. I lost sleep over it and was pretty depressed. I realize now that YOU are the one in control and NOT the costomer, if you need help that's what the bouncers are for and if you get the $$ up front and if he gets out of hand warn him a few times then if he still continues, just walk out on him- best part is you already have his $$! The ladies here have said if you are not okay with letting things get too far then it's actually better to stop the dance and not get paid, because there will be a guy in the club who will respect you and have more $$ to spend on you than the stingy loser you are with- SO true!
I wish you all the best and this is corny but life always has it's ups and downs, but that's how you enjoy it to it's fullest: if you were happy all the time and never knew what it felt like to feel lonliness, sadness, regret, etc. then would you really be happy? No, because you don't know what happniess is if that's the only thing you have ever known with nothing to compare it to- you would be an emotionless robot. Remembering the tough times makes us really appreciate the good times. Also, I have a philosophy that you can NEVER have it ALL- you make sacrifices to reach a goal and there is always the bad with the good and vice versa. Choose what is most important to you and if it's really what you want, then the negatives that come along with it shouldn't bother you. But we are only human and we tend to have greed to get everything we want all the time and it is hard to deal with anger, sadness, loss, loneliness, etc. We have all been there.
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
Ohkay, I feel that I can't exactly relate to your situation because I have only been dancing for about 4 1/2 months. However, we all have experienced the "I feel cheap" feelings before. If others say they haven't, I know I have. The club I work at is very upscale & there isn't any crazy business that goes on behind the scenes. (When I say this I mean extras)
I feel very lucky to have such a nice club to work out. However, I honestly admire you girls who can work in a full nude full contact club. I myself would never want to do it just because I couldn't handle it personally, but I cannot even begin to imagine how it might make you feel.
If I were you (greenidlady1), I would've went to management about this. Especially after the first incident with the guy running off without paying you. I don't understand how the bouncer would even just let him walk out to his car to get money? This kind of thing is not tolerated at all in my club, & if he said he wanted 6 dances I would've collected my money UPFRONT. this is the only sure way to make sure you get paid what you are supposed to be paid. You don't walk into McDonalds, order your food, go eat it, then go back up to the counter to pay for it. What he did was unacceptable, & I think that was just a lesson learned that you should make sure you collect upfront if it's going to be more then $50 or so.
Second, I would've sacrificed my relationship with the customer & demanded the money, not acted disappointed. I would've asked him if he would've been ohkay with his employer deciding to withhold a good chunk of his paycheck & just giving it to him the next time he saw him, instead of his normal payday. It just sounds to me like you need to be more upfront & aggressive with your customers.. do not let them walk all over you like you're some kind of dumbwit. & if alcohol interferes with your job, then stop drinking so much. I don't allow myself to drink at work because it's my JOB, not a party. Besides, like you proved you start to get sloppy when you're drunk & your main focus isn't to make money anymore. Regardless of how much that guy had, don't compromise your dignity (AKA letting him touch you like that).
Ohkay, sorry for such a long message. If that sounded like I was being bossy or rude, I didn't mean it that way at all. I understand how badly it feels to have a bad night, feel unpretty, etc. Hope things look up & you take this advice to heart.
Re: ever feel like you lost something, tramatized
Thanks again for the advice guys. I think I understand now why the situation got out of hand. First off, this was my third time working at this particular club. It is 3x as big as my home club with around 100 girls working, whereas, at my home we average 15 girls per night. It is also high contact while my home club is no contact. I was very nervous so I had a drink to take the edge off. Then a hour or two later I was still wasn't get a lot of dances so I had another. Then the guy that use to come see me at home club showed up. I had another drink with him and another entertainer he liked. Then, Dennis, the guy who didn't pay me all my money showed up. We then proceded to the champagne room where we all had champagne (me, him and my friend). This club is not nude just topless but still high contact. I hadn't work but 6 nights the month of Dec. and our club was closed at the time under renovations so I desparately needed money. Things did get out of hand for me. I didn't mind him touching my back and legs especially since I knew him and was letting the other custies touch my legs and arms. It was pushing it for him to touch my breasts but my girlfriend was letting him and then she was touching me and it got to the point I couldn't tell who was touching what. He grabbed my crouch before and before I could really react (alcohol, again) his finger was in me. I didn't let it continue but letting it happen in the first place made me feel like a tramp, especially the next day. It was even worse when I couldn't even justify it by making all my money. He lives close to where I work so I don't see why he just can't drop the money off instead of waiting till Friday when my girlfriend works again. He better not come in and not pay me. My husband knows about this situation and it will not be easy for him to show his face if he doesn't pay. Btw, I worked last night at our newly renovated club. I was glad to get back to a more mellow, classy atmosphere and it was beautiful. We didn't have much business but I was able to make 400 which made me feel pretty good. I won't carry on any longer. I appreciate once again girls.