I'm sad. just a temporary state, but boys are lame, limewire is too, and amazon (however helpful) has just fucked with my sex life. <huff> <sigh>
So, I'm feeling a bit down.
Jokes? funny stories?
Printable View
I'm sad. just a temporary state, but boys are lame, limewire is too, and amazon (however helpful) has just fucked with my sex life. <huff> <sigh>
So, I'm feeling a bit down.
Jokes? funny stories?
So the college of Cardinals calls and wakes the Pope at about 4 am on a random tuesday... the Pope is a lil grumpy but the cardinal says "Your Holiness ...I have some good news and some bad news..."
The Pope says "Ok... well whats the Good news..."
The cardinal says "Well....our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has come back ! "
The Pope shocked by this says "Well...thats GREAT!! what can be the bad news?!?"
The cardinal takes a deep breath and says " He called from Salt Lake!"
I was raised Mormon, so that made me chuckle.
Do a search for Holly's joke page (if you haven't come across it yet). I love it.
GothicGoddess-I just forwarded that to my Mormon dad....I'm sure he'll get a kick out of it.
Let's not let the Baptists off the hook................
Why won't Baptists have sex standing up?
They are afraid God will think they're dancing! :joke:
I got hit on by a gay guy in the sauna of the gym I work out at yesterday.
Tough break ladies, this guy probably coulda nailed a good portion of you.
I was never so uncomfortable in my ENTIRE life.
as for a story
"There once was a tiger–stripped cat. This cat died a million deaths, was revived, and lived a million lives and was owned by many different people he didn’t really care for. This cat wasn’t afraid to die. Then, one day this cat became a stray cat, which meant it was free and he met a white, female cat and the two of them spent their days together happily. Well, years past and the white cat grew weak and died of old age. The tiger stripped cat cried a million times, then he died too, except this time, he didn’t come back to life..."
I hate that story. Cause I hate cats.
--Cowboy Bebop
Farwell Space Cowboy
Mast!
No joke, but inspiration:
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live
that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
Try the top next time, it might be more comfortable for you that way. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
:O OMG!Quote:
Originally Posted by dlabtot
Why is female ass ok to guys, but not another mans ass? I've always wonderd that.
susie: Its about hair content really.
I can see hips when I look down on a girl, but not HAIR. well not HERS...
And secondly I don't like man moans.
Mast!
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasoreass!
^ grins.
but what the hell was up with the Mast cat story???
why did the chicken laugh when the cat fell into the pool?
cause a wet pussy makes a cock happy
Chickens arent Cocks.
I really can't think of anything funny at the moment, so I will sit and contemplate the Great Kosher Dilemma: Free Ham.
^ smirk! that is Quite a dilemma.
Great comedy websites, I promise you will scream with laughter:
REAL wacky news stories, plus comment strings, very educational
Wide selection of jokes, flash toons and animation- my fave is the GI Joe PSAs Flashtoons, which are hysterical
"Bondage" section- "Warning: Some of these stories have caused editors to shoot coffee out of their noses."
That bondage thing got me fired from a radio station in Houston back in the dark ages.Quote:
Originally Posted by madmaxine
I was working at KTRH radio, which was an ultra-conservative business talk radio station. People actually had to wear coats and ties. I was your typical 60s-early 70s college student. Long hair, Beard, Under the Influence.
One day I was drafted to do the traffic report, as the regular guy had fallen ill (I believe he was drunk). I had 30 seconds to get ready for my FIRST on-air duty.
I waited....and waited....the light finally came on...I leaned to the microphone and said, "This is the Traffic Master......with Traffic In Bondage....The Gulf Freeway is tied up, and has been beaten into submission....etc, etc"
I was fired before I even signed off.
I often get amusement from walking into the kitchen and dancing like my mum/mom. There IS nothing funnier!!!! (the cool moves moms do at weddings and stuff)
(All the better if you can find some high-waisted pants to do it in).
Here's an old thread of them
http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...ight=holly%27s
>>>Sad<<<
here are some links that'll make you smyle:
http://www.cuteoverload.com/
http://www.stuffonmycat.com/
http://www.happynews.com/