I know a lot of people say that and go back! I've been doing a lot of thinking and since i started dancing the money has been good but it has also strained relationships that matter to me like my mom (not telling her, she doesn't know where i am, her and my sister wonder what goes through my head..etc) boyfriend (he says it just bothers him a little bit, but we avoid the subject altogether, one of my best friends doesn't know and she'd freak, plus i haven't been spending time w/ her because of the job). Anyhow, I just really started thinking how this job was soo fun in the beginning when i thought i was making some good dough, but then i became obssessed w/ making at least 500 a nite. Also I drink compulsively when i'm there and I'm starting to compromise my morals and later regreting it. :-[
I thought i was sooo high and mighty and think of these other girls w/ these addictions as weak but I might as well be one of them. :-\
I feel like this job is an addiction just like coke and other drugs. If you can be sober and lead a healthy life doing this job, i really admire you. But, it took me a while to admit that this is not how I want to live regardless of the money. Maybe money isn't everything after all. It's just a shame I know all these pole tricks and i'm a really good exotic dancer for like nothing. Maybe I'll dance for my boyfriend or husband when i get married. I'll have the pole installed so I won't lose those skills, and of course because it's so much fun.
I really love this site and it's ridiculous i feel like i know you guys and i think of you when i'm not here. haa
I just realize it's not for me. I also started to have a guilty conscience because of my Christian background and I never thought i'd be one to say this and I'm going to sound fanatic, but maybe it is the devil's workshop u know?
I need some advice, anyone in a similar situation.
