resources...for my little sister
I just don't know who to ask for some advice here.
I'm the oldest of four, my father was abusive - I was the scapegoat, I believe he's borderline personality or bi-polar...not sure though, I've cut off contact. Anyway, sister #3 is the same way as he is, and is abusing (both physically and emotionally.. this has been going on forever though) sister #4 whom I love dearly. She's a sweet thing of 16, very very submissive and buying into the "you have to forgive people when they hurt you" crap that my parents have drilled into her head. I'm on another continent and cannot offer more than words, I would do anything for her to come and live with me and my husband and baby (My husband loves her too and would be all for it) but she owns a horse and is very commiteed to her area :(
Anyway, do you know of any support sites or anything I could check out.. or that she could? I would love to help her to learn that abuse is not acceptable. I'm so scared she will end up with a man like my father, who is also master of the guilt game. Even my sister #2, who is the apple of his eye and can do no wrong is seeing fuck face guiltmaster abusive men because it's what she knows.
ANYTHING is really appreciated! As sister #1 I feel so responsible, I want to help out my family!!!!
Re: resources...for my little sister
What state do you live in?
Re: resources...for my little sister
I'm in Germany, sister is in Ontario Canada
Re: resources...for my little sister
Re: resources...for my little sister
No lunchbox sadly CPS doesnt give a fuck. Legally if the girl is 16 she is old enough to move out and live on her own. But even as a child CPS doesnt do anything. I was bounced foster home to group home and right back into an abusive home countless times as a child. If the father is as manipulative as she is saying he would easily convince CPS that hes innocent, mine did it everytime. And seeing as the girl is into horses he can convince them any bruise is from her working at the barn(I went through that as well). Her best bet is to try and find a stable to do working student programs at and start seeing a therapist for the emotional trauma she has gone through. Its a sad world...
Re: resources...for my little sister
Yeah.. have to agree with CPS. Someone called them when I was a kid.. ntohing happened. I should have been taken away. No wait - my FATHER should have been taken away. In this case though, it's mostly the sister abusing the other.... of course there is the parental involvement, but she generally hides from our father so there is not really physical, mostly the emotional shit.
Re: resources...for my little sister
Good luck, I was also my parents' punching bag. Luckily, they haven't been doing it to my siblings. You are a wonderful sister.
Re: resources...for my little sister
Encourage your sister to join a charitable organization like the Peace Corps, so she can have a very noble, exciting reason to get out of her home.
I knew many young people in the U.S. military who enlisted to get away from screwed-up families. (I tried to do that myself, actually.) I've heard the Canadian military is not so bad.
In America, domestic organizations that could do the same for her are Americorps, state Conservation Corps, and Greenpeace. I don't know what the Canadian versions are, but I'm sure they exist. Maybe a Canadian poster can share some info about that.
Be a bug in her ear to keep her grades up so she can earn a scholarship to a far-away college. AND keep drilling into her head that she doesn't need to follow the same destuctive patterns she saw at home. You of all people know what the family will do to try to keep her under their thumbs.
Good luck and bless you for caring for her. I helped get my kid brother away from my evil mom & I am on my way to never having to deal with her again. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Re: resources...for my little sister
Thanks so much for the encouragement ladies!!!
Re: resources...for my little sister
I know there's quarantine laws, but how much would it cost to get her and her horse over there? Planned Parenthood probably has some good links, but they're a US thing; I'm not sure if they're in Canada. There's also some great books. I'd probably talk to a therapist or health care specialist who could recommend a list.
Honestly, I think the first step is to separate her from her current environment--
send her money to get her own apartment,
or get her to come and visit you and really work on her to sell her horse to a loving family so she too can live with a loving family.
Re: resources...for my little sister
Flying a horse to Germany would be around the $10, 000 mark... plus the ticket for her.. plus quarentine isnt cheap, nor is the vet bills before and after to get the horse cleared into Germany..
Re: resources...for my little sister
Depending on how old the horse is, perhaps this would work:
1) situate the horse with another (loving) family with the understanding that if/when your sister comes back she gets her horse back.
2) bring your sister over until she's eighteen.
3) either buy her a horse there or work out a fixed arrangement with one of the stables near you.
If she's so attached to the damn horse, you need to keep reiterating that :
We need to put the horse with a loving family so we can get YOU with a loving family.
edit: marks aren't being used anymore, right? It's Euros.
Re: resources...for my little sister
I lost a lot of loved pets escaping a similar transition. It hurts to say this.... but the horse isn't the priority :(. She's priority #1 Horse is #2. Get her educated, or out.
BTW, In your situation, if you havn't figured it out by my posts, as you where the "scapegoat" I was the "Clown" :)
Do what you can! Good luck. :(
Re: resources...for my little sister
Oh I missed the part about the horse. I feel the same way about my dog.
Suggest she take a job at a stable & she can work the expense of keepng her horse there into her wage....Ultimately, the horse can go to another loving home temporarily while she finds a way to live on her own.