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The Witty Thing You Never Said
We have a lot of questions in the stripping industry where we have been asked so many times we now have a witty stock response to it. Example: What do I need to take you home? 15 inches.
But has there ever been a time where the question was completely new and odd and you didn't have a witty response until much later? What's worse is you know the odds of being asked that question again are very slim so you can never be witty again?
What was the question? What was your answer? What was the wit you had later?
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
The story of my life- remembering what I should have said. Nothing comes to mind right now, though.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
yeah..... i'm usually the wittiest person at work and never fail to get a comeback but for some reason, i can't do it anywhere else. most of our customers are pretty lame. i'd love to go to the U.S for a month to meet all the colourful characters in he clubs
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Geeze I need to go to Melbourne. I get shitty customers in Brissy all the time.
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i've always told you to come visit me morrigan! you will make it here one day, i swear:neener:
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Customer: So why do i have to pay you first?
Me: Does a jukebox usually play before you put the money in?
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Customer: Can I have a discount?
Me: Do you have a coupon?
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Raunchy Blue Collar Custie: I'll give you $20 if you can pick up this beer bottle with no hands.
Me: Do I get $40 for picking up two?
I'm classy. Note: I actually did say that. Also, I didn't actually do it. The retort got me some good stage tips, though.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan
What was the wit you had later?
Love this! There's a great French term for it, L'esprit d'escalier - 'the spirit of the staircase'. Usually applied to all the choice zingers you start thinking of AFTER a fight is over, the image being that you're descending the stairs from the location of the fight as the zingers start coming to you.
The one that springs to mind is the young guy who has watched my whole set and hasn't put up a dollar. I dance for everyone else first, keeping an eye on him, and finally make my way over to him on my third song. I see that he is actually holding a dollar in his hand, just not putting it up. Okay, I think, some guys do seem to want you to start dancing first and then they'll tip you for services rendered. Annoying, but not unheard of. I do my thing, and then do another thing, and another . . . still no dollar.
Finally I said, in a friendly, jokey tone, "Okay, Donald Trump, you gonna give that up or what?" Yes, I got that one right here from SW! I've used it before in the same basic situation, too, and it always gets a chuckle (from both the guy and bystanders) AND gets the point across. This guy, however, replies, "Oh, I'm waiting for a better song."
I was dumbfounded. I mean, really! If I'm not your type, fine, but why watch my entire set from a front row seat, then? Go play pool or hit on another dancer or something! I think I literally just stared for a few seconds, and kind of laughed and shook my head and walked away. I WISH I had told him, "So why don't you go stare at the DJ instead?" That would have been better, but it's still not brilliant - anyone have any other ideas of what I could have said to this dipshit?
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Last week I had this incident with an old guy I was trying to sell a dance to. He acted really interested, was touchy at the bar, and showed all signs of being into buying a few. But when I started pitching to him, he seriously stood up, went around to the other side of his stool, held his hands up like I was about to punch him or something, looked around frantically like he was going to get a bouncer, and started saying in the kind of loud, clear voice you talk to crazy people with, "Please go away. I don't want a dance. Please just leave."
I was just standing there like WTF? because I hadn't done anything unusual or pushy or beyond what I'd normally say to sell a dance... and I'm not much of a hard-seller to begin with. It was out of nowhere and it drove me nuts because he was acting like I was going to freak out all over him, which I wasn't anywhere close to doing. He was not kidding, either. I just stood there looking at him for a few seconds, sort of in disbelief that it was even happening. I've never had anyone react to me this way before in my life, and had absolutely nothing to say to it.
Except: "I hope you die."
Not exactly the snappy comeback I wish had come out of my mouth, but it was the only thing that popped into my head.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by red red red
Last week I had this incident with an old guy I was trying to sell a dance to. He acted really interested, was touchy at the bar, and showed all signs of being into buying a few. But when I started pitching to him, he seriously stood up, went around to the other side of his stool, held his hands up like I was about to punch him or something, looked around frantically like he was going to get a bouncer, and started saying in the kind of loud, clear voice you talk to crazy people with, "Please go away. I don't want a dance. Please just leave."
I was just standing there like WTF? because I hadn't done anything unusual or pushy or beyond what I'd normally say to sell a dance... and I'm not much of a hard-seller to begin with. It was out of nowhere and it drove me nuts because he was acting like I was going to freak out all over him, which I wasn't anywhere close to doing. He was not kidding, either. I just stood there looking at him for a few seconds, sort of in disbelief that it was even happening. I've never had anyone react to me this way before in my life, and had absolutely nothing to say to it.
Except: "I hope you die."
Not exactly the snappy comeback I wish had come out of my mouth, but it was the only thing that popped into my head.
As I got up to walk away I would have to take a line from Karen Walker "you might want to look in the mirror 'cause you got a little crazy on your face"
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
"I hope you die" That was probably the icing on the crazy cake for him. WTH...
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver
Customer: Can I have a discount?
Me: Do you have a coupon?
Damn, that's an easy one. Why couldn't I have ever come up with that!? I love it.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by Miss_Luscious
"I hope you die" That was probably the icing on the crazy cake for him. WTH...
Yeah, that's kinda why I said it.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
I had this one guy that when I asked him for a dance said, with you? I said yes, ye looked me up and down in a totally scornful way and said, no (with big attitude). I was so taken aback by his rudeness that I didn't know what to say.
Wish I had said something like the only reason was I was talking to him is because all he is to me are dollar bills and that outside he wouldn't have gotten a second glance or I wish I had said something like, "that ranks right up there with the 10 ten stupid things customers say. "
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Comebacks directed at drunks may be a waste of cleverness, but I'd be interested to hear what favorite jibes sober dancers have for wasted custies.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by Izabella
I had this one guy that when I asked him for a dance said, with you? I said yes, ye looked me up and down in a totally scornful way and said, no (with big attitude). I was so taken aback by his rudeness that I didn't know what to say.
Wish I had said something like the only reason was I was talking to him is because all he is to me are dollar bills and that outside he wouldn't have gotten a second glance or I wish I had said something like, "that ranks right up there with the 10 ten stupid things customers say. "
Oooh ooh ooh, I have one for that, maybe! When he says "No" so meanly and scornfully, let out a big, exaggerated sigh of relief and say "Oh, thank GOD! I couldn't have kept the act up with YOU," and look him up and down just as scornfully.
In fact, just the big sigh and the "Oh, thank GOD!" would probably suffice! ;D
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Custy: Can I take you home? How much for sex? Or any of these great lines.
Me: I don't do charity work.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
I have a few...
There were these two guys sitting at the stage not tipping but they were clearly interested in the free show. I try to be nice at first and ask them "Hi, how are you guys doing tonight?" They didn't say a word so then I asked, "So are you guys waiting for the male strippers to come out??" (heeheee....) They got a little peeved and didn't tip anyway but me and the tippig customers around them got a good laugh.
Some of the girls I work with are just plain retarted.... One in particular. She is one of those people who don't think about things before they come rolling off her tongue. For instance, my best friend just got her BA done (I'm sure you can all agree that breasts will be high and swollen right after); she looks at my girl and tells her that her boobs look funny. I just wanted to slap her. Another day, out of the blue, the girl asks me if I glow in the dark. I told her I don't prefer to tan. I SHOULD have looked her up and down (you know, the elevator look) and said, "well, apparently tanning beds cause bad acne and I certainly don't want my back and butt to look like yours..." But.. I didn't. (total zit war zone on this girls ass and shoulders, Yeck!) I kick myself in my acne free ass for not just saying it...
Krystal
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by The one and only Raven
Some of the girls I work with are just plain retarted.... One in particular. She is one of those people who don't think about things before they come rolling off her tongue. For instance, my best friend just got her BA done (I'm sure you can all agree that breasts will be high and swollen right after); she looks at my girl and tells her that her boobs look funny. I just wanted to slap her. Another day, out of the blue, the girl asks me if I glow in the dark. I told her I don't prefer to tan. I SHOULD have looked her up and down (you know, the elevator look) and said, "well, apparently tanning beds cause bad acne and I certainly don't want my back and butt to look like yours..." But.. I didn't. (total zit war zone on this girls ass and shoulders, Yeck!) I kick myself in my acne free ass for not just saying it...
Krystal
OK, I soooo gotta know who this is! I have my ideas......
I tan in my thong and have a great tan line. One girl in the dressing room says....
"Do you tan in your thong?"
Me: "No, it's a birth mark."
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
I go out of town a lot and always work at the same club when I do. I was there (after about a 4 month absence) a few weeks ago. One of the regulars came up to tip me and said "oh hey...are you back in town?"
I said "no, I'm a figment of your imagination" and walked away with him looking very confused.
I then proceeded to make fun of him all night for being an idiot! Too funny!
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
You: Would you like a dance?
Him: With you?
You: No, with that blonde sitting with another customer. What do you think?
Last night I had a guy put me off for two songs, totally wasting my time, because he doesn't like R&B. Ugh. 8/10 girls at my club dance to R&B. So I said, "Well, I guess I'm gonna have to go find a guy who likes getting dances to crappy music until something good comes on." Then he got a dance the next song.
I like responses that make sense and make the guy feel stupid for asking, not so much that I am just being snappy to him. "Why won't you come back to my hotel, etc.?" "Why would I, when I make so much money here?"
Last week I had a guy with a weird request. He got a dance, and then says, "After you put your top back on, will you just pull one titty out?" Me: "Why?" Him: "I just think it looks really hot when a girl does that." Me: "I don't take my clothes off for free. I can give you another dance." Him: "Come on, please?" Me: "No." And then I walked off. haha This guy was a total creep, and I wasn't about to do him a favor.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Haha, Susan! I think I was in the dressing room when that one was said.... Dancers aren't required to have an IQ.
I don't want to drop names about what I posted above, but you can guess.... Ball gag, anyone? Good dancer, small brain.
I thought of another one... My girl friend occassionally wears braid in pigtail extensions... Think swiss miss. A girl came up to her one night and asked..."wasn't your hair shorter yesterday?" My girl said yes... Then the girl goes, "How did you get your hair to grow that fast??" I told her they had magic hair-grow pills they sold at Sallys. They work wonders!
I also hate it when customers ask about tattoos. I have a red eyed tree frog and a poison dart on each shoulder. I get this one ALL the time, "Do you like frogs?" I have resorted to saying, "No, they're vile and disgusting creatures."
At my old bar, I would get, "Are you dancing tonight?" I'd say... "Nope, just dressed like a hooker for the hell of it." Stupid heads.... Ok, I am done. ;)
Krystal
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by carolina6
Last week I had a guy with a weird request. He got a dance, and then says, "After you put your top back on, will you just pull one titty out?" Me: "Why?" Him: "I just think it looks really hot when a girl does that."
This is great news for me! I often do this for a while onstage, during the 1st song, especially if the tipping is scarce. (I've gotten better about eventually taking my top off altogether, but I still procrastinate sometimes.) Glad some guys actually like it!
On topic, this is fuckin' awesome:
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Originally Posted by The one and only Raven
There were these two guys sitting at the stage not tipping but they were clearly interested in the free show. I try to be nice at first and ask them "Hi, how are you guys doing tonight?" They didn't say a word so then I asked, "So are you guys waiting for the male strippers to come out??"
I am TOTALLY using that.
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Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
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Originally Posted by The one and only Raven
At my old bar, I would get, "Are you dancing tonight?" I'd say... "Nope, just dressed like a hooker for the hell of it." Stupid heads.... Ok, I am done. ;)
Krystal
I say that too!! Duh....what kind of whorish women do they know who go out in hooker makeup, 7 inch platform stilettos and not much else? Not to mention a leg garter....And if they do know women like that..why the hell are they in a strip club??