Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
On the other side of the coin from "Are you dancing?", I've got this one little pinstriped number that looks pretty good on me...now, note, the bartenders at my club where club emblazoned shirts and black pants...I've gotten quite a few guys who, when I start to ask if I can come talk to them, say something along the lines of "Oh, can I get a Coke?" then look at me all bewildered when I tell them I'm the girl who just got offstage.
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Him: I just saw you over there at that table talking to those guys. Then you came right over here. You're just trying to get money from me.
What I said: OK. You got me. Bye.
What I wish I'd said: No way. I'm in love with you and I came over here to ask you to out.
I literally thought of this two seconds after I'd started to walk away from him, but it was two second too late. Turning around and blurting it out would have been seriously unsmooth. Guy ended up tipping me on stage a few times and asking if I was "mad" at him.
Me: Not at all. I just don't have time for your nonsense.
He seemed kind of piqued, and I probably could have sold him a dance at that point, but as I recall I had better prospects elsewhere.
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Rose white, I am so totally going to do that next time that ever happens.
Kind of like ChristyWild, I get lots of guys who think I'm the waitress even though all the waitresses are dressed properly and I'm dressed in booty shorts. Do you have eyes? Sheesh.
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
I don't usually remember the things I never said, they just bother me if I do.
When guys are watching football instead of me, I say, "Come on over! Or do you prefer the sweaty guys on TV? I don't think you're in the right neighborhood."
When guys are watching me and not tipping, I'll go over and ask, "Do you shoplift?"
When some drunk gets noisy/needy and tries to take up all my attention on stage while not even tipping a dollar per song, I totally roast 'em and hurl witty insults. I don't remember what I even say; I just try to get the guy's friends or the rest of the people in the bar to laugh at him. Sometimes, after that, he'll come around and start tipping better.
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Quote:
Originally Posted by The one and only Raven
I thought of another one... My girl friend occassionally wears braid in pigtail extensions... Think swiss miss. A girl came up to her one night and asked..."wasn't your hair shorter yesterday?" My girl said yes... Then the girl goes, "How did you get your hair to grow that fast??" I told her they had magic hair-grow pills they sold at Sallys. They work wonders!
I wear a ponytail extension at one club I work at, and sometimes customers that know me from one of the other clubs make comments about my hair having grown. I always pull out a variant on a line that I got from another girl. "Well, before I went to bed last night I prayed very, very hard, and this morning, voila, long hair!" I always say it in a terribly earnest tone of voice with my hands clasped under my chin. Not hugely clever, but for some reason, the customers think it's the funniest thing ever.
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
When the psycho bitch at my club got fired, I actaully laughed in her face. The told me God was gonna get me for that. "That man upstairs, he's a real motherfucker!" I didn't have an answer for that.
What I should have said was, "Sorry to hear God has treated YOU so poorly, my life is good. I guess I got YOUR share of the blessings, too."
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
Yeah Ive had the "are you working?" a few times.
Once Im standing there in a bikini and replied "no, Im not working. Why do you ask?"
Another time I had just popped in to check up on something, in suitpants and dress shirt, no make up, having come straight from school (I lecture 3 days a week at Uni) and was asked "Hi, are you stripping?" I just looked at myself and thought WTF?
And he wasnt even a regular, who knew I worked there. I just said "no, gosh I could never be that pretty and sexy" and he started with "I know the manager, Ill get you hired here if you like" (I actually do all the hiring/firing, dumbass didnt know that)
And the guys who make nasty comments about any of the girls, I say VERY LOUDLY (my voice carries well, all the lecturing lol) "No Im sorry, the GAY lounge is upstairs"
Ive had guys by dances to prove to strangers (and me) that they WERENT gay lol!
Re: The Witty Thing You Never Said
I ALWAYS think of the perfect thing to say after it's too late...I hate that!
However, there have been a couple times where I've been able to make a comeback on the spot.
One time, I just got off stage and was doing my tipwalk. I go up to this group of 4 guys-3 of the guys were nice and tipped me, but the 4th one yells "Go away!" really meanly. I said "Honey, you're in the wrong place-the gay bar is about 5 minutes away in Wausau." His friends all laughed at him and he didn't like that too much.
Another time wasn't at work, but at a concert this summer. My friend and I were walking around in our bikinis and this really fat chick mumbles "Put some fucking clothes on." I said "Thank God YOU did!" ;D