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Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I don't understand it when girls I work with give basically all their money to their 'boyfriends'. The guys who drive them to work, show up half way through the shift to keep them on track, and pick them up after their 7-10 hour shifts. I know at least three very attractive girls I work alongside who don't seem to be on drugs or anything, and they work like dogs 5-6 days a week (I wish I had that much drive), just to hand all the cash over...To these guys who seem like chauffeurs at best, who will supposedly 'invest' all their cash for them.
I really wanna say the p-word here. What else could it be? But they're not extras girls. Far as I can tell (it's not hard to tell). And they love love love these guys. I just really don't get it. Why work so much and so hard and then just give the money away? Does it really take much insight to know that maybe there are better investors out there than the guy you're paying rent for?
I'm genuinely curious what makes a dancer do that. Is it just stupidity? Denial? It confuses me and frustrates me on their behalf, though I know it's ultimately none of my business. I just, you know, don't get it. :-\
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
They're still pimps, whether the girls are doing extras or not. It's the same mentality. We have a couple of those at my club too, and the girls even call them "Daddy." Those girls never last long - their pimps usually move them to higher-mileage clubs in a hurry and they wind up doing extras before long.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
Maybe they like being controlled and really its very sad. I once worked with a girl and saw this 1st hand. She got a call from him and he asked how much she made (she makes alot too) and she asks him how much she can keep.:O
I told her "its your money... why dont you keep all of it?" She replied because he says that its better that way and he gives me money (her money back) to buy clothes and such. What...what...this was way too wierd.
Edit: Did I mention her bf was "in between jobs" all the time? He was an ass and would get mad at her when she wouldnt make enough money at work.
I hope she woke up and smelled the folgers.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
Perhaps it is lack of self discipline? They may know they would spend it all and if the boyfriend is more responsible about saving money? I don't know... It is different for every person. I know I am notoriously BAD about saving money. I have been considering asking the man to hold some of mine.... you know so I don't spend it on things like a 9ft bull whip (for my Dominatrix act --I swear)... Also Brookstone has these super soft blankets at a $100 a pop. I bought the smallish version..for $69 and then decided it wasn't big enough so bought the big one... sigh.
I can see why you would think of the P word... but I think you answered your own question when you said...
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What else could it be? But they're not extras girls. Far as I can tell (it's not hard to tell). And they love love love these guys.
I love, love, love my guy...and generally have NO problem spending money on him or trusting him with my cash... (not all of it... I need some for me.... and my new bullwhip collection. ;) )
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I think it is control.Basically they control everything since they have the money.The guys do whatever they say and usually it is the dancer who doesnt want them to work and to do everything for them and be their little bitch-boys.
Now there are some newbies or really young dancers that are just being taken by them duchebags,but they are probably the ones who later turn into the girls you will own their next boyfriends as puppies like I just explained above.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
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Originally Posted by TigersMilk
She replied because he says that its better that way and he gives me money (her money back) to buy clothes and such. What...what...this was way too wierd. .
Oh yeah, that's exactly what this one girl was saying. She gets a weekly 'allowance' from her boyfriend that she can use (of her own money). Wtf? She's a grown woman. Beyond me. And she is hands down one of the prettiest dancers I've ever seen. Like straight outta playboy. But she drinks a lot so it's hard for me to tell how much of her 'dumb blonde' thing is an act or the booze, and how much is just her.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
My take on it is that these girls really want to be taken care of, but for whatever reason can't find or don't attract the type of guy that 'takes care' of a girl...I'm thinking Daddy types.
So they fool themselves with this whole thing where they hand over their money for the bf to control, so he can take care of them- the fact that it's their own money is beside the point.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
i knew a girl like that, who would hand there money over, but she was into drugs, and not so attractive. her bf would go to another club while she was working and blow it on other dancers! some girls are just stupid.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
Low self-esteem
They think their unemployed boyfriends are "better with money"
They like being controlled
They have no idea how to be a healthy adult
They compose at least 15% of the stripping population
I can't tell you how many girls I've met that say "My boyfriend told me to strip."
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
While I think it's very possible the p word is in place here, I have to agree with Montana a bit...I have a friend that isn't a dancer, but she has her paycheck direct deposited into a bank account, and she promptly hands over her debit card to her boyfriend. He never uses it, but when she wants to buy something she has to ask him for it, and she feels dumb asking if it's for something she doesn't need. (Note: She did this because she was constantly overdrawing her account on STUPID things, and didn't have the self control to not spend when she had her debit card with her).
The system may seem odd, but it worked for her, she was able to save up the money to buy a house within a short amount of time, and she's happy as a clam.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I think it's creepy. ...and i think the girls encourage it. They must...unless they have a gun held to their heads, it's thier own doing...and it's sick. They need some therapy. Alot of therapy.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I'm with Montana. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I'd have a three hundred dollar blender. He never spends my money and I have access to it, but he monitors it. Last time he didn't I signed us up for a three thousand dollar mattress. Now we're saving for my own private immigration officer. Much more valuable than a blender.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
Wow... am I the only non crazy, non drug using, independent, self controlled person that gives my man some money? Me and him have been together over a year, and he's in school full time. We're completely committed to eachother and he's 100% ok with the stripping. He understands it's only a job and I'm not an extra's whore and he is far from my pimp.
Growing up my mom NEVER had a job.. but yet my stepdad used to hand her over half of his paychecks... why? Because they were a TEAM... no matter if she wasn't working.. and he had to make the cash.. they were in it together.. it wasn't him against her.. or a competition and that's how me and my man are. We are a team, ONE.... we have the money to live the way we want to.. and a dinky little 200 dollar a week paycheck is NOT gonna help me feel any better about him. I'd rather him focus completely on school and get done with that quicker than working 40 hours a week and busting his ass in school for what? 800 a month? Our rent alone is over 1,000 a month.
I know every single girl on here is going to tell me how stupid I am and how Im gonna regret it one day... but that's ok. Everyone has their own opinion....
And mine happens to be WHY does everyone feel that couples must work against eachother? I'm making 8,500 a month.. why would 800 extra bucks matter? We have an amazing life and we have no problems in our relationship.]
So tell me where MY problem is?
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
^^^ I personally don't think you have a problem. That's great that you guys trust each other and work together. I have always found that people have a problem with a couple living off the woman's earnings or her handing it over to the man but not the other way around. I've seen men give their whole paycheck to their wife so she could do their budget and give him an allowance and people don't seem to take that the wrong way.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I saw at least 4 other like minded girls up there ^^^ No worries Lizzy... No one will jump on you...
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
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Originally Posted by Lizzybethers
Wow... am I the only non crazy, non drug using, independent, self controlled person that gives my man some money? Me and him have been together over a year, and he's in school full time. We're completely committed to eachother and he's 100% ok with the stripping. He understands it's only a job and I'm not an extra's whore and he is far from my pimp.
Hear, hear! My husband and I have been together for over 5 years. We've had some problems, but at the core we are a happy couple who are very committed to each other and to our life together. For the last three years, I have paid the bills while he pursued a music career. You're only young once and you don't hit the big time whne you're 50. I feel like I am giving someone an amazing opportunity to live a dream. Yes, I have my own dreams, but they are not as timely and urgent as his. When it is my turn, he will step up. Being a full-time musician, although it isn't highly valued in our society, is FAR from being an out-of-work loser. I've have several people on this site suggest as much and frankly they can eat it.
I know PLENTY of wives who have control of every dime their husband earns. Is it because they are controlling bitches? Sometimes. Most of the time it is because they are more savvy and the house runs better with them at the wheel.
At the same time, I've also seen PLENTY of strippers with out-of-work, loser boyfriends who take all their money and it sure ain't 'cause they are good with it.
There are all sorts of ways to live in this world. I try not to make assumptions about other people's situations.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
They're still pimps. Whether the girls are actually performing sex acts for money is irrelevant. They are selling themselves in order to give money to a guy who basically does nothing for them but demands more money. That's a pimp.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
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Originally Posted by TigersMilk
Maybe they like being controlled and really its very sad. I once worked with a girl and saw this 1st hand. She got a call from him and he asked how much she made (she makes alot too) and she asks him how much she can keep.:O
I told her "its your money... why dont you keep all of it?" She replied because he says that its better that way and he gives me money (her money back) to buy clothes and such. What...what...this was way too wierd.
Edit: Did I mention her bf was "in between jobs" all the time? He was an ass and would get mad at her when she wouldnt make enough money at work.
I hope she woke up and smelled the folgers.
Dude that story sounds exactly like something that my former friend/coworker was going through with her pimpish controlling boyfriend Nick! I wrote about this girl before in a few other threads: in one thread, about how she wanted to bring her pimpish boyfriend along to club auditions with me, and he got angry at me when I told him "no"(but I was the one driving, so I make the rules); in the "dumb dancer" thread, I wrote about how she'd tell big stories about becomming a model or actress on the nights she made no money; also in the "dumb dancer" thread, about how she wished she had a baby, but couldn't even care for her pet dog. Basically this girl would hand over her hard-earned dancing dollars to her boyfriend. Out of niceness/sympathy, I would give her rides home from work...and she constantly borrowed my cell phone to call her boyfriend at the end of work to let him know she was on her way home, as if she was a child checking in with parents before curfew. Sometimes I'd be talking on the phone, and she'd look all impatient and whine, "Can I please use the phone now? Nick's gonna be pissed that I'm 5mins late calling him. Come on, you've been on the phone for 10 whole mins now." And it was MY cell phone! Gee, with a controlling boyfriend like Nick, I wonder why she couldn't afford her own cell phone?!
So I'd drive her 10mins away to her home, and first thing Nick would do is ask her how much she made, put out his hand, and she'd hand over the money. He'd hold it as this big-ass wad of cash in his pants pocket...no wallet, no bank account, no security at all. He would divy out a portion of the cash to her when she needed it for things like groceries, cab fare, etc. And no, he wouldn't let her keep any of her own money. One time, she confided in me that she made $250, but was going to tell Nick she only made $200, because $200 was what she normally made and then she'd be able to keep $50 for herself. One time I asked him why he always held her money, and he tried to act all preachy and rationalizing, by explaining, "She's really irresponsible with money." But this dude didn't even work!!
Nick would also spend it on stupid shit like marjuana, and my friend was completely straight-edge(at 25 yrs old, she didn't even drink!!). One time in particular, they got into this huge argument/yelling match because he was going with his somewhat shady friend to a bad Philly neighborhood to buy drugs, and he insisted on bringing a whole $500 with him. My friend was angry because she'd worked hard for that money and she didn't want Nick to get mugged/robbed, because then how would they pay the bills? He yelled at her as if he was a parent scolding a small disobedient child.
Did I already mention that Nick was "out of work"? As soon as he saw that his girlfriend was making decent money dancing, he quit his construction job and started mooching off her. He claimed that there were no available construction jobs in the winter. Yet they'd argue in front of me(more than once), about why he wasn't taking any of the many construction jobs that he was offered. He'd always yell at my friend for even questioning his decision. Not only did he mooch off her, but he brought in his two loser sisters and their children to live with them in the 1bedroom apartment. They would rack up utility bills and not contribute a dime to the household. My friend was stuck working her butt off to support this whole loser family, and she wasn't exactly a top earner at the club either, so it was very difficult for her. As a result, bills escaladed and money would "mysteriously" disappear, and then she wouldn't be able to pay bills. Their phone service got shut off. At one point, they were 2months late paying rent and they're very lucky that their generous landlord didn't kick them all to the curb.
This whole scenario was soooo annoying! Sometimes I would try to offer as much advice to my friend as I could, without appearing nosy, which meant that I had to give advice that was minimal/subtle at best. I used to get so angry for my friend! And yeah, you guys are right when you say that girls let this happen because they want to feel controlled. My friend desperately "needed" a boyfriend, wanted to feel loved, wanted to be protected, etc. She would let Nick boss her around like she was a child, even though she was 1year OLDER than him! She also had barely any life skills and didn't act like an adult...but then again, neither did Nick. My friend finally left Nick, but was stupid enough to leave the apartment that SHE'D pay rent for, with him! So basically all her hard working at the strip club amounted to having nothing to show for it...less to show for danicng, than a strewn-out crack whore. I'd like to say that she at least had experience/lessons learned to show for all of this, but I doubt it. According to her stories, she's had this happen to her several other times in the past yet she keeps letting it continue. She also went back to Nick like 2 days later, then broke up with him again, so who knows...maybe she's back with him again(I hope not). At this point, I'm fed up with her stupidity/immaturity/naivety and I don't bother stressing over her or associating with her.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
At my club there was a gorgeous and sweet dancer who gave all of her money to her husband because he was investing it for their future. He left her with nothing after her 12 years of dancing and she had to start all over as a bartender when she was broke and too old to dance. Another dancer I know supported her boyfriend for 5 years while he worked on his film career only to have him leave her for another dancer. These were beautiful, smart, drug free women who loved their men. When veteran dancers get cynical about dancers giving their money away to their boyfriends it's not to be bitchy or judgemental it's because we've seen these crises unfold time and time again. Of course it's your choice to do what you want to with your money but if you're handing it all over to your boyfriend to manage it for you be sure he sits down every month to review your statements with you. If he balks at this suggestion you know you've got a problem.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
Very true Lizzy and Dottie. I know plenty of husbands who fork over their entire paycheck to their wives. This was even more true in the past. It's not that exotic or weird of a concept. My current boyfriend gave everything to his ex-wife who was a stay at home "mom" (I use that term loosely because she was busy using heroin, giving the kids benodryl to keep them quiet, and physically abusive). Does that mean that my boyfriend had low self esteem and that his ex-wife was a pimp? (Well maybe in his case yes :))
Of course some women have loser boyfriends but I don't understand why everytime a woman makes more money than her man he is automatically a "gigalo" or he's a "pimp". If I ever become a successful professional in my career I wouldn't mind having a "house husband" (with a pre-nump of course :)). Stay-at-home-dads still face a lot of resentment and questions about their masculity. I don't see anything wrong with housewives so what is wrong with flipping the scenario if that ends up working out?
Also I think that some women may not feel comfortable handling their finances and like the fact that another person is doing that for them. Many people like the idea of someone else being in control other then themselves.
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Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel
There are all sorts of ways to live in this world. I try not to make assumptions about other people's situations.
Exactly
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
It's not just dancers that do this. I've known plenty of non-dancers to do this.
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years next month. We both have our separate accounts, and a joint savings that we each add $10-20 dollars in each pay check so that we can vaction together. We also switch to who pays dinner and such, I pay one night, he'll buy the other. Before we both had money, we would no joke, pay right down to the penny our portions of the bill. We never wanted the money issue. We're both pretty savy w/ our incomes (him more so than me) and we have even opened up (him the benifitary) an educational 529 savings plan for my 10 month old neice. He likes that nerdy business investing stuff, and I give him full will with it (I just sign the papers, that crap bores me to death). I guess that's how my grandparents started out too, and they've been together going on 54 years!!!
I've never seen LASTING relasionships come out of controling situations. Give your man the choices, but make sure you have the chance to say "yes" or "no" once it comes down to spending it. Still lets him think he's involved and helping you, and you still have 100% say. If the holding the debit card works, and she wants something stupid badly enough, she can sure as hell stroll to the bank and pull out the cash. Sometimes people do need help with those impulse buys though. I know I do sometimes.
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
yeah... well I totally love the part about you shouldn't make assumptions about anyone elses lives...
If it is working for US .... then leave us alone lol
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Re: Someone explain these 'boyfriends' to me
I knew a couple of girls like this. The main reason they did this was because they were terrible with money. If they controlled the money, then they didn't have any...it was spent as quickly as it was made. Their boyfriends were the ones who managed their budgets and would put away x amount of dollars and give them x amount of dollars to spend on whatever they wanted.
It's not always a bad thing. Joe is terrible with money...but I'm a whiz at it (he's a whiz at making money...but not saving it). So, I control the checkbook.
This isn't the only reason some of these girls do this...but I now it's one of them. ;)