believe stories or go with your gut
I recently started dating a guy that I really like who is fairly well known where I live. He treats me well and seems very geniune and respectful. He also gives me the warm fuzzies and seems to be an all around great guy... The problem is that I hear all of these stories about what a scumbag he is with women but I honestly don't see that side of him or know when he would have time to do all of the stuff I hear . However , I do believe that where there is smoke there is fire but I am confused .On one side, all I know is how he treats me and the people that talk don't know him or just see him out but it still just makes me wonder. Besides, the past is the past right? What are your thoughts on this?
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Go with your gut feeling for a bit longer but be careful. Rumours often do get totally out of hand, but like you said they quite possibly came from somewhere, but that somewhere could have been the smallest ting blown right out of proportion. If you feel happy I cant see why you should stop seeing him based on the above. it sounds like you are going into this with your eyes open and thats the main thing (-:
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Quote:
Originally Posted by aussiepunkshocker
Go with your gut feeling for a bit longer but be careful. Rumours often do get totally out of hand, but like you said they quite possibly came from somewhere, but that somewhere could have been the smallest ting blown right out of proportion. If you feel happy I cant see why you should stop seeing him based on the above. it sounds like you are going into this with your eyes open and thats the main thing (-:
agreed. if he's personally given you no need to worry, then i'd suggest continuing to go out with him and enjoying the experience. there's nothing wrong with keeping your eyes and ears open, as aussie suggested, but consider the source of the rumors. perhaps an ex started them? one who is jealous or burnt? or maybe this guy is putting on an act to lure you in, not showing his true colors, as this happens sometimes. another thing would be to ask him straight out why people would say such things...but do so in a way that's not accusatory. very casual, and assure him that you don't have faith in them, but are curious. maybe he doesn't even know that people are saying he's a "scumbag." also, again, consider the sources of these rumors. some people love to stir up drama...and our society loves to feed off of it. overall, i say you should act upon what he shows you, as that is the only "reliable" evidence you have. if he really is a scumbag, it will start to show, as people can't keep their true selves hidden forever. so watch for any signs, but don't let the rumors alone tarnish your relationship. hope it all works out.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Agreed with Aussie and BDD. The other thing to consider is the "honeymoon" phase. This is the very beginning of a relationship and we usually tend to "look past" anything that would normally shoot up red flags. Just enjoy the moment and deal with what comes as it comes. The past is the past unless someone chooses to repeat it...then it's a pattern. But, in the meantime...one moment at a time. Always go with your gut feeling.
Good luck!
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Always go with your gut, it's rarely wrong.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
You see he is a bit of a celeb around here and it's one of those things where everyone has a story...someone who knows someone who heard or saw blah blah blah .....but I have to consider the sources . Are these people who actually KNOW him? Doubt it but still, I definitely want to keep my eyes open and go slow. Dating is weird.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
go with your gut. it never fails.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Twister: You're a big girl. You can make your own opinions about the people you come in contact with. If you're enjoying your time keep with him, till you're no longer enjoying your time. I think BDD put it best.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Maybe he was a jerkoff in the past, but has cleaned up his act. It happens all the time. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's a small town celebrity he's probably sick of petty gossip, and if he truly is a decent guy he'll appreciate your independance and open mind.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
It's Steve Urkel. Isn't It.
What a womanizer.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Gut instincts are your friend. Whenever I ignore mine something bad happens.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
I would say just go with how you feel. THe same thing kinda happened to me, I was dating the guitarist from this band Vehemence(they were big in AZ, a death metal band) but everyone was like "Oh that guy is a player, bleh blhe bleh". Well I like him anyway and he was the sweetest guy ever and it actually turned out great. He treated me great and never lived up to the stupid rumors people told me about him. We broke up because we decided we'd make better friends and we were both really busy, but we are still really good friends and he's still a great guy.
Re: believe stories or go with your gut
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
It's Steve Urkel. Isn't It.
What a womanizer.
I wish I were that lucky. LOL