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Conflicting issues with roommate
OK guys let me know what you think. I have a roommate who is a male friend of mine(COMPLETELY platonic, no exceptions to that). He has been staying at my apartment for nearly half a year now. We have some differences, the most important one being cleanliness. He is overall a very good, generous person with a few flaws(like any human being), but I'm getting a little annoyed lately and I was wondering if you guys think I am ok to be feeling this way, or if my attitude needs to be adjusted.
Originally, I'd proposed to "Bob" the idea that we move in together, since we get along great, have common interests, eat similar foods, etc. I could tell that he wasn't 100% for the idea because he wanted to live in the middle of the city, whereas I desired the nearby suburbs for cheaper car insurance, space to keep all my cars(as in, more than one), etc. So I got a 1bedroom place on my own because there was a really good limited time deal on the apartment at the time, and I didn't want to wait around for someone who might not follow through. Whaddyaknow, 2 weeks later, Bob's sublet is up and he asks if he can stay with me for a month so he can be in the district for the elections we're volunteering for, have extra time to look for a new sublet, etc. He was very responsible in paying for half of rent and utilities, so that was a plus. Then a month turned into many more. It got to the point where I'd be like "Bob, weren't you supposed to move into that sublet 3 weeks ago?" and he'd casually say, "Nah, I decided to stay here a month longer." I think he was so casual because he didn't think I'd mind, since we get along good and he pays half of rent, which really helped me out financially. (I coulda paid the rent myself if need be, but the extra money was a plus because I was sick, or jobsearching, or other stuff that made money tighter than normal)
I didn't mind this, except for a few things. One, Bob is EXTREMELY messy. He will absentmindedly sling his bathroom towel on top of the vacuum cleaner, or throw it into the coat closet that is overfilling with cluttered piles of his belongings, on the floor, etc. He doesn't wash dishes much. He will eat TV dinners and then leave empty TV dinner containers in the fridge for a week or two at a time. I told my dad just some of this stuff, and my dad said that as a neat freak, he wouldn't be able to tolerate that at all and is amazed that I can. He also sweats a lot more than me, so he often blasts the AC on days that I'm shivering, which is a waste of electricity, even if he is paying for half of it. It's at the point, where I kinda give up on keeping the place neat because I know that if I do, it'll just get messy again a day later and I'll be stuck at Square One. I've also been unmotivated to put up curtains, decorate my bed with decorative pillows, etc because I don't want them to get all messy. He also frequently walks around in his boxers or wearing a towel, and it kinda creeps me out because he is not my boyfriend, he is not a member of the same gender as me, and I am not attracted to him at all. Sometimes the towel is barely hanging on him and I have to look the other way like a Puritannical prude...gross! I already yelled at him one day when I was half-asleep and he woke me up for work wearing just a towel...I'm the type who, when half-asleep, is as useful as a drunk person and tends to rudely speak my mind and say stuff I wouldn't say when fully awake LOL. But it's annoying. For example, *I* don't sleep naked/topless even though I want to, simply outta courtesy for Bob.
Cleanliness is issue one, the next issue is some past conflicts we had with friends. Lately Bob's been going to bed very early(like 10pm), and yeah there are times I am not completely respectful(I admit) and will try to talk to him about the day's events when he's going to sleep. But there's been situations where I've had friends over late and it was for legitimate reasons, and he flipped out in front of them and totally treated me like a small child. First instance, was after Ozzfest. My two friends and I were coated in sweat and coffee(I'd gotten coffee spilt on me), and we faced a 1.5hr drive to where they lived, so we made a quick pitstop at my apartment to take showers. When my friend Brian was in the shower, Bob chooses that moment to wake up and take a leak. He accidentally walked in on Brian stripping down, freaked out, and started yelling at me, saying "This is the last time we live together, why can't you keep this apartment better, OMG OMG OMG I can't hold in my pee so I'm gonna look for a cup to pee in." This made me look totally stupid in front of these two kids. Bob made it seem like it was HIS name on the apartment lease, and like he was so nice to let this little girl(me) with no place to go, stay with him. (When it's really the other way around! >:() I'd spent so much time telling these two friends about "how great Bob was," and then for them to see Little Miss Pushover getting profusely yelled at by this so-called "great guy", made me look gullible and like a total pushover. And I have a big inferiority complex about looking too much like a pushover. I think that unassertiveness is my #1 biggest flaw, and I've been trying to prove to people that I'm not a wishy-washy, but Bob totally ruined that.
Then a month later, my friend M--k and I did a good deed by helping out a female friend who had no place to go one day(long story, but it was temporary and NOT her fault). M--k notified me that my friend "Lotus" had no place to go at 2am, and at that time, Bob was not home so it was assumed that he wasn't coming home to the apartment that night. (He sometimes mysteriously leaves for a night or two to hang with his fuck buddies or friends.) Because it was my birthday weekend, it was one of the like, 3X per year that I was halfway drunk. So we picked up my friend, came back to the apartment, and because I was buzzed, I wasn't thinking right and didn't tell Bob that Lotus was staying. She was in the bathroom for 3mins changing into pajamas I lent her, and AGAIN Bob needed to use the bathroom and freaked out. He stomped around, slammed doors, started yelling at me "Strike Two!" and promptly stormed out to the balcony, where he proceeded to piss off of without warning. Again, he implied that it was his apartment and it made me look like a little kid who couldn't keep my ground. But what was I supposed to do, yell back at him when legitimately he WAS tired? Maybe I am too humble...I fucking HATE that trait.
The next day, he was back to his cheerful self and apologized to Lotus and M--k after I texted him with the explanation of how I was doing the right thing by helping my friend. He's since apologized and admittedly, I've kinda bitched about how bad he made me look in front of my friends. (There were a few other incidents, but they're very minor) I wonder if I'm bitching too much? Or, I wonder if maybe these are signs that we aren't compatible as roommates?
It just annoys me at how messy Bob leaves the apartment. But I wonder if I'm complaining too much and being too fussy? Or maybe I was a pushover before and am finally standing my ground? I think part of the reason that he keeps staying, is because when he hands me the rent money he owes, I give him a huge "thank you" and he said that no one's ever thanked him so profusely for paying his obligated bills before. And during the times that he told me off in front of my friends, I was like "no, don't move out!" because quite honestly, I was in a financial bind at the time and I'd already counted on him living there. We've arranged that he's gonna live here til November, the end of the elections that we're working for(because it's local elections, so it's important he stays local). Do you think he'll try to stay longer? Do you think that there's a way we can work on the cleaning issue so we don't get mad at each other? Overall I get along with him, but the cleaning issue is really infuriating me lately! Thanks for the advice...and sorry for the long rant...
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Bob is an asshole, and you are a doormat. You really ought to be more assertive, and you could start by throwing his ass out.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Let me spell it out for you:
K-I-C-K H-I-S A-S-S O-U-T !-!-!-!-! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Bob really isn't a bad guy, I mean he's helped me before and he sometimes serves as a doormat too at times, when he lends an ear to my hours and hours of bitching about assholes and strip club customers and other "tragedies" of the world. He's also apologized for the times he made me look like a fool in front of my friends. It's mostly his sanitation practices that disgust me. That, and the fact that I can't have fuck buddies stay over because he's sleeping in the apartment and he sleeps early. It's annoying, because when I was a high schooler, one of the biggest things I looked forward to with eventually getting my own place was being allowed to have boys over and have sex(my parents were very very strict). And I feel like I can't have sex at my own place because he is there.
It's mutually agreed upon that Bob is here until November 6th, general election day. Should I have a formal talk with him about him moving out by the weekend after the election? So that he doesn't try to stay longer, like he did after last May's primary election?
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
He is a slob and he treats you like shit. Why are you doing him so many favors and thanking him? He apologizes afterward because he knows he can treat you like yesterday's garbage as long as he says "sorry" the next morning.
Based on your other threads, I'd say some assertiveness training would do you a world of good. You seem to have a real problem with letting people walk all over you.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Ok...you come here with a problem and want some input. When it's given to you, you begin "sticking up for" Bob.
I lived with TWO guys like this. It doesn't get better. Believe me. Kick the guy to the curb and say, "It was fun while it lasted, but I would like MY space back. You have 2 weeks to find a place."
He's treating you like shit because you allow him to. Set some fucking rules in your place and if he doesn't like them or thinks you're too bitchy, then he can move.
Stop sticking up for Bob and start sticking up for yourself.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Before you decide to live with someone, you work all of that out. You know their sleeping hours and habits. He sounds like a friend, but he also sounds like he is walking over your boundaries. The key is BOUNDARIES. You must set them and enforce them, in every facet of life. Otherwise, you will get walked over. Have a talk with him, and explain the things that bother you, then give him time to change them. If he doesn't, give him the boot. That is fair.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
It's tough living with roommates. I'm so glad I live by myself. It's really tough for roommate situations to work out when one person is really neat and the other person is messy, or when one goes to bed early and one stays up late. A girl I lived with in college was as different from me as night and day, and I started off liking her, but I wanted to strangle her by the end of the year. It sounds like you and Bob are just too different with your living habits and that he doesn't respect your boundaries. I would kick him out or get your own place.
And yeah, Bob walking around in only his underwear or towel would creep me out too. I have a guy friend who does that and it bugs me.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
^ ^ ^ It IS my own place. I'm the only fucking person on the lease. He is staying there temporarily so that he can have a residence in the district for the local election(for voting purposes and related issues), and meanwhile he is paying half the bills. I really do not want people to think I am unassertive and maybe this is the reason that I've been bitching so much to my roommate lately, because subconsciously I know that I let him treat me like shit and because I didn't react in a timely fashion, I am continuously angry at him and myself for it.
I really want to know how to essentially say "fuck off" to people. It seems that when I do, I look like a "crazy bitch" or I overreact to the point that I come across as abusive or harassing. Trust me, I've gotten in legal trouble before for getting in fights with people who I felt insulted by in the past and I didn't react then but reacted at a stronger level later on. I feel angry at myself that everyone is telling me that I'm a pushover. Being a "pushover" is the #1 thing I hate most about myself. I've been trying to make progress lately, such as lecturing Bob about how he disrespected me in front of my friends, but apparently that isn't enough. I feel so angry and stupid right now.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
I have a question...you said you have a one bedroom....is "Bob" sleeping on the couch...or in your bed or what???
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
We share a room but with different beds. So there's a big compromise with space. I stress that the reason I got a 1bedroom apartment, is because at the time there was nothing definite about Bob getting an apartment with me, so I put my own priorities ahead of his. The last thing that I wanted to do, was to get a 2bedroom and then be left with a bigger-than-necessary apartment to myself, or to wait around to find a roommate and then lose out on the offer my apartment complex had at the time. If I knew that Bob was going to live in the local area for so long, I woulda gotten a 2bedroom(for only $100/month more) and we would have our own space so there would be a lot of issues avoided...issues such as cleanliness, having friends over, etc.
One of the reasons that I've been so generous to let Bob stay over, is because he's been paying half the bills and it's helped me out. Back in the spring, I was sick and missed a lot of work. Then in the summer, I was switching clubs(got sick of the drive/bullshit in AC) and then invested a good amount of time in jobsearching for a non-dancing career job. So this time off meant less money for me, and the extra money came in handy. Meanwhile, Bob is a MBA graduate making $73K/yr...much more than the "average" stripper! If I made anywhere near the money that he makes at a normal "day job," I wouldn't have to worry about not having time to strip, OR worry about having him pay half the bills. It's so annoying.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
PhillyDancer1982:
I didn't read the whole thing, Forgive me,
But as with all your other threads You seem to benefit directly from reserving yourself and coming up with the answers on your own.
Bob may not be a dick.
Bob may be worth living with.
Your mom may not like your new boobs. :D
All these run through a similar vein with you. My strongest suggestion is to figure out what you want. Then seperate yourself from these vacuous people in your life and go headstrong for your goals. If bob is in the way of your goals. Get out, or kick him out. Simple as that.
Start being a no-bullshit person. You have more than enough on your plate (it seems) to help anyone deal with what's on theirs. :D
Good luck.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
When you look like a "crazy bitch" when you finally tell people to "fuck off" its because you wait for too long and let too much happen before you finally "blow your top". Standing up for yourself IN THE MOMENT and doing it more calmly will create much more peace of mind for yourself in the long run.
You are constantly angry because you are not dealing with the core issues: You act like a rug. Who cares that Bob is paying 1/2 the bills? He's treating you like shit and like HE'S the one doing you a favor when in all reality, he's the one in the "beggars can't be choosers" box.
Sit and talk with him and set some ground rules. These rules should be YOUR rules and while fair to him, they should be mostly fair to you (he IS your guest). If he doesn't like it, he can leave and make that clear. You will not be treated like this any longer. HE is the imposition...not you...and if he cannot respect you, your space, and the great favor you are doing for him...then he will simply need to move out. Full stop. End of story. Fini.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
If he makes $73K a year, then why doesn't he want his own place?
Something is very wrong with this guy and this situation.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yekhefah
If he makes $73K a year, then why doesn't he want his own place?
Something is very wrong with this guy and this situation.
I know people who make $73k a year and rent and have roommates. They like having the company, and the extra income. In some areas, 73k isn't that much money.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yekhefah
If he makes $73K a year, then why doesn't he want his own place?
Something is very wrong with this guy and this situation.
Yes, erotictonic is right when she says that some people make good money but still like to rent and have company. He also works a lot so he uses the apartment as more of a bed-and-breakfast than a place to live and enjoy comfort. After the November elections, Bob might even move to DC or Chicago(preferably DC), because he likes those cities better than Philly. His big money job is a contract position for a big business consulting firm, but he is kinda glad that his contract is up soon because it will allow him to do more work for politics, while although lesser paying is his true passion. As a result, he is in a very temporary living situation and that's why he's been renting sublets/temporary places for a good 2yrs or so. He actually likes renting!?(why??) If I were Bob, I would rather pick an area and stay in it, get a mortgage, and do things with more stability. Instead, Bob spends money on things like apartments, dinners out, occasional cab rides, etc. Yeah he saves money too, but if I were him with his kinda job, I'd be a lot more frugal than him, even with his kinda salary.
As far as me being "quick to defend" Bob, I was just trying to explain the good traits about Bob because I was afraid that maybe my thread came out a little too one-sided. (When I was like 17, my dad whined and complained that I had a way of making things very one-sided when I explained them. Obviously my dad didn't know shit about what he was talking about!)
And Mastridonicus, you are completely right. I tend to vent on here about things when instinctually, I know the answer. I tend to do that with my close friends too, venting about things a lot. That is one of the reasons why I feel bad bitching to Bob about his messy habits, because one of his "jobs" is lending an ear to all my problems. :-( I have good instincts, I do not know why I do not use them more often in decision making. Because it seems that my instincts are right 85% of the time. I will usually make a decision that goes against my instincts, simply outta doing what's "nice"/polite, the most unselfish thing to do, the most moral decision, what will please people, etc...usually this decision will NOT be the best choice for me and as a result, I often take backseat in my own car, figuratively speaking. I have a friend named M--k that I wrote about on this site before, and he does this a lot too, but way worse. He has NO self esteem at all, conforms to what his parents/coworkers/etc want 10000X more than I ever did, and as a result he's constantly bitter and hates himself. I really want to start living my life for ME. I've been trying to make small steps, and hopefully I can work on this situation as well.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
OK guys, how does this sound? Bob is still away on a business trip until Thursday. So I have a few days to think this over and put this into action.
1.) I write a list of things for him to read and follow when he comes home on Thurs. The list will have things like cleaning up after himself, hanging up towels, washing dishes, etc. The list will also remind him that it is my place and although I should take his needs into consideration, that it is ultimately MY place, he coulda gotten a 2bedroom with me if he'd acted quick enough last spring, and that this was supposed to be a temporary situation so he can't really expect the best(I guess this is the "beggars can't be choosers" theory).
2.) In October, I will ask him how his progress in finding sublets/apartments is going, and remind him that I need him to move out by the weekend following the November 6th election. If he thinks I'm weird for this and asks me why, I'll remind him of our occasional conflicts, messy vs. neat traits, how I'd like to have my own place so I can have boys over, etc. I'll remind him that it's not worth our living together long-term if we end up ruining our friendship over it.
3.) If I'm in another bind and "need" to have friends stop over late at night, and Bob tells me off, I will yell at him back and humiliate HIM in front of my friends by saying that it is MY apartment and that he can go find his own place. If he argues or belittles me back, I will tell him to leave immediately and end this "living til November" arrangement early.
4.) I will set his "rent" day to be at the beginning of each week, so that I make sure I get his rent share early on. For example, I pay my rent on the 1st of the month to cover the month ahead(i.e., September 1st's payment covers rent for September). There's no reason why he shouldn't pay for rent one week ahead of time, when I'm paying one month ahead. This is also to ensure that if I have to kick Bob out early, that I get paid. (He's not the type to stiff people, but then again I never know...I've heard of some pretty shitty stories before about people who didn't pay money they owed because they were angry at someone)
Are these good steps to take? Should I do more than this? And what should I do if I want to have boys over late at night?
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Here's something to remember and learn from all this: never ever rent a place with friends. I am only keeping my flatmate around because I have trust issues (I find it very hard to trust people with things such as my "stuff" and my cat, Bibs). I just havn't met anyone who I can put utter complete faith and trust into that will look after my most dear and loved... my cat. Then there is all my stuff... plus it isn't as bad as you as we do have separate rooms and can easily avoid each other if we really wanted to do so.
The old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" is kinda true for me. All his nuances are annoying me however I am not in a position as of yet to be rid of him nor am I prepared to have to build up such a similiar relationship with someone else.
In your case, you really need him to get the hell out of your room even if it means he does sleep in the living room. I really don't know how you can stand it personally.
Personally, I have to have my own room.... my own space. I tried sharing a room once and believe me it DID NOT work out.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
I don't know how on earth you are sharing a room with this guy!!! I guess I have to give you props for having patience to do that...I don't have enough patience for that shit.... Are you both sleeping in twin beds or what????
you need to stand up for yourself and remind him that if you call the cops- hes the one thats leaving since YOUR name is on the MF ing LEASE!!!!!
I understand that youre friends with him and you dont want to hurt him....but enough is enough
oh btw are you working at a steady job???(have enough for rent, bills ...etc...) or do you still need his share of $$$$???
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
^ ^ ^ Right now I'm in a weird situation with jobs. Not long ago, I started working at a restaurant a few nights a week, and at an insurance office a few days a week. I still dance sometimes because quite honestly I need the money to pay bills, but I don't have as much time for dancing as I used to because I'm working two new jobs. The two new jobs do not pay nearly as well as dancing, but I took them on because they have potential for growth and I do not want to be stuck only dancing forever when I specifically went to college for a specific career field. So I do not necessarily NEED his share of the rent, but it is definitely helping me out because then I can relax a little more about paying for rent.
Lately, the restaurant has been accidentally scheduling me hours that I normally do not work, because I reserve these hours for dancing(i.e., Saturday night, hands down the best night of the week at my club). I wrote about this in the "Other Work" section of this forum. I amm going to try and be assertive with the manager when I go into the restaurant tomorrow, and tell him that I simply just cannot work Saturday night. I NEED as much extra money as I can get, if there's a chance that I should kick Bob out early or any other situation for that matter. I already worked Sunday for them(another day outside my general availability) and it was a disaster...interrupted my entire schedule on what I'd planned to be my one day off in like 3 weeks, spent round-trip train fare, just to get there and see that it was dead and be sent home early. I'm going to try and be assertive like I'm going to try and be assertive with Bob. This whole thing is annoying me. I feel like when I try to do the right thing(being welcoming to a friend, picking up slack at work, etc), I get screwed.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
being welcoming to a friend has crossed the line many months ago
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
You let one person do it. Others will expect the same from you. If they are true friends, they won't think anything less of you because you won't let them stay any longer than a few weeks at a time at your place. They will accept that ..that is just you and your rules. If they don't like it, live elsewhere. He isn't your child .. he is an adult.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Yeah that is true, he is an adult and should be able to take care of himself. He is capable(both intellectually and financially) of finding and paying for his own apartment, or even a temp sublet if he so chooses to only stay in Philly temporarily until his contract with the consulting firm is up. By me letting him stay with me, I am providing him a convenience...the convenience of not having to devote time to apartment searching(he barely has any time at all because of his work schedule), moving, hauling belongings, etc. I am also saving him the money involved with a deposit and general moving truck costs.
And yes, I was considered a "welcoming friend" months ago. I think the reason why Bob kept staying with me, is because: 1) he saw that I didn't seem to mind, 2) I thanked him so profusely for his standard obligation rent payments, 3) he knew I was between jobs at the time so money was kinda tight for me. I should really start reminding Bob that I can always take on extra shifts at the strip club to pay for the full rent if he moves out. I think Bob forgot that I CAN afford this apartment on my own, and that's partly why he has this self-righteous attitude as if it's HIS apartment, not mine. I also think that the reason he bitched/demanded shit at me when my friends were over, is because he thinks that his rent contribution is important enough to me that I will do a lot to accomodate him so that he will continue to stay and pay rent. It's so annoying. I am going to talk with him and write the list tomorrow(when he comes home), and tell him that he can NOT live with me past the weekend following November's election.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
I really want to start living my life for ME.
There is no "Small Steps" m'lady.
STEP 1. STOP APOLOGIZING FOR WHAT YOU WANT
do NOT let anyone tell you you do NOT deserve what you want. Don't justify what you want. You are Miss Phillydancer1982. Miss Phillydancer1982 wants boobs. You don't like? Then you have an option to not talk to Miss Philldancer1982
STEP 2. Understand that when you don't need the help of others, that's when people can truly help you.
Get out of your apartment. Live on your own. You're self sufficient, stop telling yourself you're not. You can make it on your own. You know this. Why havn't you gotten your own place yet? No excuses accepted :D
STEP 3. Only surround yourself with people who want to help you achieve your goals and thusly you want to help them achieve theirs. That means their #1 priority.
Do you find yourself treating your group of friends like the E! gossip channel? Stop. It's not getting you to where you want to be faster. Sure Bob wants you to succeed, but how does he help you? By listening to you bitch? Not enough. The problem is, why are you bitching, what about, and what steps are you taking to remove the sources from your life?
If you want to feel smart, hang around less intelligent people that depend on you for guidence. If you want to BE smart, surround yourself with people that are smarter than you so you are always learning.
Philly, you've come too far to let family/friend drama get to you like this.
We all have bosses, coworkers, families, friends, and loved ones. They all have lives. They all have problems. Stay out of them.
Hope this helps.
Mast.
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Re: Conflicting issues with roommate
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
Get out of your apartment. Live on your own. You're self sufficient, stop telling yourself you're not. You can make it on your own. You know this. Why havn't you gotten your own place yet? No excuses accepted
You gave very good advice, however one of your facts was inaccuate(simple mistake, don't worry about it). Why should I get out of MY apartment?? This is MY apartment, not Bob's. *I* selected the apartment myself, paid the deposit, got my name and my name only on the lease. Bob should be the one to go soon, not me. Your error is a great example of the damage that Bob has done...it's gotten to the point that not only has Bob implied that it was *his* apartment in front of my friends on those two isolated incidences, but now people on this forum are starting to become convinced that it's his place, too. When in fact it's *my* place. Even at the political campaign office the other week, this kid "Zen" casually said to some people, "Yeah, Phillydancer lives with Bob" and I had to correct him by saying, "No, Bob lives with ME. It's my place and my place only." I probably looked like a weirdo for correcting, but it annoyed me that Bob's overconfident way of carrying himself, along with treating me like a doormat, is causing me to lose my credibility of running my own apartment here. And you are not the first person on this forum to make this mistake, which shows that I need to stress that it's MY place more, both in mentioning it and how I let Bob live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCdude
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
sorry.
What the hell does that mean?? You blatantly insult me, discredit what I say, then claim a quick "sorry" at the end of your comment? OK if Matridonicus says that I am Miss Phillydancer and can do as I please and fuck everyone who thinks otherwise, I will start with you; fuck off. As a matter of fact, you do not know that Bob and I *do* serve a lot of active volunteer roles for politics. We are working for one of the Top 15 Congressional campaigns in the COUNTRY. It is a campaign that, if our candidate gets elected, will not only change the political direction of our immediate area plus our nearby city of Philadelphia, but will provide tons of opportunity and references for later. Thus, it is important to have a residence within this Congressional district to be able to vote for that election and be able to work the polls on election day. Don't assume that everything I say is some lame excuse that I'm gullible enough to believe. For example, I do not believe your lame excuse that you are sorry. And if I sound like a bitch, that's because I'm trying to be assertive and fuck you or anyone else in the world who tries to get in my way and push me down off my thrown.