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Drama Me...
Ok im a regular member here I just dont want to use my regular nick for various reasons..
My bf and I have been having problems for awhile now. I have gotten to the point where I have decided to leave him. My only problem now is the 'how do I do it?'. We live together.. have now for awhile... been together for a long time. We have been through thick and thin, he has changed my life, and all for the better.
Im at the point now though where I feel I dont love him the way I should. He has no goals for life, and I have many. He has no ambition to do anything. He cant seem to save money for himself...I just recently had to send him money for bills whlie im away on a booking because he cant pay them. I gave him money before I left to cover my half.
I love him so much though... but there is just all these little things that have added but and I cant take it anymore. In so many ways hes the greatest guy ever and I cant picture myself without him. But in so many other ways I just want to scream. I love him I really do.. but I just dont love love him anymore... not the way I should. I really dont want to lose him from my life, I want to try and keep us as friends because he still can make me laugh and feel good about myself.
This is so damn hard.. how do I look at him and say 'honey I just dont love you the way I should anymore?'.
The other thing is... since we live together how do I do this without making life hell at home? Do I start looking for a place now?
I have already decided I want to move to the other side of the country.. not just because of him.. I want to do it for me. I prefer working out there, money is better and I like it there.
Thats the other thing... I cant handle living in the city we're in now.. I hate it with a passion. I always have. I asked him if he would be willing to move so I can be happier, he flat out refused. He hates change... before we moved in together he was still living with his parents. He had never been on his own before.
Like I said so many things...
Im so damn confused :'( This has to be one of the hardest things i've done in my life...
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Re: Drama Me...
I'm sure I speak for everybody when I say, Sorry this is happening to you. If you plan to move cross-country anyhow, why not arrange this first, before the breakup? Indeed, you can tell him you need to move to the other coast to check on working conditions. This separation may more naturally lead to a parting of ways. (You say he hates change, and so there's little chance he'll move with you.)
Finally, you already know that it takes more strength to leave than to stay. Sounds like you're making the right, albeit hard, choice.
Best of luck.
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Re: Drama Me...
Well my problem is hes really the sweetest guy in the world. He does not deserve to be hurt and I know breaking up with him will crush him. I dont want to be the one to hurt him :( I know there is no way around it but its so damn hard.
I cry everytime I think about leaving him because its so hard to imagine my life without him. I miss him when im away from him. Its just not the way I should. Its like I miss my best friend, not my lover.
Why does this have to be so hard?
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Re: Drama Me...
Confused, a last thought: You'll come to see that it's possible to love someone deeply that you cannot build a life with. These people can still be in your life, as dear friends. It's a tricky exercise, but it can, sometimes, be accomplished.
Take the long view: If you stay with him, will you feel satisfied, complete, happy about your life? Sounds like the answer is a big No.
And you're right: He'll be hurt, you'll be hurt. But the upside is that you can both move on to find hhe right mates.
I'll shut up now.