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choices
So once again, I'm faced with the bf vs. stripping question.
A couple of weeks ago, we had a big blowup. I think he wants to stay together (we live together). However, I think it would be a good idea to get an apt. and strip more full-time-ish. Not to mention I really need the cash for myself and school.
In order to get the apt, tho, I'd have to work a lot more now. And he doesn't know I do this. So, hmmm. Sorry if this just seems like blabble...I'm kind of thinking as I'm typing. *god i love SW!!*
It just seems that as women, we constantly sell ourselves short of our potentials to stay with a man only to be miserable and/or eventually dumped. Stripping is definitely something that doesn't cater to happy, healthy relationships, from my experience.
It's just hard to think about being alone, when I love this guy so so much. ERR!
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What is so wrong with being single? Seriously?!? If he doesn't know you strip, then why the hell are you in the relationship with him... and hell the hell do you hide this from him when you live with him? Where do you keep all your clothes, etc ?? I choose stripping over any guy for the pure simple reason that I have friends and thus I am never alone.
You need to get friends or cultivate friends then you won't be alone. I rather have some good quality friendships than a man anyway. Less BS as my good quality friends will support me whatever I do... they don't have issues with what I do for a living as they know me.
You really have to ask yourself... is this relationship you are within truely good for you? Do you love yourself more than you love him ? If you love him more than you love yourself (I'm talking healthy self-love) then you have a problem.
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I work as a receptionist part time, and he thinks I am there full time. I keep the clothes in my locker at work and take them to the laundary place down the street in between shifts. Soo......
I do see your point, and I agree. It's just hard seeing I've been with him since my sophomore year in HS, and I'm 25 now :p
Thanks for the help/advice/encouragment tho !!!!
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Dump him. You don't need the money for an apt right away, you can get a weekly rate at a motel and then save money for an apartment.
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What Lena said... Don't you have a friend's couch you could crash on for a week or two?
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The fact that you're hiding something this big from him is a red flag to me. If you don't trust him enough to tell him, something's wrong with the relationship. Maybe it needs to end, maybe not. But there are definitey some issues to work out.
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A couple of things bother me on this one..... Basing a relationship around a lie is a BAD move in my opinion...and I'm inclined to think that you feel "Stripping is definitely something that doesn't cater to happy, healthy relationships, from my experience." it may be because basing a happy healthy relationship around a lie is pretty much impossible.
My hubby and I have had no problems regarding my stripping, and the same goes for the five great friends I have who also have men in their lives and strip. It's not the job that hurts, it's the lie.
I have no advice on how to help you make more cash, but if you want this "relationship" to last then come clean. Find out before it gets too far if he can handle it.
Me personally, I think it is jsut plain wrong of some of us girls to lie to these boys for so long, then get pissed when they don't want us to strip once they find out. Uhm...hello...you think he might be insecure after finding out he's been lied to for months???
tsk tsk tsk.
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Why not just tell him and see how it goes?
Some guys who are secure in themselves are actually turned on that girlfriend or wife is a stripper. My hubby loves it. He's not the jelous type at all.
If after you tell him about it, see if he views you differently. Then point out that you've been doing it all along and he liked you befor you told him . And he hasn't "lost" you yet.
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9 yrs and you can't tell him you strip?? That's not love right there... love has trust built in it.
You need to tell the man what you've been doing. Or at least, bring up that you're interested in dancing and see how he reacts. If it's not bad, then you can 'start' dancing.
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I agree. Being single and independent, even if it means struggling financially. Its just not worth it, even though its hard to let go.
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It just seems that as women, we constantly sell ourselves short of our potentials to stay with a man only to be miserable and/or eventually dumped. Stripping is definitely something that doesn't cater to happy, healthy relationships, from my experience.
Hmmm, I think that as women we sell ourselves short when we remain in relationships were honesty and truth does not exist between both partners.
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Thanks for all of the advice guys---it's so nice to have a group of people you can open up to and not be judged/looked down upon, etc. (and that offer kick ass ideas !)
I agree with what everyone is saying, but it's going to be soooo hard to let go. I mean, everything about him is perfect---MINUS the fact he would "look down on me" for dancing. He is one of those that would laugh at me, and say why couldn't you have just got a "REAL JOB" like other girls do?, or something along those lines...*barf*
It amazes me how he probably wouldn't judge one of my friends or one of his friend's girlfriens for dancing. In fact, he probably wouldn't give a crap. He doesn't ever bud into people's business, or judge what they do. But with me, ugh. Totally different. I can just hear it now: "sitting on other guys' laps for money? That's cheating! Being naked in front of other men? Cheating!..." etc.
i've never though of the hotel room option tho. For a couple days it would work great, and I could work doubles till I got back on my feet. Thanks so much again for the advice. I think that's what I'm going to do...
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wow i just made a post " ye olde boyfriend problem" about a similair situation even down to the "real job" line.
And about the judging, one of his best friends IS a stripper! But he says she has changed (she seems more confident now, thats all the change i can see) and doesn't want me to change.
Let us know what you end up doing lady :)all the best!
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"Hmmm, I think that as women we sell ourselves short when we remain in relationships were honesty and truth does not exist between both partners."
How true.
I didn't tell my ex that I stripped. Our relationship was already on shaky ground, and I knew he wouldn't be supportive. But then he found out ( I felt like shit for not telling him, but we needed the $$$! ) and he made me feel like shit for choosing dancing as a means to support us. I knew he wasn't the one for me. So I left him. I didn't want to waste his time when he could be out finding the "right one" for him, and if I stayed with him I would have prevented myself from enjoying true happiness and joy.
The man I am in love with met me at the club, so he has little to say about me dancing. Actually, he thinks it's sexy that I strip, is supportive of me, and respects me. He would never call me a whore or say derogatory things about my job. I'm doing what I enjoy, I'm not hurting anyone, and nobody or nothing could take me away from the man I am with now. I feel that we love each other unconditionally. Isn't that how it should be?
I can understand concern. That comes from a place of love. But being critical and judgemental is a whole 'nother story. If your man cannot accept you for who you are and what you want to be, then he is not right for you. I thank God I found my guy, and I hope you find the right one for you. He's out there!
;)
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if you want the relationship to work straight out tell him the truth. The worst thing to do in a relationship is lie. Tell him that u ave been doing it behind his back ... if he is still there and wants to be with u after u tell him. then dont change anything.
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After being lied to about your double life, it's easy to see why a guy wouldn't trust what you say about what you are doing in a strip club. How could he trust you? Can't really blame him for disapproving at that point. Once you've reached this level of deception, the relationship is pretty much dead in the water anyways. If you expect to have a boyfriend and be a dancer too, you have to be honest and your man has to be able to trust you. <<<<This is key! If you ever lie about it, you have no right to expect him to understand or accept it.