Ladies: ever stayed with a guy long after he stopped making you happy?
I'll apologize in advance as I'm sure this question has been beaten to death on this board just like it as been everywhere else on the net. But I'm asking it here because as strippers, as women who deal with as many men as you do and get to know how they think, one would think they would have extra insight into something like this that other women might not. Just as an aside, I know a stripper who was a psychology major in college. I didn't think anything of it except that I read here somewhere that strippers who were psych majors is actually fairly common. A coinkydink? :-\ Anyway, I was wondering if there are any women here who have been with a guy who was a) abusive b) unfaithful or c) unemployed and mooching off of you, AND you stayed with him longer than you know you should have. If so, have you ever been able to figure out what it was that kept you with him? I've heard lots of theories about why women stay with men who are making them miserable:
1) he must be just unreal in bed/hung like a horse
2) she sees he has all this "potential" to be this great guy. And dammit, she's gonna help him become that man that he COULD be. She's in love with who he COULD be, instead of who he IS. Perfect for the "cmon baby, I'm sorry. Gimme one more chance" speech.
3) She at least knows how bad this guy is....the next guy might be even worse.
4) at least the relationship isn't boring. Some say women love an "emotional rollercoaster" no matter what they may claim they want instead. Why women would be more likely to enjoy this kind of "drama" than men, I haven't been able to figure out, if there's even anything to that theory.
5) and probably the most popular one: if she had healthy self-esteem she'd never put up with that bullshit.
I can't remember if I've mentioned this here before, but I read this in a dating book once: neither the jerk who mistreats her nor the wimpy "nice guy" is what women REALLY want. But the jerk is closer to what they want, because they at least have more leader-like, take-charge personalities, as opposed to the "nice guys" with their more submissive, play-it-safe personalities. In other words, what they REALLY want is Superman, but if they have to choose between Clark Kent and Lex Luthor, at least Lex is exciting - for a while anyway.
One more question if I may: if any of the ladies here have been in a relationship like this, what was different between when you first hooked up with him, and when he stopped making you happy? Did you start to not like him as much the more you REALLY got to know him? Or did you see right from the start, the things about him that you weren't crazy about but think "We can work on that, he's got so much potential"?
Oh, and if this whole thread is just a rehash of a similar thread, or threads, then feel free to just direct me to those threads instead.
Re: Ladies: ever stayed with a guy long after he stopped making you happy?
Most strippers are real people too. ;)
In any group of women you'll find girls who've been with losers. And frankly, any time with a loser is too long.
Re: Ladies: ever stayed with a guy long after he stopped making you happy?
It is possible to stop being happy with a guy even if there is no abuse, infidelity, or mooching. Some people just realize that they dont love each other or are not as compatible as they one were, therefore they are not happy any more with each other. So assuming there is no actual abuse, women stay because of reasons such as: stability, fear of loneliness, trying to keep the family together (assuming there's children or pets), forced of habit, etc. I perfsonally would never stay with someone who abused me or cheated but if i just felt like the love was going away a little i would try to work harder at it i guess. For the reasons i mentioned above.
Re: Ladies: ever stayed with a guy long after he stopped making you happy?
everthing you said was true. I used to be one of those women who fell in love with jerks BECAUSE they were jerks, and find nice guys boring, until I decided to be a happy whore. I wish I could force myself to fall in love with good guys but I can't. I'm not anti-love but for right it's just not my destiny.