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What to talk about during small talk
Ok so i've searched around SW and haven't found the answers i was looking for so i thought i would post. Tonight is my second night and i found one of my challenges last night was finding stuff to talk about before i ask for a dance. I always introduce myself, ask them if they are having a good time, ask them if they have been there before and then I GET STUCK. I was told not to talk about their jobs, I'm certainly not going to complain about anything, but i just don't know what to talk about. I think spending 2-3 minutes talking is important instead of just asking "wanna dance" but i don't know what topics are good and easy to flow with.
Advise please!
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Well, you don't want to talk too much or you could end up with him talking his head off and then before you know it, you don't get a dance out of him and you don't make any money. The talking is best kept for VIP where you'll spend an hour+ with him. With small talk and VIP talk you can ask what his interests are, what things he likes to do in his spare time, what he likes to do for fun/hobbies, does he like to travel, if he's an out of towner I always ask where he's staying because if he says The Ritz Carlton or another expensive hotel I know he has money and then I always follow up with "Are they taking great care of you there?" Just stuff like that. Keep it kinda brief unless you think you're hitting it off and if you are, then get him talking more for the VIP just don't waste too much time with the type that talks and talks and talks because in my experience, those types you rarely make money with.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
yeah well some customers jus have less.."chemistry" with..like some i can tottaly talk and talk..some i have to sort of force it.
and i agree with leogirl, dont talk for TOO long! your time = money!
well u cud ask where they are from...what kind of music they like...(if they are from another place, u cud ask when they moved, where they are staying at,etc), i heard its good to keep asking "yes" questions too (are u having fun, etc etc) so when u "pop the question" theyll be in the mood to say YES!
well, goodluck. :)
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
For me...I like to keep it light and airy, and flirtatious. You are right that you probably want to avoid what they do. Find out why they are there....what are they looking for. Make it your goal to provide it.
I also like playing the ditzy blonde role....but ABC (always be closing!)
"are you staring at my tits? tee hee! I love 'em too. Let me show them off for you"
"I love this dress too! it's got lots of sparkles on it and it makes my ass look great"
It's not for everyone, but it works for me. Absolutely do not get into non-flirtatious type conversation unless he's on the meter. It's too hard to switch gears to, "so, can I jiggle now?"
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Make sure you don't ask why questions, they have nagging wives/girlfriends asking too many why questions as it is. Try to figure out what he's into, find a common interest that you share & this will give you a connection with him. He will be happy to talk about the common interest with you and he will be interested in you for having a common interest. Ask him when he had the best time of his life, bringing up good memories will also get him in the mood. (You will probaly have to hear the old glory days of his high school football games lol) Whatever you can think of to make him laugh & feel good will help get him in the spending mood! ;D
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
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Originally Posted by redhothoney
Make sure you don't ask why questions, they have nagging wives/girlfriends asking too many why questions as it is. Try to figure out what he's into, find a common interest that you share & this will give you a connection with him. He will be happy to talk about the common interest with you and he will be interested in you for having a common interest. Ask him when he had the best time of his life, bringing up good memories will also get him in the mood. (You will probaly have to hear the old glory days of his high school football games lol) Whatever you can think of to make him laugh & feel good will help get him in the spending mood! ;D
I don't totally agree with this.
"Why are you here?" is a very good question. It's not like you're asking him why he hasn't taken the trash out or washed the car. If you get answers like, "oh, I'm here to watch the fight and have a few beers" you know to move on. If he says, "I'm from out of town and the hotel conceirge suggested I come here" you know you have a goldmine.
Also, once you start talking about common interests, you become human. And once you're human, you risk "too good to get a dance from." Don't make it easy for him to treat you like a "friend" instead of stripper.
I'm not saying it can't work. I'm saying it's risky and it's best suited for VIP. Once you go from discussing the Audi RS4 vs. the BMW M5, how are are you going to be able to rub your tits in his face (unless they are already in his face, and then he's not going to want you to move them!)
But I agree that putting him in a happy mood and discussing pleasant things is important. But remember...ABC! My ass is as good of a topic as his high school days, and it's a lot easier to close.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
that's a good point, i think the reminder of high school days works well for the age 50 plus customers (they always brought up the "good old days" in convos previously so I started bringing it up myself). I agree it's hard to rub your tits in a guys face, after getting too friendly. It's hard to do it, unless they are really into you. That's exactly how I got all of my regulars. I guess if they obviously aren't planning on coming back anytime soon (out of town etc.) it would be pointless. I also think you made a good point in asking why are you hear, but I think it should be worded differently I think the why questions really peeve guys (So, What brings you here?) Alot of guy friends complain and talk about their girls/wives always asking questions (why do you go to stripclubs?, why didn't you come home on time? etc.)
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
sorry my spelling is horrible but I hope my point gets across
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Hi, my name is Tina, and yours? He says his name is Hank.
"So Hank, what brings you in tonight" ?
He says he came to town to do some shopping, or he just got off work, and stopped for a drink on the way home.
Then say, "So do you come here often"?
He says no, only several times a year, or yes, once or twice a month, or no, never been here before.
Then you can ask him how he likes the club, then say some good things about the club like it's really fun here, the dances are good here, etc.
If he says he doesn't really like the club you can say " I understand, but it really isn't too bad."
If he is from out of town, ask him where he is from and let him talk. Find something to compliment him on, like an article of clothing, a watch or ring, or if his clothes look dumpy, compliment him on his eyes. Find something to endear him to you.
While he talks, look at him starry eyed, smiling, maybe grabbing his arm and just listen, nodding your head occasionally. Keep your mouth shut, and just listen.
Then after one song (depending on the club) say to him, "I know you are ready for some dances right now, aren't you?" Do it while grabbing his hand lightly. If he resists, chat a little more before asking again. (You will learn more about how to do this in the Dancer Wealth seminar).
Don't talk about your kids, husband, or boyfriend. That is always a deal breaker. ;)
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily
It's too hard to switch gears to, "so, can I jiggle now?"
Man, I have GOT to get a business trip to Philly . . . . ;)
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Here's my thought, be a good listener, most guys are going to want to talk your ear off, follow their lead : if its about home talk about their home, if its about their work talk about their work etc ......... yes your time is money, but most guys want a little company, soft touch, and a good ear ... then they'll probably buy a dance from you.
Here's my second thought, if i'm at the rail tipping and have been there awhile the direct approach will work, if I'm at a table away from the rail, a good ear will probably work, and if i'm at the bar I'm probably with a fav or not interested at all in any dances .......
When I'm at a club this is usally how I am ......... IMHAO
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
yuck, I can't stand small talk. If I'm sitting next to you and bothering to talk with you, let's make it interesting and let's both you and I have a good time doing it! ABC (always be closing) works fine in a busier club with more options... my club you make yourself stand out, you make yourself memorable, and if you can prove you have brains, beauty, AND give a good dance, a customer is MUCH more likely to remember you and want to spend time ($$ on you next time.) I'd rather spend more time on someone today and make them a regular than be too quick about "closing my sale" and be pushy.
REGULARS are often what makes my club work... esp. as I am daytime.
don't be afraid to ask about work- often it's a chance for them to brag. or ask about hobbies- that's usually a good connection point.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
I talk about music, ie: musical tastes, band gossip, the song currently playing, ect. I'm genuinely interested in the conversation while at the same time it's small talk. It's an easy ice breaker for me because I sorta have an 'alternative' or 'punky' look.
Works for me!
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
For some reason I always ended up being the dancer that guys just love to chat with. They didn't always buy a dance from me, but I was entertaining to talk to. So I guess that it isn't good for a dancer to hang around too long. The customer may consider her a buddy.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Small talk topics: *porn *men's magazines *anything he is interested in *travel stories *music *movies *television
As someone has already mentioned: be a great listener. Some of the best conversations that people say they have had are usually where THEY have been doing most if not all of the talking because the other person has developed the skill to be a good listener (thus been able to "control" the conversation using clues s/he has picked up from what the other person is speaking about).
Use OPEN ENDED questions. Questions that will encourage them to give more than a yes/no response.
Try to ABC !! Give the conversation two songs before you close the sale. If unsuccessful, give it another song or two before attempting again.... if unsuccessful that time... NEXT!
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
I really needed to read this, I've completely been chatting like a friend far too much and for far too long lately and wondering why people keep telling me I'm too nice to dance. I also noticed a huge hike in those fucking irritating guys trying to 'rescue' me and date me. Time to revert back to old tactics! Thanks guys x
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
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Originally Posted by
bite
I also noticed a huge hike in those fucking irritating guys trying to 'rescue' me and date me. Time to revert back to old tactics! Thanks guys x
you know, recently I worked as a cocktail waitress at a very busy club and i absolutelty HATED it! All I did was take orders from people who thought they were more important than me AND I had to pick up after them all night.
I was walking thru the crowd and the guys were checking me out and trying to hit on me until they realised I was the waitress and all I could think was, Im better than this.
And then I thought, why doesnt some guy try and save me from THIS. Id rather be saved from waitressing than from stripping! At least I LOVE stripping! And then I remembered its up to me to save my own ass because the minute you start relying on some guy to do it for you, youve just given your life away to anyone who'll take it.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
You'll fare better if you can get him to talk about himself. People naturally trust and like people they feel teh have a connection with...and nothing causes that feeling for most men then talking about themselves.Whether its their job, their high school glory days or their fantasies..get them to open up and they're yours.
I usually go with basics forst...where are you from? what do you do? etc....Then a seemingly innocent question...."so...have you seen the new James Bond film yet?" Either tehy have and you can now discuss it..or they havent and you can tell them how much you loved(or hated)it and why....it's never failed to start a conversation that leads to his fav movies, books ,etc.....
Then you can bring up a movie you thought was hot...and segway that into..."talking about that scene in 9 1/2 weeks got me all hot....lets go in the back and make good use of that!!"
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
two things i've been practicing lately when it comes to pre-sale small talk:
*don't be afraid to be a ditz.* i'm a smart geek and for the longest time had a problem with trying too hard to demonstrate that i'm not just another dingy stripper. i'm so over it. i have decided that i will never hear "you're too smart for this" or "i respect you too much". if it means coming across as clueless once in a while, so be it. if an ackward silence occurs, i just keep right on trucking with some inane observation or comment. i've got nothing to prove to some random dude in a stipclub who's staring at my tits.
*nod & say yes in all the right places.* this kinda goes hand in hand with #1. instead of worrying about being witty and on top of things, i try to set him up to be the smart one. i steer him toward a major topic about himself, then play dumb about whatever i hit on (their job, their hobby, etc,). this way, i accomplish two things at once: i'm not being too chatty & i make him feel like the most captivating man in the world. (last time i worked, i held a 2 & half minute "conversation" with a guy i could barely hear & he ended up buying 5 dances.)
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
be careful about asking about family members.. i made someone cry once just by asking if they have kids..oops! his kids hated him.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
It can be tough...especially when you get the guys who don't like to talk and you have to carry the conversation. I do a couple of things, and I always change it up, but the basics stay the same.
After some small talk, as I gaze at them, I'm trying to find something to complement them on, or compare them to a movie star, etc....pumping them up...and for the most part it has to be true, I'm pretty sure most guys could sniff out a bs compliment. "Wow, you have really nice eyes! Has anyone told you that?"
"I love your smile, it's a little naughty/ really sweet/ very sexy" Etc.....I always keep conversation, light and flirty and fun...if they start complimenting me, then I soak it, and play right into it "Why yes they ARE big! (grabbing ahold of my twins) I just love them!" It's been my experience that most men aren't exactly used to women who are so free with their bodies, and the ones who are into it just soak it up. "if you think those are nice, wait till you see the rest of me!!!"
If I get the guy who isn't a talker, I come right out and adress it.... "Hmm, I think you're a bit shy, aren't you? Should we skip the small talk and get right to playing? I think you'de like that!" "You're the silent type, I like that ina guy, SO mysterious and sexy!"
It's going to be different for every girl, depending on what kind of 'character' you are...but I stick with the sultry sexy stripper girl who just can't wait to take her clothes off. During VIP however, if the mood is right, then I can relax and have an "actual conversation". "So you see, I'm not really a ditzy blond horny stripper, I just play one on TV." ;D
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
I have learned men LOVE to talk about themselves, even at a club. For me it was an introduction with a handshake, then a seat (ask first) and off to man things. Say sports, what type if any sports do you watch, like or play. Also hobbies was a great topic. Many guys liked flying those big planes in fields that you put together i learned!
Animals, etc. Small chit chat for 15 minutes goes along way!
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by
spoiledpet
two things i've been practicing lately when it comes to pre-sale small talk:
*don't be afraid to be a ditz.* i'm a smart geek and for the longest time had a problem with trying too hard to demonstrate that i'm not just another dingy stripper. i'm so over it. i have decided that i will never hear "you're too smart for this" or "i respect you too much". if it means coming across as clueless once in a while, so be it. if an ackward silence occurs, i just keep right on trucking with some inane observation or comment. i've got nothing to prove to some random dude in a stipclub who's staring at my tits.
This one is so, so important! Obviously we ladies on here are all entertainers of higher-than-average intelligence (not only are we on SW, but we're looking for tips here in HH). When I first started dancing I was pretty defensive of my 'intellect' and really wanted to, y'know, wow guys with my amazingly snappy wit, quick comebacks and $10 words. Ha! That works about 10% of the time -- the other 90% of the time it's ill-applied interpersonal skills that do not serve to close the deal at all.
As I've improved as a hustler and become more serious about dancing as a secured income source, I've learned that what I can do best with my intelligence is to effectively create and contain the ditzy stripper persona that comes out only at work. :D Also, work is just so much easier when you don't let your actual personality come out. It's not you giggling, asking what big words mean, letting jokes go over your head/laughing hysterically at shitty ones, getting naked, getting rejected, getting groped, etc -- it's your created persona.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Embyr
yuck, I can't stand small talk. If I'm sitting next to you and bothering to talk with you, let's make it interesting and let's both you and I have a good time doing it! ABC (always be closing) works fine in a busier club with more options... my club you make yourself stand out, you make yourself memorable, and if you can prove you have brains, beauty, AND give a good dance, a customer is MUCH more likely to remember you and want to spend time ($$ on you next time.) I'd rather spend more time on someone today and make them a regular than be too quick about "closing my sale" and be pushy.
REGULARS are often what makes my club work... esp. as I am daytime.
don't be afraid to ask about work- often it's a chance for them to brag. or ask about hobbies- that's usually a good connection point.
That's a good point. In my 3 short weeks, I have wasted a lot of time talking too in-depth with guys and showing them that I am a real person with a brain, and a few of them who didn't spend much $ the first time (and I felt stupid afterwards thinking I knew I shouldn't have gone on that long!) have come back and spent $ later or bought a handful of dances and tipped after our too-long talk session. However, I've been screwed over by it as well. Had nice conversations with guys who seemed interested and assumed that they would be interested once they got to know me a bit and they didn't want any dances and didn't tip so it's like, okay I just wasted a TON of time and I should have known better. It works both ways.
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Re: What to talk about during small talk
If any input from a customer is appreciated, here goes.
Unfortunately, there is not "one answer." Guys are different from each other, just like dancers are different from each other. However, they do fall into a few basic categories, which I'm sure you all know.
The Meek. I would say the majority (especially those who aren't regulars) will be meek-ish in the club, more meek than they would be in "real life." They're intimidated, they're in awe, they don't know what to say to you just as much as you might not know what to say to them. After all, the only thing in their brains at that point is "great tits. great ass. great hair. great stomach. great tits. great ass. . . ." And those aren't exactly conversation-starters, are they? Most people still have enough social graces to know not to just bust out with those comments. So if they can't get their brain in gear, silence results. With these guys, take the conversation lead as much as possible -- be a real chatterbox, even if it's just sitting there yakking about your hair, or your set, or your girlfriends -- and take a few minutes to just let them sit there, and put them at ease.
Type A He-Men. More likely to be younger, in a group, and drunk. Can range from attractive type A (confident, assertive, interesting) to unattractive type A (offensive, obnoxious). These guys are much more geared to talking about sex, earlier in the conversation, than the meek. With them, the flirty play-along persona most of you describe above -- mixed in with a few things that let them know that you're in charge, not them -- probably works best.
Normal. Oddly, probably the most uncommon type of guy in a club is the "normal" guy. The guy who can hold a normal conversation with you despite the fact that you're hot and naked and right there. More likely to be a regular. One reason normal guys are so rare in a club, is because guys who would be normal outside a club often become meek (because they're intimidated) or type-A (because by-god we're in a strip club and let's get ROWD-AY!) in the club.
I also offer these do's and don'ts as conversation topics.
DO
Ask how they like the place.
Ask what they think about (look around the room) the dancer on stage; the dancer walking across the room. You may find it odd to bring his attention to other dancers (rather than yourself), but what this does is allow him to talk about dancers in general, which is really all he's thinking about anyway. Many times I've sat with a dancer and talked about the other ones (ranging from she's the hottest thing I've ever seen; to she has no business whatsoever taking her clothes off for a living). I've always enjoyed it, and she always seem to enjoy talking (for better or worse) about her co-workers.
Ask about his job. The person above, who said don't do this, I don't understand that. I guess it can look like gold-digging. But it's such a normal part of conversation whenever you meet someone new, there is no reason to abandon it just because you're in a club. Most guys want to talk about it, and it can eat a few minutes.
Big events -- especially sports (Super Bowl, or whatever main team is in your town). If you're in a convention town or have an obvious out-of-towner, ask what brings them to town. Tie it up with the "what do you do" questions.
Yourself. I cannot stress this enough. This is really what most guys want to talk about. Sorry if you don't want to do it -- it's part of your business. I personally wouldn't mind if "yourself" is completely fake, not you at all. But I do want to talk about the hot thing beside me -- you're the most interesting thing in the room, after all. ;)
Ask what their favorite drink is. Tell what yours is, and why. Talk about alcohol in general -- do you like to get drunk; do you not; why or why not. Normal bar-type talk.
DON'T
Ask about their families/wives/girlfriends. Talk about this only if the guy brings it up first. Most people are there to escape from whatever this is, not talk about it.
Ask, 'why are you here' or 'what brings you in here.' There are only two answers to this, neither of which make for great conversation. 1. The superficial (still true) -- because I like looking at hot naked chicks. 2. The deep (also true) -- because I hate my wife; because I get a lot of psychological satisfaction out of it; because I never got to talk to/be with girls like you when I was a teenager; because I fear death and you make me feel alive; because I have an open sexuality and this stimulation is part of it; because I have a closed sexuality and this (private, no one knows I come here) stimulation is part of it; a million different deep-seated reasons. I mean, who wants to talk about this? Not me.
Complain or bitch. Happiness works best.