How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I met a young man last night who had extremely low self esteem. Soon as he saw me, he bought a dance and 2 VIP's because he felt like "I was the only person nice to him" While we sat and talked, it was so hard for him to look me in the eyes. I tried my hardest to keep him upbeat..you know telling him I liked his personality and jokes but he'd just shoot me down. Like he wasn't believing me.
He promised he was gonna come back next week to see me, which I do think he will. But dam, I got my own issues..I don't want this dude bringing me down you know.
How do you girls deal with customers like that?
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
To be honest CK, I usually don't spend too much time with them if they have that kind of attitude, no matter what they're spending. They wind up depressing me.
And it's one thing to make a guy think he's a king while he's paying for your attention and it's another to constantly have to keep his spirits up. Ruins the mood for me and makes it too human as opposed to fantasy.
If this was me, when he came in again, I'd feel out his mood and take it from there. Seems like waaaay too much work though.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I'm just real complementary. I try to make the other person feel good about themself. I try to make them laugh and really show them the best time possible. I don't spend any extra time with them then I would with anyone else, but I have given pep talks on occasion to customers who really needed a pick me up and it seems crazy that some of the greatest advice that these guys may get is from a stripper, but heh I try to help where I can...
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Yea, my club is really dying a slow hard death and for the moment I want to keep this guy around. At least until I get a new club. He's very into me, and I'm almost positive he'll be back. He just relocated here from MA so he doesn't really know how to get out and go anywhere except to see me hopefully.
Maybe I'll just think of more ideas to keep the conversation going and less about personal topics. It seems like in time he'll get a little better, just not right now.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
^I was about to say that... Distract him with jokes and other subjects.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinammonkisses
Maybe I'll just think of more ideas to keep the conversation going and less about personal topics. It seems like in time he'll get a little better, just not right now.
That's probably your best bet Cin. Once they start treating you like their therapist and you start to actually care about what they're saying, you tend to take that stuff home with you.
I know that you have a big heart, that's why I advise you to keep it light.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I feel you. Years ago I had a customer that started crying in front of me because his dad had passed away and my customer had found him after he had been like that for almost 3 weeks. I still think about this guy and how sad it was that I was the only person he felt like he could talk to about it and be honest about his feelings. I think that, just as sometimes we put on facades, customers do the same. I may walk the floor as if I feel sexy and beautiful, but really I'm on the rag and am self-conscious about the pimple on my chin. Customers may come in and buy dances, but really they just want someone to talk to and someone who will listen. Reality is, you're going to have the occasional customer who looks to you as some kind of therapist, who could really care less about how big your boobs are or how tight your ass is. If I get a customer that is depressed or with low self-esteem, I just tell them that I'm a nurse and the doctor has prescribed dances for their condition. This usually puts a smile on their face and this will keep them buying dances and get their mind off their problems. I even keep a nurses' outfit in my locker for these occasions. Best way to think of it is that in some way, they are depressed, but you are (in some weird way) helping them.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
^^^
So strange in a society where no one even knows their neighbor's name?
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Quote:
Originally Posted by drewcifer
If I get a customer that is depressed or with low self-esteem, I just tell them that I'm a nurse and the doctor has prescribed dances for their condition. This usually puts a smile on their face and this will keep them buying dances and get their mind off their problems..
Aww that is a cute idea. I like it! Well he hasn't thrown his problems in my lap just yet. He's just more so a "oh you're so pretty I know you'd never date a guy like me" type of attitude he has. He's a nice guy though. i'll break him out of his shell soon.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I've tried to compliment guys like that but it generally backfires. Now I try to talk about their job or hobby. I say supportive things to make them feel good about the job they do or say that their hobby is so fascinating. I had a guy who was an avid gardener. Whoo-boy it was hard making that sound sexy but I did and he got some dances!
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deogol
^^^
So strange in a society where no one even knows their neighbor's name?
Yet so common. Sometimes it takes the fake-ist environments for people to be the most real.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
You know as fully trained and certified Stripper-therapists, you need to be ready for these occasions. We really depend on you to get us through the slump called life. When other women - friends, girlfriends, wives let us down, we turn to those we can depend on to consider our best interest, raise our spirits, and help us face the next day.
I, myself, now having mostly recovered from the after effects of a relatively long term marriage, (one of the saddest afllictions to affect modern day mankind) have depended upon the kindness of said creatures of the night to help me face the rising sun.
Get paid for your time, protect yourselves, but do take the oportunity to leave a few kind words in your wake. Consider it an investment in karma or simply stacking the deck in your favor.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
i've had a customer who had trouble talking to women. He didn't want to buy any dances either. It was a dead night so I ended talking to him because i felt really bad for the guy. He tipped me always when i was on stage. We also had alot of things in common too.
When it started to get a little busier I had to stop talking to him. I was giving dances, etc. Then all of a sudden he wanted a dance! A dance turned into a few more dances! He told me that he wanted to ask another girl for a dance. I encouraged it. Then, he came back to me!
I guess what I am trying to say lending an ear and some advice can really help with profit. I mean, i think a part of a strippers job is to give the customer attention they don't get at home.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
A skilled dancer knows that besides the sexual aspect of dancing(dancing itself)...showing customers attention and doing it well is a smart way to carry out business. Dancing is a business(thats solely how I treat it), and Ive been accused of being professional in my ways.(No one's perfect Ive dont plenty of stupid shit). Trust u me.....
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
do be careful that you dont let him become to attached. I used to work at a club that catered to regulars one of the shot girls had a regular that said similar stuff.after a year she gave him her number and she would text him when she was working. One night she didn't answer because she was at a concert and he comitted suicide because (according to the note) he thought that the only person that could stand him hated him. This girl had the biggest heart when a friend came in that had come wuth him before and told her what happened it hit her hard. It took a month for her to get up the nerve to listen to the messages he left that night
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Optimist
I've tried to compliment guys like that but it generally backfires. Now I try to talk about their job or hobby. I say supportive things to make them feel good about the job they do or say that their hobby is so fascinating. I had a guy who was an avid gardener. Whoo-boy it was hard making that sound sexy but I did and he got some dances!
This is true.
Don't compliment them. They aren't going to believe you anyway, and sometimes will get hostile saying you don't mean it, you are lying, blah blah blah.. I learned my lesson about that.
I agree with trying to find what they are into and focus on it, make it seem like it so cool what they do, try to build them up without directly complimenting them.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I actually like these kind of customers. It's a refreshing change from the egotistical jackasses who think they're hot shit. I still compliment them and try to sound positive, but in a genuine way. Never to the point of sounding unreasonably optimistic or fake. They seem to like that, at least with me, and will spend pretty well. Some of my best spenders have been in the pits of depression during the time they spent with me. I've met guys from every walk of life and their situation may seem sad, but it doesn't bother me. I would much rather be with a spending sad loner than just about anyone else.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
your an actor, and he is the audience... you did the right thing the first time.. make him feel like a million dollars, collect $$ and be out... CYA!
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I have to say that the people who clung to me the worst were the ones with the lowest self-esteem.
Just be careful not to encourage this guy to get too attached.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
I am really sensitive to other people's moods, and negativity really brings me down. This guy sounds exhausting, LOL.
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
Yeah, I second not complimenting him directly. He won't beleive it and doesn't want to hear it. Distraction is the way to go. Acting interested in him and what he has to say is enough of a compliment. He will probably respond to the way you treat him much more than to what you say.
This type of customer can be very loyal and generous, but they can also get clingy. Set very clear boundaries about this, with YOURSELF first and then with him. He is your client, not your friend. You are providing a service, and while you hope that he enjoys and maybe even benefits from it, you are not the one responsible for "making him better."
Re: How to deal w/ Customers with Low Self-Esteem
A lot (i.e., the gross majority of men) come to clubs for some level of reassurance and/or relaxation. I did my thesis on male customer motivations and behavioral patterns in clubs right before i started dancing, and knowing that they were looking for the stereotypical ego-boost and reassurance of their masculinity (and not always in a kind, respectful way. gr) helped me sell like a mad woman right out of the gate.
Doesn't mean it's not hard.
I'm sure we've all heard that bartenders (my previous job) and strippers are the world's cheap therapists. It's kind of true.
I agree with miss Grace, don't get into a co-dependent deal with him. Be his therapist in lace during paid hours (just like an actual psych professional), but don't feel like you need to save him. One of the crappy things about interacting with people is that we can sometimes care too much.