How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
There's this guy that's a club regular who up until recently I thought was a nice, lonely guy. He used to always go up to every stage and tip every single girl a $1 and do this all through out the night and get maybe about 5 dances. He's in the club anywhere from 2-4 nights a week. He especially started liking me one night when I wore my schoolgirl outfit and since then whenever I'd see him I'd always say hi and on some nights if I had time I'd dance for him. He was always really nice about everything, he'd always thank me for the time I gave him for dancing for him because he always said he knows I'm here to work and make money and happy that I made time for him. It's always been the same thing for quite a while.
I have an email account that I give to customers to email me to keep in touch and to let me know when they'll be in to find out if I'm working. I gave him my email because he always was so nice to me at the club. Well, just the past couple weeks he's gotten kinda psycho on me. Last week when I was dancing he came up to me on stage and was all upset saying I didn't go with him to this concert and that he emailed me and was so upset that I didn't respond to him. He didn't actually email me, I have no idea what he's talking about. I in a nice way told him I never received his email, blah, blah, and he just kept on insisting about it. Since then, I've been blowing him off. I used to always say hi to him, now I've just been doing my best to ignore him. He did come up to me while I was on stage last night and I was a lot more stand offish. He was all "I haven't seen you all night" and I just said "I've been very busy tonight" and I tried to keep the convo short and sweet and while I was talking to him I stood up straight where normally I'll bend down some to customers eye level to talk to them.
This is really my first psycho customer experience. He's never spent a lot of money on me and he's never really been "my regular", he's more of a club regular. I'm wondering what you all would do. Is my giving him the cold shoulder the best way to go about it?
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
i had a somewhat similar experience. a regular was very into me. then someone in the club started saying bad things about me that weren't true. he heard them and believed it. as a result he decided to punish me by not buying dances anymore. i asked him what was wrong and what it was i did. he wouldn't tell me for over a month and would sometimes just shake his head and walk away.
i decided he wasn't worth keeping. if he didn't care about my side of the story and wasn't man enough to tell me what was wrong. on the other side, he wasn't a big spender. so now i just ignore him. i can make money without him.
depends on how you want to handle it. that was just my experience.
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
in my experience it's best to cold shoulder to begin, and once there's been a bit of distance btwn you two say hello again and get warmer. if he's there all that time, im sure he's drunk a lot of that time too, and there's nothing like dementia from drinking, he might not even remember the details of all of this in a month.
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Chrissy68
in my experience it's best to cold shoulder to begin, and once there's been a bit of distance btwn you two say hello again and get warmer. if he's there all that time, im sure he's drunk a lot of that time too, and there's nothing like dementia from drinking, he might not even remember the details of all of this in a month.
I never thought of that, you're right, the times he's gotten really weird is when he's obviously been drunk. I think giving the cold shoulder is the best thing to do, I mean he hasn't done anything that would cause for the need to be kicked out of banned, he's just gotten really psycho, I guess this happens a lot because I hear of it on here! Thanks for your info guys!;D
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Chrissy68
in my experience it's best to cold shoulder to begin, and once there's been a bit of distance btwn you two say hello again and get warmer. if he's there all that time, im sure he's drunk a lot of that time too, and there's nothing like dementia from drinking, he might not even remember the details of all of this in a month.
I agree with this to a point. I find that totally ignoring them can anger them I do a driveby hello...walking past them only on the way to the dressing room, lap dance room or something like that, looking at them, saying "hey, how are ya?" in a very standoff type of voice and keep moving.
They usually get the hint without you completely embarrassing them by ignoring them.
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DylanAngel
I agree with this to a point. I find that totally ignoring them can anger them I do a driveby hello...walking past them only on the way to the dressing room, lap dance room or something like that, looking at them, saying "hey, how are ya?" in a very standoff type of voice and keep moving.
They usually get the hint without you completely embarrassing them by ignoring them.
I agree on this one. Don't completely ignore him, or he could get to be even more of an asshole to you. Say hello in passing, and if he tips you on stage, smile and walk away. You don't need him getting into it with you at work, and I'm sure he'll warm back up to you.
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Also, change your email periodically. Inform good regulars about the change. De-activate the old email. Do this every few months....
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
leogirl876
There's this guy that's a club regular who up until recently I thought was a nice, lonely guy...He was always really nice about everything, he'd always thank me for the time I gave him for dancing for him because he always said he knows I'm here to work and make money and happy that I made time for him.
Most guys would *love* to see a dancer outside of work. Some realise it's a daydream, others are more determined. Some of the more determined ones are bright enougth to realise that asking outright is not a good way to realise their ambition - it's possible he was trying to bulid up a degree of empathy with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
leogirl876
I have an email account that I give to customers to email me to keep in touch...Well, just the past couple weeks he's gotten kinda psycho on me. Last week when I was dancing he came up to me on stage and was all upset saying I didn't go with him to this concert and that he emailed me and was so upset that I didn't respond to him. He didn't actually email me, I have no idea what he's talking about.
It's possible that he's got several e-mail address from dancers. Is it possible that he's confusing you with another dancer who's also given him hers? It's also possible he's got your e-mail address wrong and the ones he's sending are bouncing. If as you say in a later post, he's sometimes the worse for drink, it would be quite possible for him to do either.
As individuals we seldom totally make things up. In his mind he probably thinks he'd got a half promise to meet him OTC (even if plainly you didn't) and hence he gets agitated even when you're telling didn't promise. If he's got it into his mind that you've been using him, then trying to tell him he's got it wrong won't necessarily be believed.
Another possibility is sheer frustration on his part. If he has been trying to get dates from dancers - and spending a lot of money in the attempt - he may well have come to the realisation that (from his POV) that spending the money has achieved nothing. In which case his sense of self worth has just taken a battering.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
leogirl876
This is really my first psycho customer experience. He's never spent a lot of money on me and he's never really been "my regular", he's more of a club regular. I'm wondering what you all would do. Is my giving him the cold shoulder the best way to go about it?
No ideas here other than to say totally blanking him isn't a good idea - as other posters have commented.
Maybe a quiet word saying "You used to be so nice to me - I'd love you to go back to the way you were so that I could spend time with you/dance for you again, but at the moment you're making me feel uncomfortable."
Phil.
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
Thanks for all the advice, I have to say he's never spent a lot of money in the club, at least not on me. I think he's gotten maybe 4-5 dances from me and has tipped me on stage maybe a total of $20-$30 since I first met him like 4 months ago. I did in a flirty way at first say to him "OH, you've got so many girls lined up you're probably confusing me with another 'insert my stage name'" So, I tried that but he just kept on and on and then left upset. Then the next night I briefly said hi and smiled and walked off, I was busy and didn't want to be near him since he was acting so crazy. He came up to me at the stage and said "I haven't seen you all night", I told him I'm sorry, I've been very busy. He did say "well that's a good thing for you, and then he went on to say that he hasn't sent me any emails in a while, blah, blah..." He totally changed his story but was still acting weird. I wonder if he's got some weird split personality disorder because he went from one extreme to another.
I never considered me "MY" regular, he's more of a club regular where he talks to many dancers. He's never been a big spender, I just enjoyed his company but I refuse to spend what little time I have with someone who A) Doesn't spend a lot of money and B) Starts acting weird on me to the point that it makes me feel uncomfortable and C) Another dancer friend witnessed the inital conversation on the stage and said "Don't even waste your time with him".
The only thing I want is to not have someone start getting really weird on me. I'm sorry if I'm sounding very dramatic about this, it's just that I really don't have regulars. I haven't danced real long and the guys that have spent a lot of money on me have been travelers. Considering this customer is someone who's there a lot I just don't want things to get uncomfortable for either of us. If he acts strange again, I could try using the advice from Phil-W about "you used to be so nice and lately......." and see what happens.
Thanks for all your advice. I haven't been sure how to handle this. I'm hoping that next time everything will be ok, it's just that I hear horror stories and now am starting to see a little bit about what you guys have been talking about!
Re: How do you get rid of a sort of regular?
I had a custy who would spend a few hundred and came in once a week to see me, but rather than going for sitdowns he'd give me individual dances all night, so that money had to be dragged out of him over a lonnng period. Finally when he started getting funny with me about knowing each other well enough to go out now etc I said 'Unfortunately my financial gain from this transaction does not warrant the aggravation' He didn't come into the club again, blunt but honest and at least it put him off and he stopped pressuring me (No Dammit no!)