Re: no christmas for me...
People are disposable, even family. It sucks to say, but it's entirely true.
Who needs toxic people in their lives?
Re: no christmas for me...
I've spent some holidays alone before, both due to travel issues & family problems. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but here's stuff I do to make the day special for me:
Plan, plan, plan! Go to Blockbuster a couple days before and rent some movies that make you happy. Do your grocery shopping the week before (so you don't forget anything) and get all the stuff you need to make you FAVORITE meal, regardless of whether it's traditional Christmas fare or not. Filet mignon is always yummy ;D
Make an agenda for the day, even if you're not leaving your house...what time you'll eat, watch a movie, call/visit friends, watch movies, read a book, take a bubble bath, etc. No moping allowed! ;)
Re: no christmas for me...
The hardest times in a relationship with parents you love is realizing, that quite often, the roles get reversed. Parents are not beyond being parented.
Re: no christmas for me...
Just show up alraedy and deal with it if you trully love and care about them , just for one day put the issues aside .
Re: no christmas for me...
I second what LM said. Maybe there are one or two of your friends that don't have anyplace to go for christmas and you guys can hang out and get drunk on wine. Do you have any pets? You can pretend they are like your babies and throw a good christmas for them. Keep posting about what you decide to do. I think it's best to just cut out people that are toxic in your life. You would be a much happier person.
Re: no christmas for me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NatalieFRPhilly
I second what LM said. Maybe there are one or two of your friends that don't have anyplace to go for christmas and you guys can hang out and get drunk on wine. Do you have any pets? You can pretend they are like your babies and throw a good christmas for them. Keep posting about what you decide to do. I think it's best to just cut out people that are toxic in your life. You would be a much happier person.
my friends will all be with their families, and my dogs are at my parents house :( i dont know WHAT im going to do, but thanks for the advice guys. as of right now my plan is to go to work nonstop to get my mind off of it and i guess wait and see if they call me.
Re: no christmas for me...
ok, to update a little bit.. because i really dont know what to do..
my dad called me and he said he wanted to make sure i was ok. ok i guess meaning that i didnt crash my car into a wall since i drove off so angry last night, he doesntcare how i feel as long as im not dead. i said i really didnt have time to debate this, that i would be home to get the rest of my stuff sometime this week, but not for christmas unless my mother apologizes. he said he doesnt see why she should, they arent asking me to, so im "welcome to come home if i want to." well yeah, they never told me i couldnt come home, i told them i didnt want to. i still dont, since my dad called me from work and probably wont even tell her he talked to me. maybe thats being immature and spiteful, but im not going to just go home and play happy and pretend like nothing happened.
Re: no christmas for me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
britt244
ok, to update a little bit.. because i really dont know what to do..
my dad called me and he said he wanted to make sure i was ok. ok i guess meaning that i didnt crash my car into a wall since i drove off so angry last night, he doesntcare how i feel as long as im not dead. i said i really didnt have time to debate this, that i would be home to get the rest of my stuff sometime this week, but not for christmas unless my mother apologizes. he said he doesnt see why she should, they arent asking me to, so im "welcome to come home if i want to." well yeah, they never told me i couldnt come home, i told them i didnt want to. i still dont, since my dad called me from work and probably wont even tell her he talked to me. maybe thats being immature and spiteful, but im not going to just go home and play happy and pretend like nothing happened.
Your dad sounds like he might have problems being very vocal with his feelings... But I think you're reading him the wrong way. He's opening doors for communication and I think you should step through them and put your neck out a little bit more. You don't have to pretend nothing happened, but make some attempt to deal with it. Your mom may be difficult... (actually, your mom sounds kind of like mine and your dad sounds kind of like mine, lol). Anyways, I think YOU should call THEM (like, instead of saying you won't come unless she appologizes... make it easier for her. Say, "mom I love you and you really hurt my feelings"). Might as well give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.
Re: no christmas for me...
You being "just as stubborn" makes you no different than your Mom. As we grow older we see who are parents really are. They are not always the perfect people we looked up to as children. They are people and they inherently come with faults. Maybe they're not right but it IS Christmas, right? Christmas is about being around those you love. Be the bigger person and go there for the holidays. If you don't, you'll always remember this Christmas and it'll be a sore spot. You'll be lonely too if you don't go. Put your differences aside for just one day to celebrate whatever the holiday means to you. I'm sure you'll be glad you did.
Merry Christmas
Re: no christmas for me...
I was probably 19 or 20 when I spent my first christmas away from my family. I had a great time. My roommate was gone and I had my apartment to myself for the first time ever. I watched TV, read books, took a long hot bath and just generally relaxed. In the evening I got chinese take out for dinner. It was a wonderful, stress free day.
I was also fighting with my parents that year. Now I know how great it is to skip a stressful family holiday, and I will only particpate in either Thanksgiving OR Christmas, but never both in the same year.
If you feel up to it, just tell everyone you are "busy" this year, and deal with the family issues outside of the holidays.
Re: no christmas for me...
Sounds like your mom and mine should get together! They're practically carbon copies! Not make light of the situation, I have been there myself. I boycotted Xmas with my mom 2 yrs ago, and I don't regret it. Even though we didn't speak for an entire year. LM is right, you don't need toxic people in your life. YOU shouldn't have to pretend everything is alright just because its Xmas. Just becasue she is your mother, doesn't mean she is exempt from ever giving an apology to you. Your father should grow a sac, put some BALLS in it and tell his wife to pull her head out of her ass.
***HUGS***
Re: no christmas for me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sinder
Sounds like your mom and mine should get together! They're practically carbon copies! Not make light of the situation, I have been there myself. I boycotted Xmas with my mom 2 yrs ago, and I don't regret it. Even though we didn't speak for an entire year. LM is right, you don't need toxic people in your life. YOU shouldn't have to pretend everything is alright just because its Xmas. Just becasue she is your mother, doesn't mean she is exempt from ever giving an apology to you. Your father should grow a sac, put some BALLS in it and tell his wife to pull her head out of her ass.
***HUGS***
ahhh i know! i dont want to ruin my own christmas because of her, and it isnt really my dads fault so he shouldnt have to have his ruined too, but i dont know what else to do. every time i think about it though i start crying again :( thank you guys for your advice!
Re: no christmas for me...
Take a deep breath, your Xmas can at least be enjoyable. Do you have any other family to see fro Xmas...siblings, cousins, aunts/uncles....that you can visit with? Even maybe a close friend. True, it may not be your dad's fault, but he should be the one to step in and mediate between you and your mom....ya know, like being common ground. Let us know how it goes, and try not to let it get to you. It's your mother's loss, not yours.
Re: no christmas for me...
so i went to work.. just made me feel worse. the bartenders dont like me and teh girls tried to make me feel better but nothing is going to :( once again.. cant stop crying.. :(:(:(