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To the left, to the left...
So, just wanted to vent.
I'm going to write a book: How Xbox ruined my marriage...
Does anyone elses spouse/SO play their Xbox for over 8 hours a day?
Mine does. Try 10 or more if he's not working.
So I worked a booking at one club yesterday, 4-7, then came home, spent time with my baby, fed her and got her to bed, left for another club at 10-close. I asked my husband to do two simple chores. I come home to find that he has done none of them, then he yells at me when I ask why he hadn't. Not raises his voice, he yells. I leave to cool off. Come home, he is doing the dishes and tells me that when he is done, he is going back to play his game. I tell him don't worry about the dishes, I just want you to leave and I don't want to be with you anymore. Hardest thing I have ever had to do.
We've had our fair share of problems in the last year, from eptopic pregnancies, to minor split ups. We attempted to try again, one last time, last September. Is it wrong to be sick and tired of being ignored all the time? To be upset cos you got yelled at cos you interrupted his XBox live match? To feel neglected cos you can't carry on a decent conversation with your own husband? He's addicted to XBox. I bought it for him for our wedding anniversary. How funny is that? Being with him is like being alone and I've hit the point that I'd rather be alone than be alone and ignored. I've tried to express how I feel but he doesn't care. Last night he told me I didn't give him a reason not to play. I said what about you wanting to spend quality time with your wife and daughter. No comment. He said he cannot believe I'm leaving him over the XBox. Why am I the only one who can see that it's deeper than that?
We recently got approved for a house, well, I got approved-but it was going to be our house (he's got bad credit) We were going to put X amt down, which would have left us with about $2,000 in the bank. Scary, when your mortgage is almost that much... He told me I work too much, and that I'm a cheapskate cos I have been trying desperately to save money and work extra shifts after the baby goes to bed. Called me a gold digger cos I begged him to find a fill at work cos my regular promised to be at the club one night if I would go in. Needless to say, no new house. No more husband. I almost don't feel bad. Why would you feel bad for getting rid of someone who made you feel like shit? At work we just don't dance for them, right? No more Raven dances for him....
Ok, I am done ranting... I feel much better now.
Krystal
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Wow...sorry sweetie. I understand being upset over the Xbox thing though, I'd be pissed. My bf used to do the same thing with work. I agree, it goes much deeper. *hugs* You'll get through it sweetie, be strong.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
You're not the only one who can see it's deeper than that.
He can.
That's PRECISELY why acknowledgment is the FIRST STEP to recovering from an addiction.
Good luck, And I know you say it's over, but take it from me, you loved him once, working together may find you a way to love him again.
When we become addicted to something, our loved ones are always there to punish us for it, but rarely spend the time to find the right caress to turn our attention to it in a supportive way.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
You aren't in the wrong. How can he say that he's working on a marriage if he's not trying.
If he's childish enough to yell at you over this, imagine when bigger things happen.
Obviously you aren't a priority right now in his life, unless he thinks he's getting the boot.
You need to figure out if he's dead weight that's holding you back or not.
I think you are feeling bad because you do care, and also because you are married. It sucks to end it with the notion something you felt passionate and so sure about, failed.
however, you can't force upon him to make change. he's gotta want it. If it's not this then im sure it'll be something else.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The one and only Raven
Last night he told me I didn't give him a reason not to play.
awesome. top guy!::)
do not buy a house together while shit is up in the air.
if the bad part of the marriage outweighs the good, you may very well be better off alone.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Nooo... no more house.... I just thought of something kinda funny. He said I don't give him a reason not to play. I recall one night, hanging up side down on my PS pole in my undies, asking, "hey, does this look ok?" and he didn't even look up from his game... Maybe he's gay. Hmmm...
Thanks for the replies, everyone. Makes me smile a bit to know I'm not crazy for feeling like this.
Krystal
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Re: To the left, to the left...
thou shalt know when he's gotta go...
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Re: To the left, to the left...
I understand the frustration. I only really get listened to during commercials.Then I gotta hush when the show or game comes back on,or his turn on poker omes back around.
Its hard to imagine leaving a marriage over an Xbox...but ur right, its deepr than that. Makes ya feel shitty and not worth attention. Not cool. Hope he changes or is willing to comprimise for you. If not, forget him.
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Yeah--a dude like that wouldn't even get a first date with me. Was he always like this?
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Poor girl *hugs*
It didn't have to be you leaving him over an XBox, it could have been anything...anything that made him negelct his loved ones and choose a hobby (addiction) instead.
It's a really hard spot you are in. My gut reaction is smash the damn XBox, take it out of the house and have a relative keep it, get it out though. See if things change. There will be a rough spot for sure, but maybe after the dust settles he'll see what an ass he's been.
Then hopefully you two can start repairing some of the damage. But if that's not an option for you then stay strong and good luck, divorce, seperation, all fo that is one of the hardest things to do in life I think. Good luck sweetie, I hope everything turns out well for you.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Ugh I bought my man a 360 for xmas... I almost regret it lol... he plays non stop but I cant bitch cuz im online a lot. But he actually went out and bought a brand new $2000 plazma tv so his graphics on his game look better ::) But at least he will take 10min a night to cuddle with me before I go to bed.. I dont know I guess we're even with the time i spend online and his xbox time... but what bugs me is he cant just put it down he has to finish his 'game' first (which is really like 10 games) ::) Im so sorry you have to go through this sweety... I swear modern technology is ruining peoples relationships.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
This happened to my sister who's bf completely ignored her *like you''re describing- with the yelling at you for interrupting*for a game. A GAME!!! He doesn't realize how valuable you are to him. My sister's bf agreed after she left him for 1 month to give it up. He went w/o for awhile but started playing again only now on a more respectful level. Good luck, you don't deserve this from your husband.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Good for you for recognizing it and doing something about it. Its so easy to get addicted to those things. I used to play all the time before work started coming in, but it wasn't really that hard to know I had to spread myself over various things in life.
I hope he either gets a clue and treats you with the respect that you deserve, or you find someone that is better for you. No one deserves to be treated like that.
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Wow. I had to dump a guy after he tried to take me on a "video game" date. I left after 10 minutes. Poor girl!!
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Re: To the left, to the left...
I hate to say it, but the XboX didn't ruin your marriage...it already was...it was simply the thing that made it blaringly obvious to you that it was irreparable. Which you should get on your knees and thank the XboX Gods...otherwise you may have spent more time with this guy than you already have (sorry to be so blunt).
I'm sorry that you are in this situation...but as the saying goes, "Better now than never."
:hug:
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Re: To the left, to the left...
I agree with Venus.
On the other hand.. My lovely Husband has tried to play "World Of Warcraft" whenever he's home. Then he realized that I can't get anything done if he's in the other room and I'm entertaining the kids. This means, that I can't cook all the yummy elaborate meals he adores. So, he's stopped that. LOL
He still plays here and there, but he also has at least one of the kids, if not both, with him. Heh.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
With my ex-husband it was TV and his Playstation 2, and Magic: The Gathering online. It's definitely not the games and TV, like everybody said; it's much deeper. He knows that too. At least you aren't stuck with a mortgage.
:hug:
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Geez, he sounds like a child throwing a tantrum. ::)
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Thanks again, guys... No, he wasn't always like that, to this extreme. I remember when we used to stay up and talk all night, watch movies together, do things together, now his life revolves around his clan battles, XBox and an online gaming site he is a part of. At first it was fine, because everyone needs their hobbies, but then he started to yell at me, ignore me more and more, ignore my family cos he'd be playing during our holiday gatherings. He has to be home or left alone at certain times during the week for his "meetings". He bitches when my brother comes over to watch the baby on some weekends cos he sleeps on our couch, therefore Patrick can't play his XBox all night long... He seriously can't comprehend that I'm just tired of not being treated like a person. I'd rather just be alone. He even posted another self absorbed blog about it... Great, here we go again... Anyway, time for work. Thanks again, guys, for all the support and understanding. (MUAH!)
Krystal
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Re: To the left, to the left...
yeah, XBox ruined my 3 year relationship, too. and only 10 hours a day? damn... i dated this guy who went to digipen (a video game school owned by nintendo, across the street from microsoft or something) and he quite literally would play 16 hours a day. minimum.
i feel your pain, and you'll get through it. bc you're better than that, you deserve a man who worships the ground you walk on but is still man enough to hold his own. one that will fight for you, because he knows what you're worth to him.
i hope you get throughthis faster than i did... took me 2.5 years to dump him, and another year to get over my self esteem issues (feeling like a video game is more valuable than i am)
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Good for you for leaving him. Even when you know what's best for you, it's still hard to do the right thing. Stick to your guns and you WILL find something better.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The one and only Raven
Thanks again, guys... No, he wasn't always like that, to this extreme. I remember when we used to stay up and talk all night, watch movies together, do things together, now his life revolves around his clan battles, XBox and an online gaming site he is a part of. At first it was fine, because everyone needs their hobbies, but then he started to yell at me, ignore me more and more, ignore my family cos he'd be playing during our holiday gatherings. He has to be home or left alone at certain times during the week for his "meetings". He bitches when my brother comes over to watch the baby on some weekends cos he sleeps on our couch, therefore Patrick can't play his XBox all night long... He seriously can't comprehend that I'm just tired of not being treated like a person. I'd rather just be alone. He even posted another self absorbed blog about it... Great, here we go again... Anyway, time for work. Thanks again, guys, for all the support and understanding. (MUAH!)
Krystal
Wow. I was just like this with my everquest. However, I realized how much it was eating out of my relationship and I stopped gaming all together. In just enough time to see all the real problems I was using the game to cover up between us. Turns out, I was using one evil to enable another. No fucking joke. Now if I'm not playing with someone, you will rarely see me playing a video game... I don't even remember the last time I ran one. Outside of chess.
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Re: To the left, to the left...
Good for you. Get rid of the jerk. If he can't see he has a beautiful wife and family that's more important then a stupid game. Then he didn't deserve you anyway. Good job not purchasing a home with such a loser. It could have really fu%$#d up your finances. Be strong and focus on providing for your baby. To the left To the left!