Kicking someone when they're down
OK I posted something that can relate to this on the pink side...now this thread doesn't really pertain to me now, but it did a few years ago. I'm just curious as to why guys think the way they do(I'm interested in psychology-related subjects). I am wondering if guys find it easier to ridicule and/or reject someone that they observe to be already "picked on" by others.
For example, my own experience. This time two years ago(right before I started dancing), I had a lot of problems in my life. I couldn't find a decent-paying job, the shitty retail job I had fired me for a trite reason, I didn't have the money or financial aide to finish college, my car was broken-down and required an entire engine overhaul, my parents disowned me, I had tons of debt, and other things that I won't get into. What's worse is, a good portion of those problems were not within my control(I'm not trying to evoke a pity party, I'm just explaining the situation). Yeah I would often complain/express these problems to my friends, as a way of trying to seek out help from them, but in reality I wasn't complaining nearly as much as the average person would if they were in my spot(I was told this by people; they said "I can't believe you, because if I were you, I'd be totally devastated! And you're so calm about it!"). But here's what I noticed when I had all these problems: My so-called "friends" and family, amongst people I would encounter daily, falsely accused me a LOT. For example, I'd often get accused by people I didn't know that well(friends of my friends) that I was a "cokehead" or a "thief." The only basis they had for accusing me, was that I really needed money, I was in a bad spot in my life, or that my nose was running(hey! I couldn't afford healthcare, plus I had to walk outside everywhere because I didn't have my car. It was winter for crissakes!). This one "friend" stopped talking to me when I was in this bad spot(or, maybe it's because I didn't have my car to give her ass rides anymore?); she too said some hurtful accusatory things. Even worse, an ex-boyfriend of mine falsely accused me of giving him an STD that apparently he didn't even have! Bottom line, people really disrespected me and treated me like shit.
So anyway, I am wondering if perhaps the reason that I got falsely accused and shitted on so much, is because people saw other people doing it. Perhaps they saw other people accusing me of being a "thief," so psychologically, that led them too to believe that I was more likely of being a "thief"? (despite my good nature and morals against stealing) Or, maybe that ex-boyfriend was so quick to accuse me of giving a non-existent STD, because he saw that I had so many other things going wrong in my life, that it seemed more likely that I would screw up in that aspect also? Because ever since my life has gotten better, people in general have been less likely to accuse me of stuff; they simply take my word as the facts and they don't question it. Could it be that I was in such an unrespectable spot(not having anything better than a min wage job, no car, no money, parents hated me), that my words(such as claiming that I did NOT steal) had less effect or credibility? I'm wonder what you guys think and how you guys react when you encounter a girl who is kinda, well, in the dumps.
It's not just me. I've noticed several people online who seem to get constantly shitted on and mocked by others, too(not just SW, but others too). I've also observed that the people who get flamed the most, are NOT the malicious "trolls" or the assholes...the people who get flamed the most, are the ones who seem to be nice(yet spineless) people with the biggest set of problems. It almost seems kinda unfair to flame these people when they're obviously flamed enough by people in their real life, but it does happen. For example, I've noticed that a girl who ends up in jail because of the actions of a two-faced manipulative boyfriend, generally gets more flamed than a girl who ends up in jail because she knowingly and intentionally broke the law, such as by shoplifting or starting a fight. It almost doesn't seem fair(although it's the way things are).
So anyways(sorry for the long post!), I'm wondering what you guys think about this. I've noticed that guys are actually more guilty of playing the "blame game" than girls!(at least from my own experience) Do you guys blame/pick on a girl because you see other people doing it, hence assuming the girl is spineless enough to take everyones' shit? Or, do you blame a girl because you use her current plights(whether or not it's even within her control) to validate why she should be accused? Or, do you guys sense insecurity/unconfidence from a girl with lots of problems, hence she's easier target to be picked on? Just curious what it is. I'm not trying to blame you guys or peg all guys as "assholes," just curious as to why societies of people think and act the way they do. Thanks!
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
you should be a psychologist. interesting question. I think it's that if a person has a lot of problems, people think something is wrong with them, and would then assume that they're on drugs or in trouble with the law.
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
^ ^ Yep, pretty much. That happened to me before...I was poor, in a tight spot, and this guy was debating with his friends over whether he should help me out or not. His asshole jerk friends blatantly told him "no" and claimed that I "must be a cokehead" because of the way that I was sniffling and rubbing my nose. In reality, it was a snowy January and no shit I was sick with a cold, because I didn't have a car and had spent a good portion of the day walking from bus stop to bus stop in the blistering cold! Luckily, the guy's morals/conscience came out on top of his asshole friends' shit-talk and he agreed to help me. You can read more about this in a similar thread I wrote:
As far as the guy's friend's accusations go, they did make for an angering(and lasting) experience.
You said that poor people are often accused of having a drug problem or a criminal record to explain why they are in such a bad spot financially. What's ironic is, I make more money now AND have better job offers now that I DO have a criminal record(at least for now; the charges will be expunged at the successful completion of my probation), than I did before! Back when I was accused of being a coke head and didn't have a job better than some min wage stint, I had a crystal clean record! Just goes to show that perhaps my friend M--k is right when he claims that the "world is as deep as a shot glass" LOL.
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
1. It's easy to pick on people who are already down. People who are insecure choose this kind of easy target to falsely stroke their own egos by trying to make themselves look better than the one who is 'down'. We all know how stupid that is, but whatever. Most people have some kind of insecurity problem so most follow along.
2. It seems to me that a big part of male 'culture' often consists of exerting or proving their dominance over others. So specifically speaking of men, it follows that those who are less dominant in reality can display some kind of dominance over someone who's already down, again because he/she is an easy target.
Just my thoughts on the subject.
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
Yes Bridgette, and I've noticed that insecure girls employ that same tactic to belittle the "littler," even more insecure person. I think that is the reason why my guy friend M--k gets insulted so much by random bitches at bars for literally doing nothing wrong but saying hi. He's literally gotten slapped at "hello" before, and girls going up to him and telling them that they would never go for him because he has standards! It seems that most of the girls who are mean bitches to M--k, also are chunky and not very good looking. Even M--k admitted that while the good-looking girls aren't exactly flocking to him, they're civil/polite and pretty much do their own thing and leave him alone. It's always the fugly ones that start shit with him.
One time in particular, M--k was at a bar and this not-very-good-looking girl(in M--k's words, "she was okay looking, nothing special"; M--k has terrible standards so his words can be translated to, she was kinda fugly and most likely overweight) was bitching and whining about how every single guy in the bar refused to talk to her. M--k was polite to her, and then she flipped out on M--k and said something like "puh-lease, you're wasting your breath on me. Even *I* have standards" and walked away. Obviously she didn't like being treated like shit, so she probably felt better by insulting the only other loner in the bar who looked even more miserable and/or unconfident than her. M--k wears his self-hatred and low self-esteem in a very obvious way. So yeah, I agree with you that people like to pick on others to make themselves feel more dominant or superior.
However, back when I was poor there were guys who had everything going well for them and STILL picked on me. I don't think they picked on me simply because they needed a dominance boost or confidence boost. I think that seeing me struggling to find a decent job, despite having good grades in college and what I'd claimed to have been a crystal-clean criminal record(I did have one of those, at the time), made them disbelieve that I was as much of a honors-student-good-Samaritan as I claimed. Or maybe their own success over the years made them feel a bit snobby and self-righteous, so that's why they acted towards me the way they did. The boys definitely seemed to kick me when I was down more than the girls: dickhead managers at jobs, ex-boyfriends, so-called "friends," acquaintences I'd run into at bars, etc. I've found that girls are generally more sympathetic and willing to listen, whereas guys are more shallow and quick to make rash judgments.
Perhaps they also picked on me because I appeared low-confident, but I doubt it...if anything, I think that I carried myself halfway well, by hiding emotion/tears, curbing the amount of complaining(even if I had a valid crisis on my hands!), pretending that I was "fine" when I really wasn't, etc. On the other hand, perhaps my lack of complaining is a reason that they blamed me for stuff...because they knew that they could get away with it, without me complaining or asserting myself or lashing out at them about it. Who knows...
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
Keep busy. The only people I've met that have time to kick someone else when they are down have too much free time on their hands. Busy people don't have time to thinking about what everyone else is doing. Keep busy at work, read, work out, learn something new, play a game, wash the car, whatever, but keep busy. Life is short. Wasting it sitting around worrying about what others are doing (or about ourselves) is a dead-end, and time lost that can never be recovered. And when there is a problem, busy people don't take themselves (or others) as seriously. They have some perspective. People with too much free time often end up sitting around, thinking about their problems, wallowing in themselves, and after a while feel overwhelmed by their own emotions. The busier a person is, the less time they have to fall into a pattern of self pity or wasting time worrying about what others think (and even less time to spend kicking others).
Re: Kicking someone when they're down
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PhillyDancer1982
So anyways(sorry for the long post!), I'm wondering what you guys think about this. I've noticed that guys are actually more guilty of playing the "blame game" than girls!(at least from my own experience) Do you guys blame/pick on a girl because you see other people doing it, hence assuming the girl is spineless enough to take everyones' shit? Or, do you blame a girl because you use her current plights(whether or not it's even within her control) to validate why she should be accused? Or, do you guys sense insecurity/unconfidence from a girl with lots of problems, hence she's easier target to be picked on? Just curious what it is. I'm not trying to blame you guys or peg all guys as "assholes," just curious as to why societies of people think and act the way they do. Thanks!
Not sure who's more guilty. I don't kick people when they're down. It's much more fun to do it when they're up that way you can watch them when they fall. J/K. I'll clown on friends, but not seriously and never in front of people that don't know us. If I see someone picking on someone else without merit I stick up for that person. That's just me though, I do it for two reasons. One it shows the pickee that not everyone is cruel and two it put's the picker in their place. Many of them really don't recognize the psychological damage they are doing and having someone else (Me in this case.) put them in that position makes them have to re-evaluate the situation. I mean I could go on and on about shit like this, but I think I answered that question.
Yes, definetely you can always sense a person's insecurtiy/ lack of confidence by their mannerisms. It's like they have a huge pity sign on their forehead or something. I really don't understand people like that and have on occassion gone out of my way to try and help them. I like to think that I left a positive imprint, but sometimes the people are just too set in their ways for me to help. You know what I mean? I mean I can sympathize with them as should we all, because really who hasn't gone through tough shit. It get's to me sometimes.
It's funny, because if you read my sig, that's more representative of who I am, but I can't stand to see people suffering. However if I know you can handle it I will ridicule your ass without mercy at the slightest provocation.