Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Today I got dressed up and went downtown for the unwanted task of obtaining a restraining order on a man I've known for 17 yrs.
I really wish I was not in this position to need such a thing. The strange thing is: if he really is as crazy as he claims, then what the heck is a piece of paper going to do for me? Nothing.
In the past, the PPO's have been effective against this person. This is PPO #3.
I once moved 1256 miles from home and he showed up there.
I decided if I couldn't get away from him in another state, I may as well move home. He finally stopped the threats and I mistakenly started talking to him, thinking it was easier to know what he was up to than to look over my shoulder.
The talks were sporadic at first, sometimes no contact for months. We became (I thought) friends again last summer and although I kept a close eye on him, I liked having him near because I never truly got over the most horrible thing he ever did to me 9 1/2 yrs ago.
This past weekend I allowed him into my home after his heat was not working and it was freezing outside. Little inconsistencies about minor details were surfacing and I started to suspect something was up.
He sent out a myspace bulleting saying "Say goodbye to da bad guy.....you'll never see a bad guy like this ever again" and started talking crazy and implied that he was hopeless and wanted to kill himself. I've heard this from him over the years and usually it's a cry for attention from him but that's not a joke to me. I told him how much people need him here and encouraged him to stay positive and toughen the times out.
Yesterday i noticed him laying around all day, noticed he had been on my couch for the past two days and was very groggy. I asked him how many of my Xanax he ate and he said none. When I got to work I called him saying it is a great possibility my Mother could find out he's in my house and it'd be best if he left.
As soon as he left, I left work, ran home and inspected my home. The first thing I noticed was my Xanax bottle looking low. I counted them, 20 short. I called him immediately and asked him about the scenario. First he said he took one or two until I told him I knew how many were in the bottle and he then told me he was trying to kill himself! I was enraged.
What was he planning, for me to come home to find a dead ex-boyfriend on my couch? Even if he didn't die then was I supposed to know that if he died it was from taking my medication out of my home? The more I thought about it I grew susicious as to wheteher his intentions were not to kill himself but to turn his theft into my guilt. He took them to get a buzz because his life's miserable. I thought that was really shitty of him, and was angry that he lied to me and stole from me. I told him he'd lost a 17-year friend, one that gave him many chances to make good with me on the many wrongdoings I've tolerated from him over the years.
It all hit me at once, this was the exact same person my mother warned me about when i was 13 years old. Nothing's changed at all.
Today on the phone he told a friend that if I keep talking to him and being angry, with his state of mind, there's no telling what he'd do.
From the things he told me over the weekend, I'm not sure what to think; is he that hopeless that he could kill me and then himself? Is he that angry that I won't be an active part of his life that he'd kill me?
All this is so much to take in. I never fully healed from the irreparable damge he caused me 9 years ago. That is why my spelling is always bad because I've lost feeling in the left side of my right arm due to an incident with him in jan 98.
I sat in the courtroom and the Judge came out of his chambers asking me if I had contacted J's doctor. Doctor? What doctor? The judge said "doesn't he have a doctor?" He looked at me incredulously when i said not that I know of. That was the 3rd time I've obtained one of these on him and they've never imlpied that he should be seeing a doctor. They granted it w/o a hearing, only looking at the piles past court records and police reports I've collected over the years.
Sometimes he's my only friend, other times he's my worst enemy. Pretty sad.
He called my phone tonight afte being served and called my boyfriend saying "All's fair in love and war" re: PPO. I don't know....this guy is so crazy sometimes i think he's talking out his ass, other times i think I should be afraid of him.
I'm a messs
thoughts?
been through this?
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
By letting him in your home you are still inviting him and his troubles back into your life. So you are bringing this on yourself. You need to get away fast from this guy... He may try to hurt you or your boyfriend in the future then you'll be kicking yourself for being too nice to him.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
He stole your pills and tried to turn it into a guilt thing to get away with it., you're right.
Ugh, what is WRONG with some people?!
I've been through a long, bad relationship with a crazy abusive dude. I'd been trying to save him... much like it sounds that you tried to. Guess where the guy is now? Jail... murder charges... Listen, just write his problems off. Fuck him. It's NOT your problem. You can't help him, anyways. He'll just drag you down with him. It's kind of like those crazy girls at work. They'll self destruct on their own. Similarly, let him destroy himself. Or, he'll see that his tricks aren't working and find someone else to manipulate.
Keep your restraining order current and be careful.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Thanks ladies for the input.
Bella it sounds like you truly understand and..wow.....murder charges. You are absolutely on point, you reinerated everything I'm already feeling. I realized I can't save him and it's not my job to be the hero for saving my ex.
I like to think that my ex isn't THAT crazy, but then a gain, when someone is desperate and hopeless, who really knows? It's a chance not woth taking and I think stealing my pills shows signs of not having a conscience....scary.
It really sucks having to live this way, looking over my shoulder and paying attention to EVERYTHING as I did for years before this. I never wanted to go back to living this way. No choice.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Sounds to me like it would be a great thing for everyone if he did kill himself.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Yekhefah
Sounds to me like it would be a great thing for everyone if he did kill himself.
haha I accidentally said that out loud last night.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Well, seriously. It's no great loss to the world, and it's the only way you'll ever be safe. I'm not saying you should try to make it happen, but you should definitely not worry about preventing it.
Re: Looking Over My Shoulder Again -Crazy Ex
Yek, I know what you meant and I agree the only way I could feel safe is if he's in jail or gone. I'm not crazy like that and wish no ill-regard towards anyone, for the record!
The only time I ever felt safe from him was when he was locked up.
No phone calls yet today, so that's good, I guess.