Re: My heart is breaking...
i'm so sorry. :'(
try to make the most of the time you have with him. i know it's small consolation but it's much better than having your loved one being taken away suddenly without having the chance to even say "goodbye" or "thank you".
he sounds like a great man and you sound very lucky to have had him been such a part of your life. best thoughts and prayers.
Re: My heart is breaking...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sinder
Ever since I was a little girl, I was always "Grandpa's Girl". My Pa has been the one person in this world who I can always count on to be there when I needed him. He has been my rock, my inspiration, my friend, my whole world. He has given me unconditional love. When something in my life was wrong, it's my Pa who somehow fixes it and makes everything better. From skinned knees as a child to heart-wrenching break-ups as an adult, my Pa is always there wipe my tears. There is nothing we wouldn't do for one another. I cannot exist in a world without him.....and I learned today he has lung cancer.
I have cried on and off all day. I sit here needing to go to work, and I can't pull myself together. I am in shock. I am scared to live without him. I feel as if a piece of me is dying with him and it hurts. My worst fear is living without him. He beat prostate cancer years ago....and now this is what will steal him from me? I don't know how long he will last. It tears me apart to think that he may not be around to see me be a full Paramedic, or to even one day hold his great grandchild.
He has shaped the person I am today. The goals I have set were because of him. He raised me, and I am not ready to let him go. If I lose him, I don't know how I am going to cope. The last time I thought his time was limited, I fell into a deep depression and was ready to die with him. This is how much my Pa means to me. It would hurt him to know that I will be shattered to lose him. I am trying hard to be strong in front of him. He's the one person in this world I am closest to. I have never felt so much grief and hurt. I would give my life and lungs if I knew it would save him. I can't live without my Pa, I just can't.:'(
Make sure you have a lot of time with him, and make sure he knows just how much he meant to you. Tell him everything you've told us, I am sure he wouldn't want you to die with him.
I think a lot of people think death is the end. Period. I don't think the spirit of that person ever dies, a little piece of them will always be with you. Of course you're going to be extremely depressed and sad just because he has been a big part of your life, but you will get through it and become a stronger person even if you don't think you can/will now.
Re: My heart is breaking...
Awww, I don't know what to tell you. :hug:
Re: My heart is breaking...
Re: My heart is breaking...
Oh honey... I'm so sorry.
Snoopy and XBlackBettyX do have the best advice... cherish what time you do have and don't obsess about how long you have to do it... just do it. I know it's hard not to dwell on how scary it is but you shouldn't have to say "I wish I'd done this..." I know how it feels to say that and the only thing I can really tell you is, if you have the chance, take it. I'm here for you and you'll be in my thoughts. Lots of :hug:
Re: My heart is breaking...
This made me cry. I'm sure it's little consolation to realize that reason you are suffering so greatly is because you have been so lucky--so lucky to have had such a person in your life at all. I have such a person in my life who will not be much longer.
Re: My heart is breaking...
Thanks girls. I was up most of the night crying to the point where I was sick. I actually feel hungover...and I never drank anything.
I see or at least talk to my Pa everyday. He knows how I feel becasue I always tell him. I know death isn't the end. But it will be him physically being here to hug and see that I can't imagine. Today is his birthday(74) and I it kills me to think it may be his last. I try to remember my own spiritual beliefs to get me through, but its hard to listen to your own advice.
I wish I could hug each of you right now, as you have no idea how much this helps me.