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Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I am sick and damn tired of my dad running off at the mouth. He's never left the Mississippi/Tennessee/Arkansas area in his entire life, except for one trip to Texas, but he's all too willing to offer commentary on the rest of the world. He'll email me these 10-page dissertations on New York City vs. Los Angeles and why I should live in one but not the other, and he's never been to either. He goes on and on about people he's never met and why his ethics are so much better than theirs.
I've got a friend who is a straightedge punk, wears a black leather jacket with chains and patches on it, LIVES rock & roll, and my dad keeps referring to him as "that hippie guy" because he saw a picture of him with long hair. I explained that he wasn't a hippie but my dad still insists that he looks like one. NO, HE DOESN'T! And now he was looking at the stills from my shoot last weekend and decided another one of my friends looks like a psychopath... I guess because he's bald, I don't know. I really don't care what he thinks of my friends but it's irritating to get these STUPID emails.
He's also a judgemental prick, a walking stereotype of Mississippi. When I got married in 2000, he boycotted my wedding because I had been living with my then-fiance for about five months. In his opinion, that made the wedding "nothing but a piece of paper" and he saw no reason to celebrate. To be honest, I was glad not to have him there if that's how he was going to be. And now he's still mouthing off that I shouldn't have to pay rent because I'm "shacking up" with K - IOW, sex should entitle me to free support. But the same guy makes nasty, snide remarks about any woman he perceives to be a prostitute, so go figure.
Today he was looking at the stills on my short and said he hated to see me surrounded by strippers. I told him I knew several strippers who put themselves through college that way and who were thoroughly decent people. His response was that you could put yourself through college robbing banks or killing people for the mob too, but that didn't make it okay. He went on to call stripping "a milder form of prostitution" and insisted that all strippers are fucked-up sleazy junkies who hate men and will do anything to steal all their money.
I have NEVER been so tempted to respond, "Hey, guess how I made my living all last year?"
I didn't though. He'll just keep on running off at the mouth about things he knows SFA about, and it really just irritates the hell out of me. And he also keeps sending me his ideas for movies I should make, and they're all lame. He's pissing and moaning now that my short is "R-rated" and I should expect the rest of the family to be upset. They can be upset or not, I really don't give a shit, it's my art. I do NOT want to re-make "Supersize Me" with Baskin-Robbins to make a political point, and I do NOT want to make a documentary exposing "An Inconvenient Truth" as a "lie," and I do NOT want to make a spoof called "Granny 911."
PLEASE stop sending me these lame-ass "ideas," please stop making stupid remarks about the appearance of my friends, and please stop running off at the mouth about things you don't know anything about, because it just makes you look stupid! Really, Dad, I love you but shut the fuck up!
</rant>
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
*hugs* I'm sorry.
You could change your email and not tell him! XD
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I'm sorry to hear that. :hug: My dad had the nerve to tell me that what I'm doing is "wrong" and kept calling the place a "sex club". Just ignore his emails you obviously know what you are doing. I know it's hard but don't let it get to you. You're a grown women - he should be treating you like one.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I honestly have no idea what my dad would do if he knew I'd been a stripper. It's none of his business in my opinion, but I know he'd definitely have plenty to say about it. Oh well, at least I've actually BEEN to the places I talk about and I haven't spent my entire adult life living with my parents.
I just love how he wants to critique everything and tell me how awful L.A. is when he's never been here. I mean yeah, I love to rip on this town as much as anybody, but I LIVE here!
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
*shakes head* I feel ya! My parents are sort of like that. I can't even post the retarded, old-fashioned ideas that come out of their mouths! I KNOW they weren't that judgmental when they were younger... is it an over fifty thing??
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I'd tell him exactly what you wrote here. Make it clear to him you do not need his critique. Threaten to block his email/hang up the phone etc. if he cannot refrain from insulting you. And then follow through every time so he knows you mean business.
If he wants to be family he needs to act like it.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Good rant. Hope you feel a little better now. Parents can be a pain in the ass.
Dumb question? Whats IOW and SFA stand for?
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Actually, look at it in a different way- your dad is lucky he never had to leave the security of home & never had to "go the extra mile" to get by, if you know what I mean...My dad was hurt when he found out I was dancing, but he accepted it because he knew what it was like to be broke & desperate & to pull one's self up by the bootstraps, even if it hurt.
Lot of people are like your dad, they just don't say those things out loud.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I know SFA meens "sweet fuck all" but IOW i don't know :)
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
IOW = In Other Words
SFA = Sweet Fuck-All (nothing)
Sorry, I've been on the internet since I was a little kid and I slip into geeky acronyms sometimes. :blush:
I dunno what it is with him, but it probably has something to do with the fact that his parents have supported him his entire life (they still do) while I've been making it on my own since I was 18, with only a little bit of help once or twice. I've travelled extensively and lived overseas, I have a good education and a broader understanding of the wider world, so that's probably why I get so impatient with him. It's just that he pontificates like he knows absolutely everything about places he's never been and people he's never met! And it makes him sound like a moron. He's not, he's very smart, but he's willfully ignorant as well.
My fucking Mississippi relatives, man. Damn. They make me nuts.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Wow, my dad will be gone in the next 10 years or less. I don't care if he emails me shit like that, he will be gone soon and I wont get to talk to him anymore. At least I will know he loved me enough to try to help.
Sorry I did not mean to bust your balls, I just know I will miss my dad when hes gone.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
you pick your friends. you pick your job. you pick your clothes. you pick your significant other. hell, you can even pick your nose. :D
but you don't get to pick your family.
parents...<sigh>...aren't they just an insane bunch of fun sometimes? :banghead:
btw ranting does help ime, it's basically what your dad's doing. so i figure let 'em blow off their steam, argueing/confronting all the time doesn't help you or him.
save that for the big battles you'll need to fight. ;)
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Why are you showing him the film dailies to begin with when you can predict he's going to have this reaction that causes tension? You have the choice to avoid conflict and accept him the way he is and I recommend taking that route. You're not sixteen and he doesn't need to know about everything in your life. When he subjects you to his rants, ignore them. You are an adult now and can choose how to expend your energy. I don't know how many hundreds of times people on this site have told you your own negativity hurts you but add my voice to the apparently futile chorus.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I can't help it. The cliche is just wanting to come out:
You can choose your friends and your lovers ...you just can't choose your family.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Oh sweetie, haven't you figured out that what people think they know is inversely proportional to what they actually know?
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I love my Dad, and we get along great. But some of the things that fly out of his mouth make me go "Say what?!"
I was talking to him about how in Germany they live in close quarters of one another and there's small apartments and houses close together. So he says:
"Yeah, those Germans are used to that type of living from when they had the concentration camps..."
Um, wtf? For one, that's innacurate, second, he must have been drunk to say something so rude.
Dads. ::)
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Krazyjane
Oh sweetie, haven't you figured out that what people think they know is inversely proportional to what they actually know?
Hahahaha. This is so true, as true with ignorant adults as it is with angsty teenagers.
Yek, is there any way that you can try to let it go? I know this sounds overly simplistic, possibly even condescending, but I don't mean it that way. I mean it more like... your dad seems very set in his ways, and trying to change any aspect of those ways is like trying to undo entropy. Some ways are just THE ways, and the effort one would exert to alter them is usually disproportionate to the degree of change realized, and often far exceeds the satisfaction achieved by the [realistic] end result.
Sorry, that got wordy, because sleepy + all day in school doing learnin' = nerdy pontificating ToTH. (pictorally: :tired: + :thinking: = :expert: hee hee.) What I mean is, like, I could argue and argue with someone that cats totally rule and dogs suck. At best, I could probably persuade them that MY cat kinda rules, and he's probably the exception, but dogs are still generally better. Maybe their mind would change if they got a cat for themselves and discovered how great cats are, but why should I hold my breath for that?
I also think that Krazyjane should be a team player and make an awesome shirt graphing said inverse proportion, where "knowledge" is the x-axis and "douchebaggery" is the y-axis. C'mon Jane, we all want the shirt. I know you're busy in nursing school, but it's just a little arts and crafts project. Silkscreening for stripper amusement? Be a team player. BE ONE.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
teeth_of_the_hydra
I also think that Krazyjane should be a team player and make an awesome shirt graphing said inverse proportion, where "knowledge" is the x-axis and "douchebaggery" is the y-axis. C'mon Jane, we all want the shirt. I know you're busy in nursing school, but it's just a little arts and crafts project. Silkscreening for stripper amusement? Be a team player. BE ONE.
Haha, I've had many inspirations for T-shirts. Some have to do with insulting Asiaphiles, some are gramattical jokes, some are geek humor like this. Hmmm... the boyfriend is a graphic designer. maybe we could go into business together...
Thanks for the flattery. You've made my day.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Thanks, guys, I've already let it go. It was just a rant and I feel better... that's just the way he is.
And BTW, I didn't show him dailies, I sent him a link to the page where the stills photos are. It would've been incredibly rude if I hadn't; this is a big time in my life and he wanted to see what was going on. He does like some R-rated movies, I guess he just didn't want his daughter directing one, but he'll deal with it like he does everything else.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
I only read the OP, all I have to say is sorry! He sounds soo annoying, just thank the heavens that you are ?? miles away from him, and that you grew up to be an open minded, well rounded, cultured human being.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Yekhefah
I do NOT want to re-make "Supersize Me" with Baskin-Robbins
</rant>
Um doesn't he know who John Robbins is and exactly what he wrote??? That is too funny.
Where are the articles on NY vs. LA? I'd love to see them...
Which leads me naturally to the next question....do you have an accent?
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Susan Wayward
Why are you showing him the film dailies to begin with when you can predict he's going to have this reaction that causes tension? You have the choice to avoid conflict and accept him the way he is and I recommend taking that route. You're not sixteen and he doesn't need to know about everything in your life. When he subjects you to his rants, ignore them. You are an adult now and can choose how to expend your energy. I don't know how many hundreds of times people on this site have told you your own negativity hurts you but add my voice to the apparently futile chorus.
Cuz it's her dad, and the only person (besides the mothership) we're never going to want to stop trying to get feedback from. It was a relief to me to figure that out early on, because never again will anyone in my LIFE upset and disappoint me so much. No husband, nothing.
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alaska
Cuz it's her dad, and the only person (besides the mothership) we're never going to want to stop trying to get feedback from. It was a relief to me to figure that out early on, because never again will anyone in my LIFE upset and disappoint me so much. No husband, nothing.
Yes! The Dads will always be there, even after you reject their advice and come back with tears in your eyes. They will hold you in their arms, just as when you were an infant, and try to make it better...
It might be hard Yekhefah, but I say keep sharing with him because it makes him feel a part of your life. He will learn to respect your decisions eventually if you continue to assert yourself as an adult :glasses: .
Yek, I'm just tuning in now, and don't really know the whole situ w/ your D-A-D, but my own Dad does some pretty odd things and employs pretty weird methods of being protective of me and showing me his love.
-Among these is giving me a newsflash on every girl that has been violently murdered lately :O . Errr, thanks dad :-\; LoL ?
However, I have concluded that most men have communication barriers ESPECIALLY when dealing with their daughters. My Dad's ways communicate to me that he doesn't want me to be one of those girls he hears about on the news, and your Dad's ways say the same thing, just differently.
Dads worry differently than moms. Perhaps part of why they worry so much is because being men and having had them themselves, they can relate to some pretty dark, kinky, sicko thoughts other men may direct towards you, and being "Daddy's Little Girl" he wants to protect you from these possibly dangerous scenarios.
Cause no matter how old, successful, (emotionally / geographically) distant we are from them, they will always see us as 2-year-old "Daddy's Little Girl(s)". Fathers will always feel that the only one who can properly take care of / protect their daughters, is them (kind of cute to me) .
Besides, he's a Dad, so he's old school. Perhaps someone told him, "L.A. is full of freaks," and now he's all worried about you. Especially since you are entering "The Life" (Hollywood), which is notorious for so many shady things having happened to people, particularly women.
Just tell him to stop watching movies like L.A. Confidential; LoL ;) .
And please, try to cut him some slack, because God forbid something happen to him, you will miss your Daddy's "unsolicited unwanted overprotective" feedback (albeit "cautionary / negative"). The worse thing will be the regret as in: "Shoulda told him this," "Coulda showed him that," "What woulda he have thought of this?"
Your Dad cares about you, and so many other Dads could give a sh*t about their children. This is why I am grateful for my Dad everyday.
I hope everything works out for you Yekhefah.
:flirt:
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Re: Shut up, Dad. Seriously. Just shut up.
^^^ You're absolutely right. Thanks for the reminder.
My dad really is great... he just gets on my nerves sometimes and I have to rant about it! ::)