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Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
My husband is so against me dancing but we have come to an agreement. sorta.
Well, he says its not a jealousy/insecurity thing. He says me taking my clothes off for other men, dancing for them, on them, flirting, is in his eyes,cheating. To me, I dont see it this way at all! Its kinda difficult for me to understand where he is coming from completely.
What do ya'll think about this? I respect his feelings that he doesnt want me to dance, but we have decided its not worth fighting over any more but I still feel a bit guilty because to him Im out there cheating with atleast 10 guys a day!
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Stripping is acting. When you're at work, you use a different name- in a sense you get into character. If you were a soap actress- would he get mad when you have a kissing scene? This is just my opinion- I view my job as acting- I dont REALLY want to flirt with these guys- it's a job, a business.
Unless you develop feelings for a customer- its not cheating.
Once you take the fantasy to reality- then there's a problem.
But if you're professional- he shouldnt be worried. It is a jealousy/insecurity issue- otherwise there would be no issue. My husband has NEVER given me any problems about my job- he's very supportive and understands- its just a job.
I hope your husband realizes this and you two can move on happily :)
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
No, I don't agree. He is either scared or jealous or insecure or all of the above. I know on this site guys get called all kind of names if they don't 'love' the idea of their g/f stripping. But I would be lying if I wrote I don't understand the apprehension. I can see why they would be nervous.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nina77
Stripping is acting. When you're at work, you use a different name- in a sense you get into character. If you were a soap actress- would he get mad when you have a kissing scene? This is just my opinion- I view my job as acting- I dont REALLY want to flirt with these guys- it's a job, a business.
Unless you develop feelings for a customer- its not cheating.
Once you take the fantasy to reality- then there's a problem.
But if you're professional- he shouldnt be worried. It is a jealousy/insecurity issue- otherwise there would be no issue. My husband has NEVER given me any problems about my job- he's very supportive and understands- its just a job.
I hope your husband realizes this and you two can move on happily :)
I totally agree with you Nina, well said.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Nobody can say but you and him. It's a matter of opinion. To him it is cheating..to you it is not. The question is...is it worth doing something you know upsets him? And is it a simple matter or jealosy on his part or control?
These are questions only you two can answer for yourselves.
I've danced for 6 years, and been doing adult films for several months now. To my husband and myself....it is not cheating. We have an open relationship and are always honest with each other. But in no way is our lifestyle for everyone.
The question is...if he was doing something that YOU considered cheating and he did not...would you be ok with him continuing it?
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
This is a curious post. Where you dancing when you two met (Or at least before you got married)?
The reason why I ask is that makes a HUGE difference in how to respond to this situation. If you decided to dance *after* you two were already married/ serious then you are the one forcing the idea on him. If you have been dancing *before* you two were dating/ married then he is the one trying to change the deal.
In any case, his feelings are hurt. Regardless of how you see the job, he has issues with it, and no amount of reasoning is going to change the way he feels about it. Just like the person that hates broccoli, you can't talk them into liking it, only putting up with it and not complaining about it. Just because a person doesn't complain, he may still hate it and just get resentful in the end.
Most of the time it comes down to boyfriend or stripping. A girl must decide which has more value to her.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Umm, no. Would you consider being a swimsuit model cheating? It's the same thing. Guys pay to look at you naked, big deal, there is nothing wrong with it dammit ;)
Seriously, I said this in another post: no man who loves you is going to be happy about a million guys seeing your tits and hitting on you, really. But if they love you they should also understand it's just a job, just what you do for a living and leave it at that.
YOU ARE NOT A CHEATER! ......and neither am I...
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
No it is not cheating! You are an actor! You may not bring home brad pritts type of money. But your job is to create a fantasy in your setting! With out having sex. nothing is real. It is all fantasy!
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
When we first started dating I had taken a break away from dancing and trying to work a "normal" job. That crap lasted a week, we dated several months before I got pregnant. He has never LIKED me dancing, he even came up to the club a couple times when we were dating. I even gave hima dance. But he says "that was back then". I have a back up plan anyways, school, so he knows this is just for now. Atleast until he finds a better paying job which hes been takin his sweet ol time.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
The problem is, in the vast majority of stripclubs, the guys aren't 'just looking' at the woman in question--they are getting their dicks rubbed by her ass or whatever in VIP. The vast majority of guys simply cannot handle the woman they love doing this.
Before we condemn these guys, it should be asked how many women could handle 'their' boyfriend/husband rubbing another woman's crotch a dozen times a night. Very few could.
That being said, I agree with Paris. If he knew what you were doing before you got involved, it makes a big difference.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
I dont do alot of grinding or anything like taht, it feels gross to me so I get creative to keep em from being sidetracked. i have even told him several customers pay me just to talk so I think hes (my husband) just playin back in his head what HE has experienced in the strip club!
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
That's exactly how I see it-as an acting and entertaining job. Yes, you flirt with guys, but that's just par for the course. It is a fantasy environment and flirting is one thing you're required to do if you're going to be successful and make any money in this business. If you were genuinely flirting and trying to hook up with someone that's a completely different story, but the fact is that we're not. It is a job, we're there to make money-period. How much money would we make if everytime we went to work, we said, ewww-you're fat/ugly/socially inept and sooo not my type, or-I'm in a relationship, so I can't talk to you?? Me, dance for you? No way!! The answer-absolutely none! Geez, I really wish guys would get over their damn hangups about this job and realize that if we're in a long-term relationship and/or married to them that they are the ONLY ones we want to be with. Jesus Christ on a fucking pogo-stick....::)
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
The bottom line is what anyone of us thinks isn't important. I'll never advise you on what to do with your boyfriend. Many of us feel that stripping isn't cheating, but I might also think that the sky is blue on a rainy day.
You have a tough decision to make. You're in the relationship and will have to live with the decision(s) you make. If the ends don't justify the means then don't do it. Regret is hard to get over and a man's pride is easily crushed...
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PleasureVictim
No, I don't agree. He is either scared or jealous or insecure or all of the above. I know on this site guys get called all kind of names if they don't 'love' the idea of their g/f stripping. But I would be lying if I wrote I don't understand the apprehension. I can see why they would be nervous.
yea, i agree. it's a tough thing to swallow. i have a good friend (actually, my bf's best friend) who got into a serious conversation as to why he couldnt seriously date a stripper. and he admitted it was truly that he couldnt handle. in my relationship, my boyfriend doesn't like it when i mention work. he has been to SCs enough to know what i do, and i know he doesn't like it. but, we met and i was already doing it, so he can't really complain. we have had a discussion about when it will stop, and while i think that im a sort of lifer, he cant accept that. so, i have told him that by 30 (im 25) it'll be done, but the money's too good not to do it for a few years more.
as for cheating, well, it's only cheating if you do extras or kiss customers. that being said, it's purely acting.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
I work at an air dance club and I definately do not consider it cheating. What I find relevant is not how the guys who pay me feel but how I feel. When I dance for them I feel nothing, I am going thru the motions, I am not turned on, I am not enjoying it. If they try to touch me I will have them thrown out.
Even in this situation my boyfriend is not totally comfortable with me dancing.
I am concerned about your husbands opinion that you are cheating and to me I don't think you should dance if you want your marriage to remain good. If dancing is more important to u then keep dancing. However, if he thinks u r cheating on him every night this is going to lead to very grave problems for u both.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
It's a job, and when you are dealing with a guy who doesn't understand the strip club scene, or never really went to clubs before you, it requires some work.
Many times you are dealing with guys who were somewhat the player type before they met you, or guys who have a serious hangup as to what other people will think if he tells them what you do for a living. A dancer really needs a boyfriend or husband who gets excitied when she has a good night, and who could on occasion can sit at a club anonymously watching her work and rooting her on to himself every time she sells a dance, knowing that her only interest in the customers is the money they pay her. Of course this kind of guy needs to have some ambition for himself and not be the type who just lives off her money.
Plus you have to look at the committment you both have. Do you both have a home together, bills together, business interests together, where he can appreciate the fact that the money you make enhances the quality of both your lives?
If you guys are just kind of getting by with no real plans for life, he doesn't really have the appreciation of what you are gaining from dancing.
Many guys even if they try to hide it are still chauvinistic at heart, and get uncomfortable when a girl is able to get the upper hand on a guy. The ones who understand the business are not worried about losing you to a customer. More affairs develop in an office than a strip club.
Also guys who have trouble with their woman stripping would be uncomfortable in any sense where their other half is outearning them, or forced to have to travel away from home on business. They want you to be in a "safe" role, kind of like comparing Bush's stepford wife to Hillary Clinton.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
um, actors kiss people and simulate sex all the time, and they also have a much higher rate of relationship failure than average. even if stripping is just acting, the lines between reality and fantasy get blurred in any job where you're paid to pretend certain things are real over and over again.
some people can deal with this line-blurring and successfully remain married to actors or strippers, but most cannot. and anyone choosing to strip/act/etc should probably keep that in mind when debating whether to pursue relationships of the romantic type.
as for whether it's cheating, a case can be made that it is, or that it isn't, depending on how one wants to view acting or stripping's blurring of fantasy and reality.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
Geezus.. you're not fucking them.
Since when is eyelash bashing and flirting cheating? If that were the case, I'd be divorced for flirting with my mechanic to get a free tyre!!
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
"Cheating" is simply violating the sexual/emotional parameters of the relationship. So what specific acts constitute "cheating" would vary according to each individual relationship. In some relationships stripping would be cheating; in others not. In my opinion, it's not the act itself that matters, but your partner's knowledge and whether he's cool with it.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
This job is just what it is...selling a fantasy. Like everyone else has said, we are just "actors" in our job. The lines of fantasy and reality can be blurred in ANY job. When I worked for the casino, there was more fucking going on amungst the employees than a brothel! A few people who worked my night shift would actually take turns screwing on the managers desk!!! Point being, sex/cheating happens anywhere regardless of where you work or what you do.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
^^^ OMG, restaurants are the absolute WORST for that. My friends don't understand why I keep saying I'd rather my daughter was a stripper than a waitress. The rampant sex and exploitation in the restaurant industry is disgusting, especially since the cooks tend to feel entitled to unlimited waitress poon whenever they want it.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
I met a girl recently who thinks that if her husband sees nudity in a film, that THAT is cheating. I say bullshit. I also say that being nude in front of other people is NOT cheating. You aren't sleeping with them. You aren't making out for cash. Sheesh. It's dancing.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
whatever you do, even if you two have come to the agreement DONT let him drop you off at work or pick you up. DONT EVER let him come into the club. dont be dumb like ALOT of girls.
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Re: Is stripping like "cheating" if you are married/boyfriend?
To me, cheating is an emotional issue. As long as my boyfriend and I are honest with each other, what I do with my body is my business. Actually, he grew up in El Paso, where strip clubs are waaaay worse than they are in our city, and he used to assume that dick-rubbing and flashing pussy were normal parts of a topless dance...so, I guess his limits of what I can do at the club are actually broader than mine.
Not every relationship can be like this, though. I certainly wouldn't advise choosing the job over the guy, if he's a good one.