I revealed part of my self to b/f
As some may already now, i have a family member with a drug problem. Im confused at this point about where it will go...but anyway it is my mother and i have never revealed that before.
Its been almost 11 months with my boyfriend,,,,i hav been going through this problem for almost a year with my mom...and i finally told him. I was a little sad when i told him (it came after i visited my mother and saw some people i did not like) but i was not overbearing or hysterical. Anyway he knows the situation, and is very supportive. I told him i am self conscious bc i am not good at opening up and i feel as though since i have family problems i am a burden. He def talked to me and told me not to ever worry about it.
I am jsut nervous bc it is the first big thing i disclosed to my boyfriend. I really am not sure if it was a mistake or not. I know its been almost a year and i should feel good enough to confide in him about problems...he never has given me a reason to be scared to confide in him....and i know he does not judge my mother in any way. i could see if i dated him for a month and told him this, but its been a year....
Why do i feel so bad about confiding in my boyfriend? Its not like i did it in some overbearing way....it was a discussion type of thing. Is this normal? Any feedback would be appreciated..Do u think this would make him feel good as my boyfriend to know i am now comfortable enough to confide in him. I made sure he knew that i am dealing with it ok. Ah i dunno what my problem is. I guess i get nervous that it will be too much to handle for him, but i really do not let this situation with my mother effect me...it actually could be getting better. Now i also worry that if she does get better that he will look at her different or something....although really i think this is jsut in my head i really have a great guy.
Is this just normal....coming to the point in a relationship where u can reveal something about urself? I used to think i need to appear like everyone os great and perfect in my life....buts is normal when u r in a serious relationship to get to the point of comfort where u can express more things right? Sorry i hope this post is understandable....i have not had the best day =/ I always appreciate the feedback i get on this site though. i only have one girlfriend i truly confide him...and now my boyfriend is the only guy i confide in for this specific situation in my life.
Re: I revealed part of my self to b/f
I think it's good that you told him and even better that he is supportive and non-judgmental. Maybe you are scared of letting your guard down and worried that it may make you vulnerable. That is where trust comes into play. obviously you trust eachother or you wouldn't have felt confident to tell him anything. Possibly you are worried about betraying your mother which i don't think you did. Everyone needs someone to talk to and that's why you have him. If anyhting, it will bring you two closer together and he can understand you better. I'm sure he's happy you told him and doesn't hold you accountable for her nor see you to be like her in that way. Yes, you do have a really great guy!
Re: I revealed part of my self to b/f
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Originally Posted by
Silky
As some may already now, i have a family member with a drug problem. Im confused at this point about where it will go...but anyway it is my mother and i have never revealed that before.
And it will get easier to accept and actually ADDRESS in the context of how it affects you the more you admit it to yourself and face it.
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Its been almost 11 months with my boyfriend,,,,i hav been going through this problem for almost a year with my mom...and i finally told him. I was a little sad when i told him (it came after i visited my mother and saw some people i did not like)
You where in a moment that you had supreme difficulty being able to address alone. And sometimes, you just need to TALK. it helps.
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He def talked to me and told me not to ever worry about it.
Most important thing here. This indicates that not only he listened, but he processed it's value (and hopefully need for discretion) to you.
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I am jsut nervous bc it is the first big thing i disclosed to my boyfriend. I really am not sure if it was a mistake or not.
Why do i feel so bad about confiding in my boyfriend?
It's normal to feel like this when we bare a burden that overwhelms us at times causing us to require a hand from others.
It's also natural to be very afraid to check to see if your investment in someone is maintaining it's value.
These are not easy things. You're mother's problem will not go away tomorrow and even if it did, it wouldn't stop affecting you for a long long time. Letting other people know this severe wound in your life is also showing them a big part of your true self that they don't see when you're not around them.
And they may not like that.
So don't sweat it, really, these things are natural in relationships. Kinda like telling some guys you're a stripper. How he handles this knowledge in consistency will either strengthen or destroy your relationship in time.
Lets hope on strengthen
Mast.
Re: I revealed part of my self to b/f
I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. I really hate drugs! They destroy people :( I wish you strenght and hope that your mom gets the proper help that she needs.
I think that the previous posters said it well. This is such a difficult situation and you don't have to deal with all this pressure by yourself, he knows and he can help you hon. I wish you the best.
Re: I revealed part of my self to b/f
Wow, great post Mast.
I think it's a great thing that you opened up to your boyfriend, and also the fact that he was accepting and understanding. It sounds like you snagged youself a good guy. It's things like these that bring people closer in relationships-now he'll be able to understand you more and you can talk to him about anything.
It sounds like you have a fear of attachment or exposing vulnerabilities in yourself out of fear of getting hurt, but I think it's wonderful that you found someone that you feel close enough to as well as trust to say those things to. Good for you!
I'm also really sorry about what you're going through with your Mom. That has to be difficult-I couldn't even imagine what it's like and my heart goes out to you.. :grouphug:
Re: I revealed part of my self to b/f
Thanks everyone for the feedback.
I think i have some sort of complex where i feel the need to be perfect for him.....perfect looks.....perfect mood...say the perfect thing.....not have any serious "problems" blah blah....but the good news is i realize now that we are past that stage of "impressing" eachother and i can let myself out a little more.
He loves me for the wild crazy...kinda weird...ect ect person that i am.
I felt like if i told him this problem, thatit would overwhelm him and he would eventually want a girl with less "burden"...but thats dumb...everyone has some type of thing that is not great going on in their life.
Also, i am very closed off with this kind of stuff....so its not like i cry and cry and cant handle my feelings towards him....so its not like i give any reason for him to ever think i am a burden.
I have family to talk to abouit the problem so i feel like maybe i should have just kept talking to them. In a way, it was nice to see how he reacted and i think it did bring us closer.
I do think he feels good i told him,,,he told me it wont effect im in anyway when i expressed these concerns....that is a good thing to say right????
Im still in denial, i keep thinking it was just a recreational pattern that is over now...but every time i visit her...there is some new "stranger" there, people that do not look like someone a 50 year old woman should be hanging with. Some are young dealer looking types and others are old druggie women that u can tell have had it rough for a while. She said the one guy was there to give her discount phone minutes....i know it has to be more than that but i still always convince myself that i am over-reacting =(