should i visit a club with my bf?
No, this isnt the usual, "my bf doesnt want me to dance, what should i do?" thread. The thing is, I told him I wanted to dance awhile ago, and he said it was fine, but he was obviously not so hot about the idea. Understandable.
Problem: neither of us have been to a club! I obviously need to visit one so I can see what its like, but I have no one to go with me. Really, I dont :'( Since he has never been either, do you think that taking him to a club would be a good or bad idea? I plan to go to one that is topless and has a reputation for not allowing much mileage and extras, or whatever its all called. I just dont want the club experience to make him decide he cant handle me being a stripper. I think that his problem with it is the jealousy factor, although the way he is, it might be more of a safety issue. I really have no idea because he didnt actually tell me he had a problem, I just sensed it. Maybe if I buy him a lap dance it will change his point of view }:D Ok maybe thats too much.
Anyways, summer is coming up and this is the time that I really want to dance. I originally wanted to do it mostly for fun, and now I desperately need $$$ so its looking like an awesome plan. Just gotta figure out this one thing...any advice, ladies?
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
I def recommend going if you've never been..hell YOU might find out that you cant handle it. He's goingto have to deal with it if you start dancing...so take him. If he thinks it will be too much for him when you are still a customer it will at least give you two a chance to talk things out BEFORE you jump in...much better then having it blow up suddenly and have to deal with it after 5 nights in a row of working your ass off until 4 am!
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
If you don't want to bring your boyfriend, I would advise taking along another guy or girl friend. Many clubs (and the girls who work there) tend to view lone women suspiciously (some prostys like to scout for customers at titty bars). A few clubs I've worked at require all women to be "escorted" by a man.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
there is no reason that u cannot go by yourself. strip clubs are one place where people often go alone.
i would not take the boyfriend. it could seriously make him not want u to start. go by yourself, if the club is ok and u dont think it would freak him out take him next time. if u go alone at least u can talk to the girls etc and not have to worry about him hearing things that he doesnt want to hear.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
while that sounds like a good idea to be able to check out the club on my own, I really dont think its safe to go alone, and I doubt I am even allowed. Im more worried about walking to my car after the club than actually being in there....bad things happen to small young women in the city :-\ If I dont find anyone I guess I could try going during the day?
Ugh. It sounds like its really going to depend on the club itself, and what goes on while were there. Sometimes you have assholes and sometimes you dont, right?
Are things more calm during the day? What if I brought him then?
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
I take mine along when I don't have anyone else to go with (which is like, all the time). I would be very uncomfortable going alone honestly and some clubs won't let you in anyway.
I guess in most clubs during the day is pretty calm. I go at night to see the place in full swing so I know what to expect.
Hopefully the place you choose will let you park near the club entrance or within eyesight of a bouncer so you won't have to walk anywhere alone.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
LaylaJo
while that sounds like a good idea to be able to check out the club on my own, I really dont think its safe to go alone, and I doubt I am even allowed.
uh this concerns me? u wont be allowed? no offense but i think your boyfriend will revoke the "permission" he gave u to strip. if he wont even let u go to one on your own i highly doubt he will truly allow you to work at one. many boyfriends initially say they will be ok with their girlfriends stripping but change their minds.
if u r worried about walking to your car catch a cab.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jaizaine
uh this concerns me? u wont be allowed? no offense but i think your boyfriend will revoke the "permission" he gave u to strip. if he wont even let u go to one on your own i highly doubt he will truly allow you to work at one. many boyfriends initially say they will be ok with their girlfriends stripping but change their minds.
if u r worried about walking to your car catch a cab.
I think she means the club wont allow her in. Many clubs dont allow unescorted females in.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Go alone. What Jaizaine said is SO true. What if you accidentally pick a bad/sleazy club on your first try and your BF freaks out and thinks they're all like that and changes his mind about letting you dance? Definitely go by yourself and if everything seems kosher, bring him in later.
When you get there, just tell them that you are considering applying and would like to check the club out. Most places would be okay with that, I believe.
And they should have bouncers/security that could walk you to your car or even valet so you don't have to walk anywhere at all.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Definitely go on your own - if you go early in the evening and have someone meet you from the club, bouncers/ staff members will escort you to a cab or something. Alternatively go on your own. That way you will get a feel for it - like the others said you may not be able to handle it yourself! - and you can take him another time when you are comfortable.
Also, if you do visit - don't forget to tip the dancers you talk to for their time as well as buying a couple of dances. Having your bf with you will just confuse your feelings in the situation and you wont think properly about your own persepctive - which is what is important here.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cameron_keys
I think she means the club wont allow her in. Many clubs dont allow unescorted females in.
Yep. Thats what I meant. I dont understand where someone would get the idea that I was referring to my bf when I said I didnt think I was allowed. Its quite obvious to me that if he wouldnt let me visit a club alone, there is no way in hell he would let me dance there. But hey, there are stupid ppl in the world so I guess she was just looking out for me and making sure that wasnt the case.
My bf would never try to control what I do. The whole reason Im asking about this is because I know he will let me do it, despite the fact that he is uncomfortable with it. I want him to be as comfortable as possible, and I wasnt sure if taking him to a club would help him or not.
Im getting very mixed responses here, which I kind of expected. I think I am going to ask him if he wants to come with me, with the understanding that it may turn out horrible, in which case we can try another club. Im sort of thinking he wont want to come at all. Wow Im just wasting everyones time right now blabbing on and not talking to my bf about it....Im just nervous. I dont want him to change his mind, and I dont want to do something that he is uncomfortable with.
I should have told everyone, Im planning on dancing in San Francisco, so if any of you are from there, give me tips on which club to visit! Based on the reviews, I was going to visit the gold club because its topless and doesnt sound shady at all.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
if your relationship is serious, you and he should go together. that way you'll have a better idea how both of you feel about it.
if you're not sure about the club, go by yourself first during the day to feel it out. you're allowed in to talk to the manager about possibly dancing, etc. you can usualy get a vibe from the club right away and should be able to mostly tell if it's seedy or not. once you've decided it's somewhere you might work, go back with him as a customer before auditioning.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
I say go with your boyfriend that way if the club is good then he will be a little calmer about the situation.
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
Yay! So I found someone to go. It was the weirdest thing, my sister called me and told me about how one of her coworkers just auditioned, then we got into talking about the whole subject of strip clubs and I finally admitted that I had been thinking about dancing...and she had thought of it in the past as well, so its all good, no awkwardness!
But - I have a new problem. I was talking to my bf about it again, and....somehow he forgot our entire conversation about it >:( This whole time I had been planning and getting all excited about it, and he forgot I was even thinking about it.
So, he says I can do what I want, but he is really uncomfortable with it, I can tell. After we talked, he looked completely depressed for the next half hour. I kept asking him about it, and he says "oh Im just thinking about my own shit, it has nothing to do with what we just talked about." Bullshit. I know him.
I said "I dont wanna do it if you will be mad at me and it will change our relationship." He says that one of us will be mad at the other no matter what. Great. that just makes me feel wonderful. Now Im stuck deciding whether to do it and feel bad about it, or not do it and be angry with him for a long time. I dont want to grow old and wish that I had danced when i had the chance. Im still going to go see the club. Maybe do some amateur nights before I decide if I really want to dance.
How can I make my boyfriend more comfortable about this? I just cant enjoy it if he is unhappy. I cant :'(
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
I know other girls here advised against bringing your BF with you to check out a club, but in light of your most recent dilemma, I'm going to have to disagree with them. If your BF is *this* uncomfortable with the very idea of you dancing without ever having been to a club (and thus, only having stereotypes upon which to base his opinions), I do not think any harm could be done by him visiting a club (assuming he is an otherwise reasonable and flexible person who is willing to check at least some of his misconceptions at the door). I say this because I can imagine 1 of 3 things happening, and 2 of them will make your decision-making future much easier.
FYI: All of Teeth's Hypothetical Scenarios hinge upon the club in question being decent; if the club is sleazy or dangerous or questionable, you don't want to start there as a noob, really.
(1) You and yor BF go to a club; as you anticipated, it's a decently clean, classy place and he looks around and realizes that hey, even if it ain't a church, it ain't a whorehouse neither, and the girls are entertainers, not coke-sluts, and the custies are not pimps, thugs, rapists, etc. He starts to warm up to the idea of you dancing and the communication aspect of your relationship improves.
(2) You go to a club, it's a decent place but he freaks out nonetheless and becomes firmer, and thus more vocal, about his not wanting you to dance. You have a much clearer understanding of what is at stake (as opposed to now where you have this wishy-washy "someone will be mad no matter what" comment to work with) and can thus make a more informed decision.
(3) You go to a club; nothing changes and he's still being waffley about his reasons for not wanting you to dance, but at least now you've been to the club and for that matter, so has he, and nothing ventured nothing gained, right?
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?
ok...i think Im going alone....and im thinking of doing it today }:D It is so hard to find a babysitter for my sister and I just cant get this whole thing out of my mind, I have to do something about it, and Im not ready to ask my boyfriend to go. I want to see what its like in the daytime (too scared to go alone at night) and if I still feel like I wanna dance, Ill bring my sister, then my bf.
God Im nervous just about watching! What if Im the only person there? Eeek well I'm just gonna go for it. In case anyone reads this before I go, what is a good tip for just talking to a dancer?
Re: should i visit a club with my bf?