For dancers who do two-way contact
So, I've been dancing again for the last 4 months after not doing so for the better part of two years. I started in the no contact days, but I know things are different now and held no illusions going back. I knew I didn't like being touched, but figured I could deal with it and would probably desensitize over time. Unfortunately, I'm actually finding myself becoming more sensitive to it with time. It feels like a cat must feel when it gets pet in the wrong direction. Energetically it feels like someone is lightly dragging a piece of sandpaper over me. This is not a problem I've ever had in my personal life, it's specifically a random guys touching my naked body at work type of thing.
Part of it is the fleshy feeling of it, part is the loathing of their smug neediness. I think it's so cool and sexy when a guy can just lean back and enjoy the dance without touching you at all. I know and do all the techniques, gracefully moving their hands (which the majority of them just glom right back on to where they were), playfully saying "No, no!, trying to upgrade to VIP, where at least I'll make more money for the contact, but even this is hard when a guy is sliding his hands all over the girl right next to you out on the floor.
I'm not even talking about the hard contact, like boobies. Even just allowing them to touch your hips which turns into stroking your thighs. Arm touching that turns into shoulder rubbing that turns into neck rubbing, chin cupping as you lean back. Ah fuck, it's all just grossing me out.
The dancers I've talked to at work all say they hate the contact, but that "It's just how it is now". I've seen on this site there are dancers that don't mind the contact. My question is this (sorry it took so long): have you always not minded the contact or is it a state of mind you've taught yourself into? If so, how did you do it? Has it affected your desire to be touched in your personal life? (I'm starting to experience this)
I'm only stripping for two more weeks but I'm seriously finding the thought of just six more shifts unbearable, I'm afraid I just might snap off some dude's fingers. I'm fortunate that dancing is not my only source of income, because if I had to do it five nights a week the way dancing is now, I'd shoot myself. I'm just wondering how other dancers do it, and if there's any coping secrets you could share.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Only do what your comfortable with! If you have to snap some fingers back then do it girl. You can still make money without feeling nasty.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
i agree. i prefer two way contact, but that's just me (no touching where my g string is though!)
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Ugh, cupping your chin is the worst. It's such an intimate gesture, I hate when random guys touch my face >:(
*chomp* "Careful, I bite!" *wink*
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
If you're only doing six more shifts... do you really need to do six more shifts? Just quit.
As for "minding the contact" - there's like a mindset that I work myself up to. It sometimes seems "realer" than others; same as working yourself up to liking the customers. You know how sometimes it's only a couple hours later that you realize how irritating they were?
Last night I danced for this guy who, when I was bent over says "You're not even wet; let me just get it a little wet for you" and starts licking his fingers. At the time I laughed, but when I was trying to explain it later, it sounded - well more gross than funny (what sounded funny though was my internal retort, which was that I was on the last day of my period and anyone trying to finger me was going to get a handful of soiled tampon). So - yeah, it's gross if you start stopping to think about it. There are different ways of dealing in terms of headspace, but none that you are going to refine and perfect in 6 shifts.
Like, if you are in general a people pleaser you can try to look at it as, well.... you know the obvious. Like it is just another way of gratifying people. You can try to sort work yourself to a sort of "rock star" experience - just like enjoy the fact that you are so sexy or something. It's essentially like constructing the situation in way that it is palatable to you and working yourself to believing it for a short period of time.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laylas
Ugh, cupping your chin is the worst. It's such an intimate gesture, I hate when random guys touch my face >:(
Exactly. It's their attempt to be intimate that actually grosses me out more. Like we're having this special lovemaking moment together, blech. Sometimes it feels like I'm pretty much hooking, minus the ultimate insertion, and I'm not even talking about super heavy contact. I certainly know I don't have to do what I don't want to do, and luckily I'm not dancing much longer. I was just curious if there are other dancers who don't enjoy it, but have learned ways to deal with it.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
I don't let guys touch my boobs or crotch, but I don't mind the leg and some butt touching. To me it's like my body is encased in hard plastic or something. It just slides right off and I don't feel a thing. I think I am totally desensitized to it at this point. It's almost mechanical for me.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Thank you Jenny and Andygirl, that was great. In terms of six more shifts, yeah I could just quit now, but I'm leaving on a vacation in two weeks and I know I would feel really awful about just hanging around for that time when I could be making extra money.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Contact has ALWAYS been contact where I have worked. Tampa, Miami, SC, even NY and NJ. There's been contact for YEARS. Its not new.
It just doesn't bother me. What bothers me is a guy who breaks the rules (trying to go down my panties, holds his hand near his crotch if I spin around to get a litteral 2 second graze over my kitty).
To pass time, I watch myself in the mirror, make funny faces at a friend, talk shit to the guy, or calculate how much money I'm getting. If the dance is on the floor, I look for next victims.
If a guy is touching you on the leg and stuff and its bothering you.... you may be a little too sensitive for the industry. Or, you need an airdance club. Lapdances are just part of the game in some places and unfortunately sometimes its contact.
But, to answer your other question, I make more money selling contact dances than airdances, thats why I like it better. The ONLY reason.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
I just don't think about it. My outward instincts are: Be graceful, be sexy, smile, flirt, make eye contact, keep *gracefully* moving hands away from danger zones.
But whats going in my head is math. How many dances I've done that night, how much time I have left to get how many more dances, how many more I can talk this guy out of, how many hours before I get to go home and how much money I need to deposit in the morning and what treat I'm allowed to buy for talking myself into going to work that night, sometimes I make my grocery list, sometimes I mentally redecorate my apartment with stuff I plan on buying.....Its my thinking time, actually. :) It makes the time go faster, the touching only gets to my body and not to my brain, and I have reasons to keep smiling.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Im going through this too right now. Im waking up.
After a break of a couple years away from dancing and going back for a short while recently I am realizing Im just NOT cut out for it. When I first started dancing I was like ok, until about the 2 yr mark I got so sick and disgusted with my job. I havent been back long at all and the boob grabbing, neck kissing, grunting moaning customers is just NASTY to me. Omg, just thinking about it is GRRROOSSS!:crazy: I dreaded working and wanted more than anything to punch the next guy in the face. (im in houston btw)
I pushed myself the last couple weeks here. The only way I made it was drinking more, but I just know its gotten to me as my anxiety has intensified and Im emotinally drained. The days I worked I basically couldnt sleep for shit at night waking up several times just recapping the day and feeling panic.
If u cant do it, you cant do it. If you make yourself and go into the mindset...it will still get to you. Eventually. Trust me. PM me if you want to talk more...
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shakti
Exactly. It's their attempt to be intimate that actually grosses me out more. Like we're having this special lovemaking moment together, blech. Sometimes it feels like I'm pretty much hooking, minus the ultimate insertion, and I'm not even talking about super heavy contact.
I've always worked in two-way contact environments, and dancing has always seemed like "hooking without sex" to me. I don't do extras, or let customers touch my breasts or kitty, but other touching is the norm for me, and "intimacy" -- loving stares, touching hair, breathing on the neck -- is part of the dance for many customers. If the customer is someone I enjoy, I don't mind this at all. If I really dislike them, I just turn off part of myself and count the money in my head until it's over. Sounds awful, but there it is.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
I work in Melbourne AUstralia and they are not allowed to touch us thankfully. But of course occasionally it happens before u tell them off. Im with u I am very sensitive even to the quick stroke of my leg or stomach and it makes my skin crawl.
I think the fact that we are at work means that we are far more sensitive to it. I used to go to nightclubs a lot when I was younger and guys used to grab your butt, your boobs occasionally etc when it was really crowded in there and it never bothered me to the extent that the slightest loittle touch will in the strip club.
Why? I think partly the taboo of it - being at a no-touching club. A bit part of it is because we are being paid so it makes it a very different situation.
Im with Jenny, whats 2 weeks less gonna make a diff? Just dont go back hun.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
^^ Don't forget about the Kittens chain of clubs in Melbourne ;)
I was "raised" as a stripper in a two way contact environment - touching allowed everywhere except inner thigh, pubic area, groin and near the anus. Full nude lap dances. Due to how I was "raised" I just grew accustomed to it. I did become desensatised.
Yes it did affect my personal life as I was working four nights a week from 7.30pm until 5am usually (or just looooong shifts) and working that many nights with so so many random strangers touching you in a sort of intimate manner made me more figid in my personal/everyday life.
So I stopped. I went to Melbourne and that was my first exposure to working in an environment where I can touch them but they can NOT touch me. It is my ultimate working environment as I can work longer hours as I'm not having to deal with being touched so much! YAY!
Light two way contact is one thing and I can handle it. I'm just 'over' the Hard two way contact where they can touch my butt and my boobs because it is allowed (kinda compulsory).
I have only been back this year to the two way contact here locally. I fell into old habit and got used to the contact again. I don't mind it when they are being good about it... a massage, a nice stroke down the back.. you know.. being SENSUAL over SEXUAL about it.
My main problem with the two way contact is that, in the past, I have made more money in less contact environments ... I get paid less for giving them more here. That is what pisses me off about it the most... feeling so damn cheap.
It does make me feel like a piece of meat at times. Yet at other times I feel like I'm a therapist and fulfilling a need as humans have this thing where we have to touch another human being so we can feel alive and connected to the world.
Hugs can be the ultimate healer for a reason.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
For the longest while I used to just gracefully put their hands away and go "No touching there." At some point I eventually realized that with most guys you just won't get anywhere with it.
I take a certain tip for my boobs/butt being touched but I always tell them to touch me gently and nicely, and remind them that touching is a priviledge that is not included in the dance so if they do something I don't like their touching priviledges are quickly taken away from them. If they head for the crotch I just place my hands in the front and stop dancing until they take their hands off there.
If they for example try to lick me or do something what I find equally gross I'm quick to snap a "do that again and I'll be dancing from a 6-foot distance." They learn pretty quickly and well if they don't I will be that 6 feet away! If they come closer I move away further until the time comes to inform them that if they come any closer the next step I take will take me out of the private room. Also I tend to inform them that there is strictly no touching on the thong area and if any contact whatsoever, even accidental contact, happens there I will walk out of the lounge faster than they can scream sorry after me.
Being a bitch makes things so much simpler.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
[quote=GoldCoastGirl;1066144My main problem with the two way contact is that, in the past, I have made more money in less contact environments ... I get paid less for giving them more here. That is what pisses me off about it the most... feeling so damn cheap.(quote]
I think this is a big part of it for me too. Like I said before, the touching bothers me less when I can upgrade to VIP, because I figure he's getting more for it, and I'm getting more for it. Out on the floor though we're doing $10 dances, and I do think it's crazy that a guy can run his hands all over my naked body for less than he paid for lunch. Also, the fact that I've seen the changes in contact over the years. When I started it was no-contact for $10 and I've watched it go to one-way, then light two-way, to the current full body "massage" -all of this for the same old $10! So, on top of the skin crawling sensation, it's hard knowing that we're so devalued now.
So yeah, I guess I'm "too sensitive" for the state of the industry now. It's a shame because I do love stripping -I'm gorgeous, always stay positive, flirty, fun, professional, sell dances easily, and make great money. These guys just get way too much for their money. In the entire 13 year span that I've danced it's never, ever, affected my sex life in a negative way, until the last few months of so much two-way contact. I adore my boyfriend and know it's not about him, I guess the sound of grandpa lips smacking away at my neck and the meaty state of the lapdance has worn me down. Oh well. Thank you all for your pov, I was just curious about how others "deal".
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PookaShell
But whats going in my head is math. How many dances I've done that night, how much time I have left to get how many more dances, how many more I can talk this guy out of, how many hours before I get to go home and how much money I need to deposit in the morning and what treat I'm allowed to buy for talking myself into going to work that night, sometimes I make my grocery list, sometimes I mentally redecorate my apartment with stuff I plan on buying.....Its my thinking time, actually. :) It makes the time go faster, the touching only gets to my body and not to my brain, and I have reasons to keep smiling.
^^This is a lot like what I do. If they are behind me and can't see my face in the mirror, I often amuse myself with lip syncing the cheesy CR songs they've got playing. I've got them all memorized by now.
If they are truly being offensive, I just stop. This one guy last night would not stop trying to touch my crotch, saying "You said we'd have fuuunnnn" all whiny-like. I said all mockingly "well any more of that 'funnn' and i will break your fiinnngeerrsss" and just stopped dancing. Mocking them or answering their stupid questions with ironic answers is fun. Laughing at the assholes really keeps me from feeling like a victim, and that's what keeps me sane. Draw your boundaries, and stick to them.
If they are technically staying within the rules, but I still get creeped out, I just do multiplication tables in my head to distract me. It's like the grocery lists or money counting, but more intensive. Takes my mind right off it.
Not ideal, but it works for me. All that fuckery with the jerks does not really get to me, so long as the next guy is okay and I am making good money. If I am barely making a decent amount, then all of a sudden it's really unbearable. For $700 I can put up with it; for $250 I want to quit and never go back. Fortunately there are more good nights than not, but I've always found it interesting how much of a difference the money makes on my attitude.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Hm, it doesn't really bother me when guys touch my back, legs, arms, neck, even stomach sometimes. I barely notice. But as soon as they reach a certain proximity to my breasts, kitty, or ass, it's like an alarm goes off in my head and my hand moves to slap their hand like a reflex. I can barely control it, I pretty much jerk!
Of course, with the non-alarm areas, it matters the way they are touching. If they have rough hands, or they are rubbing hard or otherwise creepy I tell them no touchy.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jaizaine
I work in Melbourne AUstralia and they are not allowed to touch us thankfully. But of course occasionally it happens before u tell them off.
And that is how I deal with being groped at work now--every time some slimy guy runs his hands over me, I think about how the money i'm making now from him and his fellow apes will be funding my move to Melbourne, where I won't have to put up with this two-way contact bullshit! And that thought takes me to my happy place. :P
I'm fine with one-way contact (me touching them), but when they touch me, I see red. Because my thought is, who does he think he is, acting like $25 or $30 is anywhere near enough for him to deserve to touch me?
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
I don't know how helpful this would be, but I thought I'd share. One time a guy would NOT stop trying to touch my naughty bits. I fended him off two or three times. Then I got this horribly sad look on my face--like a little girl whose puppy had just died, slowly sat down next to him and said, "Why do you want to touch me like that" in my little girl voice. He started saying, "Oh my god, I'm sorry." I didn't say anything, just looked sadder and sadder until I looked like I was going to cry. He felt like like the nastiest pervert on the face of the earth. He continued to buy several more dances, behaved himself, and tipped well.
I have tried it since then and it has had some success. Usually I like guys to objectify me, but these nasty ones need a poignant reminder that we are just "sweet little innocent girls" on the inside ;) Most of them are not sociopaths who truly don't care that we are people, too. I think they just forget. I know the guys this worked with all left feeling like rapist scum. At least that made me feel better.
Re: For dancers who do two-way contact
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Corgan
i agree. i prefer two way contact, but that's just me (no touching where my g string is though!)
I generally subscribe to this school of thought