Pride and Shame about Dancing...
I came to a realization recently and wanted to get feedback.
I realized that I am proud of being a stripper and ashamed at the same time. I believe that inner incongruencies are never a good thing. I moved to Cali a few years ago. When I was working in vegas I was able to make 1500 - 3200 in a weekend. I would return to Cali during the week and live my life with freedom. No big deal to say you're a stripper in Vegas. In Cali I was socially alone though. I was working on the weekends when most people hang out. I don't tell people what I do because of my during the day career. So, making new friends in a new place was a challenge. I also didn't quite gel with the LA say what ya think they want to hear and do otherwise sentiment of LA in general. I get exhausted of covering my tracks with new people. I don't lie well...
I return to New York and I am back to covering tracks full time about how I make money. My closest friends know and support me. It is still very isolating though. My new friends don't understand the challenges that come up around dancing. I don't get invited out cuz I work when my friends are doing social events. I don't have friends that are other dancers. I started feeling angry at all the people who judge what I do. Annoyed with customers for assuming I'm lying about my two degrees or assuming i'm for sale for sex or WHATEVER. I even started feeling like I was letting myself down, not living up to my full potential. When in actuality, dancing is the PERFECT and smartest fit for allowing me to do my day job freely. I started feeling like there was no more money to be made in this business in NY if you weren't willing to do extras.
I am now thinking that all that mess in my head was affecting my money more than anything else. I am grateful for this site because I get PRETTY DOWN about being a dancer and feeling like there is no support, voice or regard for who we are as well rounded human beings...*Sigh*
Is this business just not what it used to be in NY or are the voices in my head blocking my cash? 1K a night would be wonderful but if I make 1500 a week i would be ok...I am having cold feet about jumping back in the saddle: can't decide which club mostly...
When I work I am typically upbeat, sexy, smart and fun. Sometimes I think too friendly cuz the ole "I wanna date you not pay you to dance" blow off line comes up too much...I gotta reming myself to tell not ask...lol I am black,5'4, 115lbs, 34-24-37 and work in the upscale low contact clubs...
Thoughts, Comments, Suggestions all welcomed.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Well be glad you dont live in Alabama or some other state town where being a dancer has and even bigger stigma. I dont think any dancer that has either danced in LA or currently does says that its the best city to dance in.
I would probably think that your inner attitude when going into can seriously effect money making abilities. Besides, sometimes you have to roll with it all. Dont take it too seriously and look for a club that fits you. We all get the "will you go out with me" line and many other variations of it. If anything I think you should change your attitude about work and learn some new hustling skills. Ive learned that the same hustling skills dont work all the time in every club...you have to change it up in order to stay on top.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
^^ Ow, ow, it hurts to watch that TM! OW! But I do love the new avatar. Very hot.
I understand your feelings. I am not ashamed of what I do. After all, I don't do anything wrong. But I do not like being judged. When people judge you on the basis of the stereotypes of your job, they are not quite getting the whole picture of who you really are. They are choosing to live in a limited consciousness. They are not serving themselves well. At all.
I choose not to tell people what I do for a living because then all these inaccurate judgements are made about me and people neglect to see me for who I really am. People's perceptions and reality are not the same thing. I'd rather tell them that I am in sales/marketing/acting than have to endlessly defend my choice to strip to people who have judged me negatively and won't let their minds go beyone their innacurate perceptions.
And if someone DOES find out what I do and they turn their backs on me? Oh well. Guess they weren't real friends to begin with. Better off without them. I know I have friends who will love me no matter what I do for a living, and those are the people who matter.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
thanks for the replies guys...i gotta remember not to take a whole lot too seriously...lol It is what it is and will be what it will be in terms of outsider judgements. Just gotta remember to let it roll like water off a duck! VEDDY VEDDY GUD advice, ladies!!!
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Hustlebunny,
I remember PM'ing you in the past. I am a Cali dancer and finally got all my vegas dancer paperwork done so we can commiserate together if you need! I also have two degrees and work in upscale clubs. PM me if you wish.
london
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
I used to feel that way a lot. Now I just don't give a shit what people think. If it's easier to lie, I will, but otherwise I don't give a shit. I think how people respond when you say, "I'm a stripper" actually says a lot about them.
Maybe I'm just wierd, but... you can hang out with old retired people. They're fun and they have all the time in the world during the day...
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
i know exactly what you're talking about. i just moved to vegas and besides my boyfriend, i don't know anyone out here and it's hard to make friends. i hang out with a couple people from work, but only sometimes cuz they've got families. i have no kids right now and most of the girls i work with do. so it's hard to plan stuff around that. i'm thinking about taking a couple college courses to meet people.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
^^ Thats a great idea. Learn stuff while meeting people. If you do sporty things there are probably good place to start while getting some exercise at the same time.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
I am in the same boat. Pride due to amount of money I can pull but shame because people shun u and treat u like crap even when u have no personal connection with them. I feel u all the way..I am sorry to say I am in the same boat.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
alisha101
i know exactly what you're talking about. i just moved to vegas and besides my boyfriend, i don't know anyone out here and it's hard to make friends. i hang out with a couple people from work, but only sometimes cuz they've got families. i have no kids right now and most of the girls i work with do. so it's hard to plan stuff around that. i'm thinking about taking a couple college courses to meet people.
I was lonely in Vegas too..Thats one of the reasons I had to come home. Its hard making friends out there.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
i had an aha moment yesterday...lol! My baby sis is in a new state in the south (she's not a dancer) but she is 26 with a master's, a woman, and black in the south. We are from the northeast originally. She's applying for work and peope keep telling her they don't like people from the north plus she's so young blah, blah, blah...and i being in true big sister form blurted out: Lokk you are what you are, whatcha gonna do? People either get it or they don't. Don't think about all that stuff, just keep moving forwared....DUH!!! Why can't i do the same thing! I don't reveal every single detail of my lif to everyone i meet. It is what it is. I am working on a few things to shed some light on dancers who have it going on...In the meantime i'm gonna try not to let other's people's negative stuff be in me so internally...I happen to think it's hot and smart that i can strip all over the country...lol so f%^& 'em...let's hope i can hold onto this sentiment.
Anyone on here in NYC?
Hey London, good to see ya! I'm back in NYC but PM me!
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Dancing is not illegal.
Be proud that you are a survivor.But, be sure to have a plan for the future.
Focus on that dream, and it will be yours.
Guilt is a waste of time.
You are independant , don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
You are worthy of freinds and of a good future.
Stay away from drugs and hooking.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TigersMilk
^^ Thats a great idea. Learn stuff while meeting people. If you do sporty things there are probably good place to start while getting some exercise at the same time.
i'm taking classes at high tech institute starting next monday, i'm majoring in criminal justice. i'm thinking about keeping my occupation a secret for a while, and after i get to know people i'll start telling them.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
It is sort of hard for me---I've always taken a LOT of pride in whatever job i do, even if its something shitty like cashiering... I hate the feeling of mastering a new pole trick, and not having anyone who gives a crap.
I miss having people come find me when I was putting the finishing touches on a Tiramisu, and talking over my creations.
Its hard going through wthout that same pride-I really wish I had someone to come into the club to tell me "you know, you're looking a lot better on your feet this week-did you get those new shoes broken in to where you can spin in them and they don't stick to the floor?" Or something.
But yeah, people being judgemental sucks. Would be nice if more people COULD look at this as any other odd-hours job, to where we WOULDN'T have to lie and hide, and seperate ourselves.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Only my two best friends know what I do to earn a living. I'm not ashamed (if I personally thought it was something to be ashamed of, I wouldn't be doing it!). It's just none of their business.
Plus, I like that stripping still has a stigma--I don't think the money would be nearly as good if it was common and socially acceptable to everyone.
Re: Pride and Shame about Dancing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lena
I used to feel that way a lot. Now I just don't give a shit what people think. If it's easier to lie, I will, but otherwise I don't give a shit. I think how people respond when you say, "I'm a stripper" actually says a lot about them.
I completely agree. A couple of years ago, I was all paranoid about telling new friends what I do. Now, I'm just like, "Fuck it. If they can't treat me like a normal human being, then I don't want them as a friend anyways." (That attitude gets easier as you accumulate more friends that way.)