Ladies - your assistance, please...
I've been a casual observer for a while and a recent experience has me in need of some advice from the ladies of SW. Sorry, but this is a little long.
Over the past three months, I have developed a very good friendship with a dancer at the club I visit. We enjoy each other's company and have great conversations on global issues, religion, music, art, politics, travel, etc., during each visit (I know she's there to work and I do compensate her properly for her time - more than she would normally make per shift). Recently, she gave me her personal information - name and home phone number, and we communicate a couple of times a week.
Now here's where I need your advice - last Friday, I went to see her and, as always, we had a great time. Lately, she has mentioned, on seperate occasions, that she is intimidated by me and I just shrug it off as she's much younger than I. Later on evening, she said it to me again and I asked her why and her response to me was the visiblity of my position in the organization where I work was intimidating to her. I tried to tell her that what I do for a living is no different than anyone else who goes to work on a daily basis and I'm just a regular guy.
She also, kept asking me "what will your friends think of you dating a stripper?", which was strange since I have never mentioned I wanted to date her. I just enjoy her company because she is down to earth and easy to talk to and she's not materialistic like many of the people I meet on a daily basis. I told her, public opinion doesn't matter to me and my friends are my friends because of who I am. Plus, I'm not interested in XXXXXXX, the stripper, I am interested in XXXXX XXXXXXX the person.
We went to dinner and ended up doing a little kissing (nothing too heavy, but clearly inappropriate) in the club's dinning room and she got in trouble by our actions. I called over the manager, who I have known for a while, and apologized in front of dancer XXXXXXX and told him the indiscretion was completely my fault and it would never happen again.
XXXXXX went to the locker room and I called her on my way home and asked if she was still gainfully employed and she said yes, although there will be repercussions for her actions. She said she had no regrets for what happened between us.
Now here's the question - is there anything I can do to make her feel more comfortable around me? Or, do I just move on because nothing I can say or do will change her thoughts?
Thanks, Ladies.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
If she kissed you then I would say that she is becoming somewhat more comfortable around you. She sounds like she is not overly confident. Maybe she will gain confidence in time, depending on her age and maybe not.
I am not sure from your post whether you do want to date her or not - you had dinner but it was at the club.
I really cannot tell from the facts that you have provided what exactly you want from the situation. If you are just in it to enjoy her company within the club then I would say the more than you visit her, the more comfortable she will become with you.
Her comment about "how would your friends feel about you dating a stripper" may just be SS (stripper shit) that she is saying as part of her hustle to keep you as a regular or the chick may really be into you.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
Good question - yes, I enjoy her company and I like her as a friend, but I am unsure if I would want to date her, perhaps once I get to know her better.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
I would think that if you keep going and hanging out with her in the club, you guys will get to know each other better and be able to decide if you want to pursue a dating relationship or not. No kissing next time tho.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
One thing that has me concerned about your post is that she appears to clearly like you (as in dating) and you are uncertain. I say this because she risked her job to be close to you and you are debating whether to move on. It seems she may be uncomfortable because she senses your uncertainty (such as when she asks what your friends would think about you dating a stripper). I'd say make a decision about what you are interested in before attempting to make her feel more comfortable. If you succeed and then leave, it will likely hurt her more. Of course, this is only based on a quick post so I could be completely wrong, but there is never any harm in thinking about your end intentions before choosing a course of action.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
Put in more time and less money. That’s the only way to somewhat identify SS. Strippers are united in supporting each others hustle. You will think it’s real but how you gonna know bro? Why did you have dinner at the club and not somewhere else? All girls know this is a no-no. Was it dinner when she was working? Eyes open.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
Over the past three months, I have developed a very good friendship with a dancer at the club I visit. We enjoy each other's company and have great conversations on global issues, religion, music, art, politics, travel, etc., during each visit (I know she's there to work and I do compensate her properly for her time - more than she would normally make per shift). Recently, she gave me her personal information - name and home phone number, and we communicate a couple of times a week.
Sounds great except for the home number.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
Now here's where I need your advice - last Friday, I went to see her and, as always, we had a great time. Lately, she has mentioned, on seperate occasions, that she is intimidated by me and I just shrug it off as she's much younger than I.
SS.
Main Entry: hus·tle
Pronunciation: 'h&-s&l
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): hus·tled; hus·tling /'h&-s(&-)li[ng]/
Etymology: Dutch husselen to shake, from Middle Dutch hutselen, frequentative of hutsen
transitive verb
1 a : , b : to convey forcibly or hurriedly c : to urge forward precipitately
2 a : to obtain by energetic activity <hustle up new customers> b : to sell something to or obtain something from by energetic and especially underhanded activity <hustling the suckers> c : to sell or promote energetically and aggressively <hustling a new product> d : to lure less skillful players into competing against oneself at (a gambling game) <hustle pool>
intransitive verb
1 : ,
2 : ,
3 a : to make strenuous efforts to obtain especially money or business b : to obtain money by fraud or deception c : to engage in prostitution
4 : to play a game or sport in an alert aggressive manner
- hustle noun
- hus·tler /'h&-sl&r/ noun
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
Later on evening, she said it to me again and I asked her why and her response to me was the visiblity of my position in the organization where I work was intimidating to her. I tried to tell her that what I do for a living is no different than anyone else who goes to work on a daily basis and I'm just a regular guy.
You mean like that last seven 'regular guys?'
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
She also, kept asking me "what will your friends think of you dating a stripper?", which was strange since I have never mentioned I wanted to date her.
See above.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
I just enjoy her company because she is down to earth and easy to talk to and she's not materialistic like many of the people I meet on a daily basis.
GOOD, enjoy it. Though the materialistic part is debatable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
I told her, public opinion doesn't matter to me and my friends are my friends because of who I am. Plus, I'm not interested in XXXXXXX, the stripper, I am interested in XXXXX XXXXXXX the person.
Yeah.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahatma
We went to dinner and ended up doing a little kissing (nothing too heavy, but clearly inappropriate) in the club's dinning room and she got in trouble by our actions. I called over the manager, who I have known for a while, and apologized in front of dancer XXXXXXX and told him the indiscretion was completely my fault and it would never happen again.
Yeah. See above...
Dude, just enjoy it for what it is. If you really had a shot with her you wouldn't be on SW asking this. She may really like you, who knows, but that means little.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
If she's really into you--minus the customer aspect--you won't have to guess because she'll remove any doubt.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
^ exactly. my advice to you, if you want to continue to "get to know her" is to ask to see her OTC again and move the relationship that way. be honest with her. tell her you'd like to get to know her better as a person. if she really likes you and is interested in dating you, it will be obvious.
oh and, the most important part, -do not- give her money for seeing you OTC. that's the only way to know if she likes seeing -you-. i'd also suggest cutting back your ITC visits. i'm not saying don't pay for dinner or anything like that. just, do what you would do on a normal date. pay for what you'd normaly pay for and leave it at that.
if it's your time she wants, she'll ask you for more of it. if it's your money she wants, she'll ask you for more of that.
more of her time - less of your money
do that, and any stripper who's just "playing the game" will drop you like a hot potato. it's a pretty surefire way of being certain.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Casual Observer
If she's really into you--minus the customer aspect--you won't have to guess because she'll remove any doubt.
Yes, and it's a truly beautiful thing when it happens, don't you think?:)
As we all know, the rules on social interaction in the club are the exact opposite of those outside the club doors. When you walk into a club, everything is flipped upside down. It's like walking onto a movie set where all the actresses are playing the role of adoring you.
You have a role to play, too. Your role is make them laugh, treat them with respect, engage them in fun, interesting conversation; accommodate all their needs (food, drinks) and, most of all, make their night financially rewarding. It is all about the money and you should pay your actresses well.
Given this reality, I'm constantly amazed by the mental gymnastics guys go through to convince themselves that this paid actress, who knows her role perfectly, has a real social interest in them, while she's on set playing her role!
Just like on a movie set, if the actress is really interested in you off set, by God, you will know it beyond even the slightest shadow of a doubt.
Our motto for this section should be:
"If you have to ask, the answer is no."
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
A lot more gets attributed to SS than is realistic, IMO. Sure, most of us kinda say what you want to hear, but MOST of us aren't very good actresses when it comes to that kind of stuff.
My opinion is that she likes you and wants to date you, but I think that's probably a bad idea. Those things are never as good as they are in your imagination, so leave it as it is. Even if you have to cut ties and say goodbye, you had fun while it lasted.
If you do decide to date her IRL you may find that you are bothered by her stripper status and that she isn't as sophisticated as you would like her to be. You can either show her the way (you said she was young), or you can take her as is and risk the embarassment that might entail.
If it all somehow works out, you wouldn't be the first guy who found a girl in the SC and turned her into a fabulous trophy wife. It happens.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
^^^
very good advise.
i also think more than is true is contributed to ss.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
^^ These responses are interesting, because I consider the OP's description to be extremely low-level SS bordering on mildly aggressive hustle. They did a little kissing in the club's restaurant? She's intimidated by his powerful position? ::) He's called her after he's driven away from the club?
So every single thing that's happened has been in the club?
And you think she wants to date him? /:O
Oh God, please don't say this because that means there have been 483 dancers who have really wanted to date me and I just missed the clues! ;)
Let me propose some alternatives. Here are some pretty good indications that she wants to date you. They happen far less often, but are very special for that reason:
She asks you to drive her home from the club. She's not trashed, or lost her keys or had them taken away. She just really wants you to drive her home.
She insists that you meet her for breakfast after work, and then she asks you to drive her home.
She takes your cell phone and plugs in her number. Then she has you call her so she has yours. Two days later when you're working late, she calls you repeatedly to tell you when she's getting off work and where to meet her. She is actually there. You hang out together talking until dawn.
It wasn't a little kissing in the club restaurant, it was a lot of kissing three days later in a nice restaurant.
And yes, all this assumes no money is changing hands. If a guy experiences any of these, he's not going to log on here and ask us whether she likes him. It's because all the intimacy has shifted outside the club, he's spending all his free time with her at his or her place anyway, and everything has been initiated by the dancer.
"If you have to ask, the answer is no." ;D
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
I dont think she wants to date this particular guy because I agree with u that he would not be on here asking.
As for the SS - I meant on SW in general that a lot is contributed to SS when sometimes I just think it's normal human interactions without as much underlying intention that is sometimes presumed.
Re: Ladies - your assistance, please...
AndyGirl's advice strikes me as right on.
I guess the only difference between her advice, and the advice I'd give is that being a non-dancer (aka occasional customer) my take on the SS vs reality line is that sometimes it's a bit of both. That is to say it may not necessarily be clear even in the dancers mind if she is engaging in SS or some bit of reality. The best actors and hustlers are often very good because they are so immersed in the role that they have no clear tells that it's just an act. Put another way, a part of her might actually be interested in dating you, but whether or not she is certain of that, either way she wins. She has a possible dating option, but no commitment, plus she has you more on the emotional hook (and therefore likely to spend on her) then before.
A related question - maybe you are doing the same with her. A part of you wants to "date" her, but do you really? Or is the reality that you're BSing yourself, telling yourself a lie because really you just want to have sex with her, but long term the facts are a stripper GF is not for you. See guys can do this too. Actually convince themselves they really are interested in someone because it's what works. When you are fully immersed in the act you are a more believable and successful hustler, except while she is hustling for money, you are hustling for sex. Something to think about.