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OTC attempts by any means possible
I have had a regular for about 6 months.
He never asked for OTC until recently.
Now it's constant invitations to take me out for dinner, to the movies, shopping (and offers to buy me stuff). All have been politely declined.
The latest attempt for OTC was on the weekend when he asked me if I would mind giving him a lift home from the club so that he could save money on a cab!!
Why is it so hard for some men to realise when a woman is just not interested? Isn't it worth preserving what little dignity he has left?
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
You would think guys would want to have some dignity, but some guys are just too much of a pussy to take a hint that a woman is not interested, and they don't wanna accept that you might not be interested, so they deny it. The best thing to do is to just tell him that you are not interested. Simple as that. If he doesn't get it, call the cops on his dumbass.;D
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
Why is it so hard for some men to realise when a woman is just not interested? Isn't it worth preserving what little dignity he has left?
Well, OK, I understand that he wants something that you are not willing to give him but what does that have to do with how much or little dignity he has? He's having a problem separating fantasy from reality in a strip club...it happens... a lot....and dancers profit from it every day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should compromise yourself. Either tell him to go away or string him along until he gets tired of spending on you and finds someone else. It just bugs me a little that you are assuming the guy has no dignity simply because he LIKES you...
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
I have had a regular for about 6 months.
He never asked for OTC until recently.
Now it's constant invitations to take me out for dinner, to the movies, shopping (and offers to buy me stuff). All have been politely declined.
The latest attempt for OTC was on the weekend when he asked me if I would mind giving him a lift home from the club so that he could save money on a cab!!
Why is it so hard for some men to realise when a woman is just not interested? Isn't it worth preserving what little dignity he has left?
He had an epiphany. It often happens around the six month mark.
FBR
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
When a regular starts bugging you to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he doesn't want you to dance for him anymore and he wants to move on to another dancer.
A lot of customers have a hard time telling a dancer that their time is up and that he doesn't want you to dance for him anymore.
He doesn't tell you this directly because he doesn't want to hurt you, so he tries to force unwanted intimacy on you (knowing you'll turn him down) to create a false argument (The false argument that you won't see him OTC).
He's manufacturing an "argument" between you and him in order to break your "relationship." He's in essence, sabotaging your relationship in a way for both of you to save face (Most of the time, his behavior is subconscious).
When a regular starts talking about OTC, it's a sign that your "relationship" with this regular is about to end. If he really wanted to see you OTC, he would've asked you shortly after you met when things were going so peachy between you. Why ask now, 6 months later?
Boredom maybe setting in.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
yoda57us
It just bugs me a little that you are assuming the guy has no dignity simply because he LIKES you...
Sorry that it bugs you but it's the way that I see it. I dont mean because he likes me, I mean because it's so obvious that I'm not interested (I have refused all of his offers and I have not given him bullshit excuses like I have to do this or that I have simply said no it's not appropriate) yet he keeps trying. I dont see the point in pursuing someone who is so obviously not interested.
James Bond have to totally disagree with you there. This guy IMO is becoming obsessed in a creepy way. He cannot seem to understand that this is just entertainment and I think he views our time in the club more on the level of a personal relationship.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Quote:
Originally Posted by
FBR
He had an epiphany. It often happens around the six month mark.
FBR
Do go on....Im interested to know about this epiphany :)
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
James Bond have to totally disagree with you there. This guy IMO is becoming obsessed in a creepy way. He cannot seem to understand that this is just entertainment and I think he views our time in the club more on the level of a personal relationship.
What are you going to do if he keeps this shit up and gets worse? You'll probably stop dancing for him and his behavior may lead to a "falling out" between you to, which is what he's trying to accomplish in the first place.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
I hope you're right coz I dont want to keep dancing for him TBH but I don't think you are. I think the reason that he has started asking for OTC is coz he feels that he has known me for ages now and he doesnt want it to just be ITC anymore.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Jaizaine, BTW, its nothing personal about you with this customer. Getting 6 months out of a regular is about average. Guys go to a SC to have fun and have variety.
Other dancers have talked about the customer's "shelf life." We all (the customers) have an expiration date stamped on us somewhere.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
Do go on....Im interested to know about this epiphany :)
If I told you about how you could easily take it to...ummm...several years...then I know someone would kill me.
FBR
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
FBR, keep it in blue. You're offending my tender sensibilities.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jaizaine
He cannot seem to understand that this is just entertainment and I think he views our time in the club more on the level of a personal relationship.
Have you told him that?
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Quote:
Originally Posted by
James Bond
When a regular starts bugging you to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he doesn't want you to dance for him anymore and he wants to move on to another dancer.
I have what I think may be a better explanation. When a regular starts bugging a dancer to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he wants to see her OTC.
It's already bad enough that he's doing the asking. When it comes to OTC, the dancers do the asking. But we've covered that before.
Anyway, the last thing in the world this guy wants is to walk away from her. It's taken him six months to cross over into certifiable RIL territory, and now he's convinced that they have a "relationship."
She needs to break the "relationship" part of the fantasy as soon as possible. That's what's most disturbing and uncomfortable to her. My guess is that she'd be just as happy to be rid of him altogether, money and all.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
what does he have to lose? she keeps saying no, they he snaps out of his fantasy and looks for the next fantasy, which he probably will do anyway. it sound like a hail mary play to me. he's spent X number of dollars and the only way to rationalize the investment is to move it outside of fantasy.
poor guy hasnt learned. i usually just get the proposition out of the way the first night hahaha.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Just tell him that you are never gonna meet him OTC. He is never gonna understand. You are just making up excuses and you are giving him false hope that he still MIGHT have a chance if he is persistant. Just tell him straight up the truth even if you think it might make you sound like a bitch. Honesty is all guys can ask for.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
The Other Owner
I have what I think may be a better explanation. When a regular starts bugging a dancer to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he wants to see her OTC.
It's already bad enough that he's doing the asking. When it comes to OTC, the dancers do the asking. But we've covered that before.
Anyway, the last thing in the world this guy wants is to walk away from her. It's taken him six months to cross over into certifiable RIL territory, and now he's convinced that they have a "relationship."
She needs to break the "relationship" part of the fantasy as soon as possible. That's what's most disturbing and uncomfortable to her. My guess is that she'd be just as happy to be rid of him altogether, money and all.
Now that she knows the score with this guy, she should plan an exit strategy, this guy is starting to become an obnoxious asshole to her. Now that she knows what's going on, she can better handle the situation.
The guy already knows he doesn't have a snowflake's chance in hell with her, so I don't think he thinks he has a chance. This "relationship" is like any other relationship OTC, there's gonna be some obnoxiousness before it ends.
I just don't think that some of the losers that go into a SC are THAT delusional; if they are, then they need to be in a psych ward.
This asshole (customer) is displaying classic sabotaging behavior. The final result is the end of this "relationship," which his behavior has brought about.
If he really wanted to see her OTC, he may ask her once or twice, but he wouldn't get obnoxious about it and ask over and over, knowing already that there's no chance.
That obnoxious behavior is emotionally distancing behavior, meant to break the "relationship," which I think she will do in the near future.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
KentuckyMysteryMan
You are just making up excuses and you are giving him false hope that he still MIGHT have a chance if he is persistant.
I have not given him any excuses, I said that in my first post. I have simply said I didn't think it would be appropriate. I don't want to flat out hurt his feelings because he has, up until now been a great customer. He has always acted respectfully and I appreciate the fact that he has been coming in for 6 months.
I agree with the statement that all regulars have an expiry date.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Other Owner
I have what I think may be a better explanation. When a regular starts bugging a dancer to see him OTC, 95% of the time it means he wants to see her OTC.
It's already bad enough that he's doing the asking. When it comes to OTC, the dancers do the asking. But we've covered that before.
Anyway, the last thing in the world this guy wants is to walk away from her. It's taken him six months to cross over into certifiable RIL territory, and now he's convinced that they have a "relationship."
She needs to break the "relationship" part of the fantasy as soon as possible. That's what's most disturbing and uncomfortable to her. My guess is that she'd be just as happy to be rid of him altogether, money and all.
This explanation makes more sense to me. He isn't being unpleasant or trying to stage a fight, I think he just likes me. TOO I would prefer him to stop coming in because I dont want to have to hurt his feelings he is a nice guy. I just think he isn't very experienced in the dating game.
So I dont know where to go from here, do I just leave it up to him to give up and stop coming in?
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Quote:
Originally Posted by
FBR
If I told you about how you could easily take it to...ummm...several years...then I know someone would kill me.
FBR
LOl I simply cannot do that to this guy, he is nice and I dont want to be the cause of distress to him. I am interested on a curiousity level tho about how one could keep a regular so long.
A dancer who I used to work with has had a regular for 9 years, that to me is unbelievable. I have always been curious as to how this lady did it. She has been dancing for 17 years tho so she must know how to work it.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
I have simply said I didn't think it would be appropriate...
Which means "maybe" not "no". You always seem to be so clear on this stuff for other people; how come you can't see it here?
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
^^
No it doesn't. He has asked if I want to go shopping, dinner etc and I have answered "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it would not be appropriate for me to go out with you as you are a customer".
There is no maybe at all. I could understand it being construed as a maybe if I made up an excuse such as "I'm too busy" or whatever else.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
Jaiz, some guys are stupid and when they hear, "I don't think it would be appropriate", they don't take it as a definitive "no" as you think you are saying. You didn't tell him no, so he is going to keep trying. Hopefully "no" is in your vocab.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
I was trying to be polite and dont hurt his feelings. I did include the word "NO" in the sentence, I made sure of that.
I mean do I have to say "Ewwwww no effin way yuck" to get through to him. I thought most adults would understand no means no = not interested.
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Re: OTC attempts by any means possible
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Originally Posted by
jaizaine
and I have answered "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it would not be appropriate for me to go out with you as you are a customer".
Look, I'm not trying to be a contrarian here, but you know better.
If you omit all of the part from "it" to "customer", then you have a clear answer.
Keep that part, and you have a "maybe". As in "maybe, if I wanted to do something inappropriate, as some people are wont to do" or "maybe, if you stop being a customer".
Omit the qualifiers.