The Annual "You Da Man!" Quiz
Yes, I believe I posted this last year. Yes, I'm posting it this year. I'm too tired to come up with something new.
It's hard to believe, but FOOTBALL season is once again upon us, meaning it's time to put away the Male Sensitivity books for another year, and take our world famous and award winning YOU DA MAN TEST!!!
In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the tunnel to the promised land.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.
4. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
5. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
6. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
7. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
8. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort ofintimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
10. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your birth certificate to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"