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Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Lately since my impending move to California is coming up, I have been under more pressure than usual. I am flat broke right now, and basically have 3 weeks to have enough money to take care of getting ready to leave.
So I have been asking for extra hours at work and staying later. Then occasionally I have been going other places after work to spend time with friends or family since Im leaving. Basically I am getting one day off a week.
I'm not in the best health lately, but I've been pretty busy. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted, so on my one day off I just want to lounge around the house all day, maybe do laundry, etc.
My husband has rightly been getting upset by this. He misses me, and always wants to go out for the day on my one day off, but me being so incredibly tired I decline and stay home. There's been a lot of tension because of all this lately.
Ii don't know what to do. I feel like I'm constantly running, and I don't really have the endurance really.... Help?
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Where is your husband now? Tell him how you feel and that you need to rest/relax this evening. Ask him if he'll cuddle up with you for some take-out and a movie. If you just need some time alone tell him that too and make a "date" with him. That way there is time set aside for the two of you even if it's only an hour for lunch.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Try taking more vitamins and drinking fresh veggie juice. Also, can you delegate anything ?? That helps me, even if I have to pay someone else to do it.
At least I have something less to worry about.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I take vitamins.
We just got in an argument about this so he's in the other room. He doesn't want to stay in the house; he's in the house all day while I work and he's searching for jobs like mad. It's just on my one day off, I don't want to go out. I'm too tired! Not just tired as in a I want to sleep necessarily, but tired exhausted.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Grumpy sick people make bad company when forced to go out.... (See: "House M.D.") I don't see why an ill person would have to apologize for feeling that way....
You might think about getting assessed for Disability Insurance aid. There's no point in you working full-time hours and running ragged if you're making yourself sicker by doing it all "the hard way."
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I dunno. I don't think it's my sickness as much as I only have one day off. All the other days I'm running around like a madman.
Maybe I should start taking B12 supplements again?
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Maybe he's hurt that you've gone out with family/friends after work but won't go out with him?
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Well the way I see it I'll always see him because I live with/am married to him. My family and friends on the other hand I will be leaving in 3 weeks. I am spending a lot of time with mom lately, but admittedly I am very close to my mother and my parents in general, and my mom is like my best friend. This will be the first real move away from them for good.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I don't see what his problem is. I mean, you're working full-time plus extra hours, and he's looking for jobs? How long has he been looking for jobs and moving you around the country to find a job? Where does he want to go on your day off? Can't he go out by himself? I would be pissed if I was doing all the work for two and then couldn't even get a little empathy on my day off. Not to insult your husband, but something about the whole situation seems off to me. How long has he been unemployed?
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I just don't understand how he hasn't been able to find a job yet. Why can't he get HIS ass behing a UPS truck like you?
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sun child
I don't see what his problem is. I mean, you're working full-time plus extra hours, and he's looking for jobs? How long has he been looking for jobs and moving you around the country to find a job? Where does he want to go on your day off? Can't he go out by himself? I would be pissed if I was doing all the work for two and then couldn't even get a little empathy on my day off. Not to insult your husband, but something about the whole situation seems off to me. How long has he been unemployed?
He's a very outdoorsy type, while I am a homebody. So he gets antsy and wants to go out and when I don't want to he gets the impression that I am not letting him either. Even if I want the music off so I can go to bed, he sees this as me not letting him do something. I have been trying to encourage him to go out and walk the dog or something, that he doesn't need me, etc. I think he's just used to being told what can't do from past relationships, I dunno. I admit for a while now on my one day off I have been housebound. But honestly, I am in my car outside all day and don't want to go out on my day off.
He has been unemployed for a while. He's in a highly specialized field that has very few jobs. Lower paying jobs don't want to put money into hiring and training him because they're sure he'll leave for something better right away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Katrine
I just don't understand how he hasn't been able to find a job yet. Why can't he get HIS ass behind a UPS truck like you?
I don't work for UPS, LOL. I work for a deli that does catering and delivering. ;)
As for him finding work, he;s trying. I really don't want this thread to be about him and whether he's unemployed or not. I know he's trying very hard. This thread is mostly about me and having not much of a social life because of my busy schedule, and him being hurt and frusterated about me not wanting to be the Outdoors Queen my one day off like he is.:-\
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I don't feel I know enough to comment on what is happening with your husband, though I understand how that is a big part of the problem. But I can see from your point of view that you are moving, and that you are in kind of a hyper mode to make sure you get everything done, and everyone seen. So all of your routines, the small things you depend on to keep centered, are not there for you now, and this makes you feel like your life is out of control: it exhausts you. If there is some small bit of your routine that you can return to, even if it is only an hour a day, I think that might help you. And maybe if you give your husband a sense of how it feels that all of your "pillars" are being taken away now--maybe he'll understand, and admit he feels the same way, and you can be pillars for each other in this time.
That probably isn't much help, but I really wish you luck with all of this, and some peace.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
He doesn't have much here. He even said there's not really anything keeping here except for his friend in Phoenix and a basic like of Tucson. I have people here, I grew up here. I feel like my whole life is going to change dramatically and I AM scrambling to get everyone seen, etc. I tell him all the time "You will always be my "pillar" of comfort and support no matter where we move; these people will be in another STATE.
It's not like I am over the moon for being lazy every single time I am off per week, but my body just can't go anymore on that one day. It needs to recuperate. Sometimes I feel even though he SAYS he understands it, he doesn't and is just resenting me. Truth is I'm resenting myself.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Can he come along when you go out with your family? Maybe he feels left out because they are getting your time while he is not. And I understand that you're leaving them soon, while he wil still be there....but in the meantime...he is obviously feeling like he is your last priority, which is never a nice feeling.
Instead of going out at night or partying...why not suggest a compromise? Something thats "out" but not hectic..still relaxing...at least until you move and your life settles back down a bit. Maybe a picnic or lounging at the beach. Go see a movie during the day..then veg out at home all night.
Is he doing any of the housework? So you can at least have that stress off your back? If not..suggest that. The less you have to deal with, the more energy you'll have for him.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Unfortunately Cam, him and my parents do NOT get along.
And I WISH we could go to the beach; but uh, I'm kinda in the middle of the desert. The thing is, AZ is usually 105 degrees and we've been having 80% humidity on top of that; so while he can stand the heat, I cannot enough to enjoy lounging outside.
As far as household chores. It's hard to explain, but I have a hard time telling him what he can do. I never have the energy after my long week to do most chores, but I feel like he won't do them "right". It's like it's only satisfactory when I do it, but I never do it! Perfectionism? OCD? Idunno...
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
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Originally Posted by
CorsicaFire
Unfortunately Cam, him and my parents do NOT get along.
Hmm..well that might be the root of the problem then. Whether it is justified or not( and for the record I think it is) you are spending more time with people he doesnt like then with him and it is bringing out the temper tantrum side of him. (and we all know that every man has this side)
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
Maybe, but what am I supposed to do? He knew Mom and I were close when he met me!
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
CF, I don't think you should be resenting yourself...it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can...especially since this is upending your life. Can I ask why you feel resentment towards yourself? I guess I don't understand that part of it.
This part of moving, just before going, is really tough...it's like you're hanging in a void--not yet done with one phase of your life and not yet into the other. It really is a time when partners need to hang together and try to make an adventure of it. Forgive my overstating this, but it feels to me like you're trying to take everything on your shoulders and to be responsible for everything, including your husband's needs, all at once. I think it is too much for you.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
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Originally Posted by
CorsicaFire
Maybe, but what am I supposed to do? He knew Mom and I were close when he met me!
If this is the case there is nothing you can do. It is his problem..not yours.
Just sit him down and tell him everything you've said here...how you dont know how to work all these hours, PLUS take the time to say goodbye to your family, PLUS do the household chores...PLUS give him the time he deserves(word it this way so he wont be defensive..time he DESERVES..not time he DEMANDS)
Ask HIM to come up with a solution.
If he can..woo hoo....problem solved.
If he cant...then he wont be able to bitch about it anymore and it will be less likely he will blame you since he couldnt figure it out either.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
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Originally Posted by
jhuka
CF, I don't think you should be resenting yourself...it sounds to me like you're doing the best you can...especially since this is upending your life. Can I ask why you feel resentment towards yourself? I guess I don't understand that part of it.
This part of moving, just before going, is really tough...it's like you're hanging in a void--not yet done with one phase of your life and not yet into the other. It really is a time when partners need to hang together and try to make an adventure of it. Forgive my overstating this, but it feels to me like you're trying to take everything on your shoulders and to be responsible for everything, including your husband's needs, all at once. I think it is too much for you.
Well, I feel like I should be able to do all this. I mean when I was sick for months last year, I didn't work and he took care of everything and didn't seem to be having nearly as big of a deal doing it as I am.:-\ I feel like a big baby because it's hard for me. Maybe I should stop being so hard on myself? This IS the first time I am every moving to another city without mom and dad, supporting myself AND another person, etc.
I guess I resent myself because I'm doing all I can and I still am not sure if I will have enough money to pay off utilities, buy a cat carrier, try to buy groceries, and have money to get gas and food while I travel for me AND R's car when we have to drive up to NorCal all in 3 weeks worth of working. I basically have $100 in my bank account, no groceries, utilities coming (which are huge), and I need to make a buttload of cash. It's been really hard to save up when my house is so big utilities are outrageous, I need gas every other day for my job, we need living misc stuff, basically living expenses. I haven't been able to save at all. I'm scared, wound up, and beat down.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
And I know this is StripperWeb and someone will suggest dancing, but I can't do that. Clubs just aren't worth it, and I'm already overworking my body as it is.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I'm not meaning to be harsh or make this thread about your husband, but you shouldn't feel like you're being weak or whining or something -- in fact, he's the one who is bitching when you don't want to go outdoors. The responsibility of the moving expenses is resting solely on your shoulders, and you need your rest. I think you seem stressed out -- maybe during the open talk you have with your husband, you can talk to him about how he can help you reduce your stress level. After all, weren't you not dancing when you were with him because it stressed him out? (I know now it's because of your own reasons.) It seems like if you are willing to compromise with him to reduce his stress levels, he should be willing to think about ways to reduce yours, too.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
I honestly don't know what to tell him he can do to destress me because i honestly usually just keep to myself to destress. I'm a pretty big loner, usually by choice.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
But when you were sick for months you weren't moving. It's the moving that is the problem, because there is a deadline involved. I moved to a place farther from my work because I wanted to be closer to my dad, who was facing medical problems. He died two years ago and I still have not moved into another situation--part of me doesn't want to go through it all over again, and probably part of me is still caught up in that time with my dad, and not quite yet able to let go of it. These things are deep in us, and exhausting.
A friend of mine once wrote, in a story of his, "what creates despair is the imagination, which predicts millions of moments, so that you cannot live the moment at hand." I think you have the world on your shoulders, and you are trying to think about it all at once. Give yourself a break--you sure deserve it. All will be well if you take things one at a time. Someone once asked Abraham Lincoln how he managed the Civil War. He said, I did it like I did as a river pilot--I would look for the next bend in the river, and work toward it, and then the next after that. One thing at a time.
Remember, too, that your friends will always be there for you, and it may be that you can't get to everyone. They will understand, especially during this time. I hope all of this is a help and that I'm not intruding. I know that this is a really hard time for you and that there is much about it I don't understand.
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Re: Always Exhausted, Damaging my Life
i agree with cam's view regarding hubby. but i also agree you need to try to avoid discussing him in this thread even though he's partly at the root of the problem, which is 'stress' imho.
your rushed timeline, life-changing event, financial issues, and relationship are all contributing to it. you can't change the first two it seems so just concentrate on the latter two.
i have a suggestion that may knock those two birds out. since you're both moving in three weeks time, his getting a job to contribute significantly in that timeframe is very unlikely. can he go on these deli deliveries and catering setups with you as an unpaid assistant? you noted previously that it's your car, your expenses, and basically your risk for these. having your hubsand along for manual work, 'protection' (appeal to his manly nature :P), or just spending quality time together should be good for both of you imo.
he gets to feel like he's really helping out, spend time with you, and you get to halve the workload (maybe he can just drive you around).
also, try to unstress each day by whatever activity unstresses you (e.g. exercise, sex, reading, walking, sleeping, vegging, etc.). look over you diet and cut out the junk food/drinks. i'm not a health nut but i've found improving one's diet does help! good luck ;)