How do I know what my boundaries are?
So, how did you find out what your boundaries were and what you could and couldn't deal with to earn money? I've found that all of the good clubs here require you to strip down completely and I just don't know if I could handle that or not...also, I don't know what boundaries with lapdances and custies I should have...How did you go about finding yours and what advice would you give to someone starting out?
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
when you' get a nervous twitch- you'll know...but seriously just listen to your gut, i don't know whether they have them in europe, but in the states they have bikini bars, and i know there's decent money in them, except to counteract the lack of boobies they tend to be more touchy feely, which i don't really like. i personally say "naked-shmaked"...but not everyone feels the same, i suggest going to a couple different clubs in your city to check out what the difference is and observing lapdances if possible, and if smthg makes you uncomfortable, you can always go to a diff club
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
yeah, that's true...thinking about touchy-feely vs. being naked, I'd choose being naked. I guess I'd just like to walk into a club (I'm going to meet with one of the managers next week btw) and just lay down my rules...just having a hard time deciding what they should be :) Thanks for your tips though!
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
You'll know when you start to feel uncomfortable and want to say stop doing that. And you say stop doing that. It's good to visit a club as a custy first and see how the dances go and see if you can handle what's going on. You'll know. Just remember that you get to say what's a go and what's not.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
You dont have to lay down your rules when you are hired. As long as you dont break the clubs rules...what you do is up to you. And it is actually pretty simple...if the thought of doing something makes you sick..dont do it.
If a guy tries to touch you and you dont want him to..tell him no. If he doesnt stop...get a bouncer. Even if it is allowed in the club..that doesnt mean they have the RIGHT to do it.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
exactly. you can have your own boundaries within the clubs rules
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
^and stay strong with them. and dont let the old "i know management" line fool you either. your boundaries, put your foot down with them.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cameron_keys
If a guy tries to touch you and you dont want him to..tell him no. If he doesnt stop...get a bouncer. Even if it is allowed in the club..that doesnt mean they have the RIGHT to do it.
Unfortunately, there is a type of guy who goes into strip venues with the deliberate intention of getting as much 'mileage' (contact) as possible.
They'll try and touch as much as possible, and won't generally take a tenative no as an answer. If you're not clear about your boundaries and strong minded about enforcing them, you're going to wake up next morning thinking "I wish I didn't let him do that".
Sorry, but part of your job will involve in dealing with (as one dancer of my acquaintance puts it) "fu*king retards".
Phil.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Phil-W
Unfortunately, there is a type of guy who goes into strip venues with the deliberate intention of getting as much 'mileage' (contact) as possible.
They'll try and touch as much as possible, and won't generally take a tenative no as an answer. If you're not clear about your boundaries and strong minded about enforcing them, you're going to wake up next morning thinking "I wish I didn't let him do that".
Sorry, but part of your job will involve in dealing with (as one dancer of my acquaintance puts it) "fu*king retards".
Phil.
Yep true. Some guys will basically assault you. Keep touching even though you clearly say no. This is where you slap the shit out of them, walk away and get a bouncer.
Of course...check the club first...you'll know pretty quickly if its a place where you are allowed to stand up for yourself, or a place where they let customers do whatever they want. If its the latter....get out. You wont be safe there
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
Agree with above posters..
If something makes you uncomfortable, DON'T do it. No amount of money is worth not being able to feel good about yourself in the morning. I've worked with girls at different clubs who have to be intoxicated/under the influence even before they step foot on the floor.. (and I'm not just talking about a 'break the ice' drink).. not cool. Basically, you will find what works for you and what doesn't, but I kinda used that as my dealbreaker. If I can't do something sober, I shouldn't be doing it.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
Well, I hate to say this, but I think 99 percent of guys go in trying to get as much as possible-- always remember that! You'll know what your boundaries are after the first few nights. However, once you establish those boundaries, don't let bills, debt. , etc. change them.
Re: How do I know what my boundaries are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
absolutbliss
Well, I hate to say this, but I think 99 percent of guys go in trying to get as much as possible-- always remember that! You'll know what your boundaries are after the first few nights. However, once you establish those boundaries, don't let bills, debt. , etc. change them.
I disagree with the first part but definitely agree with the second. I'd say only about 50% of my custies do anything more than keep their hands on my waist (where they are allowed at my club and where I'm comfy with them). But it may be location/club specific. I'm sure there are skeezier places with skeezier guys.
Regardless, decide and hold true to that decision. Act with whatever your personal integrity is and you remain in control of this job.