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Thread: How do you dump a friend?

  1. #1
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default How do you dump a friend?

    I have a friend who is really a drain on me. He always has nothing but bad news, he's never any fun, always depressed, etc. I was supposed to go out for coffee with him today at 1, I cancelled saying I forgot I had a doctor's appointment. He's basically begging for someone to be there for him, but he's ALWAYS like this and always has been, since I met him years ago. Hanging out is always just going out for coffee, listening to his new drama.

    I think the only way to do it is to stop answering his calls, or always be too busy for him? I don't want to be mean to him, but he's an emotional vampire and I don't have time for that in my life.

  2. #2
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Keep brushing him off and ignore his phone calls. Make yourself sound very busy.

  3. #3
    Sitri
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    What Vyanka said.
    Avoid any confrontations or explanations or negotiations or just any "ations". Just move on.

  4. #4
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    I'm with the others. Make yourself very unavailable.

  5. #5
    zxcire
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    I think so too...if as you say he is very depressed, any kind of confrontation (telling him how much he drains you, etc.) will likely only serve to make him feel worse, guilty, etc.

    It might be kinder just to make yourself unavailable.

  6. #6
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    yep. but I'd bet he'll take his time getting the hint....

  7. #7
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Yep be unavailable and if you must.....
    Change you email, move or change your phone number..... then if you do run into him act ignorant of him not knowing.... not to hurt his feelings




  8. #8
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Ok, I'm gonna play devil's advocate here, in part because I can sympathize with your friend. I don't know just how close you are with him, if you're really tight or he's just someone you hang out with occasionally.

    In the last year and a half I've come to lean on my friends a lot, and have acknowledged to them that I don't want to be a drain because I have dealt with a lot of crap and they've really been there for me.

    If you're really sick of him, then just keep blowing him off. However, if you just don't want to listen to him be sad all the time and can't be as supportive as he wants you to, just tell him that as much as you value his friendship and want to be there for him, that maybe it's time for him to try therapy and get the POV of an impartial third party with professional training that might be able to help him more effectively.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

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  9. #9
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    ^ Agreed with NinaDaisy.

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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    I have a friend who is really a drain on me...I don't want to be mean to him, but he's an emotional vampire and I don't have time for that in my life.
    Some of us are better than others at 'reading' people. It may be that because you've always listened to him, he thinks that you're comfortable with doing to.

    We all get a little uncomfortable with the idea of upsetting people, so we tend to shy away from doing it. (Like for example ducking out of having coffee).

    Maybe, before you duck out of meeting him, a little hint or two that you'd like it better if he talked about positive rather than negative things when he met you?

    (It could be that he doesn't realise listening to all his drama is depressing you).

    If he changes his attitude you've still got a friend, and if he doesn't, you've made your effort to improve things before you stop seeing him.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by NinaDaisy View Post
    If you're really sick of him, then just keep blowing him off. However, if you just don't want to listen to him be sad all the time and can't be as supportive as he wants you to, just tell him that as much as you value his friendship and want to be there for him, that maybe it's time for him to try therapy and get the POV of an impartial third party with professional training that might be able to help him more effectively.

    That's easier said than done. If I said something like that to my friend (whom I'm currently dumping for similiar reasons) she would go completely ballistic... hence more drainage. No thanks!



  12. #12
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Oh Im in a similar position with a girl who has been one of my closest girlfriends since high school. I have stuck by her through very tough situations in her life and also some bullshit drama that she created for herself.

    I was a good friend. But now I realise that she is the type who creates this drama constantly in her life and it's becoming draining. I dont know what to do either so i'll be checking this thread to see what everyone else says.
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    Veteran Member Rockette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    I'm very confrontational, I would ask him if he had any good news to share at all. If not, I think he'd get the hint that I didn't want to hear his moping around. I hate men like that.
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

  14. #14
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I was a good friend. But now I realise that she is the type who creates this drama constantly in her life and it's becoming draining.



  15. #15
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    I have a friend who is being like this lately and Im just going to tell him that if he lightens up a bit Ill hang out with him more. No one likes a wet weekend. If he just wants to bitch and complain all the time he can go find someone else to whinge to. I dont do negitivity.
    Its not that hes depressed, its just that hes a miserable old sod who wants to bring everyone else down with him and not make the effort to be nice to be around.

  16. #16
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    I'd try to mend things with him if I thought we'd EVER have fun together, but he is always depressed and I don't think we've ever done anything that I enjoyed all that much together in the 4 years we've been friends. His idea of fun dumping his emotional baggage on me. I don't get paid like a therapist and he treats me like one, nor do I have the skills of a therapist to help him cope. I'm not in the mood for a confrontation, so I think I'll keep blowing him off. I think that would be the gentlest thing for him, too.

    I know if I talk to him about it, he'll lighten up long enough to appease me, then start his drama again.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    I know if I talk to him about it, he'll lighten up long enough to appease me, then start his drama again.
    I had a friend like that. She'd ask to borrow money, too (because that's what stripper friends are good for, right?). I got tired of her bitching about the same shit and ignoring advice.... and continuing to do the same damn shit that made her miserable in the first place. I eventually stopped responding to her emails, calls, and texts. It's been over a month and I STILL get whiny emails about how everyone is just so terrible to her.

    Ugh, people who are black holes for my energy, time, and money can fuck off and die.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: How do you dump a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    I'd try to mend things with him if I thought we'd EVER have fun together, but he is always depressed and I don't think we've ever done anything that I enjoyed all that much together in the 4 years we've been friends. His idea of fun dumping his emotional baggage on me...
    I'm jumpin' on the farewell bandwagon, Viola Strings. It's time for Eeyore to kick rocks

    IMO, certain people become so conditioned to the kind, caring responses of nurturing people (such as yourself) that bemoaning their life's woes becomes their currency of exchange. After a while, they see unrelenting drama as the only vehicle for communication and/or connection between them and their unfortunate, long-suffering friends.

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