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Thread: Some Kind of Joke?

  1. #1
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Some Kind of Joke?

    Argh! I'm so fucking frustrated! Life is already fucking crazy enough, but now I can't fucking have sex with my husband!

    I'm not like a man, I can't come easily. I've also been real stressed out, depressed, etc so I haven't been able to come with sex for months. Tonight looked like it might work. We were making out heavily. Move on to me on top as that's the best chance I have usually at coming. And then the headboard starts to bang on the wall. It's loose. No way to tighten it. We try to alter our movements, but it always makes the headboard bang against the wall. I can't "let go" when I'm paranoid about the bed and these thin damn walls. MIL is in the bedroom next to us. So I give up and let him go.

    I'm so pissed. How am I supposed to enjoy myself when I'm paranoid? R looked at the headboard and said 'This is a sick joke'.

    We never know when his mom is going to be where. She disappears and then reappears as randomly as she leaves, so you can't just wait til she disappears. She's constantly there when you don't want her to be.

    I WANT SEX GODDAMN IT!

    Help?

  2. #2
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Put something between the head board and the wall? I've had to do that before because I was paranoid about a perverted weird room mate I had who used to try and 'catch me'. Seriously he was sick and twisted and I was so happy when I got rid of him as a roomie... anyway yea we put a thick blanket between the head board and the wall and it seemed to muffle the noise a lot so it wasn't as loud and noticeable.

  3. #3
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Tried that It's a big heavy brass headboard.

    LOL, I love you Cally. I knew you'd be first to reply.

  4. #4
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Hmm.... Duct tape? LoL or just have sex on the floor?

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    I think she'd get suspicious if we duct taped her headboard....

    And sex on the carpet=no. Too many rug burns...

  6. #6
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    You put blankets under your ass!!!!!!! Damnit woman be creative! LoL Have him bend you over the dresser... sex in the shower... blankets under you on the floor... there are plenty of ways around this

  7. #7
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Not when MIL is nosy as fuck and just 'appears' outta fucking nowhere!

    And if we try to go be alone, all of a sudden it's *knock knock* "R? I need you!"

  8. #8
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Well what difference is it being bent over a dresser or banging the headboards in bed? LoL

  9. #9
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    He can't bend me over the dresser really. I'm, uh, 'shallow" in there, it hurts.

  10. #10
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Then sit on the dresser and wrap your legs around his waist and let him fuck you that way Its just like him being on top. Fool around with different positions in different areas or just suck it up and put a blanket on the floor lol.

  11. #11
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Or better yet get adventurous and start daring public sex Parks... back seats of cars.. hiking trails... beaches...

  12. #12
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    I like the car idea, except he's a big guy and our Mazda isn't big enough.

    That and when I was a teen I treid to do it in secluded places in a car and ended up having a cop knocking on our window outta nowhere. LOL.

  13. #13
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Do it on the floor, in the bathroom, wherever you want and let her catch you. That'll teach her to sneak up on you. It's not like you are doing anything wrong.

  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?


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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    I actually agree with Zabrina- you aren't 15 anymore, what are you scared of?

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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    Do it on the floor, in the bathroom, wherever you want and let her catch you. That'll teach her to sneak up on you. It's not like you are doing anything wrong.

    this is such a great idea for those people who don't let you have any privacy... adding to to my toolbox, thank you.

  17. #17
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Can you move you bed somewhere else??




  18. #18
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina View Post
    Do it on the floor, in the bathroom, wherever you want and let her catch you. That'll teach her to sneak up on you. It's not like you are doing anything wrong.
    Exactly. YOU'RE MARRIED. Who fucking cares if the MIL knows you fuck your husband?? Teach her to be so damn nosy


    If you really must use the bed and want to lose the noise, scoot the bed further away from the wall so the headboard won't bang. Or shove a couple pillows between it and the wall - I've done that and it works well. Pillows are thicker than blankets and stifle noise better.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  19. #19
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    ^^
    exactly. it sounds like she might be doing it on purpose. so she will be the one more embarrassed if she walks in on it so take the risk.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
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    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

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  20. #20
    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    You could always ask your husband to pull out his tools and temporarily move the headboard. Just say it was so loose that you figured it was going to fall off at any moment.

    ...Or better yet, he could take out his tools and *tighten* the headboard.

  21. #21
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    You are a married woman and you should be able to fuck your husband whenever you please. All the suggestions here have been good ones, but also consider the shower. Shower sex is great, with the additional benefit of loud white noise to muffle the sounds you make!

  22. #22
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Yea I was actually thinking this as I was falling asleep lol... who the fuck cares if your screwing your husbands brains out. Your married adults, you SHOULD be having sex. So let the MIL catch you, teach her for being damn nosy.

  23. #23
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Totally agree.

    One of the perks of being married is you get to fuck your husband whenever you want. Period. End of story.

    She might be the MIL from hell, calling on him whenever you two are trying to be alone, and sneaking up you two....so be it. Let her. She's going to wind up looking silly and foolish, not you two.

    I'd say (after looking back at everything) that you two keeping your marraige happy and complete is more important than worrying what his nosy mom is going to see!

    Damnit BG, go over there and get yours!




  24. #24
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    Or better yet get adventurous and start daring public sex Parks... back seats of cars.. hiking trails... beaches...
    Or on MILs couch!! It might show her that she needs to make herself scarce every now and again!!!

  25. #25
    Banned All Good Things's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Kind of Joke?

    ^ I like the bathroom and shower ideas. Both solve the bed problem and the privacy problem. If you've never done it in the shower before, and you tend to get seriously physical, do it with the water off. Way too much danger of getting hurt. Real shower fucking in a stream of water is slow and sensual and is better as foreplay.

    Another solution that solves the privacy problem and also deals with your stress level (which seems really in the way to me -- you are easily distracted) is to get a cheap but clean hotel room. I don't mean a suite with caviar and 24-hour room service, but someplace where you can escape your stress, in-laws, children and headboard all at once. You can get one hell of a lot of fucking done in two days in a hotel room, trust me. I've actually walked out of hotel rooms with a full beard before. Room service was critical to this. Also, housekeeping knows they have a pass for a few days.

    In your case, I'm thinking of something smaller, cheaper and more expedient.

    I know it seems like an extreme move when people really ought to give you the respect of privacy, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

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