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Thread: advice on asking out a crush please

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default advice on asking out a crush please

    Alright, I have an issue I’d like some advice on. I work at a regular restaurant and I have a crush on one of the other servers. I’m afraid to ask him out because if he says no I’ll have to see him every day and it might be uncomfortable for me. I know he doesn’t have a gf and I think he might like me, but I’m not sure. I’m just not smooth when it comes to stuff like this. Can anyone suggest a way to feel him out without putting my feelings totally out there? Or a smooth way to ask him out?
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    Alright, I have an issue I’d like some advice on. I work at a regular restaurant and I have a crush on one of the other servers. I’m afraid to ask him out because if he says no I’ll have to see him every day and it might be uncomfortable for me. I know he doesn’t have a gf and I think he might like me, but I’m not sure. I’m just not smooth when it comes to stuff like this. Can anyone suggest a way to feel him out without putting my feelings totally out there? Or a smooth way to ask him out?
    Don't. If he likes you he will let it be known. Just make yourself available (make sure he knows you are single and give him a reason to believe you are interested in him) and if he is into you he will let you know. Putting yourself out there will just make you look desperate.

    If you really want to hang out with him outside of work, pick a social gathering, a party or something, and invite him to come along with you. Make it casual and informal and it won't seem weird. If he says no you don't have to take it personally and it won't make work weird.

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Awwwww.
    You can't love something you think is flawless - me


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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    hmmm. if i were in that situation i would act extremely cute to get his attention. When he mentions something positive about you that he likes focus in on that to real him in.




  5. #5
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Hooking up with someone you work with? In general, a monstrously bad idea.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    I know, Chicagoeditor, but I'm not totally invested in this job and am really just doing it to get out of strip clubs and meet more people.
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

  7. #7
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    Don't. If he likes you he will let it be known. Just make yourself available (make sure he knows you are single and give him a reason to believe you are interested in him) and if he is into you he will let you know. Putting yourself out there will just make you look desperate.
    What decade are you from?? It's 2007, and it's no longer considered desperate for a female to pursue a man!!

    To the OP--Dating someone you work with can be hazardous, but best of luck if you wish to pursue him!!

  8. #8
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    I know, Chicagoeditor, but I'm not totally invested in this job and am really just doing it to get out of strip clubs and meet more people.
    Gotcha. And I didn't answer the OP. As others have suggested, try and get an activity (bowling is fun and rather goofy) involving a group of people. If there's chemistry, you'll know by the end of the night. Good luck! Keep us posted.

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    What decade are you from?? It's 2007, and it's no longer considered desperate for a female to pursue a man!!

    To the OP--Dating someone you work with can be hazardous, but best of luck if you wish to pursue him!!

    If you're confident and cool then maybe you can pull off the alpha female. But if you're like the other 99% of women out there it'll come off as desperate. Women do the choosing anyway, if the guy is into you that's all there is to it. All I said is let your interest be known and if he likes you he will pursue.

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor View Post
    Hooking up with someone you work with? In general, a monstrously bad idea.
    i agree. unless it is a temporary work situation, a short-term class, or another un-permanent thing.... i would avoid it at all costs.

    to be nice and vulgar- don't shit where you eat. and yes, it works very well especially in a restaurant setting.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Try talking to him more and smile more. You can even flirt a little. That's one approach. Another approach is say hey I'm going to the coffee shop or going to get a drink, want to join me? Just try to be friendly. You don't have to ask him on a "date" per say. Just try to make friends with him

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    In regards to the working/dating bit almost everyone I have dated seriously I met at work. Not saying they were big winners but it never interfered with our jobs or work performance.

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    If you're confident and cool then maybe you can pull off the alpha female. But if you're like the other 99% of women out there it'll come off as desperate. Women do the choosing anyway, if the guy is into you that's all there is to it. All I said is let your interest be known and if he likes you he will pursue.
    Wow, what a degrading thing to say.


    To the OP:

    Don't listen to mess, he's likely plagued by a crippling sense of insecurity which is causing him to make stuff up. My advice: if you are really not attached to this job (and could/would quit if things went up in flames*), then approach him bluntly. While this might be hard for you, I think it's a skill every girl should cultivate. Try a line like this: "You are cute and I want to make out with you in cold storage right now." If you are (a) at least kinda pretty, (b) at least kind confident, and he (c) at least kinda likes you, he will not turn down your offer. Whether or not you guys have any long-term success, however, is beyond me.

    *I am not saying you should quit if he turns you down. But if you guys do wind up dating and then, god forbid, having a rough breakup, you might want/need to quit then.
    Drought was over. Where was I? Drinks were on the house.
    For mixers, my love, you'd poured--what?--even the rain.

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Hooking up with someone you work with? In general, a monstrously bad idea.
    Have to agree with CE on this one.

    If you're confident and cool then maybe you can pull off the alpha female. But if you're like the other 99% of women out there it'll come off as desperate.
    Desperate? Hardly. Interested? Certainly.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by teeth_of_the_hydra View Post
    "You are cute and I want to make out with you in cold storage right now."
    Hehe, I love this idea and its what I keep wanting to do, but I'm so afraid of being outright rejected. I need to get over this!
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by teeth_of_the_hydra View Post
    Wow, what a degrading thing to say.


    To the OP:

    Don't listen to mess, he's likely plagued by a crippling sense of insecurity which is causing him to make stuff up. My advice: if you are really not attached to this job (and could/would quit if things went up in flames*), then approach him bluntly. While this might be hard for you, I think it's a skill every girl should cultivate. Try a line like this: "You are cute and I want to make out with you in cold storage right now." If you are (a) at least kinda pretty, (b) at least kind confident, and he (c) at least kinda likes you, he will not turn down your offer. Whether or not you guys have any long-term success, however, is beyond me.

    *I am not saying you should quit if he turns you down. But if you guys do wind up dating and then, god forbid, having a rough breakup, you might want/need to quit then.

    Awesome of you to degrade me when you have no idea what kind of person I am. Obviously we have different views, but I don't call you a moron or make quips about your intelligence or social affluence because you feel differently.

    To argue your point, if you do that and it works then awesome for you. If you do that and he hesitates because he doesn't like you and you make him feel uncomfortable, you've just ruined your life at work and done exactly what you don't want to do, made work weird for both of you.

    Your point sounds fun and sexy but I just don't see it as appropriate or a particularly cool thing to do, especially at work.

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    Obviously we have different views, but I don't call you a moron
    Actually, no one called anyone a moron.

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    or make quips about your intelligence
    That didn't happen either.

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    or social affluence
    I don't even know what this is.

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    Your point sounds fun and sexy but I just don't see it as appropriate or a particularly cool thing to do, especially at work.
    If the OP was talking about a seriously conservative work environment, or some kind of "career" job, no, it wouldn't be appropriate. But food service? C'mon... the trade-off for being on your feet for 14 hours a day and smelling like a french fry is that you get to engage in workplace antics. It's something pretty cool about being a stripper, too... hard work, but plenty of room for antics and nonsense. Nonsense like making whoopie in cold storage. Gosh, that brings back memories.

    Anyway, Jenna78, I'm going way off-topic. I think a life without risks is a life not worth living. I also really like seducing cute boys. You may feel differently; mess seems to feel differently, and that's fine. I vote for smooching among the quiches. But you do whatever you're comfortable with.
    Drought was over. Where was I? Drinks were on the house.
    For mixers, my love, you'd poured--what?--even the rain.

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    Senior Member GentlemanX's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Walk up to him and say "Hey _____, would you like to go on a date sometime."

    If he says yes then you have a date. If he says no then it doesn't matter. Guys get rejected all the time. It is part of the dating game and not a permanent stigma. We shrug it off and move to the next one. It's not like he will say no and then laugh in your face, call you a loser and then call all his friends over and tell them what happened.

  19. #19
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Well as someone who met her husband at her job all I can say is kinda suggest you are either hungry, I could go for some..., mention a movie you would like to see and say this to your crush, when your crush says "oh me too" or "oh I don't like that" make conv and say "really?" seem interested cause you are and put out an alternative like if your crush would like to eat the same thing as your see the same movie suggest "hey maybe we can catch the movie together or wanna join me?" :man sounds childish: but it breaks the ice.

    Did I make sense? lol

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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by teeth_of_the_hydra View Post
    "You are cute and I want to make out with you in cold storage right now.".... I also really like seducing cute boys.
    With lines like that -- and given how breathtakingly hott, brilliant, creative, intriguing and totally unpredictable you are -- have you ever failed?

    This is the question I didn't have time to ask when you were POTW.

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    ^^^Oh, you

    For the record, it works like a charm. I wouldn't steer the OP wrong.
    Drought was over. Where was I? Drinks were on the house.
    For mixers, my love, you'd poured--what?--even the rain.

  22. #22
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by mess View Post
    Don't. If he likes you he will let it be known. Just make yourself available (make sure he knows you are single and give him a reason to believe you are interested in him) and if he is into you he will let you know. Putting yourself out there will just make you look desperate.

    If you really want to hang out with him outside of work, pick a social gathering, a party or something, and invite him to come along with you. Make it casual and informal and it won't seem weird. If he says no you don't have to take it personally and it won't make work weird.
    LOL, aren't you behind the times. Hey, the 50s called, they want their old fashioned ideas back.

    I got tired of waiting around for you shy men to ask me out, so in HS I started asking out guys myself. Many were relieved that I was the forthcoming one.

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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Well, I finally grew some balls today and asked him out for drinks and he said yes. Thank you every one for your advice and encouragement!
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

  24. #24
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: advice on asking out a crush please

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    Well, I finally grew some balls today and asked him out for drinks and he said yes. Thank you every one for your advice and encouragement!
    Let us know how it turns out!!

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