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Thread: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

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    Default Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    I was in a club last night and found myself facing a predicament I wasn't sure how to handle--if it's even any of my business.

    A dancer who's always been very pleasant and respectful to me was giving a dance to a guy a few feet away. The man was very drunk and entitled, and continually grabbed and pinched her. She would redirect him, warning him to place his hands beneath him. He would, and then as soon as she would turn again he'd place his hands, fingers interlocked, over her head and pull her back to him by the neck or chest. She very patiently redirected him again, but he continued to grab and hold her. This wasn't the usual "cleverly wandering hands" issue, but a pretty coercive manner of seizing her and pulling her to wherever he wanted her.

    I saw the manager give him a verbal warning and then leave, with no real consequences.

    I found myself wondering:

    Should I have subtly caught her attention and asked her if she needed help? I'm a very large, muscular guy who could easily help get rid of this character, or at least found the manager and informed him that the situation is more severe than he may have understood.

    OR should I regard it as absolutely none of my business, and who the hell am I to think some dancer needs ME to come to the rescue?

    I can't figure out whether a friendly intervention would be a welcome and appreciated thing, or whether she would see me as some jerk messing with her money who shouldn't stick my nose into her work.

    I don't see dancers as helpless, and I don't see myself as some arrogant hero. But I also hate seeing girls treated so sleazily, and I wonder what the right thing to do would be.

    Help?

  2. #2
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    It sounds like she was handling it. If you had interfered she may very well have resented it. She was perfectly capable of getting up and ending the dance...esp after the manager came over. She chose not to.

    It's lovely you wanted to help her...but she didnt need your help. What liekly would have happened is she would have ben angry, the guy could have started a fuight with you and you could have ended up thrown out.

    What would have been nice is if you had grabbed her after you were both out of the damce room and offered to take her to VIP to make up for what she had to put up with from that guy. THAT woul dhave been appreciated and sweet.

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    Veteran Member BeBe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Ditto what Cameron_Keys said, Don't get involved.

    It's hard to look away and ignore the crazy things that go on in a stripclub, but trust me, you're better off that way. Dancer's have the power to end the dance at any time, as well as, get a customer kicked out for inappropriate behavior. If she did neither, it's because it wasn't a problem.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    there is a girl i work with, that when a guy is treating a girl wrong, she will take her heel off and hit him in the head...

    i'm not even kidding.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Unfortunately, it's not always an easy thing trying to be a good samaratian these days because you're usually the one that gets yelled at and blamed. I agree that you had all good intentions but I've learned that it's usually best to mind your own business because, what's the saying "no good deed goes unpunished". It's sad but that's how today's society is. I've been burned way too many times trying to do the right thing that I now for most of the time stay out of it and worry about myself. I guess the only thing that you could've maybe done is brought this to the attention of the manager, in which you said the manager already said something. I don't think there was anything you could've done that would've made the situation any better except ask her for a dance and be a perfect gentleman during the entire time and show her that not all customers behave that way but unfortunately, I doubt she would've learned from it anyway. Was she a young, new dancer? If so, she'll probably just have to learn it on her own.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Don't get involved; this is why clubs have bouncers. If they're not going to use them on abusive losers, there's not much you can do about that. This is one area where it really, really doesn't pay to be a White Knight.
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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    It will rarely be necessary for a customer to throw his (literal) weight around in the club. Although, if you are concerned I can't imagine that a subtle and simple "Are you okay?" could be a problem - I mean you don't want to go over all "get your damn hands off her, Biff!", but a "are you okay?" can be easily put aside with a "Yeah, I think we're managing". I mean, it is true that is what the bouncers are there for - hence the lack of necessity. But I would feel weird advising you to just "not worry about it" if you feel concern that a dancer is being actually assaulted (as opposed to just managing an undesirable customer).
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    If her physical well-being were jeopardized, I would intervene. Otherwise, I have an aversion to being on a police report taken from an incident in a stripclub.

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    stellaforstars
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    It will rarely be necessary for a customer to throw his (literal) weight around in the club. Although, if you are concerned I can't imagine that a subtle and simple "Are you okay?" could be a problem - I mean you don't want to go over all "get your damn hands off her, Biff!", but a "are you okay?" can be easily put aside with a "Yeah, I think we're managing". I mean, it is true that is what the bouncers are there for - hence the lack of necessity. But I would feel weird advising you to just "not worry about it" if you feel concern that a dancer is being actually assaulted (as opposed to just managing an undesirable customer).
    It could even be as simple as attempting to catch her eye and ask her from across the room. If she needs help, she'll let you know. And if she knows you might be willing to spend on her and she's unhappy, she'll be far more likely to end the dance and move on to a more respectful customer.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Sadly there IS money involved here as well. The guy might be a jerk but he might be spending big. I don't know too many dancers who are incapable of handling a situation like this in whatever way they decide will benefit them. Weather it's kicking the guy in the nuts, calling a bouncer or taking a ton of the guys cash in exchange for putting up with his foolishness it is the lady's call.

    I do agree with JZ however that if it seemed that violence was imminent I would step in or at least find a bouncer.
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    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I do agree with JZ however that if it seemed that violence was imminent I would step in or at least find a bouncer.
    Yeah, to make it clear, that's what I'm talking about. What I don't want to do is start a fight with a drunk whose big problem is being obnoxious. That's what I meant by the police report reference.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    You did the right thing, lots of idiots in strip clubs, it's not your business, the last thing you'd need is one of those idiots to be waiting for you in the parking lot with a handgun. Grab a bouncer if you feel the need, that's why they're there.

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    What would have been nice is if you had grabbed her after you were both out of the damce room and offered to take her to VIP to make up for what she had to put up with from that guy. THAT woul dhave been appreciated and sweet.
    Umm, no, sure it would be sweet, but it's really not your responsibility to make up for that guys boorish behavior (unless of course you would have been spending on her anyways).

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    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Richard_Head View Post
    Umm, no, sure it would be sweet, but it's really not your responsibility to make up for that guys boorish behavior (unless of course you would have been spending on her anyways).
    Umm..I didnt SAY it was his responsibillity. I SAID if he wanted to do something nice for her to help her..that would have been more appreciated then sticking his nose in.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    I ran my pie hole one time and about got my ass kicked by a guy half again my size. As a result of that lesson, I am now a firm believer in minding ones own beeswax. And realistically and white knight-ism aside, most dancers can handle what goes on in the club.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Whew! Thanks for all the advice. It appears that you agree with my concern for her, but suggest that I not make it my own business--which means I did okay to put off any stupid moves on my part until visiting here for advice. And I loved the "get your damned hands off her, Biff!" reference!

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    To me, in this case it sound slike the girl was handling it, and was calm and patient about the whole thing. The manager was aware,a nd likely monitoring it too.

    If it was truly a dangerous situation, she would not patiently move his hands and warn him, she would be looking around for help, calling for help, and giving a very clear signal she wanted assistance. In that case, especially if its a club with bouncers who ar emore concerned with meeting women than doing their job, then you can step in.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by MattOKC View Post
    Should I have subtly caught her attention and asked her if she needed help? I'm a very large, muscular guy who could easily help get rid of this character, or at least found the manager and informed him that the situation is more severe than he may have understood.
    No, leave it alone. In my experience if it escalates out of control it will be clearly obvious and I have stepped in at those times. But if you haven't done it professionally you are just going to create lots of liability for yourself, stay out of it. Get a bouncer if it gets out of control.

    Quote Originally Posted by MattOKC View Post
    OR should I regard it as absolutely none of my business, and who the hell am I to think some dancer needs ME to come to the rescue?
    Really it is none of your business, stay away from it.

    From time to time dancers at the SC I frequent will ask me to help in situations, unless it's time sensitive I will just go grab the bouncers, but if someone is about to be hurt, I step in.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    I would have helped the troubled girl....I am unusual in that regard.....

    I would have simply asked the gentleman to leave her alone....

    If he said he didn't want to be bothered, then I would have said it doesn't appear that way to me and asked him to leave again.

    If he wanted to challenge me, taking care of his kind would not have represented any problems.

    Despite some of the criticism I have had, I am indeed a friend of strippers in need.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    The first time it happens, don't intervene unless it looks like someone is going to be injured. After that, ask her what she would wnat if you saw it happening again. Then, if it happens again, you still ought to stay out of things if you can; if it looks like a situation where she indicated that she needs or wants assistance, you are best off getting a bouncer for her than being involved in anything physical in the club.
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    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by ironmaidern View Post
    I would have helped the troubled girl....I am unusual in that regard.....

    I would have simply asked the gentleman to leave her alone....

    If he said he didn't want to be bothered, then I would have said it doesn't appear that way to me and asked him to leave again.

    If he wanted to challenge me, taking care of his kind would not have represented any problems.

    Despite some of the criticism I have had, I am indeed a friend of strippers in need.
    She wasnt in need....she was handling it. All you would have done was cost her money. If it were me..I'd be royally pissed if you interfered and cost me money. I've had some custies that were handsy...but nothing i couldnt handle myself and I chose to deal with it because of the sheer amount of money I made off them. It was HER CHOICE. She could have walked away. She could have called the manager or bouncer back....she didnt. He wasnt hurting her..he was annoying her..hence the "patiently moved his hands"

    Dont interfere unless you see ACTUAL violence happening or she calls for help. Otherwise you are just screwing with her money and that will NOT will you brownie points.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    If it were me: I wouldn't welcome another customer intervening unless I were seriously about to be hurt. Unless a customer is honestly trying to physically overpower me, I'm a big girl and can take care of myself.

    Of course, you have no responsibility to "make it up to her." But if you wanted to get her out of a potentially unpleasant situation, tip a waitress a few dollars to go whisper in the dancer's ear that there's a customer waiting for her. (That would be you.) If the dancer in question is only putting up with the guy because she thinks there's no money to be made anywhere else, she's now empowered to wind things up with the asshole and come over to you. Of course, you're now committed to buying some dances with her, so it better be a girl that you like. She'll probably give you really great dances, though. I know I would.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    i agree with those who said to leave the situation alone unless there is violence. it's up to the dancer and the bouncers to stop guys from being handsy. of course, if a dancer is being -harmed- you should step in.

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Oh hell no. It'd be just my luck that the guy turns out to be some jealous boyfriend or something. Then I've got the cops showing up and the dancer lying to them to keep her boyfriend out of jail. Suddenly it's: "Officer we were just chatting and that crazy customer came over and started attacking my boyfriend." Boyfriend confirms. Two against one. Oh hell no.
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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    there is a girl i work with, that when a guy is treating a girl wrong, she will take her heel off and hit him in the head...

    i'm not even kidding.

    I'm a firm proponent of the need to have this happen MORE often in a strip club and NOT just when a man has physically assaulted a dancer.

    Since I can't get away with this for small things, I just squeeze their nose so they can't pull away, maneuver their face and mine into close contact and very slowly and firmly tell them no.

    however, wooden shoes rock for a little smack down!

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    Default Re: Right way to respond to stripper being manhandled by customer?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Sadly there IS money involved here as well. The guy might be a jerk but he might be spending big.

    there is a group of Asian guys who come in and find it HILARIOUS to manhandle the dancers. It never gets out of hand (going for the cooch) and is always redirected. However, I would NEVER put up with this type of crap where I had to constantly field hands from more than one person if I wasn't getting twice the price of a lap dance (technically close to triple, since the club only requires men to pay $15, but all the dancers tell the guys to pay $20 plus tip. the guys in this example were paying $40 and were getting repeat dances.)

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