Ok so hear is my story:
(WARNING: VERY VERY LONGGGGGG STORY)
A while agoo i posted in a other thread i am in love with a married man, but we did not have sex, i gave him (both fully dressed) a lapdance, but it was off topic in that tread so i got to my point, few weeks later i was on the interactive chat with some of the girls and i did not started the subject, they did because they rememberd from the tread what i wrote, they told me i will burn in hell and that kind of things![]()
Ok i can expect a reaction like this, but on the other side c'mon i am NOT a bad person and this married man and i do NOT have a affair, i am deeply in love with him and do all that i can do to not be in love with him anymore!!!!
Well i am still in love with him, and i thought if i would leave the country i would forget about him they say: 'further from the eye, further from the heart' yes if it just a fling this is true, but i was 6months away from him did not see him did not speak to him, nothing no contact what so ever, and i really put myself 100% in to forget about him, but he stayed in my heart and mind with the same power i had when i see him!
Now i am in total 2 years in love with him and am back in Amsterdam, where he is ,and am working again in the same company he is working.
We still do not have a affair, we do talk alot, and we both know we love each other alot, we did on a few occasions some kind of sexual things like lapdance with both fully dressed, and i stripped for him from a distance so he could not touch me.....
He did not marry out of love! he is not telling me this (he is exually telling me opposite) but everybody knows this! He does admit he has no passion what so ever for her and never has, but it is what we could say an arranged marridge between the familys, he comes from a poor family, she comes from a wealthy family, all of his buisiness, money and papers is thanks to being married to her. That also does not mean that he is bad, because he isnt ! it is the situation he is in and can not get out, and he also doesnt want to get out because he feels by the way he is brought up he dont need to feel passion for his wife, again that doesnt make him bad that makes him maybe shortminded and from a poor family in a other culture.
Yes he does love me and HATES to admit it, because his life was going fine untill i came along and he felt what he never felt before for a women, and he is not saying this kind of things because he wants to f*ck me, he doesnt want to start an affair, if he chooses for me he chooses for me and will get a divorce and only then he would go that far to have sex with me but not now he is married! He does control himself and does everything he can, not to have sex with me, because he is in love with me it is very hard for him and thats why a few times we did had some kind of sexual connection, he feels very guilthy about it, and do not want to take it to the next level! Even if he is in love with me and not in love with her, he does care about her ALOT and they are offcourse best friends, he getting a divorce for me is not realistic because i can not offer him what she is giving him, my family is not wealthy, i am not born in the same religion as he(his family ONLY wants him to be with the same religion girl) He will loose everything he build up in this country and will loose in a way his family if he chooses me, his family will never accept me because i am not born in this religion and they will hate me for letting him loose everything he owns now(his buisiness and carrier)
Even if he would be single now, it would be a romeo and julia story, yes very romantic but anyway with a bad ending, he would evenso choose somebody his family chooses for him!
I can understand his position and because i love him i respect his situation, but still i love him so much and i am a very romantic person who believes in real love, so for me to live in a loveless(the kind of love husbend and wife should have imo) marridge without any passion only friendship is like a hell. So i really hope for his sake he will get a divorce and choose this time for somebody he truelly loves as a wife, nomather what his family says to him about it, whether its going to be me or not, and i hope for her to find someone who will be feeling the kind of love a husbend should feel for his wife.....
I am not asking him to be against his family, tradition and religion, i am asking him to choose for his own happiness, because at the end of the day his family would also be happy if he is happy and G-d would be happy too for him to choose someone he really loves!
The fact stays that he believes he will be unhappy if he looses everything he build and because of my past in the stripping an sex industry he does not see me as a partner eventhough he is in love he just can not handle my past and will probeply judge me the rest of our lives if he will marry me![]()
So i gotta let it go, and he gotta let it go too, we will NEVER forget each other and will always know that we felt true love for each other, he will stay married to her and i will probeply marry someone else but for sure i will not love this person as much as i love him!
Sorry for the LONG story but really had to get it out of my system and hope that some of you understand that some situations are not as simple as you think, divorce is a big thing in some cultures and religions, love is not always the reason people get married! not all married men who are in love with somebody else are bad people and escpecially my love, because he is NOT starting an affair with me eventhough he has no sex no passion no romance with his wife he is still controlling himself so i think that deserves a bit respect for his side!
And about me that i will burn in hell because i danced on his lap and gave him a striptease i only can say be in my shoes and try to understand that a women can love someone soooooooooooo much for a long time even if i tryed everything to cut off my love for him, believe me EVERYTHING i tryed!!!!! Am i still the only person left who does believe in love even if i can not be with the one i love???? i am not asking a award, but i am do asking some understanding, their are billion fish in the sea i only love 1, is that now a crime???? no it isnt !!!! i can not force myself to love somebody else, even that i tryed and didnt work out, till i met him i never felt love not for so long, for 1 month 2 month maximum, so if i do feel this kind of love it is real for me and i will stay in love.
Like i said no affair, if he chooses to have sex with me he will be divorced, if not then nothing no sex, just still being in love with each other thats it we done! are we bad people now???? no we arent, life is just not so simple as some girls here think it is........
Ciao XXX
Ps: for the information we are both the same age,(26) they have no children, are married 2 years now and 11 years together.
But me and him are from COMPLETE other culture, religion and traditions.



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