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Thread: I just want a boy to be nice to me

  1. #1
    sun child
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    Default I just want a boy to be nice to me

    After almost two months with no contact with the ex, I still cry about him every day. Is that pathetic? I have moved on sexually, i.e., had sex with another man and really enjoyed it. But I do not feel like I have moved on emotionally. I am not alright with how things went down. I feel like I will never really get over it. I am crying about the ex not only because I miss him and that is frustrating, but also because I feel like he hurt me so much and took advantage of me. When I finally stood up for myself and cut off contact with him, he hurt me in the harshest way he knew how -- by calling my 53-year-old mom in the middle of the night and telling her I have been stripping. Now I am wondering if I should trust anyone.

    I just want a boy to be nice to me. That is all I ever wanted from him. Sex does not even matter to me. I just want a partner and friend at some point in my life who won't pull some crazy histrionics all the time.

    I dunno...I just had to get this out...I feel like I will never get over this. I really loved him. I did everything I could to make him happy. Now I realize I did too much.

    I guess I am focused on success now. Keeping my head above water, being uber responsible about my job and money situation, studying hard, trying new things, and just trying to be a nice, healthy, responsible person.

    Is there any hope?


  2. #2
    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I just want a boy to be nice to me

    I can totally sympathize. When you've been betrayed like that by someone you loved and trusted, if fucks your shit up.

    No, there's nothing wrong with still missing your ex. It's only been a couple of months and while it looks like you're doing good things to try to move forward, you're not going to feel that much better in just two months. You shouldn't try to force it too much either.

    It helps that you're not talking to him any more either. It's just sad that the passage of time is the best way these things typically heal, because it seems to drag on when you're missing someone. Just keep doing things that are good for you, cry when you need to and try to focus more on how he was the one that treated you badly so you're not tempted to take it out on someone that is nice to you because your ex was an asshole.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


  3. #3
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    Default Re: I just want a boy to be nice to me

    I think you're handling things really well--putting your efforts now into your future and moving on. I understand how you're feeling, having come out of a relationship recently--and realizing I am still in love. My ex. is a decent woman, but she is much younger than me and had to move on. We are keeping a friendship, though for the reasons you've mentioned (I'm still trying to get over the feeling that this was my soul mate) I'm having a hard time, now, doing it. In your case the love will probably stay within you for a good while, but, my God, calling your mother in the middle of the night to injure her, psychologically, and get to you that way also? That is pretty low, and also an indication of what you would have had to put up with, in a big way, if you had continued with this guy. I know things feel hopeless now--believe me, I identify--but this is a blessing for you, to move on and move ahead, no question about it--not if the guy could act this way.

    You are obviously a giving soul and there will be someone there for you--there are (many) good men out there who want what you want. I think if you move ahead with your life as you are doing and then, when the time comes, insist on being treated well (don't rationalize bad behavior away, as we all do from time to time) you'll stand a good chance of finding someone good and kind. You deserve that in your life. We all do. Good luck with this, and try to keep your spirits up through this difficult time. I completely understand!
    JK Jim

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