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Thread: Death thoughts

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    Default Death thoughts

    My title sounds a bit suicidal, huh? It's not. Sometimes or actually alot of times I'll be lying in bed trying to fall asleep and I'll start thinking about death. I know that it's inevitable and that everyone I love and care about are going to die someday. Maybe sooner than they're supposed to. It makes me have panic attacks. I hate to think that one day my daughter could just be taken from me or that my boyfriend may die before me, etc.. I know it's horrible to live my life like this. But does anyone else's minds ever wander to death? Doesn't it upset you guys that everyone you know IS going to die? I mean I don't force myself to think about this stuff. It's one of those things that stem from me looking at my boyfriend when he's sleeping and thinking about how much I love him. Then I start thinking about how horrible it would be to lose him and then everyone follows. Lotsa rambling, sorry!

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    Veteran Member Maisumi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Wow I've just read your post and I'm just lost for words...

    I can't believe I've actually found someone who feels the same way I do about death. The way you described the cycle of logic you fall into, and especially the panic attacks that come with it. That's exactly how I feel when I let myself think too much about death.

    It's not so much the topic of it that frightens me, like I can deal with it in the media like in news or on film, but it's more to do with the 'bigger picture'; what will become of me when my existence is over, what will happen to the people I love? And what scares me the most is knowing that it's FOREVER. That's when the panic attacks come in and I have to run to nearest person I can find to talk to them, or if I'm alone I have to find something to occupy myself with right then and there to get my mind off it.

    I've been brushing it off for the last few years now as I've always assumed I could "get therapy" for it when I'm older so that's why I haven't really brought it up with anyone besides my mum. I think most people who know me would be shocked to find that I feel this way about death, given that my track record has included much self-destructive, risky behaviour that even the average person would not contemplate which contradicts my fear of it.

    kaiarose, have you always felt this way or did you have a defining moment or point that triggered off this fear? I still remember mine, and I regret that I do because I don't think I'd feel like this otherwise.


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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    I honestly don't know when these thoughts strated happening. I want to say it was after my daughter was born. I can't fathom the thought of losing her. Then like I said everyone else stated coming to mind and it made me sick to come to the realization that nothing or no one can stop the inevitable. I don't want to be Alone!
    Just so anyone who reads this knows, I don't live my life with this thought always following me. I t's usually just when I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Weird. But it stills gives me panic attacks

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    It's inevitable it's going to happen to us all. I use to worry about it a lot more before I sought out treatment for my anxiety disorder. Now that I am on medication for anxiety and depression I don't get too worked up over much of anything. I actually seek out things that would scare most people.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    i have these thoughts a lot. It's actually one of the reasons i stopped smoking pot, these thoughts would get to intense for me to handle while stoned and i honestly thought i was damaging myself permanently. Sometimes i just start crying uncontrollably cause i just get so sad abiut thinking about the permanence of it. Especially since i don't believe in an afterlife. i just wish i could articulate my feelings a little better so it would be easier for me to talk to someone about these kinds of things. When i start having these thoughts i just try to calm myslef down and focus on something positive for the moment.
    Last edited by pinkkitten; 10-22-2007 at 01:56 PM. Reason: wow, i'm now a featured member. holy shit!

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Death can be a scary concept.
    I think that you are focusing too much on it, and not enough on the meaning of it. Death is what makes life precious in the first place. Were there no end to life, there would be no reason to do anything.
    Instead of thinking about losing your boyfriend and daughter, maybe it would help to focus on things you can do to show them your love.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    I find it kind of comforting, actually. I like closure.

    I think of it as a transition. I adjusted to being born, I'd adjust to and accept dying when it happens.

    I'm aware that this is a strange and not so normal attitude RE:death however.

    As far as losing loved ones, yeah, that's more depressing for me. That's why I try to just enjoy the remaining time we have sans drama as much as possible.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendita View Post
    Death is what makes life precious in the first place. Were there no end to life, there would be no reason to do anything.
    Instead of thinking about losing your boyfriend and daughter, maybe it would help to focus on things you can do to show them your love.
    Good point.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    I used to watch my ex and think the same thing, with the kids too. I know in my case it stems from actually experiencing so many people who were close to me dying. It changed the way I used to think about death..I've learned to not dwell in it so much.
    My new love...is me !

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    I think there is fine balance here. Mature people ultimately do have to give it some consideration because it does impact on their life, and it's reasonable to be curious about one's own death. Coming to some sense of okayness with it is good and healthy. OTOH obsessing over it or depressing over it could be an indication of a problem. The balance point is somewhere between complete denial and obsession. Hopefully you find the happy medium and in the end, are able to cope with it without fear.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Circe View Post
    I find it kind of comforting, actually. I like closure.

    I think of it as a transition. I adjusted to being born, I'd adjust to and accept dying when it happens.
    I feel the same way. I actually worry that I'll die traumatically or something and won't be able to fully experience and appreciate dying.



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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    My title sounds a bit suicidal, huh? It's not. Sometimes or actually alot of times I'll be lying in bed trying to fall asleep and I'll start thinking about death.
    On that note, I am reading the book What Happens When We Die?: A Groundbreaking Study into the Nature of Life and Death by a Dr Parnia. Can be found here:

    http://www.amazon.com/What-Happens-W...3096001&sr=8-1
    A cunning linguist...

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Life and death. Don't focus on death or it will impede your ability to live life.

    The samurai warrior lived every moment. Appreciating the beauty of the simplest things like a sunrise, a flower, a laughing child. He appreciated every moment and lived in that moment. He lived a complete lifetime in every day.

    When in battle and at the fateful moment. He never flinched. He was willing to die with no regret as he had already lived several lifetimes.

    Focus on what you have. Focus on now. The rest will take care of itself. In this regard the Buddha had said, "Be Present."

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    I know that it will happen eventually, however I hope that at the very least that my kid's are adults.

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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    It's not a bad thing to think about. I sometimes get lost in the "what if" and the subsequent dread of loneliness. But I think that crizgolfer's words help me the most.

    But to backtrack, I dunno, most of the time when I think about death, I think about just--stopping. Cease sensation, cease thought. End scene. So that doesn't scare me from a first-person POV, though it definitely scares me to be a survivor and have to pick up where my life left off without my loved one. I can't bear the thought of my parents, brother or husband dying. It just hurts beyond reason and I have no idea what I would do next.

    Then I wonder if there's more to death than cessation of life. I sorta kinda believe in the supernatural so I guess I sorta kinda believe in an afterlife, which is hopefully Heaven. It would be really neat to meet up again with family and cats and stuff. But I don't know if that's wishful delusional thinking or what. But at least neither of those two possibilities is worrisome--either we get together again and that's awesome, or we just "stop" and then I won't know what I'm missing so that's not a bad consolation prize.

    But the moral of the lesson is, I don't know and I'll never know until it's kind of a moot point, so I need to shut my brain up and enjoy the "life" part of life.


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    Default Re: Death thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Circe View Post
    I find it kind of comforting, actually. I like closure.

    I think of it as a transition. I adjusted to being born, I'd adjust to and accept dying when it happens.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lena View Post
    I feel the same way. I actually worry that I'll die traumatically or something and won't be able to fully experience and appreciate dying.
    I agree with you, Lena & Circe...

    Ira Byock, MD is a nationally recognized authority on end-of-life care who has written some amazing books/essays on the topic. I was fortunate enough to attend one of his seminars years ago, and it changed the way I viewed Death and Dying. Here is a quote:

    On Dying Well
    "Dying Well can be thought of as a subjective personal experience which embodies a sense of meaning and purpose and a sense of completion, at times even fulfillment.

    I have seen people change in remarkable ways even as they die. They do not become someone else, but somehow more themselves, often more accepting and forgiving of themselves, and more loving toward themselves and with others."

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