Lying about not being a stripper makes me feel like so much more of a loser than being one.
My family is clued into the Oregon move, but they think I still do a ton of production work, and they thought I was still teaching. My grandparents' respect has always meant a lot to me, and now whenever I talk to them it winds up being a grilling about why I'm leaving L.A. and what I'm going to do for work. I don't really have an answer, I just tell them I'm bartending for now and I'll find a stable non-production job when I get to Oregon. I can hear in their voices that they're completely mystified and disappointed that I haven't become the next Steven Spielberg and I'm giving up on L.A. and what they think is a three-year career.
I just feel so dejected; whenever I talk to them nowadays, I feel like a monumental loser. I know they don't like K as much as they loved my ex-husband, and the fact that K and I aren't married creates awkward moments and also disappoints them. In their eyes, I'm a flop and a failure who's just aimlessly drifting to Oregon for lack of anywhere better to go.
I really want to just come out and say, "Actually, guys, I'm a stripper. When I'm not in L.A., I can bank two or three grand a week setting my own hours and having fun. By moving to Oregon, I can bank more money and produce some more short films, get out of debt, write more, and have more freedom to live my life and pursue the career I actually WANT. I DO have a fucking plan, so leave me alone." But if I said that, they would keel over and die. So instead, I have to let them think I'm a failure and a loser. *sigh*
Anybody else in this boat?


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