View Poll Results: ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER OR NOT?

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  • Always a cheater

    34 43.04%
  • Not always a cheater

    45 56.96%
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Thread: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

  1. #26
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I admit to cheating in my past, when I was young and dumb, but no cheating incidents since I've turned 17! And I won't ever do it again either.

  2. #27
    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by lizlizliz View Post
    I think pretty much everyone cheats.
    I don't. I can't believe that anyone would think that.

    I have never been cheated on either. (At least no one was dumb enough to get caught becuz ) Lol!

  3. #28
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    i voted once a cheater always a cheater.
    that said there are rare cases of a reformed cheater. i feel those are few and far between.

  4. #29
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I don't believe 'once a cheater always a cheater.' I cheated on somebody who loved me when I was younger. Later on down the road, karma came back to bite me in the ass... and somebody I loved cheated on me...it was an extremely painful experience. I've grown and I've changed, and I would never put somebody through that shit ever again.



  5. #30
    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I could never cheat.

    First reason, because I'm one of those dorks who cant do anything sexual without being emotionally attached.

    It doesn't matter if no one would find out...my boy is the only man I want.

  6. #31
    Veteran Member TheLioness's Avatar
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I voted not always a cheater. What if someone were in a dead relationship, no feelings whatsoever, just trying to get their shit together so they can leave, and during that time they fall in love with someone who would become their soul mate? It may not be easy to walk away from the soul mate person just because they haven't saved enough money yet to get away from the dead relationship person.

  7. #32
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by lizlizliz View Post
    I think pretty much everyone cheats.
    I don't know about pretty much every one but I think you do have a point and think that the percentage is probably pretty high...higher than we like to admit to ourselves. I think sexual fidelity is not as prevalent as we would like to believe.

    But I am ever the optimist and vote not always a cheater.


  8. #33
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I wouldn't stay with someone that cheated on me, but have dated someone who cheated on someone else.

    And since they didn't cheat on me, I have to go with not always a cheater.

  9. #34
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I think it's quite possible to cheat once and loathe yourself over it to the point of never doing it again.
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  10. #35
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by lizlizliz View Post

    the scenario doesn't even have to be that outlandish. if it was guaranteed thatf no one would ever find out, who wouldn't?


    /flame away, lame asses
    Call me lame all you want, but even if nobody found out, I would NOT cheat on my husband. I love him and respect him too damn much to do that.

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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I don't think EVERYONE cheats, but I think a great deal do. More than people think. A great example are the many, many married men trolling CL and seeing escorts, etc.

    As much as you think you know someone, you can't predict their actions and future changes. Maybe the husband of 5 years ago would never have cheated, but he is now, you know?

    I don't think once you cheat, you are a cheater for life. It would also depend on the circumstances. One minor slip-up on a drunken night would be different from months or years of sober deception, for example.

  12. #37
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    I've never cheated, because I simply wouldn't be able to live with the lie--to look into eyes that have trusted me and be an actor. When men--when people--cheat, it must be that somehow they can rationalize the lie...that "that's the way it is, and it's not such a bad thing." They ignore the fact that the identity of the one who has trusted is torn apart, because you don't know what to believe anymore. And frankly in these times I cannot understand someone who would bring home a potential disease to a partner--it is gambling with the life of someone without even giving them a chance. What a thing to do to someone you love!

    I have to admit that when I was younger I sometimes wished I was more of a womanizer, but these days I'm glad I was not. What is the saying? "An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind."

    I'll tell you honestly that if a man has done this before I think he has a great capacity to do it again, because in some part of his soul he is already comfortable with the lie. I wouldn't trust it--I would look for a man who earns your trust rather than settling for one who has already broken it.
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  13. #38
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Originally Posted by lizlizliz View Post
    I think pretty much everyone cheats.
    Perhaps...except for those in strictly non-monogamous relationships of course.

    Sexual fidelity is quite secondary to emotional loyalty.
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  14. #39
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveSexMoney View Post
    I don't know about pretty much every one but I think you do have a point and think that the percentage is probably pretty high...higher than we like to admit to ourselves. I think sexual fidelity is not as prevalent as we would like to believe.

    But I am ever the optimist and vote not always a cheater.
    I think a lot of people have cheated on their SO but that doesn't mean "once a cheater,always a cheater." The more secure a person is in themselves, the less likely they are to cheat on their SO in my opinion. Fidelity is SO sexy because it's not the norm.

    Infidelity is so easy that it's unattractive to me.

  15. #40
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    My feeling is people are wired to cheat over the long run, but not over the short-run where they tend to try hard to win each other over.

    I also feel like women are as inclined to cheat as men, at least if birth control permits; in a society without birth control the score is a bit different since the risks of pregnancy are great in a society without birth control.

    I think the balance of the equation can change dramatically once there are kids involved, and you have to choose between a cheating spouse and taking care of your kids.

    I think that fidelity is certainly one of the few things we can offer each other as a sign/gift of our appreciation, but once cheated on, even if the other party forgives, the fidelity factor is mostly negated and you never again expect or demand what you've already tossed aside. Whatever made fidelity special, which mostly comes down to free will and a choice, once tossed out, can't be repaired. Forgiveness is possible, but you just can't entirely repair the past or rewind time.

    And we can't let our sense of self-worth depend on what someone else does sexually. Fidelity is a nice dream, but if it doesn't happen, we still need to carry on, see ourselves for the important creatures we are, and not let someone else's choices us drag us down. The infidelity really doesn't reflect on who we are (although I can relate to how deep that hurt can go personally), but on who they are.

    Finally, you never know... you may be in a relationship with one person, but it's not impossible you will find yourself face to face with a much better match personality wise. Shit happens.

  16. #41
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Nice post xdamage!

    in line with that, i feel like once the damage is done, the relationship can never go back to where it was before. If that's the case, the hurt person retreats and pulls back. This could possibly make the cheater cheat again. Or it can encourage the hurt person to cheat just to get back at the other.

    In marriage, there's no way out but misery or divorce.

    In non-legally-binding relationships, there's an out.

    It takes so much work to make a relationship work for the long haul. Especially in today's society where people travel more and spend more time apart. People have seperate lives. we're not all living on farms.

    So, I stand by my feeling that fidelity is oh so sexy. It's not that common. And it usually reflects people who are very happy with themselves and enjoy life--unless they're living in fear because of religion or something.

  17. #42
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmeerah View Post
    in line with that, i feel like once the damage is done, the relationship can never go back to where it was before. If that's the case, the hurt person retreats and pulls back.
    I don't think it can either, but from personal experience, it's also not the end of the world, particularly once there are kids involved, life does go on, sex is sex, and you can recover your sense of self-worth (if you ever lose it at all). But...

    Fidelity is like a gift. Given freely, and with no guarantees. It's a wonderful gift, since it says a lot and means giving up a lot, and with that comes a lot of feelings and meaning, but... it's only truly special because it's pure. Once the other party breaks it, and it does happen, often, it is possible forgive (I've done that), and it is possible to put feeling behind about yourself, and put kids first, but it does come at a heavy cost that it can't ever again be the same. The fidelity, which was special, is gone. That doesn't mean you can't carry on, but history can't be re-wound.

    What I can say is, you never ever know how you will react when you are the one cheated on. For me personally, it has been complicated by a need to keep my kids safe and raise them. But it also has left a hole in our relationship for years. It's not a bad relationship, and like most people, I can forgive intellectually, but things do change, and there is something that is never the same again. That's the cost, and it's hard to quantify that. I do admit though, that in the after math, while I've been able to forgive, I've never fully reconnected. A bit of magic, something intangible, has been missing for years, and I miss the hell out of it... and I admit, I've looked elsewhere to recapture that. Call me a fucker I guess. But like so many others, I do miss the feelings of specialness that goes with fidelity. On the other hand, I also have not let it completely define who I am either. Strangely, as much as I hate being cheated on, a part of me can still sympathize... people are people and even the best meaning couples can end up wandering into other people's arms for a time.

  18. #43
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    If someone loves you, they won't cheat on you. Before my current boyfriend, who is the LOVE of my LIFE, I cheated a few times on others. AND I always would put myself in situations where I COULD have cheated, ie. gave other guys my number, flirted hardcore, etc. He was the same way. But neither of us are like that now, because we value each other more than any number of stupid hookups.

    PS---being drunk IS NOT AN EXCUSE. There is a thing called the subconcious.

  19. #44
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Once someone cheats on you, you will always see that person as a cheater, regardless if they ever do it again.

    People can change, so I don't believe that just because someone has cheated in their past means that they'll cheat on every other partner they have.

  20. #45
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    And those women are either delusional, or have low self-esteem enough to believe they cant do better.
    Not necessarily. Some people think of it as just sex . I don't have traditional views on monogamy. Personally, I think the lying and the betrayal is worse than the sex act itself.

  21. #46
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    On the most part yes once a cheater always a cheater.

    Once a person does it and has been forgiven they will probably do it again and expect their partner to forgive them once again.

    I don't believe humans are naturally monogamous creatures.

    I see it every night at work, men who have partners but given the right circumstances most people will do something that their partner would not approve of - whether it's emotional (flirting) or physical (not just talking about sex).
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  22. #47
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    So now I'm wondering why in the hell so many people get married and expect monogamy out of their partners. I'm not sure if I'll ever stop questioning marriage in it's most traditional sense.

    I understand "marriage" as a binding agreement. The individuals in a marriage should explicity state what they feel a marriage entails before entering into it. If either party knows they're not interested in being monogamous HONESTLY they should just say it. Save the heartache if the other party expects it.

    Some people shouldn't get married or claim to be monogamous if that's not what they are.

  23. #48
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    I don't have traditional views on monogamy. Personally, I think the lying and the betrayal is worse than the sex act itself.
    Totally agreed!

    If only people would be mature enough to be honest about the parameters of their relationships from the start, and selfless enough to stay within them, or just not get involved.....
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  24. #49
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJayda View Post
    Totally agreed!

    If only people would be mature enough to be honest about the parameters of their relationships from the start, and selfless enough to stay within them, or just not get involved.....
    Exactly.

  25. #50
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    Default Re: Once a cheater, always a cheater or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmeerah View Post
    So now I'm wondering why in the hell so many people get married and expect monogamy out of their partners. I'm not sure if I'll ever stop questioning marriage in it's most traditional sense.
    My theory is that people are wired for this genetically, but that birth control has changed the risk factors. Pre-birth control history, extra-marital sex could all too easily end in unwanted children. If you have a partner, raising a child, you know what a terrible mess it can turn into if your partner has more kids outside of the relationship. It means they will spend less resources and attention on the kids you have together, and on you.

    These days though, well you could have quite a lot of sex with others with little risk of having unwanted kids to care for. Of course even so, people still skip the protection in the heat of the moment, and it happens... a relationship between two can become very complex and messy quick when an unwanted pregnancy happens.

    But I do agree, I really don't think people are monogamous at heart. At least not over the long run. It does seem that they are able to do so for a while before they grow bored and want other partners.

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