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Thread: my confidence is shot

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default my confidence is shot

    i don't know if this should be in hh or sg, but i think it fits better here.

    anyway, over the last month my confidence has pretty much disappeared. i went from being the girl who could almost always find the money even on awful nights to being the girl who can't even get a 2 for 1.

    and i know it's in my head more than anything else. i can't stop telling myself that i'm bad at this job and then looking around at the girls who are making money to confirm my ineptitude. i know it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but i can't seem to turn my head around and think like a money maker again.

    how do i snap out of it? it's getting really depressing...

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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    What changed? How did you feel at your most confident?

    There isn't an easy "snap out of it" thing to do when you're emotions are running the show.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahSynn View Post
    What changed? How did you feel at your most confident?
    i lost a few good regulars...though i don't know if that caused me to lose my confidence or was a result of it. or maybe i lost one and then it sort of snowballed.

    and i'd been expecting things to pick up in october (after the l.a. summer lull) and they've only gotten much slower.

    i've been distracted by the fact that a number of girls (mostly new) have been giving extras, not even trying to hide it and not getting fired when they're caught. this tends to make me feel bitter and angry about the club i'm at, which only ends up hurting me...it's silly, i know.

    and i've been feeling an unusually high amount of anxiety about whether i will make money at work or not. not just and hour or two before work, but all the time. i will drive home after a good night and already be worrying about whether the next night will be ok.

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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i lost a few good regulars...though i don't know if that caused me to lose my confidence or was a result of it. or maybe i lost one and then it sort of snowballed.

    and i'd been expecting things to pick up in october (after the l.a. summer lull) and they've only gotten much slower.

    i've been distracted by the fact that a number of girls (mostly new) have been giving extras, not even trying to hide it and not getting fired when they're caught. this tends to make me feel bitter and angry about the club i'm at, which only ends up hurting me...it's silly, i know.

    and i've been feeling an unusually high amount of anxiety about whether i will make money at work or not. not just and hour or two before work, but all the time. i will drive home after a good night and already be worrying about whether the next night will be ok.
    Hey, GeorgiaPeach, it sounds like you are going through what a lot of other LA girls are. The extras are outrageous in this city and can hurt the earnings of non-extras girls. It's so easy to lose focus and feel angry in this industry. Anxiety can be contagious and when custies come into the club they want to relax. Regulars come and go, but by the look of your avatar i'm sure you have many more on the way. This business is full of ups and downs, try to focus on your average earnings as opposed to the night-to-night $$.

    Fake your confidence until you get it back again. Go shake that money maker!

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    thanks SarahSynn...i'm trying to keep a positive mindset; i'm just getting worn down at the moment.

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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    No worries, LA is a tough city to work in. Our local economy isn't as strong as it was in the 90s, the wallets are a lot tougher to open these days for your average Joe. Not to mention the fact that there are some rude motherfuckers in this city. Keeping a positive mindset is key to surviving and banking in this industry. Can you take a couple days off to recharge and pamper yourself? I always feel like a million bucks after I do that.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    you know, i haven't taken more than 4 days off at one time for over a year. but right now i have too many things to pay for and my averages have gone down this month, so i've got to wait a bit longer at least.

    i think that burn out is major factor though *sigh*

    i'm going to try to take a week off as soon as i can.

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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    ...anyway, over the last month my confidence has pretty much disappeared...i know it's in my head more than anything else. i can't stop telling myself that i'm bad at this job and then looking around at the girls who are making money to confirm my ineptitude. i know it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but i can't seem to turn my head around and think like a money maker again.
    The view from the other side of the fence....

    We guys often come into the club seeking an illusion and that illusion includes that (a) you're not too money orientated and (b) you're enjoying dancing for us.

    If you're too stressed about making money, your body language is going to project the opposite. From that POV, you're right about it being a self fulfilling prophecy.

    When you were more relaxed and earning well your body language will have been different. You weren't worried about earning money so won't have been so visibly anxious about closing a sale, and because you weren't so stressed, you probably smiled a lot more and come over as far more friendly.

    I doubt you're bad at the job - you've just temporarily lost the ability to 'click' with us custies. It may sound paradoxical, but try not too focus too much on money - if you do, you'll put out a vibe that'll put guys off of you.

    We guys come into the club chasing our illusions, and unless you match that illusion, we won't buy dances.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    ...i've been feeling an unusually high amount of anxiety about whether i will make money at work or not. not just and hour or two before work, but all the time.
    In any job, not just dancing, being stressed tends to affect our performance. If you're stressed, you won't smile as much, and smiling often is one of the ways we communicate we like people.

    Us custies will be looking for you to smile a lot, then we 'know' you like us and aren't just after our money.

    And interestingly enough smiling a lot tends to affect out mood. If we smile a lot, people tend to smile back at us - and we feel our mood being lifted.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeach View Post
    i think that burn out is major factor though *sigh*
    I do kinda know one or two dancers outside of work, and I've noticed they get stressed when they work a lot, particularly if they're struggling to pay big bills. It does affect their attitude outside of work as well - I've noticed they can become more irritable and more pre-occupied.

    Their solution is to (a) cut down on the frequency of work for a week or so and (b) try and find a way of relaxing and forgetting their troubles for at least one evening a week.

    If they're not as stressed outside of work, then they tend to go into work with more confidence and earn better as a result.

    Phil.

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    Banned Helle's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    Hey grrl, I'm in the same boat so if you get a concrete answer, let me know, heh.

    All I can say is all of the things you mentioned are things OUTSIDE of your control. If you've changed, it's because unavoidable circumstances are doing it; it's not about you. You still are the same kickass girl you were. You just gotta find the mindset some bad times managed to fuck up.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    yea, my advice was going to be to 2-3 take days off. it will help, a LOT.

    Love it!

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    I really think it's time for you to take at least a week off. Look at your bills and see if you can do this. Will 7 full days of rest without income will result in your phone being turned off, eviction, or a repo on your car? No? Then take your break. Sounds like you're going through burn-out. YOU are more important than your JOB. Take a week. I've had to do it. The money will be there when you get back, and it will be better when you get back.
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    Awww sweetie... as someone who's met you and thinks you are the cat's meow (i.e. GORGEOUS and an alluring, intelligent woman with a GREAT butt!) i am very surprised this is happening to you.... definitely take a week off and do some FUN, inexpensive things that will make you feel special, worthwhile, and interesting.... stuff that'll make you feel like more than your job.... and perhaps will give you more MATERial to work with when you get back. Go hiking. Go to a museum. Go see a cultural festival. Go vintage-shopping.... have an ethnic-foodie day in downtown LA.... come hang out in Long Beach with me and we can get drunk and snoop around the marina and look into people's houseboats and wonder what they do in there.

    you deserve to nOT be burnt out. (actually, this is the key... feeling deserving. once YOU feel you are worth it, it'll show, and the $$ will come back.) good luck!!!! (and PM me if ya want!!!)

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    thanks Embyr. you and Paint Goddess are right. i am burnt out. that and my club is going to hell. i think i may even benefit just from a change of scenery. i even know the club want to test out. but for some reason i'm seriously terrified of going anywhere new.

    it's not like i'm not making any money at all. it just feels so much more like a crap shoot every time i walk in. i mean, we had about 12 guys total all night tonight. and the very few who any money to spend were there to see specific girls. i made $20. last tuesday i made $5. that was the first time i ever walked out of night shift with less than $100 in the two years i've been dancing.

    so i do need to take some time off. and i need to check out some other clubs.

    but first i have to recover from the small fortune i just spent on my car. and replace all of the horse stuff that was stolen since i just got my old horse back. and save up some money to ensure my ability to pay for the horse.

    if i could just have one really good week i could take the next one off.

    at least the horse is putting me in a good mood though. so there's that...

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    I've been dealing with this myself lately. I used to be able to make money no matter what. Since the summer, my average earnings are about half what they used to be. I've been busting ass to make $100. My lousiest night used to be three times that.

    The club has slowed down, which is probably part of the problem as well, and there are more girls working more nights trying to make up for it. It kinda sucks, and over time it does make you wonder what's wrong with you.

    I try visualizing the times at work when I've really banked. Remember how it feels to have a record-breaking ammount of money in your locker and not be able to walk across the room without being flagged down for a dance. Bring up all those feelings of happiness and sexiness and confidence.

    A sales book I read recently advised imagining yourself in a "circle of excellence" while thinking about a time you felt confident and on top. Imagine the circle having a certain color. Make it really vivid in your mind as you take a couple of breaths, and then inhale and imagine bringing the circle inside of you.

    I usually have sort of prejudice against visualizations, but I've been desperate enough to try anything lately, so I've been doing this before work. It does keep me in a better mood, which makes it easier to make money. I can't say I've had any astonishing nights, but I've been regularly breaking $100, which wasn't happening for a while.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: my confidence is shot

    ^^^i tend to be skeptical about visualization techniques also, but i have to say there is a girl at work who uses them it seems to work very well for her. and it could hardly hurt me at this point, so why not.

    i think i really just need to go to a new club though. i mean, as bad a l.a. is, it's not nearly as bad as my specific club has so recently and quickly become.

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