Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 38

Thread: What am I?

  1. #1
    Member
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    17
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default What am I?

    I have a question about a dancer I've known for the last six months or so.

    We had a great conversation and found a lot of mutual interests the first time we met; which was followed by some great VIP time. I became her regular (1X a week) customer. I never sought anything beyond an ITC ATF relationship; but she suggested we meet OTC. No money was asked for or exchanged. Since then, we've been going out about once a week. I've been a guest at her home. I've met her friends and some family, and we've been intimate. We really do have great chemistry together on every level.

    Yet, I haven't stopped seeing her in the club and paying her for VIP time there. I'm probably one of her better customers, although she is a top earner.

    I have quite a bit of club experience and this seems way beyond standard customer cultivation. Am I, as she says, "her boyfriend" or just a very special level of customer? How do I delicately discuss the situation with her without offending her?

    I don't think it's right for me to see her at work with compensating her; but I also don't think it's right to continue this dual relationship. It's too risky emotionally.

    Your wise advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,449
    Thanks
    74
    Thanked 165 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Just to be clear and to cut to the chase, are you saying you are sleeping with her (as in not sleep, but sex) for free, plus you are still paying her in the club?

  3. #3
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Paradigm City
    Posts
    6,784
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    If I where in your shoes, I would really just bring it up. You have to. You have a great chemistry with her you say, and a lot of great value. Don't feel afraid putting that on the table. Just tell her you two need to talk, and that you're not sure how she would take it, but you don't feel comfortable paying her she expects the relationship between you two to progress.

    Don't speak in the past, put it on the table as a form of moving forward and being positive. You want to tell her that you want to continue the relationship with her but to do so, the work relationship has to end. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to hear.

    Good luck.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  4. #4
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    You are not just a customer. You are seeing eachother but when you see her at the club you still have to pay her. I know girls who have done this. It doesn't mean they dont like the guy but tthey also enjoy dancing for him at the club and the guys enjoy it too and realise they have to pay for it coz she is working.

    One guy in particular told my friend that he would rather just come ITC to spend money on her coz it's easier than choosing gifts for her. He also loved getting dances coz it was like foreplay.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  5. #5
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Southeast Texas
    Posts
    4,735
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 35 Times in 20 Posts
    My Mood
    Brooding

    Default Re: What am I?

    i think she may be transitioning you to "sugardaddy/boyfriend" status.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Yeah, what Corgan said.


    You are probably a very special level of customer. If she wanted you for the sole purpose of being her boyfriend, she'd say so. I wouldn't spend more than you are now on her, and I wouldn't go to the SC more than once per week to see her. I think if you stop spending money on her, she'd drop you like a hot potato.

    Why would you want anything more, anyway? You're having your cake and eating it, too.

    No real responsibility or commitment = less pressure = more fun and enjoyment.

    If you were in an exclusive relationship with her, and you didn't see her ITC, you'd probably spend a lot of money on her anyway.

    Some people always have to push things too far and screw things up. It's like the guy who's tightening a bolt on a part to a car and he has to give the wrench just one more turn. Well, sure as shit, the bolt snaps.

    Risky emotionally? Life is risky.

    Just have fun with it and leave it alone, it may end at any time.

  7. #7
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post

    If she wanted you for the sole purpose of being her boyfriend, she'd say so.
    Yeh but she may not be sure at this point either.

    When a dancer and customer develops into something more it is a very tricky situation. My friend that I mentioned above was confused over her feelings for her regular and she told me that she didn't want to loose him as a customer but she really liked him and wanted more than just a dancer/customer relationship.

    Things are not always so clear cut.

    I agree with what you said about he would be spending more on her than he would ITC anyway.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by James Bond View Post
    You are probably a very special level of customer. If she wanted you for the sole purpose of being her boyfriend, she'd say so.
    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Yeh but she may not be sure at this point either.

    When a dancer and customer develops into something more it is a very tricky situation. My friend that I mentioned above was confused over her feelings for her regular and she told me that she didn't want to loose him as a customer but she really liked him and wanted more than just a dancer/customer relationship.

    Things are not always so clear cut.
    Yeah, if and when she likes him more than the money, she'll tell him so.

  9. #9
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    ^^^
    she didn't charge him for sex!!
    I don't see the benefit from her end to having sex with him for free just to cultivate him as a customer. He didn't ask her for OTC, she offered.

    Just because she still takes his money when he takes up her time ITC does not mean she doesn't like him. It's not a matter of liking him more or less than the money. She goes work to earn money and if he sees her there he needs to be paying.

    To the OP you need to discuss it with her. Maybe if the relationship gets serious you should stop going to the club so it doesn't get confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    ^^^ I know, I'm talking about the money he spends on her ITC.

  11. #11
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,449
    Thanks
    74
    Thanked 165 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    I have no idea, so either you talk to her and find out or you can have more guesses. Here is another guess...

    You might just be a fuck buddy and a customer. I think most of us naturally assume sex=intimacy, but it's not so for everyone. Some people seem to be quite able to just have it, even on a regular basis with someone else, and see it as nothing more then a physical relief/pleasure. So maybe she isn't transitioning you into anything. She makes money (good for her), and she gets some sex (good for her). Could just be a case of having one's cake and eating it too.

    Now that doesn't mean you can handle that kind of arrangement emotionally, but maybe she doesn't have any real strong emotions about it?

    Anyway, until/if you talk to her, it's all guessing. And yes, there is a risk that if you talk to her, that the current status-quo will be broken.

  12. #12
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Schlong Beach, Cauliflower
    Posts
    2,558
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    You say you're still going in the club and are rather "club-experienced..." umm.... maybe she genuinely DOES like you (she introduced you to family, for pete's sake) but doesn't like the fact that you're lingering around the club, with the possibility of getting dances from other girls... ever considered the fact that she could just be a girl who's fallen for you and has become understandably jealous? ARE you getting dances with other girls? Perhaps she feels its not her place to bring it up, as she is still a "dancer," so she has no right to take away from you your "customer" capabilities and status.

  13. #13
    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Houston,Tx
    Posts
    1,522
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 136 Times in 79 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    ...IrRegular, to avoid offending, it seems simple enough to just stop going to the club and then seeing how much she tries to reel you back into it. That should answer your questions.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    176
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    Am I, as she says, "her boyfriend" or just a very special level of customer?
    I agree with Mast, this is something you need to talk to her about. He has some really good advice.

    Before you do talk to her about it, do you know what you want?

    Do you view her as "your girlfriend"?

    Do you want something more than the dancer/customer relationship?

    Understand your own feelings first, then talk to her.

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    How do I delicately discuss the situation with her without offending her?
    Follow Mast's advice, please do it outside the club, someplace private where she can feel comfortable and secure. Be patient and understanding.

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    I don't think it's right for me to see her at work with compensating her; but I also don't think it's right to continue this dual relationship. It's too risky emotionally.

    Your wise advice is appreciated.
    Okay here is where I get concerned. You want to see her at work without compensating her?

    The only time it might be okay not to compensate her at work is if she refuses to take your money, and even then you will need to really think about it.

    If you do want to pursue this relationship, yeah you need to get out of her workplace. The workplace hazards everyone faces are amplified in the sc, but you know this since you have quite a bit of club experience.

    If you don't want to pursue this relationship why are you seeing her otc like this?

    Best of luck with this, it really sounds like you have a good friend here, I hope you can navigate this positively.

  15. #15
    Chicagoeditor
    Guest

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by WiseGuy_TX View Post
    ... it seems simple enough to just stop going to the club and then seeing how much she tries to reel you back into it. That should answer your questions.
    A simple and very workable solution. Well done!

  16. #16
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    13,855
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Its just weird, I never wanted my boyfriends to come to the club once we got serious. Casual dating, perhaps. This sounds like a Miss D/FBR type relationship.

    Its one thing if you came in once in a while, had a few drinks, perhaps got a dance or three from her and some other girls. But if you are spending lots of money in VIP AND dating her...its just weird.

    Then again, I guess I would have preferred straight cash to some of the gifts that my boyfriends have lavished on me....

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  17. #17
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,936
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 32 Times in 26 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    IMHO, I'm pretty sure you're not her boyfriend. I've never charged my boyfriend to spend time with me. Sounds weird.

    I'd assume you're something more than a customer as well, unless she's got multiple customers she makes out with and introduces to her family. Maybe it's a regular part of her hustle. Even weirder, really.

    In short, I don't have any better idea that you do what is going on, but I concur with you that it's unorthodox. If I had to guess, I'd say she might be torn between liking you and liking your money. A once-a-week VIP customer is nice little ace in the hole to have, and many dancers will to to lengths to hang onto such a person. I know I have, even to the lengths of hanging out with outside the club occasionally. Never got intimate with them or introduced them to mom, though.

    Emotionally risky? Probably. I'd say, don't get attached to this girl. More than likely, if she wanted you as a boyfriend enough to end the customer/dancer relationship and forgo the money, she's more than capable of doing it herself.

    Functionally, what you've got is a part-time mistress -- someone you compensate monetarily in return for their attentions. If you're happy with the arrangement, why rock the boat? You get commitment-free sex with the stripper of your choice. Many men would give their eye teeth for the same.

  18. #18
    God/dess
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    2,218
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 209 Times in 142 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    I have a question about a dancer I've known for the last six months or so...she suggested we meet OTC. No money was asked for or exchanged. Since then, we've been going out about once a week. I've been a guest at her home. I've met her friends and some family, and we've been intimate. We really do have great chemistry together on every level.
    I'd say she rather likes you. Involving someone she met at work in her personal life (esp meeting friends and family) shows a lot of trust/liking on the part of the dancer. I'd say her interest in you is more outside of work than at work.

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    Yet, I haven't stopped seeing her in the club and paying her for VIP time there. I'm probably one of her better customers, although she is a top earner.
    That I do find a little odd. Some dancers have become friends OTC, and they get very self-conscious if I take any interest in them dancing. (And I feel uncomfortable about making them uncomfortable!)

    Most definately money went out the window when we decided to be friends. I'm no part of their income stream and that's the way we both prefer it.

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    If I had to guess, I'd say she might be torn between liking you and liking your money.
    There may be an element of this.

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoGracexoxo View Post
    Emotionally risky? Probably. I'd say, don't get attached to this girl. More than likely, if she wanted you as a boyfriend enough to end the customer/dancer relationship and forgo the money, she's more than capable of doing it herself.
    It definately does appear mixed up. Were I in the OP's shoes, I'd gently start bringing up the question of continuing to see the dancer at work. It may be she's waiting for a lead to end it. If you don't ask - you won't know.

    I'd also say that dancers (just like us males) are a pretty diverse bunch. Everyone has different ideas on what's right and wrong.

    Only way you're going to find out what this dancer thinks is to talk to her.

    Phil.

  19. #19
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    837
    Thanks
    104
    Thanked 791 Times in 316 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by IrRegular View Post
    Yet, I haven't stopped seeing her in the club and paying her for VIP time there. I'm probably one of her better customers, although she is a top earner.
    How much do you spend on her per month in the club?

  20. #20
    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Boston MA
    Posts
    5,670
    Thanks
    35
    Thanked 144 Times in 74 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    I have quite a bit of club experience and this seems way beyond standard customer cultivation. Am I, as she says, "her boyfriend" or just a very special level of customer? How do I delicately discuss the situation with her without offending her?
    Stop seeing and spending on her in the club, and you'll find out soon enough, though the answer seems rather obvious.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  21. #21
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2002
    Location
    NY Capital District
    Posts
    3,775
    Thanks
    758
    Thanked 1,943 Times in 696 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: What am I?

    Damn lucky.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

  22. #22
    Member
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    17
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    Thanks to everyone for all the insightful replies.

    First, an correction my original post. I meant to type "I don't think it's fair to see her ITC WITHOUT compensating her. (Freudian typo, perhaps?) I certainly agree that if I'm taking up her time at work, she should be paid.

    Second, I know that the level of trust she's shown me is way beyond dancer / customer. She's a great person and I'm flattered that we saw something in each other beyond that stereotyped relationship. You'd like her too; she's cool.

    I think we're probably at a transition point. We're going out this weekend and that should give us a chance to talk about how we see things moving forward. I've never pushed her for anything; so I won't start now. I think this is unique territory for both of us. We just need to talk and really listen to each other.

    I'll let you know what happens.

  23. #23
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Posts
    8,351
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked 342 Times in 244 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    My Mood
    Mellow

    Default Re: What am I?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    Its just weird, I never wanted my boyfriends to come to the club once we got serious. Casual dating, perhaps. This sounds like a Miss D/FBR type relationship.

    Its one thing if you came in once in a while, had a few drinks, perhaps got a dance or three from her and some other girls. But if you are spending lots of money in VIP AND dating her...its just weird.

    Then again, I guess I would have preferred straight cash to some of the gifts that my boyfriends have lavished on me....
    Kat makes a great point. I dont see how the exchange of money could be indicative of anything other than a money relationship. And a money relationship (in my world) isn't a bad thing. Aside from the occasional fantasy (which I don't share with Miss D) I understand no other arrangement could work. I'm twice her age. I'm married. I have no intent or desire to get divorced. She has her whole life ahead of her and mine is winding down (not tomorrow, hopefully, but in a time frame that is foreseeable). Our relationship (over three years now) still feels fresh and enjoyable and comfortable. I know it has a shelf life (I would have guessed way less than three years) but when that day happens it happens. No regrets.

    The OP, on the other hand, is right to wonder about the apparent contradictions in his situation. Before posting, he probably read many the testimonials here about how dancers usually don't want the objects of their affections to come to the club or how they would never take money from them in that venue. The money absolutely clouds up the purity. I guess I would join in with those who suggest that he stop the money flow if it supports any indication that his relationship with her is money/business based. I can't see any other way for him to get the answers he is looking for.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  24. #24
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    ^^
    I agree.

    OP as u probably are already aware:

    Scenario 1: Dancer meets guy outside work, he has never come to her work. In this situation, money was never involved so IF he came to the club perhaps she wouldn't charge him. Not a good idea for him to coem tot he club but that's a whole diff thread.

    Scenario 2: dancer meets guy as a customer. So there is this awkward part do to with money. It's so easy just to keep charging u for dances even if she really likes you.

    So as a few have said above. Stop going to the club and see what happens. Unless of course you are happy with the current situation (and nothing wrong with that at all).
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  25. #25
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What am I?

    LOL if this girl is still taking your money, while fucking you and introducing you to her friends and family, I'd be willing to bet she won't even flinch if you bring up the subject. And I'd also be willing to bet you're NOT the only one...

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •